How do stay DJ in a LTR?

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Being in a LTR spells a whole new challenge many DJs might actually find daunting:

*Committing to just one girl and being limited to that one
*Resisting the temptation to sarge or game new girls who you know would be "game on".
*Putting your macking skills away
*Harder to walk away in the later stages when you know you both have invest a lot in the relationship.
*Your mansl*t reputation bites u in the a'ss when your ltr finds out you had quite a colourful DJ career...makes her usually jealous, insecure and distrustful.

One big issue I have is that you tend to suffer the dreaded ONEITIS and act a little AFCish. I can also admit that I feel a little SOFT,WEAK and avoid situation where I could pick up a girl so easily because I want to stay loyal. (Because KARMA will get me back if I misbehave). I do believe that what goes around comes around.

So how do you stay Dj in a LTR or what I mentioned above is just the natural progression of things, much like Neil Strauss in the GAME.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Bump...

Is it normal to feel this way? I am a little worried that as time goes I start to care too much and become vulnerable.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I have had several LTRs crash and burn by turning AFC after a while. It does matter how long it takes, but the LTR will start to die if you turn AFC.

*Committing to just one girl and being limited to that one

The older I get, the more I realize that there is no such thing as commitment. When either side stops getting what they need, they will go elsewhere, regardless of the level of "commitment." This is how I always screwed up, thinking, well this is my wife or ltr gf, I can 'be myself' and 'share my feelings,' because she is "committed." The truth is that even though women might profess their undying love, as soon as you start to not make her feel the happy feelings any more, you're done. Never take commitment for granted. That is the biggest LTR mistake I have ever made.

*Resisting the temptation to sarge or game new girls who you know would be "game on".

Never stop maintaining your skills. Chat up girls whenever you are not with your gf. You can still flirt a little even when she is around.

*Putting your macking skills away

don't

*Harder to walk away in the later stages when you know you both have invest a lot in the relationship.

There's the rub. The longer the ltr, the harder it is for a guy to walk away. But once you lose your willingness to walk, you lose the power, and it is downhill from there.

*Your mansl*t reputation bites u in the a'ss when your ltr finds out you had quite a colourful DJ career...makes her usually jealous, insecure and distrustful.

There was a thread about this recently. Don't talk about your past and don't ask about hers. If she knows your public rep, then don't confirm it. Let her think they might be unfounded rumors.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Bump...

Is it normal to feel this way? I am a little worried that as time goes I start to care too much and become vulnerable.

This typically happens when you see being just a means to an end instead of a lifestyle. It's like saying that you're no longer a man and you're just a boyfriend when you commit to a woman.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

My LTR kisses the ground I walk on and shes very commited...But Im just curious how I can stay strong and still DJ...She's doing her bid on the bargain..Now I am just searching a way to avoid AFCland...

I stop flirting with girls and chatting them up cos I used to get carried away and then BAM!!! I cheated back in the day and vowed never to put myself in a position that would lead to cheating...Plus its only karma...if I go out flirting with girls something goes bad for me later on. Or its only fair for her to go flirt with other guys too which I really hate (hence display AFC behaviour)

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

..I stop flirting with girls and chatting them up cos I used to get carried away and then BAM!!! I cheated back in the day and vowed never to put myself in a position that would lead to cheating...

There's your problem. You don't believe you can control yourself (maybe you can't). Avoidance is seldom a good way to deal with a personal issue.

..
Plus its only karma...if I go out flirting with girls something goes bad for me later on. Or its only fair for her to go flirt with other guys too which I really hate (hence display AFC behaviour)

Oh not this Karma thing again. Do you plan on walking on eggshells for the rest of your life?

 

[Bvbidd]

You can't stay as attractive when your in a relationship. She WILL eventually dump you.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

.. She WILL eventually dump you.

Why?

 

[comic_relief]

An LTR is the ultimate test of a DJ.

You cannot just get up and leave if you fight.
You cannot just next her.
You have to keep your life interesting.
You must learn self-control in order not to cheat.
and etc.

If you cannot hold your own in an LTR, then you are not truely a DJ in my opinion.

comic_relief

 

[Bvbidd]

Why?

He's 23. Not to mention has unattractive behavoir. I'm totally confident she will dump him eventually. He can't honestly think they are soulmates made to stay with each other for all eternity.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

How can you assume I am a wussy chump with an unattractive behaviour? I may be close to suffering oneitis but I dont go and behave to her like one.

I said things are harder to put back in line when the sh*t goes down but I didn't say I never did it, I hesitate but still had to slam my foot down.

One time we had an argument and she thought she'd be like other girls and hang up on me to test whether I would crawl to her but this is what I texted her:

"If you hang up on me next time again, that will be the last time you ever get to speak me ever"

And that was it, no insults or disrespectful comments. To this day even when we have arguments I am the one who ends the discussion or conversation.

Also I didn't say I think we are soulmates to stay for all eternity. Jesus, some of you are just plain black and white, saying I am either 100% AFC or 100% DJ.

I still keep her interested and on her toes, she is still vying for my time. She knows theres other girls trying to get me. She knows I love her but she is aware I can walk away when she gets out of line.

I am merely mentioning how I feel sometimes, I didn't say I have TOTALLY tranformed into super-AFC like some think I have. I do live an interesting lifestyle although I have made a lot of adjustments to suit me and her just like she has for me already.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

This is my first LTR, and obviously there will be a lot of trials and error but there is no hassle in searching for improvement on this.

I cannot assume this will be my only and final LTR either.

This typically happens when you see being just a means to an end instead of a lifestyle. It's like saying that you're no longer a man and you're just a boyfriend when you commit to a woman.

I am confused with the statement, can you elaborate more?

I am very content with just one girl now and settling down with her, I used to spin plates a LOT, but I found out that lots of excitement does not equal happiness and have resulted in more heartache.

Yes, I shouldn't put the mack away, but I feel I would be disrespecting her and I wouldn't want her to be in the macking line of fire from other guys either. How can I avoid walking on eggshells because sometimes I do think I am isolating myself.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...I am confused with the statement, can you elaborate more?....

Believing that you have to "put skills away" says that you don't understand how to truly be a DJ.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Where can I find a good relationship thread?

 

[Ace of Flames]

Believing that you have to "put skills away" says that you don't understand how to truly be a DJ.

He's saying that the skills of a DJ aren't something you do, they're what you are. If you're a real DJ, then you can't turn it off, because its part of you. If you're a real DJ, its another part of your persona, just like your race, or your education, or anything else.

If you haven't integrated the way of the DJ into your personality, then you aren't a DJ yet.