How do you leave one of the good ones?

[OnTheWayUp]

I cannot tell you and I don't think you can be prepared for how she'll react. Some women have Satan buried deep inside their soul. You may never see it during the relationship but if she gets hurt, that beast may be unleashed.

I agree with everything bradd80 said except for...



If you're permanently removing a woman from your life, it doesn't matter how or when you initiate the breakup. What matters is that you get it done.

A lot of women will say "he didn't even have the ba11s to break up with me in person!" But women say this when they're pissed off. If you did break up with her in person, she's just going to find some other excuse to talk 5hit about you so it's a no-win situation.

In all honesty, my breakups have gone much better when I didn't do it in person.

Thanks Des, it's nice to have the old guard of the forum weighing in here. I respect your opinion, but I'm going to disagree with you here. I think avoiding doing it in person is cowardly and disrespectful. I'm not so much dumping her in person for her as because I think it's the decent thing to do.

 

[Trump]

Interesting response again, Trump, thanks for your ideas.

On being tested by a girl with poor character: firstly, if a girl is going to sleep with me whilst she has a bf, she is only good for sex, and I care absolutely nothing whether pass her hypothetical tests or not. The concept of girls testing for character also seems to imply that girls like their men to have a moral compass, which in my experience is simply not true. Girls want masculine men- look at the success of bad boys. Any moral principles I have are for my own personal integrity and have nothing to do with attracting women.

If a guy is my bro, I make it my business to ask whether he is single or not, and who he is involved with. This means that it's extremely unlikely that I could sleep with his girl unaware that I am breaking my rule.

Thats great, sounds like you have very very trustworthy friends.

I've had a friend, grew up with him, his family, knew his sister and brother, we were very close. I knew everything about him and he did me. He fell on some rough times during the financial crisis and needed money and I was doing OK. At this time I also knew his girlfriend like the back of my hand. At the same time I met a girl who said she was absolutely single and we slept together. Little that I know afterwards it was my friends real girlfriend, the other girl he used was a decoy girlfriend. He told me to give a lot of money or he would tell everyone we knew I slept with his girlfriend on purpose even though I knew she was him, which was a lie, but he would make people believe it.

Yes know the response will be, well he's not a friend, you are dumb, you fell for it, but he did all the right things to be one. Was always there for me, spoke very well, never put me down in front of others, we had stuff in common. Yet when money was the picture, he gave it all up in a few days.

Now I know you guys are not that gullible, just be careful. People talk, backstab, fight, egos get bruised in this world. People are self serving.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

Thats great, sounds like you have very very trustworthy friends.

I've had a friend, grew up with him, his family, knew his sister and brother, we were very close. I knew everything about him and he did me. He fell on some rough times during the financial crisis and needed money and I was doing OK. At this time I also knew his girlfriend like the back of my hand. At the same time I met a girl who said she was absolutely single and we slept together. Little that I know afterwards it was my friends real girlfriend, the other girl he used was a decoy girlfriend. He told me to give a lot of money or he would tell everyone we knew I slept with his girlfriend on purpose even though I knew she was him, which was a lie, but he would make people believe it.

Yes know the response will be, well he's not a friend, you are dumb, you fell for it, but he did all the right things to be one. Was always there for me, spoke very well, never put me down in front of others, we had stuff in common. Yet when money was the picture, he gave it all up in a few days.

Now I know you guys are not that gullible, just be careful. People talk, backstab, fight, egos get bruised in this world. People are self serving.

Wow, what a horrible person. I'm really sorry man, that sounds horrendous.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

Some of you may not like the idea of using the excuse that you're not ready for a relationship but in my experience this is what works best. When you use this, you're making it psychologically easier on her because subconsciously she's thinking you don't want to date anyone right now, and that it's not just because of something that is wrong with her. It may sound like a cliche, but believe me women on the receiving end will believe it (unless they already know you're fvcking some other girl, then prepare to get yelled at and slapped). OP made a comment that he was trying to spare her feelings as much as possible, and in my experience this excuse is the single best way to do it. Any excuse you use will probably not fly well with her, but at least she will gain a bit of comfort with the knowledge that you don't want to be with anyone right now, and it's not just something that is wrong with her that made you come to this decision.

I can see where you're coming from here. No girl wants to believe that the problem is her... and in my particular case this is definitely true. I still think saying I'm not ready for a relationship would be too obviously a lie, but that doesn't mean there are other ways to communicate that it's not her fault. I will emphasise that she's been a great gf, and that my leaving her has nothing to do with "how well she has performed," rather me hating long-distance relationships.

The reason i suggest a neutral location is because it's best that both of you will be in a comfortable neutral spot so you can both express your feelings. I would suggest a park. There you can walk and talk, or maybe even find a more secluded spot. This probably isn't how I would handle a breakup, but OP you expressed concerns for this girl's feelings and if you want to try to maintain a friendship with her this is the best way to do it.

A restaurant, on the other hand, is a bad choice. If she makes a scene, there's no respectful recovery and no quick way out for either of you. However, fear of embarrassment is not a reason to leave her in the middle of nowhere if you care about her. On the other hand, no matter how emotional and heated the conversation gets there's no excuse for risking her safety or yours so be prepared to get the hell out of there you may laugh but trust me sometimes women can get violent with you when you break up with them even if they don't seem like the type.

I don't think it's a good idea to end the relationship at your place, because you don't know how she'll react, she may start breaking some of your things or even refuse to leave. And I don't think doing it at her place is good either, because you shouldn't be forced to see a picture on her fridge of you and her hugging, or of some other mementos of her that may soften your resolve to break up with her.

I agree with all this. I very much like your suggestion of a park. Repped for good advice

 

[Desdinova]

I think avoiding doing it in person is cowardly and disrespectful.

IMO, worrying about appearing 'cowardly and disrespectful' shows that you honestly do care about others' opinions about you. Me personally, I don't give a 5hit about what others think of me let alone some girl I'm ditching permanently. If she's being eliminated from my life, then her opinion about me being 'cowardly and disrespectful' is irrelevant.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

IMO, worrying about appearing 'cowardly and disrespectful' shows that you honestly do care about others' opinions about you. Me personally, I don't give a 5hit about what others think of me let alone some girl I'm ditching permanently. If she's being eliminated from my life, then her opinion about me being 'cowardly and disrespectful' is irrelevant.

I see where you're coming from here. But for me, dumping her in person feels like the more decent, humane thing to do. It's not so much about what she thinks of me- there's a possibility that dumping her in whatever way means that we'll never speak again. It's more about doing something which is ultimately never going to be much fun, no matter how you look at it, in the most humane, dignified, mature way possible. She deserves an explanation in person. These are simply standards I hold myself to.

 

[comic_relief]

you think that you can break up with a girl without her having any tears at all? how cute...

- comic_relief

 

[YAboi]

Stop fornicating. Jesus does not like it

 

[pdx1138]

OP It's not all that complicated, for you.

You ARE leaving out of country. A long distance relationship wouldn't last anyways due to your distance.

I had a similar girl like yours recently. After 3 months I got bored with her and decided to let her break up with me (without telling her directly)

I just started randomly declining our deflecting offers of going out and started contacting her a lot less. After a month she said she wanted to see other people. I wished her the best of luck.