How do you deal with major family problems?

[sharpshooter]

For 19 years I lived in a huge household with 2 uncles, my parents, 2 aunts, their kids, my sister and my grandparents. Last year me, my parents and sister moved to the house next door (literally next door lol). Keep in mind that I totally grew up spoiled, literally had everything handed to me. Now all of a sudden they want me to start supporting the family etc. We're not doing bad, living in a pretty big house actually. But the problem is that they try so hard to make me feel guilty, and they're always telling me i'm gonna be a failure etc. Tell me I have no family morals/values. Yet they tell me everything depends on me. YET they still want me to do it their way (education etc). They want me to be more mature, yet they still treat me like a kid. I'm currently in college and at times I can't even focus with all this stuff going on.

I'm also not a family type of person at all, the only people I have a real connection with are my grandparents.....hell I don't even call my parents mom and dad. My dad's a religious nut, who's the biggest hypocrite i've known. Me and him can not see eye to eye in any way shape or form. Sometimes we have arguments that almost end up in fist fights. He tries threatening me that he's gonna hurt me physically, but when I stand up to him (he knows i can kick his ass) he backs down. Then he tells everyone in the famiy (uncle's including) and it just turns into a huge riot. After that they start preaching family morals etc, how everything's on my back...this usually results in a hopeless type of feeling. I grew up on the basis of getting things to substitue for love, yet they don't understand that's how THEY raised me. I also grew up with NO MANNERS being taught to me whatsoever. Is that common for a spoiled kid?. So when they see me being rude etc, they should know i'm a product of what they tought me morally..which was absolutely NOTHING!

ok...i really had to get that off my chest..sorry guys

 

[Bussey]

Move out.

Theres independance, 'contributing' to the family, parents aren't on your back, no need for confrontation.

Move out guy!

 

[sharpshooter]

Originally posted by Bussey
Move out.

Theres independance, 'contributing' to the family, parents aren't on your back, no need for confrontation.

Move out guy!

'

It's easy to say and it seems like the only way to go. Because I can't live this way at all. However, the guilt that they make me feel is unreal. Telling me that all my little cousins look up to me. Yet I really lose trust in them when they tell all our relatives that i'm a bum etc. Big time double standard going on.

hey bussey..i'm from toronto as well, are you currently at school or what.

 

[Desdinova]

There comes a time when every child needs to break away from their family and develope their own morals, values, and lifestyle.

Your parents are seeing you as my parents see me; a stupid doormat who doesn't know what he's doing. Changing your parents' opinion of you is pretty much impossible. They don't respect you as an individual human being, and they probably never will.

This is when you need to distance yourself from them. Minimize contact with them and learn about life on your own.

I rarely see my parents anymore. They still try to tell me what to do, and they still try to treat me like a stupid kid who doesn't know anything. Pull back a lot and the their bad behavior will be minimal.

 

[sharpshooter]

Originally posted by Desdinova
There comes a time when every child needs to break away from their family and develope their own morals, values, and lifestyle.

Your parents are seeing you as my parents see me; a stupid doormat who doesn't know what he's doing. Changing your parents' opinion of you is pretty much impossible. They don't respect you as an individual human being, and they probably never will.

This is when you need to distance yourself from them. Minimize contact with them and learn about life on your own.

I rarely see my parents anymore. They still try to tell me what to do, and they still try to treat me like a stupid kid who doesn't know anything. Pull back a lot and the their bad behavior will be minimal.

The problem is since the college I attend is close, i'm at home a lot these days. Sometimes it just drives me nuts, especially during exam time when you're forced to stay home and study (like i can even focus haha). Plus for me it's a lot more intense since it's the entire family and not just my parents.

 

[sharpshooter]

ok i've calmed down considerably.. best thing to do in a situation like this is refocus on your goals etc. Walk tall, don't give a ****!

 

[Bussey]

Yea I'm in College. Seneca. You?

Yea I know it is easy to say in principle, and because I understand the real estate market in Toronto, what I'm doing next year is renting a house with 5 other guys, or an apartment with 2 others.

Its bloody expensive out there!!!