How do you prevent yourself from getting the dreaded oneitis?

[TitanSS]

I always try to date women who are better looking than me, but everyone once in awhile I'll land one that is considered a 10 in this little rural town I live in, and I immediately put her on a pedestal once I realize she likes me.

Does this happen to anyone else? You'll be spinning plates as usual and then all the sudden one is in your life for a week that is that much better looking than the other plates and you just drop them all?

I'm curious as to how I can avoid this, because it's obviously natural to want the most attractive of the women. Any advice, tips, articles, or past experiences are all helpful.

 

[Purefilth]

Spin plates. Don't drop them.

 

[bigneil]

Get Two-itis.

 

[PlayHer Man]

EASY.. stop thinking like a woman.

Focus on FUN and SEX instead of LOVE and RELATIONSHIPS. Men who sit around dreaming about their lovely future wife are just as delusional and retarded as women who sit around dreaming of their wedding day with their "prince".

Get the fairy tales out of your brain and just have a good time with women and goals outside of that. Stop seeking commitment and security from women and seek FUN instead.

 

[HedoRick]

Date as many as possible and you will not care for any particular one. If done right, you will look forward to a woman flaking so you can have time to enjoy your hobbies.

 

[TitanSS]

EASY.. stop thinking like a woman.

Focus on FUN and SEX instead of LOVE and RELATIONSHIPS. Men who sit around dreaming about their lovely future wife are just as delusional and retarded as women who sit around dreaming of their wedding day with their "prince".

Get the fairy tales out of your brain and just have a good time with women and goals outside of that. Stop seeking commitment and security from women and seek FUN instead.

Sounds simple when put this way. Great advice. Now whether or not I can take this idea into how I actually see women.

 

[TitanSS]

See, that's the problem. You can't.

Don't get me wrong, his advice is gold. But. And it's a big "but". It's very abstract. You can actively think it, but until you have internalized it, it's only words. And as we always say on this forum, words don't mean **** (y'know, judge by her action, not by her words).

So what's my suggestion instead? Simple. Get a life. I know, I know, it's very vast, and like I just said above, it's also very abstract. What do I mean by that, by "get a life"?

Once again, simple.

1. Set yourself goals, both short-term and long-term.
2. Find yourself some hobbies you truly enjoy, small commitment hobbies (ie: reading, drawing,learn about a new subject, etc.) that you can easily do at home when you have a bit of spare time to occupy your mind. However, find also some bigger commitment hobbies, such as picking up a new sport, actively put effort in learning a new skill (if you want to pick up a music instrument, actively put 3 or 4 hours, 2-3x a week), etc.
3. Learn to break out of your shell. If you can't do a big leap of faith, no worries. Not a lot of people can do it. Baby steps, man. Either try to do the DJ Bootcamp, or if you find it a bit too intense, do the challenges in the AA competition that is running right now.

If you find the right hobbies, they will quickly become "plates" of their own. Hell, I've blown off dates before because my climbing partner called me because out of the blue he was free to climb, and I find it more fun than going on a first date with a girl. Now, if I get flaked on, I couldn't care less. I'll either go climb for an hour or two, or study some more to have free time to climb on another day.

My hobbies are my plates.

Great advice. I don't really enjoy much of the things most people do. I do have my ATV that the weather is about to let me get back on and I need to get back in the gym, I've really let myself go.

Outside of that my only really hobbies are drinking or video games. I love football, but I don't know if I can get on the local semi-pro team or not.

But again, excellent advice. Right before you posted this I was getting depressed thinking to myself "****, man. I need to revamp my whole life". The way you put it sounds much less sickening to my stomach.

 

[SgtSplacker]

The way I see it I don't really admire a girl much until she has proven herself to me. Oneitis is a very naive thing. It's basically you thinking that some girl you barely know is better than any other girl. And most of the time it's simply not true.

 

[Darth]

It's tough to avoid. We talk about plentiful options and there being an abundance of suitable women. No there aren't. Not any more. So when you do see someone with that potential, you just have to stop yourself from jumping to conclusions.

Besides, once you get to know them, they are usually not all that. They are often annoying. In fact I have not known a girl yet that meets my expectations yet that is not married. So it's pretty easy to stop pedestalizing when the majority of chicks are really not acceptable to you.

So the answer is to stop needing them. Yes, get a life. But be content not to date for 5 years if you don't find a girl that meets your expectations. I mean, how low are we going to go. Seriously. Let's walk away with a little self-respect. We are good men, healthy and in shape, dedicated to improvement and constant growth. You do not have to settle for this sh!t. You DO deserve an excellent female companion. And if she is not it, then you walk and do something fun, like hiking, skiing, play chess, go out with your buddies, etc. and wait it out until another comes along.

 

[VladPatton]

Realize that in the blink of an eye she can crush your whole day by rejecting you. Expecting the ambush helps you overcome it.

 

[SgtSplacker]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=203066

Perfect example right here. Girls telling the dude she loves him while she is getting banged by someone else.

Do you think that guy on the phone is a total idiot? He's smart enough to get her right? So he can't be that stupid right? Point is any one of us could easily find ourselves in this kind of situation. And that means you with that super innocent girl that won't even look at a pornographic image with you. Even she is easily capable of this kind of thing.

Place your admiration when it belongs, let these women earn it. Don't give it for free because nothing comes free for us.

 

[wunnaBsmooth]

Get Two-itis.

Awesome advice!!

 

[zinc4]

I always try to date women who are better looking than me, but everyone once in awhile I'll land one that is considered a 10 in this little rural town I live in, and I immediately put her on a pedestal once I realize she likes me.

Does this happen to anyone else? You'll be spinning plates as usual and then all the sudden one is in your life for a week that is that much better looking than the other plates and you just drop them all?

I'm curious as to how I can avoid this, because it's obviously natural to want the most attractive of the women. Any advice, tips, articles, or past experiences are all helpful.

I don't know...i can honestly say i am immune to oneitis now and have been for the past few years after i divorced my ex wife....i think it's because i wanted my ex wife back more than i wanted anything in my life and she ripped my heart out...i didn't just view her as a lover i viewed her more as a close sibling or something...it was way past just wanting her....it was like i was spilt in half... but i conquered the feeling through no contact after she cheated on me multiple times with an older wealthy man and ultimately who she left me for......after i did that it is like a small piece of me died in a good way...no woman will ever be able to compare to the feeling that i conquered on my own before...they just can't....so maybe you just have to go through something like that. I dunno...but i did used to get oneitis before that happened.....

I would say to you that a pretty woman is just a normal person wearing a beautiful mask and they are full of flaws themselves and looks don't actually determine anything special...you are actually projecting your wants and needs/insecurities onto her looks and tying her with your fantasy which has nothing to actually do with who she is as a person... if that makes any sense...in reality good looks don't make the woman who she is...a good looking woman is nothing special...