How do you be more choosy?

[Ever onward]

Hey all,

Been awhile since I posted. I need your thoughts on a situation. I've been friends with this girl about 6 months and yada yada yada I somehow started feeling attraction for her.

Now this girl is a really hot blond and from the way she acted to me I thought she would never think of me as more than a friend. Then two days ago she confessed to me that she has thought about having sex with me. This made me feel awesome! I mean I wasn't sure I wanted to hook up with her as let's face it she has lather 'loose morals' but my ego got a huge boost! I should have left it at that and left it alone.

Then yesterday she tells me that she went out the night before and had sex with some guy. I was crushed, despite my better judgment, and I let her know about it. After that I played it off and made her think I was going out with someone else last night just to save face. Anyway, I still want to be friends with this girl but how do I do that and not lose face? More importantly, how do I raise my standards so I don't want to be with her or other girls with such loose morals? I know in my head that I should not want someone like that but it's difficult because we get along so well and she's hot. I can't shut off my feelings.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Out of curiosity, would you feel any different about her if she had slept with you?

 

[synergy1]

Out of curiosity, would you feel any different about her if she had slept with you?

I see where you are going with this

So you are taking the moral high ground in this case because she slept with another guy, but would you be singing the same tune if she hooked up with you? Sounds like you are justifying your loss vis a vis "sour grapes".

I could care less about Elisha Cuthberts morals, having sex with her would be great. Missing the boat on that would plain out suck. Pretending otherwise is just a lie.

..well on second thought, I don't feel like getting into a fight with sean avery..

 

[Ever onward]

I admit it. I would have felt different about her if she would have slept with me. I knew she had loose morals all along but I overlooked it because I thought I had a chance with her and because I hoped she would feel the same connection I thought we had and would stop sleeping around. I was weak from the beginning. I should have been more choosy from the get-go and not have gotten my hopes up with someone like her. But that is my problem, my standards fly out the window against my better judgment.

 

[Ever onward]

Sounds like you are justifying your loss vis a vis "sour grapes".

I can see why you would think that. I was struggling with this issue last week and I was bitter about it then. I was mad at her for not being into me in 'that way'. But that was BEFORE she admitted to me she thought about me in a non-platonic way.

She has even said to me that she wouldn't mind fooling around with me and seeing what it might be like.

So me hooking up with her at least physically is far from off the table. My problem is I thought there was more to her than that. I wish I could figure out how to condition myself not to fall for the wrong kind of girl.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I see where you are going with this

So you are taking the moral high ground in this case because she slept with another guy, but would you be singing the same tune if she hooked up with you? Sounds like you are justifying your loss vis a vis "sour grapes".

I could care less about Elisha Cuthberts morals, having sex with her would be great. Missing the boat on that would plain out suck. Pretending otherwise is just a lie.

..well on second thought, I don't feel like getting into a fight with sean avery..

You got it.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I admit it. I would have felt different about her if she would have slept with me. I knew she had loose morals all along but I overlooked it because I thought I had a chance with her and because I hoped she would feel the same connection I thought we had and would stop sleeping around. I was weak from the beginning. I should have been more choosy from the get-go and not have gotten my hopes up with someone like her. But that is my problem, my standards fly out the window against my better judgment.

So you can accept a woman who you believe has loose morals as long as you can benefit from them. I'm not one to jump into topics on morality but that sounds kinda hypocritical. Here's something to ponder; these standards, are they truly yours or are they the standards that you believe you should have because they would be the most accepted by society?

 

[drmeathead]

dude dont ask dont tell about other partners...hers and urs. until you both agree (after she brings it up) to be committed exclusively to each other it is none of your business anyway. this will guard your heart vs all girls. now if she takes home some other dude in front of you, you either accept it as that is how she is and you just came in second that night, or never contact her again.

 

[Hitman10000]

Are most men in this thread posting idiots or what? The guy hasn't even f*cked her or is even boyfriend/girlfriend with her.

yadda yadda yadda, you are a nice buddy guy friend to her and it's been that way for a long time. Girls know that a guy wants to get into her pants even though he's been "friends" with her for 6-12 months. She knows the real deal but she loves the attention when you fall over her. Listen buddy, get more dude friends not girl friends. The only female friends you should be friends with is the one you're making out with or f*cking for that matter.

 

[Ever onward]

dude dont ask dont tell about other partners...hers and urs. until you both agree (after she brings it up) to be committed exclusively to each other it is none of your business anyway. this will guard your heart vs all girls. now if she takes home some other dude in front of you, you either accept it as that is how she is and you just came in second that night, or never contact her again.

That's all well and good. Don't ask don't tell is a good policy for previous sex partners but not when I'm trying to hook up with her and I don't just mean sexually.

yadda yadda yadda, you are a nice buddy guy friend to her and it's been that way for a long time. Girls know that a guy wants to get into her pants even though he's been "friends" with her for 6-12 months. She knows the real deal but she loves the attention when you fall over her. Listen buddy, get more dude friends not girl friends. The only female friends you should be friends with is the one you're making out with or f*cking for that matter.

okay buddy, I wasn't asking for advice on how to hook up with her. I was asking for advice on how to be more selective and not get emotionally involved with women who sleep around a lot.

Speaking of her sleeping around a lot. I don't think I made it clear in my original post how loose her morals are. It's not that she just hooked up with a guy this one time and because it wasn't me, I'm bitter about it. She has slept around more than most any girl I've known. Yes I was hoping she would change her ways and hook up with me and I was let down. That is done and over with. My original question was how do I not let myself fall for girls that I know I have no business falling for?

 

[Centaurion]

okay buddy, I wasn't asking for advice on how to hook up with her. I was asking for advice on how to be more selective and not get emotionally involved with women who sleep around a lot.

Easy. To quote RT :"Spin more plates." The more options you have, the less attached you get and are able to choose between several chicks instead of focusing on one specific.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

heh,..and to quote me yet again,..

Women have boyfriends and girlfriends. If you're not fukking her, you're her girlfriend.

 

[Vypros]

You are already friendzoned.

Next time, don't be afraid to ACT.

You shouldn't have to come onto a message board and have us tell you if you should hook up with a girl. You should decide that for yourself!

How do you become more choosy? Well, you make decisions and standards of the type of girl you WANT, and anything less than that is merely "just a friend" and you stick to it!

 

[drmeathead]

ok advice on how not to fall for those girls, be direct. it saves time. then yuo dont get a chance to develop feelings. also go out with several different ones. being busy wont allow you to sit around and fantasize and develop feelings. remember you fall in love when yuo are not around the person. you build them up in ur mind thinking about them.

 

[Ever onward]

You are already friendzoned.

That wasn't the issue. I'm happy being in the friendzone. My question was how do I stop falling for the wrong girl.

You shouldn't have to come onto a message board and have us tell you if you should hook up with a girl. You should decide that for yourself!

I thought the purpose of this message board was for us guys to give/get advice from each other. I can decide for myself but I have bad judgment.

How do you become more choosy? Well, you make decisions and standards of the type of girl you WANT, and anything less than that is merely "just a friend" and you stick to it!

Thank you. Someone finally answered my question. Discussion closed.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

"How do you be more choosy?"

Have more options.

Spot on!

 

[Ever onward]

You know I wasn't going to reply to this topic but I must admit that is some MONEY advice there LJC.

 

[RedPill]

How do you be more choosy?

Take a trip outside of Nebraska, and the Midwest in general. When you return, your standards will be raised significantly. Those pale, sickly looking, extra-padded HB7s you see everywhere will rightfully look like 2s again, and order will be restored in the jungle.

 

[Ever onward]

RedPill,

I think that was meant to be a shot against Nebraska. Trouble is, I absolutely agree with you! I went to Ann Arbor Michigan last summer (still in midwest) but man that place was like Vegas! I've never seen that much hot young tail walking around.....nice

 

[STR8UP]

The only female friends you should be friends with is the one you're making out with or f*cking for that matter.

eh.....to each his own, but I do just fine having a sh!tload of female friends, acquaintances, whatever you wanna call them. Made out with some of them, fukked some of them, others I haven't done anything with, but at the end of the day I have a GREAT time pretty much every weekend and sometimes a couple of days during the week too.

I know Rollo T has the same philosophy but I just don't buy the whole good vs. bad female relationship deal. Maybe for guys who are having problems attracting women, yea, but if you are secure in your ability to attract women SEXUALLY, the platonic friendships you develop with other women only serve to seal the deal with chicks that are REALLY into you. I don't fukk a lot of women, but I wish I had a dollar for every time I got called a "player" or asked about my "groupie club" by women who are interested in me.