How do you prefer to be rejected?

[iqqi]

Hi Mature Men and Sosuavers! I have a question for you that has perplexed me since coming to this forum years and years ago.

So a big issue often discussed on this forum, and a real life issue for many men, is friendship between men and women. Many here do not see it as possible. Also, men here hate to fall in "friend zones" and no one wants to become an "orbiter". So tell me this, men. When you approach a woman in a sincere, uncreepy unsexual way (for example "hi! do you live around here?" Or "hi! I love this band!"), how do you prefer a woman to respond if she is not single, or not interested sexually in you?

I have a few very good guy friends purely platonic, some that I have met while out on the town at various social outings. I personally DO believe men and woman can be friends, because I have some of them without issue. So when a strange guy approaches me and seems cool, I am like a little puppy and totally hoping they will indeed be cool and interesting, and we will be friends.

But one way this site has messed with my head is by making me think that ALL men who approach me are motivated by sexual desire and I am doing them a disservice by thinking maybe we could possibly be friends. So knowing this, I have immediately shut men down, instead of being friendly. I either immediately respond with "I have a boyfriend", or something similar.

But at the same time, if I took away what this site has made me think, my natural response would be to answer whatever question, and not assume they wanted anything more than being a cool person until they said something along those lines, in which case I would let them know I have a boyfriend or I wasn't interested in anything except friendship.

Instead of more explanation, I'd like to hear from guys here. How do you prefer to be rejected? Or do you think it is presumptuous to respond to any approach with "I have a boyfriend." or "sorry! You're not my type!" Or do you prefer a girl to not assume any intentions, because you actually might be interested in friendship.

???

 

[pdx1138]

Don't assume anything.

And though a great number of them probably would like to get in your pants, wait until they ask for your number, then tell them you have a boyfriend.

 

[betheman]

how about..."no, sorry, I dont want to give you my number. "

 

[Desdinova]

If a woman has absolutely NO desire to be in contact with me, then I want to be rejected right off the bat.

If she has a bf and wants to be friends, that's fine. I can steal her away from her AFC bf.

 

[st_99]

"How do you prefer to be rejected?" :crackup:

Now I've seen and heard it all.

 

[wait_out]

Be straight and direct but be courteous. Guys may not like the answer but it's irritating when women skate around the issue.

 

[Mike32ct]

Don't assume anything.

And though a great number of them probably would like to get in your pants, wait until they ask for your number, then tell them you have a boyfriend.

^This.

I can see where this might seem like a lose-lose situation for women. There is a fine line between being a b@tch and leading the guy on.

But some guys really do just want to chat sometimes. Even if he wants more, it's fine just to talk for a bit. We respect that.

Then when he tries to get the number, tell him you have a boyfriend (even if you have to lie).

It's not much of a lie for any decent looking female anyway. Even if she doesn't have a formal proper boyfriend and thus considers herself "single," there is always the tattooed social circle guy stored in her ifone she can text at 3am after she leaves the bar drunk from the rejected guy's free drinks LOL.

All kidding aside, you've seen many threads about "numbers flaking.". Women shouldn't give out numbers unless they are interested. There's no point wasting his time or having to worry about about a guy texting you that you don't like.

 

[imarockstar]

Funny you post this tonight. A few weeks ago, I was at an outside tiki bar type place and this bachelorette party was there. The bride starts talking to me and tells me that I should take her friend to the wedding. I talk to the friend a little and I get her number. A few days later I text her and get a couple of really vague responses so I immediately stop texting. If there is one thing I refuse to be, it is the source of some girl's attention.

Just last week, I am at another bar sitting by the water, minding my own business, and the bartender comes over and asks if I am single because her friend was wondering. I reply yes and tell her to send her friend over. I sit there for enough time to finish my drink and as I get up to leave she comes over and approaches me. We talk for 5 minutes or so and I get her number. She calls her phone from my phone so that "she knew my number". A few days later I text her and she replies "who is this"? I didn't say this but, I mean, she called from my phone, she knew who it was. I then told her not to waste my time, I am interested and I want to meet up soon, if she doesn't then she shouldn't bother replying to the text. She then replies an hour later: "haha you are funny". So annoying. What was the point of giving me the number in the first place?

I got to thinking and the thought crossed my mind that I should have called her instead of texting her. But I remember gaming girls before my ex and whenever I called them after getting the number they would not answer and then reply with a text.

Honestly, I don't really care because I don't have time for games or indecisive women, I would rather screen them out than sit by the phone awaiting their text or giving them undeserved attention. It just blows my mind that a girl would approach me, call her phone from mine (ensuring that it is not a fake number), then blow me off. All for what, attention? That is the only conclusion I can come to.

Anyways enough hijacking, to answer your question, the best way to reject a guy: I have a boyfriend. The guy may not care and push even further but just stand your ground and say you really like your BF. If you give him your number out of your idea of "politeness", if he texts you just ignore him right off the bat. Don't sit there and text him so that you feel some sense of approval or for some venue for seeking attention.

Oh and men and women can be friends, but if he is a stranger and he approaches you, he does not want to be friends. You can only be friends with a guy if he is from a mutual circle of friends or if he is your boyfriends buddy or something. No guy will just randomly approach you to be friends with you.

 

[origin138]

I agree men and women can be friends. There are many women I have befriended through the years who I'm not even remotely interested in sexually/relationally. Female friends can be excellent wingmen and can add to your game in many ways.

My exception to this is when I'm attracted to the girl, but she's pushing the friend zone agenda. Then I just bail and never look back. Orbiting is unacceptable and that kind of situation needs to be nipped in the bud. Self respect is important.

Now, onto your question. Rejection is rejection and for me the delivery method is irrelevant. No sense in putting lipstick on a pig. But I think I speak for many other men when I say do it quickly, do it early, and do it with finality but don't do it prematurely or you'll look like a tard when the guy says, "hahaha, you thought I was hitting on you?".

Personally, the BF situation doesn't deter me. Ironically, many of the women I have dated/slept with cheated on their BFs with me. It's obvious when a woman is talking about a BF she respects (alpha), and an AFC BF whom she merely brings up just to add plausible deniability for when we eventually have sex. If I sense she has an AFC BF, it's on.

 

[Boilermaker]

Iqqi tries to say that she had never felt bad about sucking attention from an incoming beta (we know her reaction when she can get a glimpse of an alpha in her closing years now) ...

But now after spending years with us, she cannot stop and think.. All those guys she has abused over the years have feelings as well.

Stuck in a dilemma between her natural desires for consuming attention and her very thin layer of a "good persona", she's looking for further ways to rationalize her future behavior for abusing those juicy beta's. All this in her little cute head.

ahh iqqi.

I see right through you.

 

[iqqi]

Iqqi tries to say that she had never felt bad about sucking attention from an incoming beta (we know her reaction when she can get a glimpse of an alpha in her closing years now) ...

But now after spending years with us, she cannot stop and think.. All those guys she has abused over the years have feelings as well.

Stuck in a dilemma between her natural desires for consuming attention and her very thin layer of a "good persona", she's looking for further ways to rationalize her future behavior for abusing those juicy beta's. All this in her little cute head.

ahh iqqi.

I see right through you.

Does this mean you won't hang out with me as friends if I ever come to Baltimore?

"How do you prefer to be rejected?" :crackup:

Now I've seen and heard it all.

I might actually say that exact line to a guy next time. How funny! But then I'd be even MORE charming that I already am.

 

[iqqi]

Oh and men and women can be friends, but if he is a stranger and he approaches you, he does not want to be friends. You can only be friends with a guy if he is from a mutual circle of friends or if he is your boyfriends buddy or something. No guy will just randomly approach you to be friends with you.

Now, I don't know if I think this is 100% true.

I have met guys out and about, and often it was because I was ALONE. I am more approachable when I am alone, I suppose, and I am a lone wolf type. My current favorite male friends I met when I was at a jazz show alone, and I shared my table with them. While one of them is flirty (and young), the older mature guys are super cool and I consider them some of my besties in this city. It's now a valued relationship.

That's just one example. I guess it's most important to just feel a situation out. I can tell when I am being nothing but "hollered at", and those I may respond with "How would you prefer to be rejected?"

I think being alone and willing to meet new people puts you in a zone to acquire all kinds of new friendships.

 

[Jitterbug]

My preferred way is for her to pass me along to her hotter sister or friend.

 

[SecondHalf]

Instead of more explanation, I'd like to hear from guys here. How do you prefer to be rejected? Or do you think it is presumptuous to respond to any approach with "I have a boyfriend." or "sorry! You're not my type!" Or do you prefer a girl to not assume any intentions, because you actually might be interested in friendship.
???

If you sense he's interested in you, then get rid of him, it's not fair.
It may be just conversation, ... so converse, see if a friendship happens.

I believe men and women can be friends, but firm boundaries should be known or established (if you're dealing with a dullard). That said, make no mistake, every male friend that you have has wondered what it would be like to bend you over a couch! It's just a fact!

I'm pro female friend. A chick friend makes the best wing man!

SH

 

[Bible_Belt]

I guess it's most important to just feel a situation out. I can tell when I am being nothing but "hollered at"

From the guy's perspective, it's good to not be so obvious. I would never talk to a woman for the sake of "friendship," but at the same time, I am not going to walk up and tell you that, either.

Of all your male "friends," what if you were to someday down the road end up in a relationship with one of them? Would it occur to you that the guy had been lying to you all along about this "friends" thing? Or were you the one who was lying to yourself? I would say it would be both. Male-female friendship is a mutual lie, a polite one, but a lie nonetheless.

 

[samspade]

I personally DO believe men and woman can be friends, because I have some of them without issue.

You mean no issue yet...

 

[Who Dares Win]

The I have a boyfriend line is the best solution, to which we're deep in love will follow in case of further requests.

Its the best because it doesnt give the guy fake hopes or waste his time while at the same time it doesnt annoy him since the condition was prior his arrival and no dependant from him.

And for god sake stop giving your numbers to guys you are not interested in, and tell your female friends to do the same, a free rejection is much better than a rejection plus .20cents for texts sent.
Being considered unattractive is not pleasable but being considered a clown good enough only to provide entarteinment is even worse.

 

[AAAgent]

Did not notice you were female. I've seen your posts around and associated the green dots and number of years on the forum to automatically be linked to a male.

Anyway, i would say to not automatically reject every man who approaches you. Sometime's i just ask the closest person to me at the bar simple questions such as "Excuse me, do you know if you have to order at the bar?". To get rejected for saying excuse me is pretty rude.

I've asked out girls straight out before and yes the best answer to "Are you free to grab a bite to eat sometime?" would be "I have a boyfriend."

Now for the idiots that try to get friendly with the girl and 2 months into hanging out with the girl and her friends realizes she has a boyfriend, that's the guys fault for not making his intentions known. I believe in the don't ask, don't tell philosophy on both sides but any clear sign of him trying to close you and i'd say its fair game to get shut down.

 

[DJ SO STEVE]

There a girl in which I got her number and called her out. She always wanted to go for dinner and silly me took her out and paid for dinner then dropped her home. When reaching over for a hug or to initiate intimate she would quickly exit the car and say thanks etc. At the 3rd dinner I talked to her about it and she said she wasn't interested in having a relationship at the time.

This was long back 7 years ago before I had all this knowledge but from the story I would say the best way for a women to reject a guy is not to give the phone number or respond to messages if they try to add through facebook.

A lot of women manipulate guys without thinking they are leading them on, but most women know what they are doing.

I know it's rude but you should not give that person a way to contact you and don't be friends with them if they like you in that way.

 

[origin138]

And for god sake stop giving your numbers to guys you are not interested in, and tell your female friends to do the same, a free rejection is much better than a rejection plus .20cents for texts sent.

This, absolutely. It's funny how many women will hand out their numbers, then piss and moan later on when they can't get the guy to go away.