How do you deal with this?

[idefix]

Hello guys,

I found this forum searching the web on tips for the following matter.

First I'll give you an insight to my situation.

I'm very much in love with a woman I met at work. I met her when she was dating someone else. I totally respected that and was there for her when needed a friend. So eventually I got friendzoned. She would complain to me a about her ex-bf. Around christmas she broke up with him.

Since then we have been on the phone a lot. Often conversations of 1 hour and more. But we have only been together outside of work for 3 times. Every time we have a blast. Last time I saw love in her eyes when I was holding her.

Now for the problem part. She has this thing for her first boyfriend. They broke up about 10 years ago (she is 30). He says he allways kept loving her. I don't believe it one bit. He doesn't treat her good. She clearly isn't his priority. Yet each time he show some regret she falls in love with him again.

Last time we were together I really had a feeling we would be together starting right there and then. Then the following day her mom and dad called her ex and gave her hell about not being with him.

Long story short; she doesn't want to be a couple because I am 6 years younger then she is. She keeps on hoping to get back together with her first bf, even though she kind of realizes she's not going to be happy with him. I think she listens to much to what her folks say.

Has anybody got some tips for me? Should I keep on fighting for her? Should I make her realize what she might miss if she doesn't choose for me?

I'm really hoping to get some insight in this.

 

[oneboy21]

Do you really want this kind of chick in your life?
She is one of those BPD cases i am sure.
forget her and find someone else who is not drama and full of life.

 

[youngmack]

Yeah move on bro... Especially before you fall in more harder for her because it will make you crazy trust me.... And you seem like a nice guy , women take advantage of nice guys. I think shes just being nice to you but isnt really interested in you and is using you as an emotional tampon

 

[idefix]

You know guys, I'm pretty certain she isn't using me.

If she would be using me, she would say we were together yet she would keep on searching contact with the other guy. At least she is being honest with me.

An other thing that tells me she has feelings too is that we have kissed. The second time we were together she kissed me. She isn't the kind of woman to kiss everybody.

I might not have much experience with woman but I think I can see love in a womans eyes when I see it.


Now last friday she called me at midnight saying she has an arguement with her father and her sister. They are giving her a hard time about how great they all are doing and how much of a screw up she is.
I sent her a short text saturday morning telling her how she always has a choice for herself. Yesterday evening I sent her a text asking if she's doing a little bit better. Still no answer. I want to call her but I don't want:
a) be pushy
b) push her away from me, yet I am worried about her.

 

[bigneil]

Seriously man, every sentence in the OP is a red flag. Falling in love before you have sex with her? Being her friend? Talking on the phone for hours? Holding her but not in a sexual way? Snap out of it.

 

[bigneil]

(double post)

 

[youngmack]

Listen to us... Look shes contacts you to tell you about her problems and not to come hang out , or fvck. Your basically just an emotional backup tobher but in actuality she wants her ex back or whatever. If she really wanted you she would find a way to get you. You've put her on a pedestal, which is really not a good thing. I say you have to move on this girl isnt good for you. But if you really must have her i suggest you stop being the nice guy she is using for emotionL relief. Put your foot down and let her know you will not continue to be her tampon whenever shes going through it and you want to be he man. Its a take it or leave it, you either take me or go to some other dude and use as a tampon while you fantasize about your ex.

 

[switch]

i had the same experience... MOVE ON is what i did and so should you if you have any dignity and pride

 

[idefix]

It might sound weird, but yes I'm in love with her even though I haven't had sex with her.

And knowing what she has been trough in the past makes it a little bit easier for me to accept the hard time she is giving me.

 

[betheman]

Dear God!

you are totaly infatuated with this woman, a woman whio clearly has stronger feelings for an abusive (alpha) ex, she keeps talking abiout him!!! she wa sdating another guy when she was getting it together with you???
come on man, you are deluding yourself. she cant get the ex out of her head and most if not every other guy will fall short of his effect on her.
Move on and do yourself a favour