How do you test trust/commitment before dating?

[The LadyKiller]

Every relationship has its highs and its lows. In the ones that work, people stick together even when times are bad. Both people believe in each other and that things will inevitable get better (and usually, they do).

For me, I've noticed a frustrating trend with the HB's I know and am friendly with. When times are good, I have no real problems finding HBs to go out or share each other's company. But when I get stressed with a problem at work or I have some challenges going on in life, they disappear. No texting. Barely any acknowledgement from them when I run into them in person. Getting them to do anything is like pulling teeth.

There is no consistency. I'm naturally confident, but this sort of back-and-forth, which seems to alternate every week, gives me a headache. I'm currently single and don't feel like I can seriously date a girl until I know she's there for me and won't bounce at the first bump in the road. Is there a way to evaluate this or is it all a numbers game?

 

[fastlife]

You don't. You sleep with them and have a good time and if (or more like when) they decide to invest in you, keep living for you and they'll either stay on board or not. But no girl's gonna be there for you when chit hits the fan; no girl'll ever be there for you no matter what happens. Your problems will never be there problems. That's what your friends are for.

If she wants to bounce, let her bounce. The less you count on them for your happiness, the less emotional burden you put on them, the more likely they'll stay along for the ride.

 

[Serenity]

I take a lot of satisfaction in knowing I'm working hard to resolve problems and challenges. Good times are easy, it's how you handle bad times that counts. I highly doubt that a man who breaks under a little pressure is very attractive. Besides, how many problems don't we all face and how many killed us? If you can answer that then you know it's many and none killed us.

There's going to be problems and challenges anyways, but no need to really stress is there? You will solve it and life will go on, don't make more problems from the stress of solving another one.

Trust and committment does not mean running to them for comfort at a little challenge in life. Committment does often mean that they will endure your sh!tty period though, mostly because they've invested too much to dump you just yet. Still you having a problem that causes you to get down becomes a problem and a burden to her. If she trust you it means she's confident you can and will resolve your own problem, preferably without involving her.

You shouldn't date a girl just to have an emotional crutch. If you're usually very resourceful and solve problems effectively, then rarely have a hard time she will be there for you. Why? Because of your resourcefulness and ability to make things alright you have value, she will be very motivated to restore that value if needed.

First you must prove your value, trust is not just found, it's built over time by your actions and its results. Testing trust and committment is a continuous process, it's done gradually by investing and taking chances on someone. It breaks when one or both parts doesn't do what they committed to do or worse abuses the others investment for personal benefit, it should be mutual benefit.

 

[_Dream_]

Tough times are tricky. Learn from my mistakes
I had to work on my master thesis for 12 hours a day for a month. I got huge engineering schollarship.
Then immediately after i worked TWO jobs, not because i needed the money, but because i was focusing on jump-starting my career and both jobs promised great future.

I was in a LTR then and this was the first time i was so incredibly bussy. But i thought she will appreciate my hard work and be patient. That seeing how companies are fighting for me, how much money i started earning and how great of a future i will have, will make her love me even more.


No, thats not how girls work. They only see now and here. All she saw was:
How tired i was every day
How i stopped being impulsive
How every day started to look like the previous one, dreadful routine
How I was too sleepy to go out on weekends.
How i was cranky on bad days and lacked massive enthusiasm i usually had.

When I would advise her to study hard for college while I work so she isn’t bored so much, she would burst into tears yelling how I make her feel bad for herself. ( for not studying lol ).
This being just temporary doesnt mean sh*t, nwm that all money i was making was supposed to go into our house, thats 2 years from now!


Only thing that mattered was that there was far less successive guy that had all the time in the world to be in her orbit and talk to her into the long night. He could never make her feel bad by being an overachiever like i was ( he works in a storage room). She was a Golden God to him, he had joy and energy and never had a gf so he could never make her feel insecure.

I would go to sleep at 22:00, she would stay online until 05:00. So we drifted away and soon she dumped me.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

I believe you can only guess some things about the girl. Like, if she has a good family, a traditional background, some relative with a disability that she cared about. But in the end you can't know unless you are in relationship with her for a long time, and even then you probably don't know her well enough.
So you'll have to take the answer Grewd gave you. There's nothing you can do to change womens nature, you can only see the positive side, that it will make you grow stronger.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Every relationship has its highs and its lows. In the ones that work, people stick together even when times are bad. Both people believe in each other and that things will inevitable get better (and usually, they do).

For me, I've noticed a frustrating trend with the HB's I know and am friendly with. When times are good, I have no real problems finding HBs to go out or share each other's company. But when I get stressed with a problem at work or I have some challenges going on in life, they disappear. No texting. Barely any acknowledgement from them when I run into them in person. Getting them to do anything is like pulling teeth.

There is no consistency. I'm naturally confident, but this sort of back-and-forth, which seems to alternate every week, gives me a headache. I'm currently single and don't feel like I can seriously date a girl until I know she's there for me and won't bounce at the first bump in the road. Is there a way to evaluate this or is it all a numbers game?

yea i have virtually the same problem not so much with a specific relationship but 2015 has been brutal to me , ive banged a couple of chicks more through luck than judgement but nothing to shout off the roof tops about

a couple mnoths back i was entangled in a complex court case that could have seriously impacted the rest of my life luckily i navigated it well and was cleared of all charges

but it cost me a lot of money time and energy and im not kidding nearly 90% of the people i thought were freinds simply dissapeared off the face of the earth

im trying to rebuild my life now by removing all the dead wood women are not interested in me because i cannot offer them anything and that unfortunatley is how fickle they are

when my life was good and i was on the top of my game i was banging a new chick every week no problems

life is an interesting journey , twists and turns , you gotta go low so you can go high again you'll pull through

 

[Alvafe]

the best way is not let then know you have a problem, like you said they bail when they have a problem and the reason is you are not yourself when there is a problem, remeber all thet films or series who the guy hide all his problems from the girl and in the end she says he should tell her about it she would stick around? that only work on films lol, don't let then know unless they are the problem, remeber you will fix it and she will just keep dwelling on it even after you fixed the problem

 

[Julian]

These hoes aint loyal

Extend trust (verify everything you can) but always expect betrayel. Be the first to betray and go fuk some puzzy as a pre emptive strike. Then keep it a secret forever. Now when/if she cheats or is not loyal it doesn't matter. A: You already smashed other azz so you win and B: You expected her to sloot it up anyway. PS Doesn't work perfectly if you catch feelings...but hey its better then nothing