How do you next when you fall into the AFC ways?

[A Warrior's Call]

I ask this because I usually can get a girl interested and to come out, but then I start caring more than her and it goes downhill fast. I can even see that she begins to have control of the "situation" more than me and it pisses me off. My current plate I had no absolute interest in her, then we hung out, I eventually kissed closed, and now I'm in the this "I want her to be my GF phase" and she knows this, I think she knows she has me and it sucks. Not to mention she's prude as hell (I've noticed more topics on both these lately too lol) while I'm trying to be more sexual. Hell I was her first actual kiss apparently (whether I believe that is up for debate). I just get the feeling I'm on the back burner until a Channing Tatum walks by and gets her all wet. I've been wanting to end this and get some closure, but why do I want closure? Why can't I just go no contact and walk away or keep her at an distance and chase other women? I always put my eggs in one basket when I'm like this and I hate it a lot. I feel miserable waiting for her like this.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Here's the mindshift change I went through to prevent myself from doing what you're doing. In my pre-AFC days, I would take a girl out with the mindset of: "I really want to make her my girlfriend; I hope this date works out so I can starting finding a way to make her the girlfriend." The result: the focus becomes you having to try and do things to impress her in the hopes she chooses you.

Once I added a bit of patience to my game, my mindset became: "She's got 3 months to f--k this up; if she doesn't, I MIGHT make her my girlfriend."

What does this mindset do? One, it takes the pressure off me to make her the girlfriend right away. Even though us guys THINK we know we want a girl after the first couple of dates, it really does take at least 3 months for a girl to be in that same frame of mind. So, I simply shifted my expectations of us being a couple from "2 dates in" to "3 months in." Two, it reminds me that most women aren't actually going to be a good match for me, and within that first 3 months I'm going to find out something about her that disqualifies her from the "girlfriend" category: baggage, rudeness to others, bad sex, argumentative, etc. This allows me to really do my due diligence on a chick instead of getting all lovey-dovey and viewing her as being so perfect that I bypass any red flags she may be showing.

And three, it puts ME in control of the choosing process, to where SHE is now the one trying to convince ME that she's girlfriend-worthy. See, when you're not being all wordy about your feelings, not texting/calling her all the time and putting your foot down about certain things, you're basically letting her know SHE needs to be doing stuff to MAKE you want to do those things - thus, her having to prove herself to YOU. Once they come to you with the "so, what are we?" speech, that lets you know she's wanting to be chosen by YOU as the girlfriend. Contrast that with you coming to her like "so... can I be your man?" It looks/sounds weak, and it's the reason most girls will turn you down when you come to THEM.

Hope this helps!

 

[Poop1337]

I wouldn't next this girl, for what? How many dates have you been on with her? Have you been isolating and escalating? You know pulling bold **** like touching her all over especially between her legs, getting her to suck your ****? Let that be what nexts you. Stop looking for her to be your mommy and show you affection and make you feel so great. You're aware of the realities of the situation so act like it. Also it's a good thing you've become more attracted to her enjoy that ****... it's bad you've gone bipolar and you're all I want her to love me... I want to dump her cause she doesn't. You got this man. Next her by trying to escalate and be aggressive. If she stops agreeing to see you then you have your next.

What do you mean waiting for her? Aren't you still doing approaches and trying to set up other plates? You need to do that.

 

[A Warrior's Call]

Here's the mindshift change I went through to prevent myself from doing what you're doing. In my pre-AFC days, I would take a girl out with the mindset of: "I really want to make her my girlfriend; I hope this date works out so I can starting finding a way to make her the girlfriend." The result: the focus becomes you having to try and do things to impress her in the hopes she chooses you.

Once I added a bit of patience to my game, my mindset became: "She's got 3 months to f--k this up; if she doesn't, I MIGHT make her my girlfriend."

What does this mindset do? One, it takes the pressure off me to make her the girlfriend right away. Even though us guys THINK we know we want a girl after the first couple of dates, it really does take at least 3 months for a girl to be in that same frame of mind. So, I simply shifted my expectations of us being a couple from "2 dates in" to "3 months in." Two, it reminds me that most women aren't actually going to be a good match for me, and within that first 3 months I'm going to find out something about her that disqualifies her from the "girlfriend" category: baggage, rudeness to others, bad sex, argumentative, etc. This allows me to really do my due diligence on a chick instead of getting all lovey-dovey and viewing her as being so perfect that I bypass any red flags she may be showing.

And three, it puts ME in control of the choosing process, to where SHE is now the one trying to convince ME that she's girlfriend-worthy. See, when you're not being all wordy about your feelings, not texting/calling her all the time and putting your foot down about certain things, you're basically letting her know SHE needs to be doing stuff to MAKE you want to do those things - thus, her having to prove herself to YOU. Once they come to you with the "so, what are we?" speech, that lets you know she's wanting to be chosen by YOU as the girlfriend. Contrast that with you coming to her like "so... can I be your man?" It looks/sounds weak, and it's the reason most girls will turn you down when you come to THEM.

Hope this helps!

I like this it makes sense actually. That's usually my problem too and I go by date count versus time frame. It does seem to be about mind frame.

I wouldn't next this girl, for what? How many dates have you been on with her? Have you been isolating and escalating? You know pulling bold **** like touching her all over especially between her legs, getting her to suck your ****? Let that be what nexts you. Stop looking for her to be your mommy and show you affection and make you feel so great. You're aware of the realities of the situation so act like it. Also it's a good thing you've become more attracted to her enjoy that ****... it's bad you've gone bipolar and you're all I want her to love me... I want to dump her cause she doesn't. You got this man. Next her by trying to escalate and be aggressive. If she stops agreeing to see you then you have your next.

What do you mean waiting for her? Aren't you still doing approaches and trying to set up other plates? You need to do that.

That's my problem, once I get these "emotions" for a girl, I stop pursuing other women which is bogus. I know deep down I should still be going out and having other females in the picture with abundance, yet it's like I'm being dishonest. It's a crappy foundation I've had since I was a child and can't break. It usually disappears when I'm invested in other personal activities and not care about what happens in the female department which surprisingly brings the females in. I'm pretty sure I get obsessed and I'm trying to find a way to break that.

I have also tried escalating like you said, but conversation is changed or she adjusts herself when I'm next to her touching her thereby moving my hand. She does not touch me ever. Also, the other day she mentioned how I was the first dude to ever show her all this stuff like going out and calling her and such. It's whack what can you do, just stuck.

 

[Poop1337]

You're being needy. Who cares if she's touching you. She's telling you she's like this never been kissed virgin so I wouldn't expect her to be making the moves. I mean whether it's true or not that's her story and she's sticking too it.

What do you mean she changes the conversation? Escalating isn't a conversation about sex... I mean sure it can involve dirty talk... but really you need to get in there start kissing her neck. when she moves your hand off her move your hand back on her. Enjoy those boobs and rub that vag. Are you a virgin?

 

[A Warrior's Call]

You're being needy. Who cares if she's touching you. She's telling you she's like this never been kissed virgin so I wouldn't expect her to be making the moves. I mean whether it's true or not that's her story and she's sticking too it.

What do you mean she changes the conversation? Escalating isn't a conversation about sex... I mean sure it can involve dirty talk... but really you need to get in there start kissing her neck. when she moves your hand off her move your hand back on her. Enjoy those boobs and rub that vag. Are you a virgin?

Pretty sure you're right about the needy party and that's what I'm trying to break. That feeling is horrible so I just stop contacting her (and others) completely and disappear when things don't go my way. And no I'm not, I've had a few relationships and flings. When I start developing deep emotional feelings, I start becoming needy. Just don't know how to stop it is what seems to be my issue. When I don't develop them, I'm a walking dont-give-a-**** kind of guy.