How does one break out of shyness

[blankman]

Before I talk about my topic, let me give everyone some background information about myself. I'm a shy black man, that's right, a shy black man , being shy is rare in my family. Most of my uncles and cousins have no problems with talking to girls. As a matter of fact, my uncle one time flirted with a salesperson at an airlines and actually got her number, and the girl look like she was 22 at least and my uncle is at least 50.

So my question is, how can I stop being shy. I been shy all my life and I just can't take it anymore. I'm about to be 21 in apirl and never even kiss a girl before. So if anyone haves some good advice, please feel free to lay it on me.

 

[drago]

Read up as much as you can about shyness. One good book is "Shyness" by Philip Zimbardo. Also, practice talking to strangers that you don't find intimidating in order to develop your conversational skills. Talk to the mailman, the garbage man, the grocery clerk, the librarian, etc. Basically, you have to get used to dealing with everyday conversations with a wide range of people. As you develop more confidence, start making small talk with women that you're not so attracted to. Maybe you can take a ballroom dance class, where you can interact with many women without having to ask them to dance with you. Don't forget to always have a neat appearance, work out, and learn about what clothes look good on you. These are just some of the things that are helping me. I'm shy, too, but I'm taking steps to overcome my shyness. Take little steps to get to your goal. A psycotherapist might help, too.

 

[Timster]

I am a shy person, but when I confidence in myself, it practically goes away. A lot of shy people lack certain confidence because they are afraid that their shyness will inhibit their ability to interact normally with others. My 7th grade history told me, just pretend you're not shy. Easier said than done, but she's right. People who you have never met have no idea who you are and what you're like. Pretend you're not shy and they'll preceive you as an outgoing, open person.

 

[Bilogomja]

I was pretty much in the same position as you Blankman. The key is to talk to anyone and everyone every chance you get. This will get you in the groove of things. Who cares if you f*** up the first couple of times, because if you talk to random people (customers at work, people in the halls inbetween classes, people while waiting in line, etc.) chances are you're never going to see them again anyways, so they'll serve as good practice. And whenever you see women you're into go up and talk to them, the first couple of chicks may reject your ass right on the spot (most wont, the worst they'd do is ignore you or something), but they're good for practice. If they do reject you it doesn't matter, theres like what a billion women on the planet, one chick shouldn't make that much of an impact. Eventually, you'll start to feel comfortable with talking with people... First you need the foundation before you start building upwards towards whatever goal you're trying to achieve.

KEY
talk to anyone and everyone every chance you get; you're doing this for you, not for them, so they'll serve as good practice...

(edit)Also
When talking to people just ask open ended questions, (hey whats up with you, what'd you this weekend, really why'd you do that, etc.) and whatever they respond get them to talk more about whatever because a major key is that PEOPLE LOVE TO TALK ABOUT THEMSELVES, but whenever you want feel free to add something in the conversation about yourself.

 

[Mojo604]

I use to be really shy too, still kinda am, but not nearly as much.

The beginning of change in this matter comes from within. To begin to change the 'inner', first the outer needs improvement.
Meaning... work out, dress better, look better, accomplish things. The rest will take care of itself. As you percieve yourself (from what you see yourself as) and become more comfortable with yourself, this will over time improve the way you think of yourself as a person (a better person). I think shyness is rooted in subconscious notions and feelings of rejection from others.
Anyways, as you improve yourself as a person, these deep-seated emotions of rejection begin to fade, and acceptance and a sense of belonging replace the old negative ones.
Basically..
dunno how much sense that made, but ther it is.

 

[Tyrone Biggums]

There are shy people in all colors. Anyway, you will eventually develop a natural maturity to where you'll get tired of being shy and alone. This will cause you to start doing things that will put yourself in positions to meet others. I know what you are going through. I've been shy throughout my teens and twenties and now just starting to become more social (I'm 29). Try joining clubs that interest you or volunteer. Consider working towards a profession normally dominated by women like nursing or teaching. Oh, and stop putting too much pressure on yourself.

 

[DrSoSuave]

First of all let's clarify what constitutes "shyness." If shyness is actively trying to avoid contact with people then that is the correct meaning. If shyness is fearful of talking to someone, then that's not shyness, but more of something along the lines of social skills.

There are many ways to overcome weak social skills. Infact I use to have issues trying to be social and I used some of the methods spoken on this site (such as conditioning yourself to talking to women.)