How do you ACTUALIZE Pook's Lesson 10.

[TheCWord]

As I'm sure is the case for many of you, I come to this forum entirely for self-improvement. It's all me-focused. I'm not here for lay reports, or to figure out good PUA-style lines, or to cry about how all women cheat and are evil, or how this or that country has allowed women the right to vote.

In the year or so I've been reading this site, I've learned there is more than enough material to help any man succeed with women, and I can't even tell you how much this site has improved my game. That's the easy part. It's BECOMING the better man and LIVING the qualities that are attractive to women (and make you feel best about yourself) that is a slow grind, requiring lots of patience. But that's the kind of stuff that sticks with you for the rest of your life. Consistency is the only thing that matters for improving YOU.

Which brings me to my topic of discussion, which is Pook's Lesson 10. A lot of you guys are probably like me in that you read an article like that and become instantly energized. The CONCEPT really resounds inside you, and you can't wait to go outside and show the world you ARE that guy...

Not so easy, is it? Again, conceptually, you're at home by yourself and you all of a sudden realize, yes, hey, I AM the prize! Then you go out into the world and that confident voice in your head is dulled to a whisper. You're not emitting that air of confidence you thought you could after reading something online.

What has worked for me so far is going to the gym three days a week and doing the necessary steps to take my career in the direction I want it to go (rather than just daydreaming about it). I'm also much better at making plans/dates based on my interests and not worrying so much if I'm saying/doing the rights things to make the girl comfortable. And yes, being able to post on here when I find myself in tricky situations with girls has also helped.

Like I said, it's a slow grind and I think that's all it is... it's not a light switch you can just turn on - boom, you're super-confident - I think it's just taking care of yourself, living the life you want to live, and gradually, over time, you are so comfortable in your own skin and so confident that you don't have to tell yourself that you're that guy - you just are that guy.

Now, Lesson 10 from The Book Of Pook:

Lesson Ten

Why did some guys succeed with women without even trying while other guys fail with women no matter how hard they try? Why did these guys, seemingly arrogant, get women? Why did these jerks succeed where he, the nice young guy, failed?

“Because you’re a wimp!” answered the jerks. But the Nice Guy responded in a bashful tone, “But I am myself. I will never change for anybody.”

But this Nice Guy wasn’t receiving any dates, either.

“Haha, you are such a wimp!” said the jerks. The hot girls would laugh behind his back, “What a desperate chump!”

Desperate! Why was he acting as if the women were better then he? Why should he win her, let her win him! Why buy her gifts? Let her buy him gifts! This new attitude got him all the dates he needed. But why did he not adopt that mindset before?

He remembered the past voices in his head. What did they say? Let us hear them:

“You do not have muscles. What makes you think you can get hot women?”

“You are not that smart. Why do you think you can get the pick of the group?”

“You do not have a high paying job! Why do you think you deserve a hottie?”

And the loudest most annoying voice: “You are not as cute or handsome as the other guys. Therefore, you do not deserve a hot chick.”

Alas! He knew he was not Prince Charming so he did not act like one. But now he realized that Prince Charming is not the producer of the confidant thought; to the contrary, the confident thought is the producer of the Prince Charming. In order to be successful in the world, you must be successful in your mind.

“That is the secret,” he said during his revelation. For…

“As you think, you shall become.”

“And so long as you think, so long you remain free.”

“But Pook! What are you, a self-improvement seminar? Where is the woman in this?”

“Women come and go, but YOU are forever. The focus must be on you. What do YOU want in a girl? What do YOU want to do for a date? What type of relationship are YOU looking for? It is a machine to the ONE. You push the button and out she comes.”

“But Pook! What if she does not like your date ideas? What if she is different from what you are looking for?”

“Then she is not for you! The thing girls hate is when you cannot have a date idea (which happens to guys because they want to please her without thinking of themselves). You have a series of hobbies and tastes. If she likes your date ideas, then that is good. If she doesn’t, then go get another girl. There are billions out there.”

“But… that is… rejection!”

Pook slapped the young man. “Only if you place the focus on the woman. If you do that, then you actually believe it is women who are making the choice, not you. There is no rejection; you are merely finding out if she has good taste. After all, she is looking for a guy that fits her interests and tastes. If she doesn’t like you for whatever reason, let her! And thank her for doing so!”

“Thank her?”

“Which would you prefer, a woman who collapses her own interests for the sakes of yours merely to have a boyfriend or a woman who likes you because of you!?”

“Because of our tastes, our compatibility, runs parallel!”

“Indeed! Now think back to your Nice Guy days, those suffering days of endless agreement and non-confrontation. What service did you do to help find compatibility?”

“Alas, no!” The young man’s face turned white as he realized the utter disgust he was in his old ways. “I am so ashamed!”

“You’re not the only one,” said the Pook. “Look into the valley! Look at how Man has fallen!”

And the young man looked into the valley. There he saw hordes of Nice Guys throwing themselves toward an idol, the golden woman statue. Flowers, chocolate, bad poetry, and declarations of love were all tossed at the statue. Thunder then exploded.

Then, out of nowhere in graceful light and melodies of enchanted harps, appeared the Don Juan.

“What is he doing here?” muttered Pook. “This was not scheduled in the post.” [Sosuave Note: Indeed! The Don Juan spirit can appear in any post whenever he wishes!]

The young man called out, “Speak spirit!”

“I will call out to it.” Pook cupped his mouth. “Where from did you come!?”

The spirit stood there, silent, with a confident air of invulnerability.

Then Pook yelled, “Oh speak perturbed spirit! Speak thy truth!”

And the spirit, in great anger of how Men have turned into beastly chumps, threw the tablets he held at the fleeing Nice Guys. He spoke these words then vanished in a fountain of light:

You cannot be yourself without truthfully seeing yourself.
You cannot sacrifice character for joyfulness without ultimately destroying happiness.
You cannot control the situation, but you can control yourself, your emotions, and your life.
You cannot have women love you until you love yourself.
You cannot grasp the female nature until you grasp your male nature.
You cannot win her until you focus on her winning you.
You cannot fully know the principles of this website until you leave it.
You cannot obtain love by giving yours away for free.
You cannot fulfill your desire by letting it trump your integrity.
You cannot be yourself by denying your dreams and what it takes to achieve them.

 

[jeffreylebowski]

A couple of good things to internalize regarding this...

If, in dating, you focus on what you want...what makes you happy...you will be less frustrated. Focus on finding the best girl for YOU. That doesn't mean next quickly all the time...just always keep in mind whether the situation is making you happy...have good boundaries.

Also...consider what attracts you to women and vice a versa. Are you attracted to someone because of the interest they show in you? Of course not. That would be needy. Same with women...they are attracted to you...not how much you like them. Yes there must be interest from both...nobody wants to be with someone who isn't interested in being with them...but the point is...the other persons interest isn't what got you interested in the first place...it's their looks, personality, all that stuff. That's why women don't want someone who will change to suit them, and as a man, women who will do whatever you want rarely seem like long term material....more like someone you hit up on a slow Friday night.

Once you start placing the focus on what you are looking for, you run into less problems because it helps you screen out people before you get invested...and once you are invested...it makes it easier to set boundaries and maintain your integrity.

 

[zekko]

I don't see a question in your subject line, CWord. Probably because you don't need an answer. It sounds like you have a good, firm grasp of what you should be doing, and are well on your way to being successful. Not just with women, but in life in general. Kudos to you.

It's BECOMING the better man and LIVING the qualities that are attractive to women (and make you feel best about yourself) that is a slow grind, requiring lots of patience.

I also like the self improvement aspects of this forum. The idea of "living the qualities that are attractive to women" has fascinated me since I came here, however.

To my mind, you want to be masculine. You want to be self-reliant, independent, strong, healthy, and responsible. Accomplish this and the girls will come. I don't mean they will just magically appear, necessarily (although they might if you are good looking enough). But you should be able to get some without a great deal of effort.

What intrigues me are the guys here who say that a responsible, successful adult is not what women want. The guys who say that is boring. The guys who say women want the players, the guys who will treat them poorly, cheat on them, and be jerks to them. If you believe this and you are "living the qualities that are attractive to women", are you really becoming a better man? And are you trying to be a jerk to be a better man, or just to supplicate to women and please them?

I have my own idea of what a "better man" is, and it does not involve being a jerk. And no, it doesn't involve being a weak, pedestalizing, suckup to women, either. Why would I want to be a jerk? To compromise my own principles in order to attract low quality women? What's more important to me is being able to look myself in the eye in the mirror.


The quote by Pook was a nice one, very well written, one of his better pieces IMO. I have a small, slight issue with this part:

"Desperate! Why was he acting as if the women were better then he? Why should he win her, let her win him! Why buy her gifts? Let her buy him gifts! This new attitude got him all the dates he needed."

This is definitely the right mindset to have when dating, IMO. But Pook makes it sound a bit like a magic pill. Just take this attitude and bang you will attract women. There is no magic pill. That attitude alone is not going to attract women. You have to have something to offer. Whether it be that you look good, have high status, are fun to be around, whatever. You have to have some attractive qualities, then the attitude will be successful. But there is no magic pill.

as a man, women who will do whatever you want rarely seem like long term material....more like someone you hit up on a slow Friday night.

Actually this is exactly what I look for in long term material.

Now it has to be based on me, and me alone. If she will do whatever any guy wants, that is not good, and that is either slvtty or desperate. But if she'll do anything I want, that is a very good thing. That indicates high interest. If there is one thing I demand in an LTR, it is high interest.

 

[jeffreylebowski]

I should have clarified with a nuance...if she'll do whatever you want regardless of how you treat her. Nobody wants to date a doormat.

 

[handle]

This is probably the only "lesson" I follow. 99% of this forum is useless. Basically I try to be the person I want to be and I acknowledge that change doesn't happen overnight. And that's it.