How do you kill hope?

[Radharc]

Hey guys,

First a little background: some 3 months ago i just ended a LTR, things were pretty much a wreck and it would have ended, but the way it ended kinda pissed me off, we were living in different countries for a few months period until july this year, but at some point she just terminated contact without notice, it threw me off balance for a while (I was thinking something bad had happened to her, as she wasnt contacting her family either, eventually there was this terrible day were she wasn´t showing to her work for a few days and we had to send the police to check on her - a real drama fVcked up thing) but afterwards I was really pissed and assumed things were over and cut off contact too. A few months have passed and even though I still think about what i left behind a lot and have some sh!tty days every now and then i´ve been managing to move on with my life and im pretty much enjoying myself and improving myself, actually i feel i´m a much better person now than when i was with her.
Anyways, 3 months have passed without any contact (except a very short and cut to the point mail i sent her about she returning my stuff she kept at her place) and today she calls and leaves a message telling me she was around and we should talk to arrange the way she would return my stuff, I called her, tell her that the best way is for her to send it to me in a mail package, she complains is to expensive, i say i'll pay for the expenses for her not to worry, then she talks about the cats we had together (one is mine) and says she can´t mail the cat, i say for her to leave it at her mother´s place (i´m on very good terms with her mother still) and ill pick it. By now she is sounding really confused, and making her "poor girl" voice, so i ask her if she has anything else she wants to discuss, she´s silent for a while, so i say i gotta go because there´s somewhere i need to be, she then complains that i asked if she wanted to discuss anything but then i dont give her the time to (still with her poor girl voice), and I tell her to call me another time or email me and say goodbye.
Well, i was rough, i´m still pissed off even though i wish i wasn´t and would just not worry about it, but i think i did what i needed to do... when i consider all that happened and that i´m better off without her i´m sure it was the right thing.
The problem now is that a part of me started to see this as a power game where i now have the better hand... and is thinking - and hoping - she will break and come back for more. This is really a path i dont wanna go down, its not healthy, but i´m having a real hard time getting over this... i guess my question is: "how do you kill hope of fixing something that has been a wreck for a while?", hope is awfull, it can really suck your energy like a black hole... i´ve been there before but i was clueless then, now i know that if i want to i can play her and there´s a very good chance i would get the better end of the deal. Unfortunatelly this would be mostly another dead end... this is fVcked up.

 

[jophil28]

... i guess my question is: "how do you kill hope of fixing something that has been a wreck for a while?",

this is fVcked up.

1) You replace her with someone who is of higher quality.
2) You build your life up to such a high value that you would not consider sharing it with 'her' anymore in case she damages what you have recently created.

 

[SXS]

Get on with any other girl. Even if you are not with another girl, say to her that you are, not directly, of course, but hint it to her that you have already another girl that you like. Then see how she reacts.

 

[Jeffst1980]

All of your self-improvement will be for naught if you stay in contact with her right now. Every communication you have with her is going to raise that hope a bit more and make it more difficult to move on.

You WILL NOT get over her unless you either a) go no contact or b) find a girl you're more into. The catch is--you need to make a) happen before b) is possible.

Cut contact with her mom for now. That is just a messed up situation, and it's gonna make it that much harder for you. Maybe a few years down the line you can reestablish contact w/ both your ex and her mom, provided you've since moved on, but for now you can't.

The human mind is elastic, and this is what allows us to move on after a breakup. If you go no contact and throw away the things that remind you of her, I GUARANTEE you will forget about her. Resist the temptation to get sentimental and just trust that you will find a better girl--because you WILL.

 

[decades]

yet another shining example of how Contact with an X you are still somewhat dependent on, screws up your recovery. Stay in contact with her and I guarantee that you Will have that meeting, you will get teary eyed over the cute cats, she will have you eating out of her hand again. She has the upper hand not you. That's because the moment you sit down with her you will go back to the very same dynamic that was in place before. If you want to move ahead in life and entertain the possibilities of other women and GF and actual happiness again, then forget about her and go non contact. You were doing fine until you talked to her period. Forget about the stuff. The stuff might be responsible for a huge setback in your recovery or worse, getting back with her. Tell her to mail it. If she doesn't, forget about it. If you meet up with her, you will be back to square one and delay your recovery 3 months.