How do you get sexually confident?

[babsan]

Without going to the hookers or something like that...

I am having some problems getting the full close with multiple women. I'm not a virgin anymore, but it has been a long time. I dunno, maybe it shows somehow. I have no trouble approaching, getting interest, number closing if I don't forget because rapport is insufficient), phone game and kissing.

My last three flings were fun, but no sex. The first one went cold when we jumped into bed. The second one denied to take off her pants and I didn't feel like pushing. The third one I had a good make out session with recently. Then I felt I could go for the full close. However, my mind took over and I started thinking: "maybe, it's too soon again" and "she is connected to my friends, take it easy before the word about me being needy comes out". After all these incidents I lost touch.

How can I keep them around as FB or possibly a relationship? Obviously I need to **** them first, before they decide to cut me out of their life. What is the right timing? After how many dates? I think I am unconsciously turning them off sexually, but how come?

 

[Sexual]

Your whole way of thinking seems a bit off. I bet if you relax more and keep meeting more women you'll have less resistance. But serious, go to the DJ Bible and read some of the 'advanced sex techniques' before someone tells you to shut up and go read the Bible before asking simple questions that are all answered there..... fek it, shut up and go read the Bible until it becomes natural. Be persistent. Put in more effort. Ive had sex with loads of women that have said no and I backed up, and then they gave in when I added more four play.

You're asking questions that are so far apart... you're going down the road that's like learning to play the guitar by ear and then going back to learn theory, which you should have done from the beginning.

 

[everywomanshero]

This shouldn't be happening. I think your whole setup might be wrong.

Troubleshooting advice:

1. Elimate distance inside your apartment. If you have a couch it needs to be a loveseat and there should be nowhere else to sit besides the floor. Otherwise put the tube in your bedroom and go in there to watch a movie.

2. Pets can be cool but make sure you don't have a dog that goes nuts when the door is shut and ruins the mood or forces constant interuptions. Not good for your sex life.

3. Get more interactions going so that you don't feel like any one night is a big deal, because it shouldn't be. I used to have a quota of ne contacts I'd make every week. This is probably a good idea until you've gotten comfortable with your results.

4. Reduce your own anxiety == reduce her anxiety about being with you. If you get nervous just remind yourself that it's not a big deal and another girl will come along soon enough if the current one doesn't work out.

Increasing confidence:

What keeps you from being confident? If I had to guess it would be uncertainty. Not knowing what will happen ad how she will react. Not knowing if you know the right things to do or say. The seduction community can actually make this worse by pretending there is an exact right response you should know, causing further anxiety that all these other guys know something you don't.

My advice is to relax. There are all kinds of appropriate and welcumed responses and action. Begin increasing your certainty by getting to know some sexual technique. Nina Hartley has some education videos that are OK to get you started. You can also take a workshop in SF (I've yet to do this but hope to soon myself). The other thing you can do is change your demand for perfectionism. It's OK whatever happens. Just enjoy the ride and try to learn a little something from it. Perfectionistic thinking leads to anxiety and eventual avoidance to escape from the psychological pain. Whatever hapens, it will OK and will not be the last chance for sex in life.

 

[SharinganUser]

Big deal, you're in a slump. Stop thinking about it so much, relax and go for what you want.

Oh and stop worrying about what your friends think about you. Trust me, if you bang a chick, as long you don't be the little spoon in a cuddle session, NO ONE is going to think you are needy.

edit: How do you get sexually confident, I find it helps to study positions and different hot spots on the womans body. Also, if you are fortunate enough, find a woman that is open sexually and willing to tell you what she wants and how to do it.

 

[Scars]

I started second guessing myself today with some girl I was with "maybe it's too soon, I shouldn't be going for this.." but I pressed on, and fvckeded her. Don't be afraid to elevate, what's the worst that can happen, she tells you no?

Number 11 baby.. woot woot. Haha.

 

[babsan]

You're right Scars. Should press on more. I was in my head too much with the last girl, I thought it's too soon cuz the former didn't like me pushing aggressively for sex. But the make out was intense, maybe she expected more but I just left? I was even shaking a little bit because I knew it was the moment to escalate further... I thought oh well, it will come some other time and I will get a good night rest which I needed... but after this she doesn't want to meet anymore. I think she wanted it but I have shown her my sexually inexperienced card. So the question remains, how do you pretend to be sexually confident? I know I can pace well and know the spots of a woman's body. Escalation is no problem if I am in the right state of mind, but there's this big hurdle after a good make out session... how do you confidently get past it and start f.cking?

 

[everywomanshero]

Usually it can go something like this:

Make out
Necking (breathing, kissing, but don't leave huge, love bite-marks)
Play with breasts (Fingers under bra, use mouth through bra or push it up)
Fingering (you can do this with her jeans on, just unbutton them, if there's not enough room to move your fingers you will have to remove them through).

If you get that far the only hurdle left is removing the panties. Some guys like to do this at the same time as the jeans or whatever she's wearing come off. I usually don't bother with this and do it in two steps or just pull her thong to the side so I can eat her *****. It's really not a big deal. SHe may also go down on your **** somewhere in this processs which is fine. Sometimes I've ran into a chick that apparently just loved to suck **** as they only wanted me to finger then and gave me BBBJCIM. Suits me fine.