How do you just do "no contact" without letting the person know why?

[SMS 48]

I know I'm being a butthurt *****, but this really hurts.

I met a girl. We had a great connection. I devirginized her. I didn't text too often or whatever, we're both very busy with school and work. But we did talk a lot, shared a lot of laughs, hung out a lot, had sex a few times, she told me some of her secrets, let me in on her insecurities.

She went on about how special I was and she was saving her virginity for a guy just like me, and its "so special" that she feels comfortable around me, cause she never felt comfortable around anyone before... We had a real connection.

Out of nowhere, she just decides to stop texting me... I noticed this... Didn't quite understand it.. But knew what to do... I stopped texting too... Until several days went by and I asked her if she's alive.. She texted back "yea yeah just busy with exams don't worry" So I said okay... A few days later I texted her again... No answer... She's a "texter" there is no reason for her not to answer... A few more days pass by, and I realize she lost all interest for some reason, and texted her "I'm going to assume we're done. Have a nice life." She didn't respond to it.

What's killing me is not that she lost interest.

What's killing me is that one minute she's lovey dovey and telling me I'm special, and the next she doesn't even have the courtesy to say goodbye to me when she wants it to be over? She just stops texting, like I'm some kind of stranger?

I noticed she changed her facebook picture a few times since (we're not friends on facebook, cause I just re-activated mine shortly after this to keep in touch with classmates).... And for some reason it just killed me when I saw it. Like she's living her life completely normal, as if I just don't matter and never existed.

I know I'm being butthurt but seriously I just don't get it. She liked me as much as she did, then acts like I don't even exist? No courtesy goodbye? No courtesy explanation? Just bam, its like that? Pretty cold blooded, as if I did something awful to her.

What kind of person does that? When I ended it with a girl, I always let her know it was over. Its just basic courtesy.

/endrant

Feel free to add your analyses :\

 

[Jariel]

That's girls for you. This has happened to me more times than I can remember. All over me one day, acting lovestruck, then suddenly I'm being ignored.

Oh and don't expect girls you date to ever show you courtesy. Once they lose interest, their manners and compassion go out the window.

A lot of the time it comes down to you coming on too strong. The only thing you can really do now is stop contacting her completely. It'll show her you're not too desperate and can walk away with no hard feelings.

It sucks, it really does, but this is something you have to get used to.

 

[LowPlainsDrifter]

Always best to leave it be. No woman has ever given me a reason for stopping contact, leaving me to wonder what I did "right" and of course have no idea what I did "wrong." No need to do the same - women keep us guessing, not the worst thing in the world for us to do the same.

 

[ka_mate]

A lot of the time it comes down to you coming on too strong. The only thing you can really do now is stop contacting her completely. It'll show her you're not too desperate and can walk away with no hard feelings.

It sucks, it really does, but this is something you have to get used to.

Yeah, I totally agree here. You've drawn your line in the sand and said "well I guess that's it then" and unpleasant as this thought is, the truth is if she didn't respond to that it's over and she is no longer interested in you.

Anything more on your behalf to try and talk to her shows that you are needy and there is nothing to be gained from it. I had a very similar situation with a girl (she kept blowing off dates) and as an AFC I took it for weeks after painstaking week. YOU CAN'T WIN HER BACK.

It's a bitter pill to swallow and certainly 'b1tches be loco' so as unfair as it sounds you have to move on.

 

[ka_mate]

A lot of the time it comes down to you coming on too strong. The only thing you can really do now is stop contacting her completely. It'll show her you're not too desperate and can walk away with no hard feelings.

It sucks, it really does, but this is something you have to get used to.

Yeah, I totally agree here. You've drawn your line in the sand and said "well I guess that's it then" and unpleasant as this thought is, the truth is if she didn't respond to that it's over and she is no longer interested in you.

Anything more on your behalf to try and talk to her shows that you are needy and there is nothing to be gained from it. I had a very similar situation with a girl (she kept blowing off dates) and as an AFC I took it for weeks after painstaking week. YOU CAN'T WIN HER BACK.

It's a bitter pill to swallow and certainly 'b1tches be loco' so as unfair as it sounds you have to move on.

 

[Mike32ct]

Unfortunately, it's very common today. Just let it go. You'll never get an honest answer about why she is no longer interested anyway, even if you pry it out of her.

 

[Jariel]

Everytime girls start sh1tting ' honey, teddie bear, sweetheart, you're so special, I love you, you're the best ' my alarm rings.

I start sensing something's wrong or it will be soon enough.

There's quite a lot of truth to this when I think about it. The women I find who come on the strongest and most affectionate are the ones who lose interest or just go silent with no explanation.

The healthier relationships are the ones that build gradually.

 

[floydb25]

You're being butthurt because you trusted her.

Trust nobody except yourself.

Everytime girls start sh1tting ' honey, teddie bear, sweetheart, you're so special, I love you, you're the best ' my alarm rings.

I start sensing something's wrong or it will be soon enough.

Yeah... They basically go by how they feel at the very moment. That's why the opposite also applies. They could not have any interest in you one day, and treat you like crap - then be all over you the next; completely obsessed and super nice. Completely out of no where. Or, you could be pining after them forever - only to be rejected - then suddenly find them loving you like no other. Or, they could not want to be around you, and find you boring - until you make them excited and horny. Then, their mood switches just like that. Or, you could be dating them, and making them super excited, but once they get bored even just once - they fall off the face of the earth - like you never mattered. The back and forth is constant, and there are several more examples for which this applies.

It's all about how they feel RIGHT NOW. They can pull a 180 very quickly, and turn right back again - depending on how they feel, or rather, how YOU make them feel. Don't invest too much of yourself too soon. You are always going to be the best thing ever for the first while. This can and does change at the drop of a hat. Don't make anything of it. Just do you, and keep the game where its supposed to be at all times. Don't stress or worry about this, either, which coincides with not attaching yourself too soon, or falling for theirs. Just enjoy yourself for as long as it lasts.

Never assume feelings are permanent. They do change, and you have no control over it. Don't think back to how things USED to be, because the only thing that matters is right now. Always focus on the here and now, and understand that it might not last forever. Ergo, don't get attached too soon. Once feelings change - that's a wrap. Do NOT let their emotions run the show, or allow you to determine what you should or shouldn't do. Don't bounce back and forth and try winning them over, or any of that stuff. Don't lose yourself to them. It's just going to make you crazy and confused - because they're gonna be all over the place. The only thing you need to be focusing on is their interest level RIGHT NOW. Nothing else matters. You can't change what is already gone. Never rest on your laurels, and assume its smooth sailing just because they like you for a while.

 

[charlezz]

Yeah... They basically go by how they feel at the very moment. That's why the opposite also applies. They could not have any interest in you one day, and treat you like crap - then be all over you the next; completely obsessed and super nice. Completely out of no where. Or, you could be pining after them forever - only to be rejected - then suddenly find them loving you like no other. Or, they could not want to be around you, and find you boring - until you make them excited and horny. Then, their mood switches just like that. Or, you could be dating them, and making them super excited, but once they get bored even just once - they fall off the face of the earth - like you never mattered. The back and forth is constant, and there are several more examples for which this applies.

It's all about how they feel RIGHT NOW. They can pull a 180 very quickly, and turn right back again - depending on how they feel, or rather, how YOU make them feel. Don't invest too much of yourself too soon. You are always going to be the best thing ever for the first while. This can and does change at the drop of a hat. Don't make anything of it. Just do you, and keep the game where its supposed to be at all times. Don't stress or worry about this, either, which coincides with not attaching yourself too soon, or falling for theirs. Just enjoy yourself for as long as it lasts.

Never assume feelings are permanent. They do change, and you have no control over it. Don't think back to how things USED to be, because the only thing that matters is right now. Always focus on the here and now, and understand that it might not last forever. Ergo, don't get attached too soon. Once feelings change - that's a wrap. Do NOT let their emotions run the show, or allow you to determine what you should or shouldn't do. Don't bounce back and forth and try winning them over, or any of that stuff. Don't lose yourself to them. It's just going to make you crazy and confused - because they're gonna be all over the place. The only thing you need to be focusing on is their interest level RIGHT NOW. Nothing else matters. You can't change what is already gone. Never rest on your laurels, and assume its smooth sailing just because they like you for a while.

Nice..

 

[The_411]

Men = rational
Women = emotional

Understand that when a woman shuts a guy out there are a littany of possibilities and they almost all point to one thing she's not interested.

As to how she got to that point it obviously varies.

I'd recommend that in the future don't drop the "I didn't hear from you, so I guess were done" line from your repetoire as it serves no purpose.

It comes off as petty and if for some reason a woman can't talk because her friend died or a close relative died, you're going to feel like an arse.

Just go under the assumption it's over and act accordingly no need to get the last word in. Best way to rationalize it is that she's not worthwhile anyway as a woman of quality won't act in such a way and you're better off knowing this now rather than later when you are deeper into the relationship.

 

[Mr. Suave]

Yeah it happens. Oh well doesn't even matter... The "have a nice life" thing is extremely bitter-sounding by the way.

"I assume we're done. Have a nice life. ROAR ROAR ROAR RAGE RAGE RAGE WAAAAAAA!!!!" is what the line sounds like to me. Not that it matters if she's not going to talk to you anymore, but it does sound like you got hurt.

I'm not 100% sure what causes it.

 

[In2theGame]

I dug up a very old 2007 post i made back in the day about going cold and silent.

Hey guys whats up. Havent been here for a while but i just felt like posting something useful yet deadly. For Guys out there who are either about to dump their G/F because shes either being a complete B**ch or is sneaking behind your back. The most deadliest, most coldish thing you can do when breaking up with a girl/Woman is to go silently into the night. What do i mean? well...

A woman loves to talk, argue and blow things up in mens faces, even if she knows shes wrong, she will keep fighting and trying to make YOU feel bad and make it out to be YOUR fault. The ultimate thing a woman wants is to have the last word by either saying "Its Over" or telling you to leave her alone. So many guys call and leave messages to "Please call me" or "Hey, im sorry can you forgive me?" Or very AFCish and calling saying that "I Miss You babe, give me a call, maybe we can work things out!".

Whats funny and F**cked up at the same time is that while your calling her, texting her or leaving voicemails, shes talking to another guy on the other line and scheduling a bang session with him, well maybe not right now but its in the works. Plus a woman feels so powerful when a guy is crawling and begging her to come back and accept his "forgiveness". Can you Freakin imagine? She played you but yet your apologizing? Ha... woman are so F**ed up sometimes but its us as men who need to control whats going on and stop the AFC attitude that gives these women the satisfaction.

Okay okay, so whats the deadly weapon? Im going to tell you..... Its turning around and not saying a SINGLE word to a woman. If shes trying to give you an ear full, you turn and leave without a peep. if your on the phone and shes giving you crap, hang up and keep quiet from her. better yet, if you find out your girl is cheating or playing around behind your back, dont pick up her calls anymore, dont reply to her emails and do NOT communicate with her AT ALL!!!!. I mean completely vanish! Woman are strange creatures and the silence will destroy a woman inside. Since they are emotional about everything, they have "so much" to say but if they cant say it, it will drive them insane. its like putting a Bible next to evil, They cannot stand it!!!.

She will try and try and try and try!! to communicate with you to get that "last" word in but cannot because you vanished from her life. Finally she will break down and wonder "What happened!"? "Where are you!?" she will have the huge Question mark on her mind as to what happened to you. While she is going nuts wondering what happened or why you havent picked up her calls and just totally dissapeared.. Your hanging with another girl.

You as a man have NO time to take drama from woman. And the woman who are worth the time wont give you B.S.

Until next time guys. Keep your heads up and remember... Dont ever let a woman break you.

 

[Johnnyventana]

Good history lesson In2theGame. I totally agree. The updated 2012 version is called, going Ghost.

To the OP, you took her virginity, unless she was simply pining to lose it, she'll start thinking about you a lot, soon enough. Go ghost. And as others have written, lose the whole "have a nice life thing. It's obvious.

 

[bigneil]

Several days went by and I asked her if she's alive.. She texted back 'yea yeah just busy with exams don't worry'

At this point, it should have been abundantly clear that she was pulling away.

So I said okay... A few days later I texted her again... No answer...

What did you expect? It wasn't no answer. It was the same answer. No interest. She might call you in a month if you don't contact her, then there will be one more chance.

 

[pdx1138]

You're being butthurt because you trusted her.

Trust nobody except yourself.

Everytime girls start sh1tting ' honey, teddie bear, sweetheart, you're so special, I love you, you're the best ' my alarm rings.

I start sensing something's wrong or it will be soon enough.

Agree!!

I got burned enough times to put this in practice.
It feels odd at first but when $hit hits the fan, you're shielded well.

 

[SmoothnNerdy]

floydb25 +1
Especially true with young/immature women/girls... This is very similar to what I experienced with the first younger woman I've dated and am now on the second week of NC/Ghost

Most women seem to have no conviction, no matter how intense their feelings may be for you on day/week/month, it has no bearing on the next day.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=192129

 

[SMS 48]

Thank you for your replies... I actually expected nobody to reply (other threads get almost nothing).

A lot of you mention that I'll never understand why she lost interest. That's not the issue here. Sure, that kind of sucks, but that's not the main reason I'm hurt.

If there is a spectrum (1-100) of how much someone matters to you, Then the 100 would be completely infatuated in love, and a 0 would be someone you are 100% apathetic to, how does one go from a 90 to a zero to you? I mean, I had 0 feelings for my ex-girlfriend when I broke up with her, but I gave her the courtesy of letting her know its over, and letting her know why. Its basic human decency.

I'm upset because I feel betrayed I guess. We were friends. I cared about her. How do you treat someone that cared about you (and that you used to care for) like that, if they never harmed you and always showed you respect?

When I devirginized her, her biggest fear was that I would be a jerk afterwards. And I wasn't. I was respectful about it. I was respectful period. The least she could do is at least say goodbye and treat me like she would indeed piss on me if I was on fire. What the fukk man...

 

[floydb25]

OP: How long did you know this girl, and how long have you dated?

Smooth: Yeah... That's what sucks about game in general. You get burned by these immature *****es / crazies; think all women are like that; start developing new tactics; only to find that it only works on the *****es / crazies. That's exactly what they respond to. You don't realize you're attracting the same kind of person you were trying to avoid by doing this stuff. It leads to no where, really. But you still have to do it, cause you never know who is genuine or not. Everyone puts on a front for a while. It's sort of an indirect way of weeding out the trash - while also protecting yourself from them. Just don't go too far, or the decent ones won't stick around while you act this way.

 

[Trump]

I know I'm being a butthurt *****, but this really hurts.

I met a girl. We had a great connection. I devirginized her. I didn't text too often or whatever, we're both very busy with school and work. But we did talk a lot, shared a lot of laughs, hung out a lot, had sex a few times, she told me some of her secrets, let me in on her insecurities.

She went on about how special I was and she was saving her virginity for a guy just like me, and its "so special" that she feels comfortable around me, cause she never felt comfortable around anyone before... We had a real connection.

Hmm....I'd be VERY careful right here, sounds like she's laying it on REAL THICK. As soon as a girl says stuff like this, the game playing has begun. I'd rather her spend some money on you rather than all these heartfelt words

Out of nowhere, she just decides to stop texting me...

Guys get confused about this, a girl almost NEVER stops contacting you "out of nowhere." Her interest level was going down down down while yours was staying high. It finally bottomed out and there was no reason for her to contact you

I noticed this... Didn't quite understand it.. But knew what to do... I stopped texting too... Until several days went by and I asked her if she's alive.. She texted back "yea yeah just busy with exams don't worry" So I said okay...

A few days later I texted her again... No answer... She's a "texter" there is no reason for her not to answer... A few more days pass by, and I realize she lost all interest for some reason, and texted her "I'm going to assume we're done. Have a nice life."

WHOA bro. You are way too emotionally involved with his chick. Look how she's got you reacting to her without her even doing anything. She has total control and power over you. You got to improve your game and get a backbone.

What's killing me is that one minute she's lovey dovey and telling me I'm special, and the next she doesn't even have the courtesy to say goodbye to me when she wants it to be over? She just stops texting, like I'm some kind of stranger?

I noticed she changed her facebook picture a few times since (we're not friends on facebook, cause I just re-activated mine shortly after this to keep in touch with classmates).... And for some reason it just killed me when I saw it. Like she's living her life completely normal, as if I just don't matter and never existed.

What kind of person does that? When I ended it with a girl, I always let her know it was over. Its just basic courtesy.
\

There are no rules or courtesy when it comes to girls or life. Girls don't care about you FEEL or your SELF ESTEEM, they want to see what you can do for them. If you have to learn the basics and get some confidence, go get it and THEN ask her out.

 

[quaker]

Yeah... They basically go by how they feel at the very moment. That's why the opposite also applies. They could not have any interest in you one day, and treat you like crap - then be all over you the next; completely obsessed and super nice. Completely out of no where. Or, you could be pining after them forever - only to be rejected - then suddenly find them loving you like no other. Or, they could not want to be around you, and find you boring - until you make them excited and horny. Then, their mood switches just like that. Or, you could be dating them, and making them super excited, but once they get bored even just once - they fall off the face of the earth - like you never mattered. The back and forth is constant, and there are several more examples for which this applies.

It's all about how they feel RIGHT NOW. They can pull a 180 very quickly, and turn right back again - depending on how they feel, or rather, how YOU make them feel. Don't invest too much of yourself too soon. You are always going to be the best thing ever for the first while. This can and does change at the drop of a hat. Don't make anything of it. Just do you, and keep the game where its supposed to be at all times. Don't stress or worry about this, either, which coincides with not attaching yourself too soon, or falling for theirs. Just enjoy yourself for as long as it lasts.

Never assume feelings are permanent. They do change, and you have no control over it. Don't think back to how things USED to be, because the only thing that matters is right now. Always focus on the here and now, and understand that it might not last forever. Ergo, don't get attached too soon. Once feelings change - that's a wrap. Do NOT let their emotions run the show, or allow you to determine what you should or shouldn't do. Don't bounce back and forth and try winning them over, or any of that stuff. Don't lose yourself to them. It's just going to make you crazy and confused - because they're gonna be all over the place. The only thing you need to be focusing on is their interest level RIGHT NOW. Nothing else matters. You can't change what is already gone. Never rest on your laurels, and assume its smooth sailing just because they like you for a while.

I'm curious if you're referencing dating or long term relationships here (ones that have actually lasted a while.)

Because if this applies to most women, then what's the damned point? get involved only for it to be a matter of time before they lose all interest?

I'm not sure I buy the whole "when feelings change that's a wrap" thing, because if the model you're proposing here is accurate, that is, that their feelings wax and wane (and they do of course), why would you give up the second interest goes down, when it might go back up again at a later point.

Guys get back with their exes all the time, and things get worked out in current relationships, flames get rekindled, etc. No contact for a while seems to do this a lot.

You're basically saying never to try for a girl once interest drops....even in a long term relationship that might've lasted years?