how do you guys act around ltrs?

[garruk]

generally in a ltr i have a problem showing affection. when we're together its not too hard but i generally dont like to text them or call them often. when they text me, i keep conversations short and ive had a number of complaints from a number of past gfs that sometimes i seem too distant.

i generally thought this was ok, but lately im starting to think that this is hurting me. i generally bounce from relationship to relationship and in the last 2 years, ive dated 4 girls. being truly single for like maybe less than 3 months total. I never got incredibly serious with any of those 4 either. i was doing some reflecting yesterday and sometimes i get the feeling that because im not showing enough affection, these girls are afraid to get too committed and then start looking for something more solid.

thoguhts?

 

[perseverance]

Since when has texting and calling equated to showing affection? I hate using mobiles and I hate texting, in fact I don't even like phoning people. I'd much rather do everything in a face to face scenario.

Is a lack of affection a bad thing? Not necessarily, it depends on whether or not your partner is affectionate or not. Two unaffectionate people in a relationship will fair better than two polar opposites.

Most relationships overtime become routine and the affection shown in the early stages of the relationship tend to fizzle out as things become mundane and routine.

I'm not a very affectionate person either and I know when I enter a relationship that I am going to have to force myself to be more affectionate or face constant nagging and whinging. A small price to pay, no doubt.

 

[SgtSplacker]

You have to find a woman that brings this stuff out in you man. These women maybe you don't really like? Maybe you just dont want to be alone? Find a woman you really like and the affection should come naturally in some form. Either touching, conversation, fvcking or just spending time together... it will come naturally with the right woman.

Raise your standards and keep looking.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

generally in a ltr i have a problem showing affection. when we're together its not too hard but i generally dont like to text them or call them often. when they text me, i keep conversations short and ive had a number of complaints from a number of past gfs that sometimes i seem too distant.

i generally thought this was ok, but lately im starting to think that this is hurting me. i generally bounce from relationship to relationship and in the last 2 years, ive dated 4 girls. being truly single for like maybe less than 3 months total. I never got incredibly serious with any of those 4 either. i was doing some reflecting yesterday and sometimes i get the feeling that because im not showing enough affection, these girls are afraid to get too committed and then start looking for something more solid.

thoguhts?

I think the way you act is fine.

My most recent LTR was 2-years and I rarely called just for the sake of talking. I wasn't a big texter either. I'd sleep over her place 2-3 times per week. We'd make dinner. It was a nice, chill relationship. In fact, her lack of clingyness is what made it work so long.

I'm terribly unaffectionate. And sometimes, I'd have the same doubts that you're having. But in my experience, the girls I had LTRs with liked my "strong silent type" persona. If I were holding hands all day, or sending flowers, it wouldn't fit the image they had of me.

If you find that these girls are distancing themselves from you, it might just be because they aren't cut out for dating someone of your personality-type. It doesn't necessarily mean you need to change.

 

[garruk]

I think the way you act is fine.

My most recent LTR was 2-years and I rarely called just for the sake of talking. I wasn't a big texter either. I'd sleep over her place 2-3 times per week. We'd make dinner. It was a nice, chill relationship. In fact, her lack of clingyness is what made it work so long.

I'm terribly unaffectionate. And sometimes, I'd have the same doubts that you're having. But in my experience, the girls I had LTRs with liked my "strong silent type" persona. If I were holding hands all day, or sending flowers, it wouldn't fit the image they had of me.

If you find that these girls are distancing themselves from you, it might just be because they aren't cut out for dating someone of your personality-type. It doesn't necessarily mean you need to change.

hmm good point man. i just got out of a relationship similar to the one you described. i appreciated her lack of clingyness but i wonder if she kept her distance at the end beacuse obviously girls dont want to get hurt and might hold themselves back. we were together for a little under 5 months.

its great to hear perspective from someone with experience, so at the very least i know you understnad where im coming from.

 

[Desdinova]

A lack of texting and calling will not cause a woman to complain about you being too distant. She does this when you're not touching her, kissing her, or fvcking her enough.

I agree that you may need to land yourself a woman who fits your liking better. If she's fat, ugly, or has a 5hitty personality, you're going to avoid giving her affection naturally. If you get a woman who's hot and is a lot of fun, affection comes easily as you bounce her t1ts around, squeeze her ass, and kiss those cute shiny cheeks on her face.

 

[garruk]

A lack of texting and calling will not cause a woman to complain about you being too distant. She does this when you're not touching her, kissing her, or fvcking her enough.

I agree that you may need to land yourself a woman who fits your liking better. If she's fat, ugly, or has a 5hitty personality, you're going to avoid giving her affection naturally. If you get a woman who's hot and is a lot of fun, affection comes easily as you bounce her t1ts around, squeeze her ass, and kiss those cute shiny cheeks on her face.

well its not a lack of attraction. my track record with girls is pretty solid, and i have no problem showing affection when im there in person.

but the problem is sometimes ill be gone on business for a week or so at a time. and i generally see these girls only on the weekends (i work late and alot).

i dont like to keep tabs during the week, and while this is fine in the beginning, i think girls start to want more when the relationship hits something like month 3 or 4.

 

[Desdinova]

but the problem is sometimes ill be gone on business for a week or so at a time. and i generally see these girls only on the weekends (i work late and alot).

Then tell them that right from the beginning. That way, they know what they're getting into. If they complain about you being away too much, remind them that you told them what your work schedule is like, and if they can't handle it, then they need to find someone else who will fill their needs.

On the plus side, your work schedule keeps women a bit on the needy side. I have the same kind of job and have to hear women whine about it. Don't pay much attention to them bytching about it. You're giving them the gift of missing you, and you're giving them unintended emotional fluctuation which women love.

 

[Aaron B]

nearly every time my wife of over 6 years and i have had issues its been directly related to me being too nice to her for a period of time

treat her mean to keep her keen

 

[handle]

Been dating a girl for 4 years. I answer about 10% of texts and call just about never.

 

[handle]

she's commented on me having a "mystique" and feeling like she doesn't fully "get me" sometimes, but it doesn't turn into a fight or anything, just an observation

 

[Aaron B]

well done handle