How do you guys control your emotions?

[AAAgent]

i have a hard time controlling my emotions. Only the parts dealing with affection for another female though.

I've been out of a bpd relationship coming on 4 months now. for the last 2 and a half months i have been pretty decent. a few dates here and there and going out a lot. I find myself normal for about 60-70% of the time give or take. I have kept No contact with my ex fairly well except for a few occasions where she had some of my things or asked if i had hers. She still lingers around and i can't push her out entirely yet.

She had a new bf 4 days after we broke up so it was hard for me in the beginning but i got through those days. 2 months later i get a text and don't respond, so she sends me a long email telling me she loves me and she broke up with him but she knows we can't be together. I don't reply and she's is back with the guy. Another month later she gives me a call and i don't pick up. she messages me online the next day and i don't respond. the third day i answer her question and she asked y i didn't respond and i said i was busy.

It seems like she always contacts me after some big special day. she contacted me a few days after her birthday/newyears/christmas, then she contacts me again after v-day. i'm assuming in her head she's thinking im fine and happy again since i'm doing so well and not contacting her while she still is contacting me and thinking about me but i'm not.

I do it because it has to be done. I do it because if i don't i will be pathetic. i don't think i love her anymore, i just miss the way she made me feel. I've had a few girls that i could have made my gf's easily to give me that feeling again but i guess my selectiveness stops me. some days i'll just be reminded of her then i blow it off, other days i'll be reminded of her and i feel the loneliness and pain she caused me. I still haven't deleted her pictures off my phone yet or gotten rid of all the letters and real pictures i have saved.

She thinks i'm okay, but i'm not.

What should i do?

 

[darkstarrr]

I'm right there with you man. Coming on 5 months for me and everything is right in sync with what you describe. The only thing I can compare it to is the drug addiction I never had.

Like in G.I. Joe - knowing is half the battle.

Know that the black/white thinking is part of what fucked with you and is fucking with you still. Know that it is normal to feel if only I did this or that or if only that guy didn't pull his cock out and put it in her face.... Man fuck that BS. Fuck these stupid wh0res. They will never be happy and that, along with the fact that she thinks you are doing well, should be the satisfaction that helps you to move on. Nothing will ever be good enough for them. They will always need more and more of a sexual and emotional rush like the crack addict wh0res they are.

Sooner or later their looks will go. They will settle down with some shmuck. Then the honeymoon will be over just like it was with you and the next guy and the one before you. Only then they will not have as many options and their biological clocks will be ticking. Their looks that they used as power to compensate for their lack of self esteem and the low confidence that is wired into their infantile brains will begin to fade. They will be trapped in their own pathetic lives. With nowhere to go and no one to lead them out they will experience Total Recall (woops maybe that's from a movie). They make their bed they will sleep in it.

What you're experiencing is normal. I'm emotionally tapped, too. But I am going to soldier on and not let what happened to me fuck my next LTR up thats for d@mn sure. You'll be fine in no time. Keep doing what you're doing.

Good luck.

 

[kingman]

Bump

 

[slaog]

I do it because it has to be done. I do it because if i don't i will be pathetic. i don't think i love her anymore, i just miss the way she made me feel. I've had a few girls that i could have made my gf's easily to give me that feeling again but i guess my selectiveness stops me.

Start by recognised the truth that there are plenty of women out there who are better then your ex. If you keep thinking/believing that she is unique and one of a kind then your feelings won't change.


I bet if you met a nice girl tomorrow you'd forget about your ex easily.

 

[WC2]

I'm right there with you man. Coming on 5 months for me and everything is right in sync with what you describe. The only thing I can compare it to is the drug addiction I never had.

Like in G.I. Joe - knowing is half the battle.

Know that the black/white thinking is part of what fucked with you and is fucking with you still. Know that it is normal to feel if only I did this or that or if only that guy didn't pull his cock out and put it in her face.... Man fuck that BS. Fuck these stupid wh0res. They will never be happy and that, along with the fact that she thinks you are doing well, should be the satisfaction that helps you to move on. Nothing will ever be good enough for them. They will always need more and more of a sexual and emotional rush like the crack addict wh0res they are.

Sooner or later their looks will go. They will settle down with some shmuck. Then the honeymoon will be over just like it was with you and the next guy and the one before you. Only then they will not have as many options and their biological clocks will be ticking. Their looks that they used as power to compensate for their lack of self esteem and the low confidence that is wired into their infantile brains will begin to fade. They will be trapped in their own pathetic lives. With nowhere to go and no one to lead them out they will experience Total Recall (woops maybe that's from a movie). They make their bed they will sleep in it.

What you're experiencing is normal. I'm emotionally tapped, too. But I am going to soldier on and not let what happened to me fuck my next LTR up thats for d@mn sure. You'll be fine in no time. Keep doing what you're doing.

Good luck.

Post of the day.

 

[r0cky]

One word:
Meditation.

 

[The_411]

I'm not kidding ... see a Psych doc at least for a little while. Being with a BPD gives you PTSD.

Take more time to piece things together. There's no need to rush back into gaming and other women until you can get your sea legs. Work on getting yourself back then worry about getting yourself back in the game.

Your ex is hoovering big time. She wants attention from you becuase she needs attention from men to make her feel good. It never stops. With BPD's the only way to stop the hoovering is to either ingore tham or tell them that you know they have BPD and that you are onto them.

Her new guy is just as miserable he just doesn't know it yet.

 

[Samedi]

I too find it hard to control my emotions. When i met up with the girl we were similar. We both had no friends, as in zero friends, not a one. Both shy, her more so in some ways, and me in others. She defo seemed to have avoidant personality disorder, and i too abit probably given that i fear going to the gym. I hadn't stepped through my front door in over 2 years to go out anywhere other than work, or the shops for clothes/games etc when i first spoke to her on the net. It was because of her that i got through the door and went on my first date in over 10 years. I felt fear, i was bricking it. Shaking like a leaf and my mind going a thousand miles an hour. I was pushing through my comfort zone like never before. If it wasn't for her i think to myself, i may still have been in the same place i was, going on 6 months ago. I felt sorry for her tbh, and i tryed to be her friend, saviour and lover all in one. Which didn't work. I lost her through my retarded idiot pyschology questions and paranoia. I look back on our msn chats and there's plenty that i learned from her.

Example,
Her: i never fancied any of my bfs, the men i fancied dont look twice at me
Me: you go for mingers instead then eh? like me
Her: no just men who are sweet and kind and are nice looking but there no spark
Example,
Me: I hurt because i still want to be with you, i dont care about anything but you at this moment in time
Her: But i just care about myself thats why you shouldnt bother with me im nasty and horrid
Me: Well then im a fool in love but i arent bothered
Her: Ur not in love tho, i no the feeling the first sort of dating u have u think ur in love, then u grow up and move on and realise u werent at all.

When i was downgrading myself (i brought it upon myself i believe) from dating to friends i said,
Me: i'd have to stop looking at you the way i do lol, and no touching i mean in a fancy type way.
Her: I dont no now cos i like holding hands and dancing and stuff and u make me feel special and attractive, no one else does. Ur too good to me u r cant u just say go away u fat ugly bit<h. Please i need u to be nasty to me

I learned to trust my gut and never take somebodys word as gospel. People lie, even when they say they are being honest. The key i believe is never yeild your heart or bow to anyone whom you know before hand by gut instinct to be a person who will crush you. I ignored my own instincts and paid the price. I knew in advance it wouldnt work out with this girl, yet still i waded on in. I hold on because i lost my "virginity" to her. I have to get over that title. It meant something to me, i lost my value when i lost my V. I suppose you get to a point where you have enough self pity partys and asking why/how etc that you kinda like a baby, cry yourself to sleep and then you feel better. It's at that point where you fill your brain with positive waves and get on with other things. Now....if only i could take my own advice lol.

Im thankful i found this site, it's woke me up to a lot of things. Also the members who have been helpful in aiding others, i as one am gratful.

 

[Walking Anomaly]

I feel you on this one too bud...

A chick i went out with for over 2 years but broke up with about 6 months ago, still wanted to hang with me 3 months ago and of course she cant resist me and we end up messing around on several occasions lol. Now 3 weeks ago she 86s me haha, saying she needs to figure stuff out.

I say aight cool, and havent talked to her since. I do give her an occasional thought but havent initiated contact. Its for the better i know. As for her having another bf, i have no idea nor do i really care lol. Thinking about it is probably the worst thing a guy can do when it comes to girls.

Your brain may have told you to contact her at the beginning and tell her how you feel, but your gut should say not to. Go with the gut, you'll be better off - it'll save you hours of wasted brain energy and thought thinking about how to get her. Its best to just let it be.

Best thing to do is to show youre content in your life without her - which you should be - if not, then work on it. Hobbies, work, friends, careers are all things that i have on my plate that help immensely. Especially if i get into the med school of my choice, ill be busy as hell lol.

Controlling the emotions one has can be tough but it can be done. Just realize that she's only one girl and there are millions more out there just waiting to meet a suave dude like you or me. That always helps me.
On another note, its okay to be somewhat of a softie sometimes lol

~WA

 

[AAAgent]

"I bet if you met a nice girl tomorrow you'd forget about your ex easily."

That would be true, but for me it's hard to find a decent girl that fits my standards. I've only had a few girlfriends because of this since i'm so selective. probably 4 or so. i've had a few FWB but they don't last long as i lose sexual attraction when they don't fit my standards. Intelligent, independent, decent looking, and not willing to jump every guy that spits game on her. Usually all the decent ones are taken. I meet a few attractive ones and i lose interest because of their intelligence levels. I really am turned off by girls that act like their in HS. It takes around normally for me a year to find maybe 1-2 people that peak my interest. i'm not sarging every girl in sight to find out since i normally work on getting my sh!t done but still. My friends say im too selective since i never give any of the less attractive ones a chance. I get so many FOB asian girls that dig me, big black women, and really weird goth white chicks.

I always pass for the playboy/badboy type look, i guess i kind of am since i always get into fights but im not really friends with any in those crowds. Mostly my childhood friends from philly and jersey. The jersey ones all go to school further away and i don't chill with the philly ones anymore since its hard to hold intelligent conversations with them and they never really do anything except ball. All my good friends in college are all career oriented nerds. The other few that i made while in past relationship are all gone because of the sh!t talking involved afterwards that my ex did. The ones left are honest and straightforward and like likeminded individuals. They have goals and dreams and they try to achieve them and i like that about them and admire it so i hang around them. They have UGLY ass girlfriends and all their friends are usually for school related and nerds as well. They never go out to bars or clubs n sh!t. I'm stuck usually calling up some philly boys to go out sometimes some of them are cool some of them are just barbarians.

And recently i've just been tight on money so i just stay home and save as much as i can while i'm on my internship. I lost all the 35-40 pounds that i gained in my relationship and am back in shape. Sometimes i'll call girls that i hooked up with in the past just because i get lonely and set a date but they have boyfriends but are still willing to hook up with me and im not into that.

So im stuck over here usually doing nothing, thinking of stuff, my past, my present, and my future. I've never been on an airplane and i wanted to better my language skills in korean and japanese so i thought about teaching english in korea for a year or two while i get paid and study for my lsats, but im always back on forth on that idea. I'm only young once and when i get a steady job or closer to finding someone to settle down with i won't be able to travel.

I try to think of as much as i can for myself and less of her and it helps but it doesn't completely push her out either. I know i am weak emotionally so i do my best to strengthen that. Some people say get rid of everything they gave you, block them on all your contacts(email, AIM, etc), but to me that's just saying i'm not strong and i can handle it, that i have to hide from dealing with my emotions and i don't like handling it that way. Instead i do not block her on any contacts, i rarely log on aim or my gmail, i don't check my facebook, recently deactivated it since it wastes time since i'm not in school atm and working. I still have on my windsheild on the inside of my car a love note she wrote when it was cold, all her letters, and pictures. I can't get myself to get rid of those. I feel like i need to, keeping one picture is fine for memories but keeping all those things just proves to myself i can let go. I guess when i'm ready i'll be able to...who knows.

 

[AAAgent]

well i just deleted all the pictures off my phone, when i get home i will get rid of all of the rest of the stuff. hopefully this will be helpful.

 

[roja]

Join Army/Navy

i have a hard time controlling my emotions.

What should i do?

 

[DonJuan11]

2 months later i get a text and don't respond, so she sends me a long email telling me she loves me and she broke up with him but she knows we can't be together. I don't reply and she's is back with the guy. Another month later she gives me a call and i don't pick up. she messages me online the next day and i don't respond. the third day i answer her question and she asked y i didn't respond and i said i was busy.

It seems like she always contacts me after some big special day. she contacted me a few days after her birthday/newyears/christmas, then she contacts me again after v-day. i'm assuming in her head she's thinking im fine and happy again since i'm doing so well and not contacting her while she still is contacting me and thinking about me but i'm not.

I do it because it has to be done. I do it because if i don't i will be pathetic. i don't think i love her anymore, i just miss the way she made me feel. I've had a few girls that i could have made my gf's easily to give me that feeling again but i guess my selectiveness stops me. some days i'll just be reminded of her then i blow it off, other days i'll be reminded of her and i feel the loneliness and pain she caused me. I still haven't deleted her pictures off my phone yet or gotten rid of all the letters and real pictures i have saved.

She thinks i'm okay, but i'm not.

What should i do?

You should continue doing whatever you're doing bro. I think Kontroller said it many times before, if you respond, she can feel better about herself and what she did, and she knows she emotionally has you. The hardest thing for a girl is to know you're not number 1 in their mind after the break up.

Keep making her doubt herself that she broke up with you. I know it hurts, but it has to be done. Keep it up!!

 

[AAAgent]

she contacted me after her birthday, not mine.

 

[WC2]

"I bet if you met a nice girl tomorrow you'd forget about your ex easily."

That would be true, but for me it's hard to find a decent girl that fits my standards. I've only had a few girlfriends because of this since i'm so selective. probably 4 or so. i've had a few FWB but they don't last long as i lose sexual attraction when they don't fit my standards. Intelligent, independent, decent looking, and not willing to jump every guy that spits game on her. Usually all the decent ones are taken. I meet a few attractive ones and i lose interest because of their intelligence levels. I really am turned off by girls that act like their in HS. It takes around normally for me a year to find maybe 1-2 people that peak my interest. i'm not sarging every girl in sight to find out since i normally work on getting my sh!t done but still. My friends say im too selective since i never give any of the less attractive ones a chance. I get so many FOB asian girls that dig me, big black women, and really weird goth white chicks.

I always pass for the playboy/badboy type look, i guess i kind of am since i always get into fights but im not really friends with any in those crowds. Mostly my childhood friends from philly and jersey. The jersey ones all go to school further away and i don't chill with the philly ones anymore since its hard to hold intelligent conversations with them and they never really do anything except ball. All my good friends in college are all career oriented nerds. The other few that i made while in past relationship are all gone because of the sh!t talking involved afterwards that my ex did. The ones left are honest and straightforward and like likeminded individuals. They have goals and dreams and they try to achieve them and i like that about them and admire it so i hang around them. They have UGLY ass girlfriends and all their friends are usually for school related and nerds as well. They never go out to bars or clubs n sh!t. I'm stuck usually calling up some philly boys to go out sometimes some of them are cool some of them are just barbarians.

And recently i've just been tight on money so i just stay home and save as much as i can while i'm on my internship. I lost all the 35-40 pounds that i gained in my relationship and am back in shape. Sometimes i'll call girls that i hooked up with in the past just because i get lonely and set a date but they have boyfriends but are still willing to hook up with me and im not into that.

So im stuck over here usually doing nothing, thinking of stuff, my past, my present, and my future. I've never been on an airplane and i wanted to better my language skills in korean and japanese so i thought about teaching english in korea for a year or two while i get paid and study for my lsats, but im always back on forth on that idea. I'm only young once and when i get a steady job or closer to finding someone to settle down with i won't be able to travel.

I try to think of as much as i can for myself and less of her and it helps but it doesn't completely push her out either. I know i am weak emotionally so i do my best to strengthen that. Some people say get rid of everything they gave you, block them on all your contacts(email, AIM, etc), but to me that's just saying i'm not strong and i can handle it, that i have to hide from dealing with my emotions and i don't like handling it that way. Instead i do not block her on any contacts, i rarely log on aim or my gmail, i don't check my facebook, recently deactivated it since it wastes time since i'm not in school atm and working. I still have on my windsheild on the inside of my car a love note she wrote when it was cold, all her letters, and pictures. I can't get myself to get rid of those. I feel like i need to, keeping one picture is fine for memories but keeping all those things just proves to myself i can let go. I guess when i'm ready i'll be able to...who knows.

I think the plain fact is that you don't need a chick right now.

In reality, NONE of us need chicks right now.

I broke up with my ex about a year ago and I've really yet to get serious with another yet. And that's after sleeping with over 20 women for the past year; not one of them really enticed me.

But then I thought about it and I said- you know it's not them. It's me. At this point in time I don't really need a woman. And sure, the ex comes back time to time to get f*cked and I do feel that 'sense of a relationship' for a bit, but it soon fades off when I realize that it's really just me falling back into a comfort zone.

And that's why you still have an emotional connection with your ex; it's your comfort zone. You can do whatever you like with her, say whatever you want, initiate sex whenever you feel like because your level of comfort with her is so high.

Relationships tend to come along when we aren't looking for them and when we're not thinking about them; not when we're thinking about them like this. If I were you I'd feel rejuvinated in the fact you're really not in need of a woman at the time--it gives you more time to concentrate on more important things.

 

[randalll]

We're a generation of men raised by women. I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer we need.

thought it'd be a good time to drop a tyler durden quote in

also.. i know what you mean about immature girls.. huge turnoff for me.

im living in student halls at the moment. some of the women here are crazy, they'll come over to our flat acting all childish.. shouting and screaming at each other and stuff. it's worse when they're drunk.

 

[Dannyrt34]

Why are you trying to control your emotions?

You're human and so are the rest of us... You tryin to be a robot or something?

I actually had a girl break up with me because I never showed my emotions. All I ever did was crack jokes and whenever we had a serious talk or something I just clammed up and didn't show an ounce of how I felt. I barely even showed any interest. That was a couple years ago, I thought controlling your emotions was the RIGHT thing to do. I still FELT emotions, just never showed them to anyone.

Since then I realized this was all wrong. Now girls tell me I'm a very straightforward person. If I have a thought or feeling, I talk about and express myself.

Emotions give you CHARACTER. Character is important. This doesn't mean go around sobbing like a little girl, but you need to express yourself and holding back your emotions isn't human.

It hurts after a breakup, we all know that, and we can't deny it. You can't control your emotions, you can only choose how you express them.

 

[AAAgent]

i thought choosing how you express your feelings/emotions is controlling them? But i guess its true, you can't change the way you feel, and with time things will either progress or regress/fade.