how does one create a magnetism towards one's self?

[opentoadvice]

All right I was at this get-together last night, there was about 4 of us. We were all sitting around talking and what not (I wasn't I was just pretty much just sitting, observing and listening), well I noticed that 2 of the guys that were there were not really hard-core party people (but yet they were party people, just not hard-core party people, if you know what I mean), and the other 1 guy that was there was a hard-core party person. Anyways we were sitting there talking and I noticed that whenever the hard-core party person was talking everyone was attentive and would laugh and respond to what the person was saying, he was mostly saying clever humerous stuff (the person seemed enthusiastic, (his girlfriend was there, but she didn't say much, occasionally she say random cutesy ditzy girl stuff but that'd be all) he also seemed really self confident and laid back and had a destinct voice whenever he spoke). Now I noticed some things about the non-hardcore party people (I'll refer to them as NH A and NH B). NH A seemed to elaborate and converse with the hard-core party person whenever he mentioned stuff; but when NH B would come in everyone listened about the first few word he had to say but he was easily drowned when NH A and the hard-core party person started to talk again (sometimes they'd even cut NH B off and would continue the conversation). NH A seemed laid back, intellectual, to have a destinct voice, had some dry humor, and fairly self confident. NH B seemed enthusiastic, seemed self confident, had a more softer voice, and seemed slightly easy to please others.

Now my question is how come everyone paid attention to whatever the hard-core party person had to say? I've been to other parties and seen this dude there and it seems that people seem to just be attracted to the guy (like a magnet), he seems to be the life of the joint, he also seems to get the girls and doesn't even try, the guy doesn't even ask that many questions he just seems to say clever humerous stuff (which is really weird because I thought that in order to be a good conversationalist was that you had to ask questions and let the other person ramble on about themself). Hmm, so how do you create this "magnetism" so to say? And also how do you improve your humor (in which you yourself can say really clever but extremely funny stuff)?

 

[localboy_fmx]

Charisma, and not nessicarily trying to be funny.

 

[Julian]

I havent really noticed this alot because the partys i go to usually involvde such a huge number of people its impossible for any 1 person to be the life of the party.

 

[snobrd503]

Never underestimate eye contact.

 

[opentoadvice]

hmm... charisma huh? How do I develop that?

 

[Cloud-uk]

Hope you don't mind me asking, but have you read the bible? It sounds like you're a smart guy, but all this stuff is covered pretty well in there...

 

[opentoadvice]

all right, I'll read it then

 

[California Love]

if you're naturally good looking, thats huge magnetism rite there. Add confidence, good posture, and good grooming, and theres almost no limit to what you can get. Initial attraction, in public situations, is usually 100 percent physical.

 

[ReD MaFiA]

you do NOT have to be good looking to be charismatic. i have a friend who just looks straight up funny. he's skinny as hell and has big ass ears,but he gets respected and everyone actually listens when he talks. its all about how you view yourself and the image you put out there of yourself. now at a party be social,talk to everyone and dont be afraid to talk to someone so loud that everyone else will hear your conversation. main thing: dont be the p*ssy guy in a group that follows other's commands, nothing wrong with helping out a friend, but if they just boss you around you become the b1tch of the group. that pretty much covers it,good luck.

 

[California Love]

Originally posted by ReD MaFiA
you do NOT have to be good looking to be charismatic. i have a friend who just looks straight up funny. he's skinny as hell and has big ass ears,but he gets respected and everyone actually listens when he talks. its all about how you view yourself and the image you put out there of yourself. now at a party be social,talk to everyone and dont be afraid to talk to someone so loud that everyone else will hear your conversation. main thing: dont be the p*ssy guy in a group that follows other's commands, nothing wrong with helping out a friend, but if they just boss you around you become the b1tch of the group. that pretty much covers it,good luck.

you arguement is totally legit and true. However, in situations when the girl does NOT know you beforehand, she's gonna base a TON of her assumptions on the way you look. You can be the one sitting back, looking relaxed and confident, and get more chicks than the talkative guy who is making the girls laugh. Just go up to one of the girls, start a convo, and you're guaranteed interest from her. The funny guy can get a lot of chicks to hang around him, but in the end, they'll be boning the guy that looks good and is confident.

 

[Omega]

Confidence (he was there to have fun, so he didn't give a ****).
Eye Contact (which was mentioned)
Tone of voice (Seductive. Like, Barry White)
Posture ('Don't give a ****' was in the way he was positioned)

Etc, etc.

It all comes from the mind, though.

 

[Zoso]

Some people just seem to command more respect/attention than others. Generally, people seen as "cool" or "popular" get listened to while the less cool person might find himself talking to no one because someone else interrupts him. Whenever people interact they subconsciously guage themselves in relation to the other person (are they superior or inferior). If you're seen as superior then they will listen to you and place value behind what you say. This subconscious status evaluation is based on physical appearance, voice tone, body language/posture, reputation, and observation (if the person is surrounded by chicks they go up in status). Being happy, confident, outgoing, and all the other things this site tries to teach can increase your percieved value/status.

 

[Kraken]

opentoadvice,

The reason for what you saw could be something as simple as him being much more popular than the other chap, or could be something more along the lines of how he commanded his aura.

If you look at the two people you described, the more popular one has some redeeming Don Juan qualities (****y, intelligent, funny, confident, and laid back), while the other resembles your average nice guy while still being realistic (still self confident, but more eager to please, enthusiastic, softer voice).

Simply put, a Don Juan is more charming. How do you develop charisma? Charisma is not really one single quality someone has, it's more the resulting effect of how one acts and carries oneself. It's a mindset that we have to place ourselves in - Pook has a few great posts that will help you out here in the Bible.

Good luck.