How does a DJ handle an external crisis?

[bigneil]

Has this ever happened to you? You are dating a girl and everything is great. She is teeming with high interest. But then, something completely out of her control happens that impacts your life. You lose your job for example. Or maybe a family member dies or your favorite pet runs away.

When this external blow to your ego occurs, there are dangers to your relationship to watch out for:

1) Your self esteem will naturally be lower so will not be your normal confident self. This can be perceived at a subconcious level by her. Meanwhile, you may detect more negative feedback coming from her as you are reading her reaction to your being down.

2) If she tries to help you by being around more, you will associate her with bad feelings. This will lead you to question her or not trust her when you normally would, simply because subconciosly you are trying to "explain" why you are hurting when she is near you.

3) Since you are feeling bad about yourself, you might confront her on the relationship in your (temporary) compromised emotional state, saying "it just doesn't feel the same" because it really doesn't (but not because of her). This expression of weakness can lower her interest level in a hurry.

4) It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Letting her see you in a weakened state is rarely a good thing. She'll be thumbing through her list of ex boyfriends the moment you become a drag.

5) You will naturally act more needy and clingy during that time (still chick repellant, even when it's understandable).

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Has anyone dealt with this? Do you avoid seeing them during this time and maybe cancel plans until you heal yourself? Thanks.

 

[sighsigh]

When a crisis (e.g. you lose your job) happens you lose in two ways: 1.) your girl will think less of your actual worth, because of whatever you lost and 2.) the impact this has on your ego weakens your game significantly.

Avoid 1.): Don't tell her the crisis has occurred, unless you guys are really close (as in, she would find out anyways one way or another). Then just downplay it. You've got nothing to gain by telling her you are now worth less.

Avoid 2.): Go significant NC until you've gotten over this and your game is back up and running. You've got nothing to gain by being around her acting that you are now worth less.

 

[sighsigh]

If she can't empathize with your situation then she is not relationship material.

Lol... there's a classic nice guy statement for you.

 

[LostAndConfused]

Gotta parrot sighsigh's #2. Go off the radar for a couple of days. It's mysterious, keeps her vagina tingling and allows you full freedom to work on yourself while avoiding accidental beta slipups.

 

[window]

rather than worrying about how you will be perceived by your gf you should be watching how your girlfriend reacts to the situation as it will tell you a lot about her and whether or not she is worth keeping i.e is she a team player when things get a bit rough.

 

[window]

rather than worrying about how you will be perceived by your gf you should be watching how your girlfriend reacts to the situation as it will tell you a lot about her and whether or not she is worth keeping i.e is she a team player when things get a bit rough.

 

[bigneil]

I'm saying if you feel the need to be in one it better not be with an empathy-less psychopath just waiting for you to slip up.

This is a good point also. Been there when I lost a job in 2010 right at peak romance (which ended in 24 hours and then stumbled along like a wounded animal for 4 months before dying).

rather than worrying about how you will be perceived by your gf you should be watching how your girlfriend reacts to the situation as it will tell you a lot about her and whether or not she is worth keeping i.e is she a team player when things get a bit rough.

Also true, but remember: her support should be independent of your displaying a weakened state. It's a sad fact that women expect a man to be strong enough for both of them.