How do you guys deal with the pain of a break up?

[frencha]

Ok so I'm not whining, ya I learned my lesson from getting dumped. How do you deal with the "emotional" aftermath.

I'm keeping busy, hanging out with friends, meeting new girls but for some reason I still think about my ex (errrr..) got dumped 3 days ago.

I know time will heal, I just need a wake up call or something..

Any suggestions that has worked for you is welcomed.

 

[DJjazzyJeff]

You are doing all the right things. I would add in going to the gym or another high energy activity. Watch a lot of action or inspiring movies that show guys be the lone wolf and doing well because he is so focused on his life and purpose that he ignores girls (Hitman). Give yourself a visual of her being with another guy and compete with that image. Make yourself the best you can and at some point, you'll realize that you have made progress towards that person you want to be. At that point, you won't need the competition image and you will be able to maintain motivation to compete with yourself. Take your time with meeting new girls as this could backfire. I would focus on girls that are overly interested in you so you don't put yourself back in the same cycle.

Good luck.

 

[frencha]

You are doing all the right things. I would add in going to the gym or another high energy activity. Watch a lot of action or inspiring movies that show guys be the lone wolf and doing well because he is so focused on his life and purpose that he ignores girls (Hitman). Give yourself a visual of her being with another guy and compete with that image. Make yourself the best you can and at some point, you'll realize that you have made progress towards that person you want to be. At that point, you won't need the competition image and you will be able to maintain motivation to compete with yourself. Take your time with meeting new girls as this could backfire. I would focus on girls that are overly interested in you so you don't put yourself back in the same cycle.

Good luck.

Thank you!

 

[K-man]

I'ts only natural to feel sad.

Allow yourself to feel the pain but if at the same time you keep yourself busy, hang out with friends and get some physical training the pain will slowly go away.

I remember when the woman I thought I wanted to marry left me after fours years I was absolutely devastated. I WALLOWED in pain, really just sat down crying. But only for a week. Then I started to focus on work and social life again and when about four months had passed I had an entirely new outlook on life.

Hang in there buddy! She's just a woman. There's no such thing as a unique woman. I wish my daddy teached me that when I grew up.

 

[Powerlifter]

It's actually grief you are feeling so do the steps of getting through grief is the best medicine.

My experience that helped me get over a pass relationship was I went back to school at 28 years old at the time to get my degree. I remember her telling me how she admired her co-worker in how smart he was and how I wasn't smart and wealthy enough to get a degree.

At the time I had plenty of money to pay for it and I went for it and met some younger ladies while there. I may suck at writing but I graduated with a 3.4 GPA and was on the Deans List several times in the two years I went. I got my Associated Degree in Business Administration Accounting.

So in laymans terms when we are broken up with someone our self esteem is usually a mess we doubt ourselves and wonder if we are really anything worthy of anothers affection and it's important to regain that esteem. I would suggest challenge yourself in whatever it may be in doing something new the key is NEW for doing something new regains our confidence and esteem.

Confidence is another way of saying 'yes we can' this was actually President Obama's main message of esteem and gaining confidence with his followers for I am sure many had doubts of a black President but his message worked and it prevailed to him getting elected....yes we can....for those who followed Obama and yes you can for yourself in getting your abilities back in check..yes you are worthy of anothers affection and love.

I was scared to death when I went back to school but the odd thing was I hated high school but didn't realize just how intelligent I was when I went back to school. I was also tested with a IQ of 135 something I wasn't aware of and always felt dumb and stupid when in HS which those memories stay with you for a life time.

Now that was years ago but I learned after this woman of whom I was wanting to marry and have kids with not to ever again fall in love... ever... this doesn't mean I will mistreat or be mean it only means protect the heart and let them fall in love with you.

Powerlifter

 

[Trader]

Ok so I'm not whining, ya I learned my lesson from getting dumped. How do you deal with the "emotional" aftermath.

I'm keeping busy, hanging out with friends, meeting new girls but for some reason I still think about my ex (errrr..) got dumped 3 days ago.

I know time will heal, I just need a wake up call or something..

Any suggestions that has worked for you is welcomed.

Come to the realization that one should never base their happiness completely off of their girlfriend, or even wife.

 

[frencha]

I've learned so much even at my age I thought I knew enough.

I'm starting to accept reality and the outcomes of this experience. I'll admint besides a f...d up heart, my ego as well as my self esteem are totally down. But reading the replies is giving me new strength!

I want revenge but not in a way directed toward my ex. I'm focusing this intensity toward improving to better myself in all aspects of my life (particularly career and self worth).

I have several major goals lined up just for this year alone. And I also vowed to myself to not let this happen again.

For now a few more days of griefs, I guess I'm human after all lol

Thanks all!

 

[JAS760]

this is why i love this place, you guys give great advice thank you all!

but this one sums it up for me..

Come to the realization that one should never base their happiness completely off of their girlfriend, or even wife.

 

[Powerlifter]

Jas760, thats cool and that is why self esteem and confidence are so important never basing your life on others opinions of you including girlfriends and wives.

Glad you find it a great place for adivice.

Peace brother.

Powerlifter

 

[Bluntmaster]

You have to go out and find a new girl. A girl better than the last one.

It takes all the pain away. But you have to do it. If it means hitting on every cute girl you see, then that's what it takes.

 

[beaker]

Get angry about it. Then deal with that anger the same way you would an as.shole driver. Let it go and get on with your life.

 

[runner83]

A wise man once said if you fall out of the saddle, then the best thing to do is to get back on and keep riding...

...although in this case, it will be another one that you'll be riding!

 

[SandHawk]

I want revenge but not in a way directed toward my ex. I'm focusing this intensity toward improving to better myself in all aspects of my life (particularly career and self worth).

Well, the thing is, if you want revenge, it IS directed towards your ex. You might feel left alone, betrayed or similar emotions to those. That's normal, but the biggest form of revenge you can get in life is to move on.

You always see how most girls want to stay friends with their ex-boyfriends, stay in touch, and when the time comes, use them to get re-affirmed that they're still desirable (because her ex is still not over her affirms how great she was during the relationship, and thus still is).

The biggest revenge one could take is move on quickly. I'm not saying forgetting, but moving on, show that you have a life apart from her, and that that life is more awesome than it was with her.

If you haven't yet, break off all contact with your ex, because that makes it easier to weed her out of your brain and make it all become a pleasant memory that reminds you of good times.

 

[JCB]

You are doing all the right things. I would add in going to the gym or another high energy activity. Watch a lot of action or inspiring movies that show guys be the lone wolf and doing well because he is so focused on his life and purpose that he ignores girls (Hitman). Give yourself a visual of her being with another guy and compete with that image. Make yourself the best you can and at some point, you'll realize that you have made progress towards that person you want to be. At that point, you won't need the competition image and you will be able to maintain motivation to compete with yourself. Take your time with meeting new girls as this could backfire. I would focus on girls that are overly interested in you so you don't put yourself back in the same cycle.

Good luck.

Great post, dude. Thanks