How do you GET IT?

[moneyisking]

Jesus, where to begin.

This is my 4th yr in US and I never had a girl or sex.

I don't understand... is something wrong with me or what...

I haven't even held a conversation for longer than 30 minutes (or 10 even)

with a girl. It seems like any girl I meet are not interested and even if she

had slightest interest, it just vanishes.

I am inclining towards more to believe that I am not girls' type or something

is wrong in my DNA or God or any other divinity just locked up my sex life

so I can't fornicate. I mean a guy gets lucky at least once in his life time.

I never have. I am fit, pretty muscular guy; I am Asian, and that's it.



Or maybe it's cultural thing that I don't understand Western girls or sh!t.

What the hell am I supposed to do...? How do you get the CLICK in your

brain and get this thing? I came with conclusion that having sex with

a girl will not make me happy. I want to GET IT, and only that will make me

happy.

 

[Ease]

Look at guys that do get laid and do get it, and look at what they have that you dont.

Look for role models, see how they are successful and copy them.

 

[Isko]

To become more comfortable socializing with girls, you can hang out with a male friend and his girlfriend at the same time, and treat her like she's just another guy.

Other than that, just talk to people as often as you can, especially women. Do you have male friends? Talk with girls like you would talk with your male friends... And if you don't have male friends, make some of those (there are websites for that kind of thing too; Google-search "how to make friends", for example.)

My first girlfriend was uuuuugly; she looked like Robin Williams with curly red hair... My second girlfriend was less ugly, but she had a big belly... Third one was downright hot... The next one was hotter, the next was hotter, and so on. You just have to get the ball rolling. If it's been 4 years, go after uglier girls. You want to find one with whom you're comfortable holding a conversation.

I know a guy from high school who dated a hot white girl. BUT, he was a cool guy! He was funny, happy, outgoing, and confident. He would always joke about his tiny asian penis (I'm sure it wasn't really tiny like he said... but even if it was, no one cares.) PS: I live in Houston (I read some of your other posts and saw you were in TX.)

If you talk in real life the way you talk in the forum, then you should tone down the aggressiveness, negativity, swearing, insults, etc. You have to be very careful with that kind of negativity in real life; it can make people wonder if you're crazily unhappy with your life and that you're going to turn violent.

You have to walk before you can run. You should build up a social circle, work to become more happy and outgoing, and start small with girls so that your identity changes and you have something to build on. Try to hang out with cooler people. Talk to anyone you trust who is good with girls, and be honest with them. Ask them for advice. Your brother is, right? Open up, tell them about your problem, and listen to (and actually take) their advice.

Also, I'm sure you've heard this advice before, but try to be happy no matter what. Say to yourself, "**** it, if I need girls to be happy but I can't get girls, then I'm gonna be happy anyway without them." If you're trying, to the point where you aren't having fun (which I'm almost certain you are), you should decide to just have fun anyway and accept that tonight, you won't get laid. Be OK with that. Let go of it and accept that you're talking a girl, and you're not gonna sleep with her -- just have fun speaking with her anyway (don't be bitter, of course.) Ironically, this REALLY helps you relax and stop pressuring yourself.

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=110653041&highlight=kadenphoto

^I'm only posting this to remind you that you're wrong; white women like asian guys. You do NOT have to be like that guy in those photos to be attractive, any more than women have to be like the girls in those photos to be attractive. We see cute girls every day: chubby ones in Starbucks uniforms, old soccer moms, plain girls in your classes, little nerdy girls with glasses.. They might not fit in with those photos, but they're still sexy. So are you, buddy. My friend in college is a chubby, short Japanese DJ, and he gets white girls (he's a deejay, but he's also just a fun, happy guy. If his body bothers him, he doesn't act that way.) I know a bunch of other Asians who date hot girls- Asian or otherwise. It's your personality that matters, not your body, although it's good that you work out (it shows that you take care of yourself, which is a good personality trait.)

Reading your other posts, I get the idea that you have a lot of hostility towards girls because you think they don't like you. That's the problem. You should have love for them, whether or not you think they're attracted to you. I mean, you would like them if you thought they liked you, right? So go ahead and like them anyway. I swear, if you can like them that way, then they'll like you back. [This is also known as assuming attraction.]

 

[Kailex]

It seems like any girl I meet are not interested and even if she

had slightest interest, it just vanishes.

I am inclining towards more to believe that I am not girls' type or something

is wrong in my DNA or God or any other divinity just locked up my sex life

so I can't fornicate. I mean a guy gets lucky at least once in his life time.

I never have. I am fit, pretty muscular guy; I am Asian, and that's it.

So it CAN'T possibly be anything you're doing or NOT doing. You listed THREE external reasons as to why you can't get lucky:

(1) DNA: So it's within your genetic code to not get lucky?
(2) Divine UN-intervention
(3) You also mention that it might be a cultural situation

Then you say that you are fit and muscular... so how could you possibly NOT be able to score in the United States?

The problem is NOT your DNA, NOT any deity, NOT a cultural situation, NOT physical...

The problem is the INNER YOU.
Once you realize that and start working on yourself as a man, maybe then you'll be able to make some progress.

Stop blaming everything else for your lack of success.

IT'S YOU.

You want help? Start telling us what your interactions are like? How do you talk to women? How do you ask for a phone number?

It's just hard to grasp the concept of a man blaming everything around him and not living up to his own responsibility.

I think you definitely need to read the Bible and to work on the inner you. The sooner you do that, the better off you will be.

 

[r0cky]

Practice, practice, practice.
Go out and learn to approach. Once you become comfortabkle approaching anyone then focus on learning to be social and to have good interactions. After you've mastered that you can start to learn how to create sexual attraction.

This will not come to you suddenly. You will not wake up one day and say "I've got it!" No, unless you make it a habit to go out at least 3 times a week and practice this art, your brain will not click, it has not clicked for all these years it will not ever click by itself. It comes with practice!

 

[moneyisking]

@Isko: dude thank you for your post. I appreciate it big time.

@Kailex: I know it's my fault. Anyways, my interaction with girls is painfully dull. Nothing really interesting comes up and girls don't help me talk with them easily (knowing the fact that conversation is an effort by two sides).

 

[Ease]

@Kailex: I know it's my fault.

This is a problem you need to work on.

Being a real man is 85% of the issue when getting girls. When someone comes down on you hard, you dont sit there like a ***** and take it. You say 'yo *******, go **** yourself' or 'ok man, thanks for the info'.

 

[sharkbeat]

How old are you?

How is your English? (this matters a whole lot!)

What do you do for a living?

 

[tony-montana]

i see it all the time on dating websites on the what i want part for the girls, they almost always say:

confident, knows what he wants, confident, funny, fun, good listener, good talker. sure, good looks can help but it's not the most important thing. also, dont forget every girl has diff taste.

 

[moneyisking]

@ease: if I am not getting a girl, who's fault is it? not yours, not his, but mine b/c it's my problem. Only good thing about me is that I want to fix it no matter what.

@sharkybear: I am 21, university student. I have been speaking English since 6th grade so I have no problem communicating, but hard time conversating. Communication is about getting just your simple ideas crossed to fit needs, but conversation could be something deep or interesting that last for quite time. I never have had good conversation with girls. I think this is mainly b/c I don't understand the Western concept or just not used to American girls' way of thinking or etc. haha, I don't know, I learn along. FYI, this is my 3rd year in US. I have been in Mexico since I was 8.

 

[Ease]

@ease: if I am not getting a girl, who's fault is it? not yours, not his, but mine b/c it's my problem. Only good thing about me is that I want to fix it no matter what.

@sharkybear: I am 21, university student. I have been speaking English since 6th grade so I have no problem communicating, but hard time conversating. Communication is about getting just your simple ideas crossed to fit needs, but conversation could be something deep or interesting that last for quite time. I never have had good conversation with girls. I think this is mainly b/c I don't understand the Western concept or just not used to American girls' way of thinking or etc. haha, I don't know, I learn along. FYI, this is my 3rd year in US. I have been in Mexico since I was 8.

You missed my point. Dont just say 'your right, its my fault ', you sound like a *****. If you must take criticism, theres a way to do it that perserves some dignity.

You're too caught up in conversation. Who cares what you say, the less communication the better. You're going to be in a social situation, more than likely involving alcohol. Approaching her is the hard part.

My favourite line is 'so... do you like stuff?', and then say something like, 'ohh really, i like 'things' aswell, you like things too?'. And then something like 'Wow we have so much in common, what else do you like?', then immediately disagree with whatever it is and start making fun of it. 'Wow you like music? Thats pretty original, didnt see that one coming, i like angry rap music, u?'. 'Aww that band is ****, i would rather see my sister naked than listen to that stuff'. Every once in a while say something interesting about yourself and its a perfectly reasonable conversation.

She doesnt care what you say, as long as its not serious or boring. Teasing is good for when you run out of things to say. If you have nothing better to say, say 'hey wana buy me a drink?'.

Go out and make guy friends first.

 

[sharkbeat]

@sharkybear: I am 21, university student. I have been speaking English since 6th grade so I have no problem communicating, but hard time conversating. Communication is about getting just your simple ideas crossed to fit needs, but conversation could be something deep or interesting that last for quite time. I never have had good conversation with girls. I think this is mainly b/c I don't understand the Western concept or just not used to American girls' way of thinking or etc. haha, I don't know, I learn along. FYI, this is my 3rd year in US. I have been in Mexico since I was 8.

See, you can even speak Spanish. You are a trilingual. That's a huge plus. No, it has nothing to do with Western concept.

Here's how you keep an interesting conversation. Look for clues in what they say. You actually need to listen to her to pick up these clues. Example:

You: What do you do for a living?
Her: Oh, I am a nurse.

The clue is 'nurse'. Don't ask her where she work. That's just creepy. But if you have any experience with nursing, this is where you contribute to that topic. What you think about nursing. Or, maybe you have a sibling who is a nurse. Or simply, ask why she wants to become a nurse. This is also a chance you throw in C&F.

You: Oh, I'd love to have somebody to take care of me when I am sick. I think I am about to get sick now... (fake faint, using her to support as an excuse for kino, and grin).

Make sure you said it with the right tone and playfulness. At this point, if she likes it, she will throw something just as playful back in. If not, she will roll her eyes or give you a dirty look, which means she knows you are trying to pick her up and she doesn't like it for whatever reasons you shouldn't worry about. It is your clue to move on.

Practice this to every stranger you have conversation with. Servers, cashiers, classmates, teachers, bus drivers, etc. Trust me, once you are good at this, you can keep on going for hours. Sometimes the conversation can get so interesting but you just have to go that you can use it as an excuse to get her number:

(You and Her: bla bla bla...)
You: I have to go now. Let's talk later at a coffee shop. What's your number?

 

[iliketennis]

do you have any friends?

 

[Igetit!]

I know it's my fault.

Good. I agree with Kailex,I HATE it when guys blame genetics,"God",the universe,the girls themselves,or any and everything that doesn't have to do with THEMSELVES.


It's good that you realize that your dating life (or lack thereof) is 100% your responsibilty. And it being "your fault" is a GOOD thing,because if it's YOU,then that means you already have everything necessary within yourself to turn this around. You just need the help of the forum to help you dig past all the lies and misunderstandings you have to get to the truth.

Anyways, my interaction with girls is painfully dull.

Well this is one thing you can start to work on right here.

Women like fire,passion,excitement,drama. You need to put some "pa-zazzz" into your interactions. Talk about something that excites YOU.

Even if the girl could care less about something that makes you passionate,the fire and excitement that YOU HAVE and express concerning your interest will infect her,then she'll feel some excitement too.

Nothing really interesting comes up

Well you know YOU. What gets you excited/motivated? Take some time to think about it. If you take a few days to think about some passions you have,it'll be ok,all the girls won't be taken while you're gone,lol.

and girls don't help me talk with them easily (knowing the fact that conversation is an effort by two sides).

Here's another thing to learn...FORGET ABOUT GIRLS "helping you".

If some other guy comes up and the convo just flows easily and effortlessly with him,but she has to "help" you come up with stimulating conversatons to have with her,who do you think she's going to choose?


If you approach her,then it's YOUR JOB to have dialogue that interest her and makes her want to contribute to the discussion.

You can't approach a girl expecting her to just automatically "hold up her end" of the convo simply because you started talking to her.


This isn't about being nice or polite,it's about attraction and interest.

 

[moneyisking]

Good. I agree with Kailex,I HATE it when guys blame genetics,"God",the universe,the girls themselves,or any and everything that doesn't have to do with THEMSELVES.


It's good that you realize that your dating life (or lack thereof) is 100% your responsibilty. And it being "your fault" is a GOOD thing,because if it's YOU,then that means you already have everything necessary within yourself to turn this around. You just need the help of the forum to help you dig past all the lies and misunderstandings you have to get to the truth.


Well this is one thing you can start to work on right here.

Women like fire,passion,excitement,drama. You need to put some "pa-zazzz" into your interactions. Talk about something that excites YOU.

Even if the girl could care less about something that makes you passionate,the fire and excitement that YOU HAVE and express concerning your interest will infect her,then she'll feel some excitement too.




Well you know YOU. What gets you excited/motivated? Take some time to think about it. If you take a few days to think about some passions you have,it'll be ok,all the girls won't be taken while you're gone,lol.



Here's another thing to learn...FORGET ABOUT GIRLS "helping you".

If some other guy comes up and the convo just flows easily and effortlessly with him,but she has to "help" you come up with stimulating conversatons to have with her,who do you think she's going to choose?


If you approach her,then it's YOUR JOB to have dialogue that interest her and makes her want to contribute to the discussion.

You can't approach a girl expecting her to just automatically "hold up her end" of the convo simply because you started talking to her.


This isn't about being nice or polite,it's about attraction and interest.

Thanks for the good post. By the way after reading few posts and threads here and there, it looks like dating and fvcking chicks may not be related to talking. I mean, does acting angry and being an a$$hole all the time make her want me? Does acting like a smarta$$, sarcastic, teasing and all the other really good? It seems like that is pretty easy way, and I have been like that for some time too before, but seemed like girls didn't like it very much. If it does really work (which we know does b/c of what we see from world and reality), then women are all just stupid.

 

[Isko]

http://authenticking.com/

Don't just get angry and rude without knowing why. Basically, everything you do when interacting with her should be for your own pleasure; she will generally enjoy your presence more if you don't care if she's enjoying it. If you want to talk to her, go talk to her. If you want to touch her, go touch her (I'm serious--although you should be very careful when experimenting with this--it will blow your mind.) If you want to leave the conversation, do so. If you want to make fun of her, do so. If you don't want to answer a question, don't.

Focus on your own enjoyment. You can choose the conversation topic. You can choose to call her. You can tell her what you want. "Give me your phone number so I can call you later"... You should be a force that goes after what it wants in the world, and if you go after her, she can choose between getting out of the way, or letting you do your thing. You want this girl to be your girlfriend? Then be like an amoeba enveloping her. She won't put herself inside of you. She'll allow you to envelop her (by talking to her, planning your get-togethers, escalating physically, etc.)

The game is a balance between using this force to take what you want, and avoiding pushing too hard and becoming a creep, stalker, rapist, date rapist, etc. Pay attention to what she wants, and how comfortable she is with you, so that you avoid consequences like those. At the same time, you're probably not pushing nearly hard enough. Just make sure that you have a loving, caring mindset, not a bitter, angry one. Go outside your social circle, and experiment with this by risking being considered creepy, such as by smiling, making more eye contact, talking more, and generally acting more confidently, even though you don't feel like it's invited. You may find that what you thought was "creepy" was actually "confident", and that you were seeing rejections where there weren't any.