everywomanshero
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- May 2, 2005
- Messages
- 1,814
- Reaction score
- 36
Responsibility is the ability to choose you response. Guilt often restricts one's ability to choose from a full range of choices. Guilt can cause one to take choices off the table, choices that might be in one's own best interest. I know from firsthand experience and from discussions with many others that guilt can cause some really poor decision making which leads to frustration.
Just imagine you want to see this chick but she's suddenly thrown a game changer at you. Now, it's going to be a total sausage fest and you don't feel like dealing with it. Guilt might make you think you have to sit through the sausage fest because you already committed to doing something with her. Not me brother, I never take my options off the table. I will see her post sausage fest for the porking. (Note I am absolutely not advocating that you should never do anything you do not want to do, especially in a LTR, you will want to show up at her important events. Make sure you also have important events in your life she shows up too also.)
Let's take it a step further and talk about LTRs, guilt comes into play here with more serious consequences. You're living with a chick and she wrecks her car. She asks you to be a cosigner. What do you do? You may feel guilted into signing the dotted line "but we live together" "I cant ask my parents they have financial problems" "but we are getting married anyway". Maybe you will sign the dotted line, but not me brother. When she loses her job and cannot pay the bills, they are coming after you. If your credit score is better, the loan may actually have you listed as the owner and her as the cosigner. Then you will be liable for having personal property taxes (if applicable) and vehicle registration. What if she moves out and then you get stuck with those bills? Same thing with apartment leases. You can get into a real situation with those if you move out but are still on the lease and she causes damages to the apartment.
So guilt is a significant factor in relationships. I firmly believe in using foresight to determine what could go wrong and take the right action from the start. If a mistake is made and it is not too late, I have no issue taking corrective action even if it means breaking an earlier commitment.
A lot of guilt stems from two narratives in our society. 1) that we should be consistent. Think of all the saying we have for this: "stick to your guns", "be a man of our words", "mean what you say, say what you mean", and so on 2) That the man should be the chief financial provider. Even in this day and age we buy into this and think that the man is the problem solver. While it is certainly good to be seen as a guy who takes care of business and makes things happen, it is not good to be the fool who is soon parted from his money.
Just imagine you want to see this chick but she's suddenly thrown a game changer at you. Now, it's going to be a total sausage fest and you don't feel like dealing with it. Guilt might make you think you have to sit through the sausage fest because you already committed to doing something with her. Not me brother, I never take my options off the table. I will see her post sausage fest for the porking. (Note I am absolutely not advocating that you should never do anything you do not want to do, especially in a LTR, you will want to show up at her important events. Make sure you also have important events in your life she shows up too also.)
Let's take it a step further and talk about LTRs, guilt comes into play here with more serious consequences. You're living with a chick and she wrecks her car. She asks you to be a cosigner. What do you do? You may feel guilted into signing the dotted line "but we live together" "I cant ask my parents they have financial problems" "but we are getting married anyway". Maybe you will sign the dotted line, but not me brother. When she loses her job and cannot pay the bills, they are coming after you. If your credit score is better, the loan may actually have you listed as the owner and her as the cosigner. Then you will be liable for having personal property taxes (if applicable) and vehicle registration. What if she moves out and then you get stuck with those bills? Same thing with apartment leases. You can get into a real situation with those if you move out but are still on the lease and she causes damages to the apartment.
So guilt is a significant factor in relationships. I firmly believe in using foresight to determine what could go wrong and take the right action from the start. If a mistake is made and it is not too late, I have no issue taking corrective action even if it means breaking an earlier commitment.
A lot of guilt stems from two narratives in our society. 1) that we should be consistent. Think of all the saying we have for this: "stick to your guns", "be a man of our words", "mean what you say, say what you mean", and so on 2) That the man should be the chief financial provider. Even in this day and age we buy into this and think that the man is the problem solver. While it is certainly good to be seen as a guy who takes care of business and makes things happen, it is not good to be the fool who is soon parted from his money.