This is a nice illustration of the pitfalls of social circle gaming. However, the truth is that this will only affect things as much as YOU let it. Horaholic is right - you're looking at this the wrong way. Just like how you can use "framing" to manipulate your conversation or relationship with a girl, you also subconsciously frame your own mental thought processes. With the experiences that I've had in my life at this point, I can confidently say that the only thing you should ever feel ashamed of is if you pvssy out of approaching or making a move when you know you can.
Getting turned down by a girl doesn't indicate a rejection of your entire personality and self like so many guys tend to initially feel after they've been turned down. As has been said in the annals of the DJ bible, not every girl has to like you. Not every girl will like you. So instead of wasting any time beating yourself up over the fact that it didn't work out between you two, look to the future and to what's just around the corner.
I'll finish up with two passing thoughts:
- It's a COMMON irrational fear to think that everyone knows you tried to get with her, could not, and are now laughing at you or pitying you behind your back. I guarantee that even if people know, they don't care nearly as much as you think they do. If anything, don't be surprised if you're at least seen as a guy that can grab his sack and try to take what he wants.
- On the off chance that any guy is busting on you behind your back, the truth is that he's probably a loser that doesn't have the balls to make ANY move. Real men approach women and try to get with them, and real men get shot down by a good portion of these women. Men who have experienced the real world, and consequently, their share of both success and misfortune, understand this fact and realize that there's certainly nothing to be ashamed of for trying to take what you want. Why would anyone denigrate their fellow man for trying to assert their masculinity? Better to die on your feet than live on your knees.
I've slept with my share of beautiful women personally, and have had more success than I ever, ever thought I would back when I was a teenager/in high school. And let me tell you, I can and do regale my buddies over a round of beer with my spectacular blow-out horror stories all the time. Makes for some real high comedy once you've put in enough volume to experience an emotional distance from this particular outcome. In your situation, act completely cool, collected, and normally. You're being self-conscious for absolutely no reason!
Good luck!
