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How do you “Be the party” and not fall into the dancing monkey trap

RSDCharlie

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The concept of “self amusement” is the inverse opposite of being reaction seeking.
A lot of people would say the inverse opposite of reaction seeking would just be “not reaction seeking”. But that’s just the middle ground. The polar opposite of reaction seeking is self amusement.

Basically what this means is, Anytime youre talking to a woman and amusing yourself , youre coming across authentically. You’re drawing her into your reality. Youre showing her what amuses you.What makes you laugh. You tell the jokes specifically to pump up your own state.

But, whenever youre going up to the woman and seeking reaction to your jokes and humor, youre showing a weak sense of reality, youre showing that youre approval seeking and showing other unattractive qualities. You can still get away with it for sometime, but eventually the woman will see through you.

Now how do you become self amusing? Self amusement isn’t something that starts during an approach. It starts with what you do in your everyday life. If you get into the habit of pumping your state, not just for girls, but because you want to enjoy your life, then you’ll be a lot more congruent with it when youre with women.

Learn to Entertain yourself , and you will always Be The Party .

Comments and Feedbacks are always open ;)
 

RangerMIke

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I think the most import thing you can do is NOT go to someplace or doing something that you actually do not like. Too many men go out and do things they really don't doing just to impress chicks or get chicks. If you are at a place that you really don't like and doing something that really isn't any fun for you, you end up pretending you are having fun.

It is really hard to be "the life of the party" if you actually hate the party. Sometimes you really do not have a choice... at that point you FIRST have to try and find some kind of fun at whatever you are doing by focusing on the positive. I HATE loud clubs, to me there is nothing worst then trying to scream over a crowd or loud music... so I avoid these.
 

RSDCharlie

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I think the most import thing you can do is NOT go to someplace or doing something that you actually do not like. Too many men go out and do things they really don't doing just to impress chicks or get chicks. If you are at a place that you really don't like and doing something that really isn't any fun for you, you end up pretending you are having fun.

It is really hard to be "the life of the party" if you actually hate the party. Sometimes you really do not have a choice... at that point you FIRST have to try and find some kind of fun at whatever you are doing by focusing on the positive. I HATE loud clubs, to me there is nothing worst then trying to scream over a crowd or loud music... so I avoid these.
Read my 4th paragraph. Party doesnt have to start when youre in a loud club. When you are self amusing in your everyday life and are generally having fun, any place can be a party. Clubs are just one venue to meet girls, there are many other venues.
 

Hank Moody

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Nobody responded to your first thread yesterday.

You are a brand new member. I'm just thinking out loud here, but you may be rubbing people the wrong way with these 'matter-of-fact, this is how it is' type posts when you've still got Similac on your breath (pertaining to your SS membership).

I have no doubt you'll grow to be a valuable member of the forum, but it's just a bad look...coming in here and trying to preach to us veterans who've been here for a while.

We know a thing or two as well.
 

RSDCharlie

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Nobody responded to your first thread yesterday.

You are a brand new member. I'm just thinking out loud here, but you may be rubbing people the wrong way with these 'matter-of-fact, this is how it is' type posts when you've still got Similac on your breath (pertaining to your SS membership).

I have no doubt you'll grow to be a valuable member of the forum, but it's just a bad look...coming in here and trying to preach to us veterans who've been here for a while.

We know a thing or two as well.
Bro i have been in the pickup community for a long time. But i just like to give value. If you find anything wrong in my posts or anything i said wrong, feel free to debate. I just love to share what i learnt for years in the pua community.
 

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Dash Riprock

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You are a brand new member. I'm just thinking out loud here, but you may be rubbing people the wrong way with these 'matter-of-fact, this is how it is' type posts when you've still got Similac on your breath (pertaining to your SS membership).
Newbies need to read more and type less. 95% come in here all "Mr. Newbie Know-It-All," piss everyone off, and get booted or ignored. I could name 3-4 in the past couple months. I could give them some valuable advice, but f*uck 'em if that's their attitude.
 

dasein

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Talk to different people wherever you are and in social situations or everywhere, don't focus only on women and the "dancing monkey" problem goes away rapidly. You want to be the life of the whole party, not just the life of the party of women whom you want to attract. Work the whole room including men, older people (who ALL have younger family and friends), etc. and let women see you doing that. Get "on a roll" and warmed up before engaging women unless in loud, dark clubs, then go straight to women, but why are you ever in loud, dark clubs though anyway? or other low probability environments? Wherever you are doing whatever, start chatting and cutting up with the first people around. Next thing you know there is a hottie around and it's so natural to slide over to cutting up with her. Use warm kino freely, when she sees you warmly patting someone's shoulder, she is already warm herself.

Just before the holiday last week, I went to a large, casual party. Instead of heading straight to women, I noticed a guy I don't know well but we have mutual friends and I wanted to get to know him better. I went to him first and cut up and talked for 20 minutes before talking to women. Women register this behavior and were then left waiting for attention from me while that guy and myself were having a blast in the middle of the party. During the conversation, the guy showed pictures of a club he's in with attractive women whom he hangs out with as a group regularly, and asked me to join them sometime. That was likely the best new social contact of the party for me and right out of the gate... with a man.

The women at the party, one of whom I am interested in, were more warm due to being made to wait. The first thing one of them said to me was "you are hilarious!" based only on seeing the other guy and me having fun together without even hearing a word of it, just observing. Women are ALWAYS watching you socially, far more than men do and because they are innately narcissistic and self-absorbed, they see themselves in all of your social interactions they observe, even all the way across the room.

Without being obvious, make attractive available women wait at the end of the line in any group where you know most/some of the people there. Let them watch you validating everyone else heavily, and the effects on who you are talking to. Only then go to them and validate them much more lightly than the rest. Warm but a little distant and briefer contact. Works wonders.

EDIT: By the "life of the party" I do not mean cracking jokes and over acting out, I mean getting people talking about themselves and then steering the conversation into humorous directions or relating in stock or even impromptu shorter (1-2 minutes max) stories/anecdotes that bear on what the other person is saying.
 
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RSDCharlie

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Newbies need to read more and type less. 95% come in here all "Mr. Newbie Know-It-All," piss everyone off, and get booted or ignored. I could name 3-4 in the past couple months. I could give them some valuable advice, but f*uck 'em if that's their attitude.
I'm not a newbie. I was a part of rsdnation, puaforum and many other forums before this. Also ive been trained under many coaches and i teach pickup too. Its true im new to this forum, but that doesnt automatically make me a newbie. Also lets not use profanity, we are all mature adults here.
 
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RSDCharlie

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Just before the holiday last week, I went to a large, casual party. Instead of heading straight to women, I noticed a guy I don't know well but we have mutual friends and I wanted to get to know him better. I went to him first and cut up and talked for 20 minutes before talking to women. Women register this behavior and were then left waiting for attention from me while that guy and myself were having a blast in the middle of the party. During the conversation, the guy showed pictures of a club he's in with attractive women whom he hangs out with as a group regularly, and asked me to join them sometime. That was likely the best new social contact of the party for me and right out of the gate... with a man.

The women at the party, one of whom I am interested in, were more warm due to being made to wait. The first thing one of them said to me was "you are hilarious!" based only on seeing the other guy and me having fun together without even hearing a word of it, just observing. Women are ALWAYS watching you socially, far more than men do and because they are innately narcissistic and self-absorbed, they see themselves in all of your social interactions they observe, even all the way across the room.
Awesome scenario, perfectly explains my post :)
 

Epicenter

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I'm not a newbie. I was a part of rsdnation, puaforum and many other forums before this. Also ive been trained under many coaches and i teach pickup too. Its true im new to this forum, but that doesnt automatically make me a newbie. Also lets not use profanity, we are all mature adults here.
This kind of posts have been posted and read for 20 years. It sounds like rehash. It would be of bigger value if you put something on top of just repeating old pua stuff.

5,3
 

Modern Man Advice

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Now how do you become self amusing? Self amusement isn’t something that starts during an approach. It starts with what you do in your everyday life. If you get into the habit of pumping your state, not just for girls, but because you want to enjoy your life, then you’ll be a lot more congruent with it when youre with women.

Learn to Entertain yourself , and you will always Be The Party .
You pretty much nailed it. Enjoying life every day even when no one is looking.

It is the same with this whole Black Lives Matter or Animal Rights or Being "Alpha" or what have you, you follow those principles because it is the fabric of who you are. You are a decent human being and care for African Americans and extend your hand to help a starving person of color because you truly care, not because someone is looking and is gonna take a pic for your Instagram. You care for human equality and animal rights because deep down the opposite boils your blood, and you want change because you are the change. And you act "Alpha" because you ARE "Alpha" not because you want to prove a point and get your d**k wet.

I know this might sound off-tangent and philosophical but it very much applies to your topic. You enjoy life because it is the only life you get to enjoy right now, and if someone notices great but if people don't then it is all the same because you are living your own life. Un****withability is truly an art. It is the ultimate power. Because at that moment you are truly living life, and there is no chance that people won't notice a person that is full of life.

Hope that makes sense.


Modern Man Advice
 

Hank Moody

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I'm not a newbie. I was a part of rsdnation, puaforum and many other forums before this. Also ive been trained under many coaches and i teach pickup too. Its true im new to this forum, but that doesnt automatically make me a newbie. Also lets not use profanity, we are all mature adults here.
Can you introduce me to Julien? Been a fan of his for many years.
 

RSDCharlie

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You pretty much nailed it. Enjoying life every day even when no one is looking.

It is the same with this whole Black Lives Matter or Animal Rights or Being "Alpha" or what have you, you follow those principles because it is the fabric of who you are. You are a decent human being and care for African Americans and extend your hand to help a starving person of color because you truly care, not because someone is looking and is gonna take a pic for your Instagram. You care for human equality and animal rights because deep down the opposite boils your blood, and you want change because you are the change. And you act "Alpha" because you ARE "Alpha" not because you want to prove a point and get your d**k wet.

I know this might sound off-tangent and philosophical but it very much applies to your topic. You enjoy life because it is the only life you get to enjoy right now, and if someone notices great but if people don't then it is all the same because you are living your own life. Un****withability is truly an art. It is the ultimate power. Because at that moment you are truly living life, and there is no chance that people won't notice a person that is full of life.

Hope that makes sense.


Modern Man Advice
Well said
 

RSDCharlie

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Can you introduce me to Julien? Been a fan of his for many years.
Here is Julien's twitter handle. Feel free to contact him. He is and always be a great guy

twitter.com/JulienHimself?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor
 

stringpuller

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The concept of “self amusement” is the inverse opposite of being reaction seeking.
A lot of people would say the inverse opposite of reaction seeking would just be “not reaction seeking”. But that’s just the middle ground. The polar opposite of reaction seeking is self amusement.

Basically what this means is, Anytime youre talking to a woman and amusing yourself , youre coming across authentically. You’re drawing her into your reality. Youre showing her what amuses you.What makes you laugh. You tell the jokes specifically to pump up your own state.

But, whenever youre going up to the woman and seeking reaction to your jokes and humor, youre showing a weak sense of reality, youre showing that youre approval seeking and showing other unattractive qualities. You can still get away with it for sometime, but eventually the woman will see through you.

Now how do you become self amusing? Self amusement isn’t something that starts during an approach. It starts with what you do in your everyday life. If you get into the habit of pumping your state, not just for girls, but because you want to enjoy your life, then you’ll be a lot more congruent with it when youre with women.

Learn to Entertain yourself , and you will always Be The Party .

Comments and Feedbacks are always open ;)
Pick an actor or a character that you picture being this way. Study them and mirror them. Fake it until you make it has its usefulness. Its like learning an instrument. You mimic others styles until you develope your own vocabulary.
 

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RSDCharlie

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Pick an actor or a character that you picture being this way. Study them and mirror them. Fake it until you make it has its usefulness. Its like learning an instrument. You mimic others styles until you develope your own vocabulary.
Absolutely. Thats why i teach my students , especially beginners, who have never done an approach in their lives, few outer game techniques too. Sometimes its good to know what to say, if you dont know what to actually say :D !!
 

Hank Moody

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Pick an actor or a character that you picture being this way. Study them and mirror them. Fake it until you make it has its usefulness. Its like learning an instrument. You mimic others styles until you develope your own vocabulary.
Hank Moody isn't my avatar by accident. ;)
 

RangerMIke

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Read my 4th paragraph. Party doesnt have to start when youre in a loud club. When you are self amusing in your everyday life and are generally having fun, any place can be a party. Clubs are just one venue to meet girls, there are many other venues.
There is a difference between "self-amusement" and being in situations you do not like. I do agree that it is important to be able to spend time alone and enjoy it. If you are someone that always has to have people around you then your ability to 'self-amuse' will be very limited.

My example of clubs, really just is MY personal preference... I do not like them and haven't liked them in over 20 years. This is me, others love them, and if a dude loves them, then by all means they should go always do things you like. A person that likes clubs will naturally be more attractive because they are having fun. Clubs are actually, for me anyway, the easiest way to pick up women because most chicks that are there go to meet dudes, and they have been drinking. In my 20s and 30s it was like shooting ducks in a barrel. But again, I don't like the environment so I don't do it. My advice is really NEVER do or go to something for the express purpose of picking up chicks, involve yourself with sh1t you like doing and the women will follow, and they will be better for you because if she is there for the same reason, you have built in rapport.

People are drawn to other people having fun... it's really not that complicated. If you are doing something you like, you will naturally be having fun... it is much easier to be the 'life of a party' if you are actually having fun rather than just pretending to have fun. I don't have any trouble (well, under non-Covid restrictions) meeting people doing stuff I enjoy.

Well, if what you like is sitting at home playing alone on your X-Box, well, that's not going to help you. My advice is to go out and find something SOCIAL that you like doing and you will find chicks with common interests.
 

mikedee

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I'm not a newbie. I was a part of rsdnation, puaforum and many other forums before this. Also ive been trained under many coaches and i teach pickup too. Its true im new to this forum, but that doesnt automatically make me a newbie. Also lets not use profanity, we are all mature adults here.
Welcome to the forum!
But if I were you I would change my username. I can't take you seriously with a name like this. You say you've been trained and now you are coaching, and you still admire/venerate RSD, there is something off a bit. RSD is sh1t, and their coaches too. The blueprint was ok, the rest is garbage.

This self-amusement thing is a bit outdated in my opinion.

Anyway, welcome bro. Keep posting
 
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