How do keep high IL with a girl when you first start dating?

[HardTimes]

If you are able to show her a good time when you go out and have good conversation and general compatibility, is there anything you can do to keep very high IL when you're not with her?

I just started dating this girl a little over 2 weeks ago we been out 2 times so far. For the first 2 weeks it has been great as in we have talked a lot on the text and over phone and the 2 dates were had were very good and it seemed like he had very high IL for me. When we werent together she would always be blowing up my phone with txts or phone calls and when were were together and seemed very interested in me with lots of kino/kisses and always stayed by my side when we were out.

Now, starting 2 days ago it seemed like her IL has dropped significantly for no apparent reason (it was very sudden with no triggering event as I can see). All of a sudden her communication (both text and phone) has gotten very infrequent, random, and her txts are a lot shorter (one sentence or only a few words). It's very obvious she isn't into it anymore but doesn't want to 100% ignore me (yet).

The obvious reason could be she met another guy and there really isn't anything I can do to prevent her from meeting other guys and going on dates because we are a couple yet. And even if we were a couple I still couldn't prevent that. I know the only way to keep a girl from taking advances from other guys is to keep her interests in you but I don't know where I am really going wrong. Like I said we have good conversation, good dates, and obviously her IL used to be there. What can cause this? Just bad luck?

I'm really confused now. I don't really want to be a player I just want one girl to like me so dating multiple girls at the same time isn't an option for me.

 

[Demonicale]

I have the same problem mate, only the date i set up with my girl...she just did'nt turn up, or txt or phone me to say so.

 

[thewarrior]

If you're doing everything right and her IL drops, she most likely met another guy who's better than you (in her eyes).

 

[Scars]

**** test. Keep doing what you're doing.

 

[Igetit!]

If you are able to show her a good time when you go out and have good conversation and general compatibility, is there anything you can do to keep very high IL when you're not with her?

Keep it high when you're NOT with her? Hmm. Actully,the simple act of not being in her presense itself should be enough to keep it high,or a least to maintain it were it is....but it'll alway flexuate. The trick is to make the time that you two are together the best,the most exciting you can,then spend time apart. The time that she's away from you will make her long for and miss all the fun she had while you two were together.

I just started dating this girl a little over 2 weeks ago we been out 2 times so far. For the first 2 weeks it has been great as in we have talked a lot on the text and over phone and the 2 dates were had were very good and it seemed like he had very high IL for me. When we werent together she would always be blowing up my phone with txts or phone calls and when were were together and seemed very interested in me with lots of kino/kisses and always stayed by my side when we were out.

Now, starting 2 days ago it seemed like her IL has dropped significantly for no apparent reason (it was very sudden with no triggering event as I can see). All of a sudden her communication (both text and phone) has gotten very infrequent, random, and her txts are a lot shorter (one sentence or only a few words). It's very obvious she isn't into it anymore but doesn't want to 100% ignore me (yet).

Ok,this is where you'll have to think man,and I mean REALLY put some time and effort thinking. Have you done,said,acted or behaved,in ANY way that was afc to turn her off? You really need to think for a moment. Think back to your last few interactions with her. Were you needy? Clingy? Did you compliment her from an inferior frame (i.e.,"You're hot.")? Have you called her too much,or sent her too many texts?
If you've only be dating her for a week or two,then it shouldn't be too hard to isolate where the problem is. And you need to find it,otherwise the next time you and her are together,you'll keep doing whatever it was you were doing wrong,and NOT EVEN KNOW you're doing it.

The obvious reason could be she met another guy and there really isn't anything I can do to prevent her from meeting other guys and going on dates because we are a couple yet. And even if we were a couple I still couldn't prevent that. I know the only way to keep a girl from taking advances from other guys is to keep her interests in you but I don't know where I am really going wrong. Like I said we have good conversation, good dates, and obviously her IL used to be there. What can cause this? Just bad luck?

I don't think her meeting another guy would cause this. You've only been dating her for two weeks,so that means if it is another guy,that she's known him even less time than she's known you. I don't see that as the case. And bad luck? Please. Don't go there man. Don't start thinking that the universe,the cosmos,or whatever else out there is causing problems for you in your dating life.

Put the ownership of this on yourself. That way if it is you,then YOU have the power to fix it. If it's somethig outside of yourself that you have no control over,then you might as well give up and walk away now.

 

[HardTimes]

If you're doing everything right and her IL drops, she most likely met another guy who's better than you (in her eyes).

If this is the case, how can I possibly prevent her thinking another guy is better than me as far as interests level wise?

 

[HardTimes]

Keep it high when you're NOT with her? Hmm. Actully,the simple act of not being in her presense itself should be enough to keep it high,or a least to maintain it were it is....but it'll alway flexuate. The trick is to make the time that you two are together the best,the most exciting you can,then spend time apart. The time that she's away from you will make her long for and miss all the fun she had while you two were together.

Well I'd say this worked for the first 2 weeks as I said she was blowing up my phone when i wasn't with her at first. This decreased interests when im not with her is very recent.

Ok,this is where you'll have to think man,and I mean REALLY put some time and effort thinking. Have you done,said,acted or behaved,in ANY way that was afc to turn her off? You really need to think for a moment. Think back to your last few interactions with her. Were you needy? Clingy? Did you compliment her from an inferior frame (i.e.,"You're hot.")? Have you called her too much,or sent her too many texts?
If you've only be dating her for a week or two,then it shouldn't be too hard to isolate where the problem is. And you need to find it,otherwise the next time you and her are together,you'll keep doing whatever it was you were doing wrong,and NOT EVEN KNOW you're doing it.

I don't believe I did any AFC things during our dates but of course I can't be 100% sure. She seems to really enjoy herself and I really enjoyed myself and she was always very passionate on our dates. I can usually tell when a girl is faking a good time but she seem genuine. Plus she spent a night over my house both times.

I don't think her meeting another guy would cause this. You've only been dating her for two weeks,so that means if it is another guy,that she's known him even less time than she's known you. I don't see that as the case. And bad luck? Please. Don't go there man. Don't start thinking that the universe,the cosmos,or whatever else out there is causing problems for you in your dating life.

Well ok then if its definitely me causing this I'd like to find out why. Thats why I made this thread.

Put the ownership of this on yourself. That way if it is you,then YOU have the power to fix it. If it's somethig outside of yourself that you have no control over,then you might as well give up and walk away now.

If her interest level has dropped, how do I fix it? I really like this girl and I hate games but I'm willing to play the game if necessary to keep this girl.

 

[Igetit!]

Well I'd say this worked for the first 2 weeks as I said she was blowing up my phone when i wasn't with her at first. This decreased interests when im not with her is very recent.

Well all I have to say is this:If her interest just RECENTLY took a dive,then something JUST RECENTLY happened. That's all I can say. It's your relationship,so if you want to fix it,you'll have to do some digging to find out the cause. That,or you can just hope it'll go away....but we both know that won't happen.
Hmm,you said that she was blowing up your phone. How often? How often did you two talk to each other? And what kinds of things did you talk about?

Look,THERE IS a reason why this happened. I've been through the exact same thing before,and yeah,I had to dig to find out what the problem was...and I found it. Once I corrected the problem,everything changed. It was as if I had approached her all over again,everything was like it was at the beginning.

Trust me,you'll be AMAZED at how just a few minor changes in how you speak and behave towards a girl can have such a dramatic effect on her interest level.

Plus she spent a night over my house both times.

Really. Hmm.....how soon after you two started dating did these overnight escapades began?

If her interest level has dropped, how do I fix it? I really like this girl and I hate games but I'm willing to play the game if necessary to keep this girl.

Man,I hate saying this. I HATE it. But if you want to make her interest level rise again,you may need to ignore her for a while....and I mean become emotionally distant. In other words,make her think that you're losing interest. Don't call her for 3 or 4 days,and if she calls you,make it seem like you're reluctantly talking to her. Make her FEEL it. If she asks about you two hanging out,you respond with something like,"Well,......I'll tell you want. I had planned on going to so and so place,but I'm only going to be there for like an hour or two. You can come with me if you want". You need to give off the impression that you have a life,and that you're living it reguardless of her being in it or not.

 

[Scars]

DonS got it down to a science once again. You put it in better than words than I probably ever could have. You just need to relax man, act unaffected and keep doing what you're doing. If anything draw back the attention a little bit. This girl is just testing you.

 

[Mr_rogers]

Just keep doing what you're doing, you're fine. A girl's interest level shouldn't drop so early. It's when you've been seeing one another for an extended period of time that IL becomes something that you have to actively work toward.

 

[slickaz]

dude, you are jumping way far ahead of yourself and that is exactly the kind of behaviour that pushes girls away. Makes you look AFC/weak.

You are doing the right thing by talking about it to the guys here and not to her, because if you bring it up to her like "why aren you texting me as much waaaaaahhhhhh". she'll walk.

Also consider, maybe she is getting comfortable already in the relationship?

Have you seen her lately?
how is her actions when she is around you face to face?
does she still smile and laugh alot around you?
make her blush alot when you see her, that way she'll have that ecstatic feeling and she'll want more of your time.

But dont assume that its another guy or its luck etc.

Even if it was another guy, so what? she's not your wife and you are the one that needs to set the pace of the relationship not her, so if you want to take it slow, take it slow. If you want more from her, then set a date with her and take her out.

Keep phone and text contact as minimal as possible, im sure you have a life outside of sitting by the phone. Dont make her a priority already because she will pick that up and eventually lose respect for you.

Because it was SO easy for her to have you sitting by the phone crying for her attention that its just not worth anything to her.

 

[HardTimes]

Communication with here just went from erratic to no contact (haven't heard from her in over a day and the last text was sent by me). Is it over?

 

[Kevin Feng]

There are a ton of possible reasons for this.

Some girls are into the chase, and when they've finally acquired you, they back off and don't show any more interest, their version of pick up I suppose.

Also, maybe she met someone new. There have been plenty of times when I meet a new girl that I feel is better than the last and I'll redivert my attention. If that's the case, you need to up you game.

Perhaps she's ****-testing you to see if you'll be needy when she's not around or pulls her attention back.

Remember, you can't control all girl's reactions, just keep on gaming on your side because that's what you can control. All you can do is put your best self forward and if that doesn't work, then you've done your best and need to take your losses.

 

[HardTimes]

Jesus ****ing Christ. Did you even bother to read the advice you were given? Obviously not. You haven't heard from her for a WHOLE ****ING DAY LOL and you are panicing.

This is a perfect example of how powerful shiit tests are and why women use them; Look at how quickly it exposed his hidden AFC.

How has this exposed hidden AFC if I haven't even contacted her yet? I haven't done anything I was just asking advice.

 

[Igetit!]

How has this exposed hidden AFC if I haven't even contacted her yet? I haven't done anything I was just asking advice.

You don't understand what DonS was saying here. He's saying that you're behaving afc after only 1 day man. 24 freakin hours. And he's right.
You haven't contacted her yet. Well,that's good,but that doesn't mean anything. You're still acting afc,you just haven't revealed it to her yet. You're revealing it to us. We see it,and you need to squash that behavior. You can't put up a DJ front when you're with her,then come back here to the forum and unload your inner afc. That's the whole reason why women give test in the first place,to weed out the wimps. Answer me this:this side of you that we see here on the forum,the nervousness,the freaking out over not hearing from her for a whole 1 DAY,the thinking that everything is possibly over with,does this all seems DJ-ish to you? Do you think this girl would be attracted to this side of you?

You've been given advice to keep doing what you're doing,to go 2 or 3 days of no contact,and other things to do. Why not actually do them. Come on man,will it kill you to go 3 days without seeing or talking to her? It's already been one day,just go 2 more. My guess is that she'll probably contact you before the whole three days are up.

Go out and do something. Occupy your time. Quit sitting around thinking about her: where she is,if she still likes you,why she haven't returned your call/text,etc. Live your life. You better do it,because if she gets wind of you putting your life on hold all because you haven't heard from her,THEN it'll be over....and you won't even know it. Internally she'll switch from being attracted to you to being an AW,and you won't even realize it.
Just use the info you'll been given.

 

[HardTimes]

Well she finally contacted me and called it off.... no I never contacted her since I started this thread... I already know what you guys are gonna say she saw the AFC in me and blah blah.

Well you guys can take comfort in the fact that you were right if I ignored her she would contact me... for good news or for bad...

I guess its back turning gay for me.

 

[Igetit!]

Well she finally contacted me and called it off.... no I never contacted her since I started this thread... I already know what you guys are gonna say she saw the AFC in me and blah blah.

Well,it seems to me that she saw the AFC in you and that's why she ended things.
I'm sorry man. I tried,I really tried not to hit you up with the "saw the AFC in me" line you thought we'd say,but it was just too tempting to resist.

Well you guys can take comfort in the fact that you were right if I ignored her she would contact me... for good news or for bad...

So we were correct after all about her contacting you. Well,that one we got right.

Alright,let me get serious. So this girl called you to tell you that she was no longer interested. That's rare. I don't suppose she gave you a reason,did she? I'd actually like to know how that whole conversation went. Maybe you could find out what went wrong,and can learn to avoid it the next time.

I say that because there will be a next time. I don't believe for a second that bull of you "turning gay". What did you expect dude? What,were you going to marry this girl? Boy,DonS had you pegged. You're needy man. Not only do you give off needy vibes,but it's all in your writing.
Even if you had gone out with and slept with this girl,it was just a matter of time before it'd all fall apart. You're so needy,it's ridiculous. You don't even realize how needy you are. As long as you're looking for something or someone outside of yourself you make you happy,to make you whole,you'll continue to go through this painful cycle over and over again.

Look at this:Instead of wanting a woman to be an aid,or a compliment to your life,you're trying to find one to be your life,to give your life meaning and purpose. So far,you haven't been able to find one,so what do you do? You bring up this foolishness about turning gay,but it's the same thing. You figure,"Well,if I can't get a woman,then maybe I can get a man". If you can't get a woman to be the center of your life,you want a man to be there. You just want ANYBODY,male or female. You need help man.

Women don't want to be your life,then want you to have your own life that they can be a part of.

In order for you to fix this situation with women,FIRST,you need to fix YOURSELF.

 

[HardTimes]

Alright,let me get serious. So this girl called you to tell you that she was no longer interested. That's rare. I don't suppose she gave you a reason,did she? I'd actually like to know how that whole conversation went. Maybe you could find out what went wrong,and can learn to avoid it the next time.

Something along the lines of "you're a cool guy and Ive had fun these last couple of weeks but im going to have to pass. You will make some girl a great bf someday ( )". Nothing dramatic or anything and she didn't give a reason. We just friendly say our goodbyes and that was the end of it.

I say that because there will be a next time.

Maybe, maybe not. I don't think you realize how rare it is for me to get a date.

I don't believe for a second that bull of you "turning gay". What did you expect dude? What,were you going to marry this girl? Boy,DonS had you pegged. You're needy man. Not only do you give off needy vibes,but it's all in your writing.

In all honest I already know I won't be turning gay I just like saying dramatic stuff. No I didn't expect to marry this girl but based off the attention she was given me I expected this to at least turn into a relationship. This came completely out of left field.

Even if you had gone out with and slept with this girl,it was just a matter of time before it'd all fall apart. You're so needy,it's ridiculous. You don't even realize how needy you are. As long as you're looking for something or someone outside of yourself you make you happy,to make you whole,you'll continue to go through this painful cycle over and over again.

I admit to be needy altough I think I do a decent job of hiding it when dating someone. Then again maybe not. I am only needy due to long periods of loneliness and long periods with the absence of any female contact. It's very easy to say stop being needy when you're sleeping with 2-3 different girls every week and have 20 different girls blowing up your phone everyday. Unless I am just an anti-social person (which I am not), of course I am going to be lonely without any human contact right?

Look at this:Instead of wanting a woman to be an aid,or a compliment to your life,you're trying to find one to be your life,to give your life meaning and purpose. So far,you haven't been able to find one,so what do you do? You bring up this foolishness about turning gay,but it's the same thing. You figure,"Well,if I can't get a woman,then maybe I can get a man". If you can't get a woman to be the center of your life,you want a man to be there. You just want ANYBODY,male or female. You need help man.

Women don't want to be your life,then want you to have your own life that they can be a part of.

In order for you to fix this situation with women,FIRST,you need to fix YOURSELF.

I do have a life of my own. The problem is that because I spend so much time doing my own thing by myself it gets lonely doing these things alone. I just can't help it. You and everybody else in the world may view that as AFC but I just view that as me being older, mature, and established and wanting to share my life with someone.

 

[Igetit!]

Something along the lines of "you're a cool guy and Ive had fun these last couple of weeks but im going to have to pass. You will make some girl a great bf someday

Ewww,she actually said that? I remember when I used to get these type of responses for women. They repulsed me. I can't stand these types of comments. In fact,I HATE them. I'd rather ask a woman out,have her say flat out "NO" than to have her patronize me like that. However,there is a reason why she responded this way,but I don't want to get into that right now.

I say that because there will be a next time

Maybe, maybe not. I don't think you realize how rare it is for me to get a date.

No,there'll be a next time. And instead of whining and complaining and have a "woe is me" attitude,you should be preparing for it by doing WHATEVER IS NECESSARY to rid yourself of this neediness. Not hide it,not cover it up,but to rid yourself of as much of it as possible.

In all honest I already know I won't be turning gay I just like saying dramatic stuff. No I didn't expect to marry this girl but based off the attention she was given me I expected this to at least turn into a relationship. This came completely out of left field.

Even though you may get hassled for that "Why not just turn gay?" thread you made,in reality,everyone knows you're not gay. You're just frustrated over your lack of success with women. But you should know not to say things like that,that you'd get pounced on. And as for this situation of her cancelling everything coming out of left field.....well,you're the only one surprised by it. I myself knew there'd be trouble somewhere down the line,but I thought at least it'd show up after the date. DonS saw it from a mile away.
Now look,If we can see this about you.....over the internet,then what do you think about people in your presense? And a woman at that? You know how perceptive they are. With this mentality you have,it's a wonder you even got the date in the first place.

I admit to be needy altough I think I do a decent job of hiding it when dating someone. Then again maybe not.

Question here: Why are you trying to hide it? Why? I'm serious. Why are you trying to hide something that you shouldn't have in the first place? This is ridiculous. I'd rather do the work to get rid of the neediness than to constantly,continually go through all the unnecessary,prolonged pain and mental anguish that YOU are putting yourself through. This is just flat out STUPID.

I am only needy due to long periods of loneliness and long periods with the absence of any female contact.

This is a catch-22 situation that YOU"VE got YOURSELF in. You say you're needy because of not having any female contact,but the reason you don't have any female contact is because YOU'RE NEEDY!!! I've seen this a thousand times on this forum. You got it backwards. You don't wait for a woman to come along so you can stop being needy. You stop being needy FIRST....then a woman will come along. You keep pushing women away because they can "feel" your neediness. You're a hole walkng around looking for someone to fill it,looking for someone to make you complete. Nobody wants to be around that. People have their own lives,their own problems,their own inner demons to deal with....especially women. They want someone to help them in their lives,to enhance it. The last thing they want is some guy who's supposed to be bigger,supposed to be stronger,who's supposed to be a rock and shield for them to be a mental/emotional drain on their lives.

Stop being a wimp. Stand up and be a man. Take care of yourself.

Unless I am just an anti-social person (which I am not), of course I am going to be lonely without any human contact right?

Ok.well whose fault is it that YOU don't have any human contact? Whose responsibility is it to make sure you have friends? What are you doing? Are you sitting at home everyday watching tv waiting for someone to knock on your door to ask you if you want to be friends? It's your life. And it is the way it is because that how YOU made it. What,are you waiting for someone to come along to make YOUR life fun,fulfilling,and have meaning? You think having sex with some girl is going to do it? Are you a virgin? My guess is no. So if you've had sex before,then why didn't that sex transform your life into whatever it is you want it to be? You did the deed,so what's the problem?

I do have a life of my own. The problem is that because I spend so much time doing my own thing by myself it gets lonely doing these things alone. I just can't help it. You and everybody else in the world may view that as AFC but I just view that as me being older, mature, and established and wanting to share my life with someone.

Ok,well if you got it all figured out,then why are you all over the place? One day you're talking about needing female contact,then the next one you're talking about turning gay. A girl agrees to a date with you,then BAM,you're on cloud nine,you go 24 hours without hearing from her,then you're climbing the walls wondering what's happened. The girl calls you and cancels the date,and what did you say?

I guess its back to turning gay for me.

You're too unstable,too emotional,too undependable. Or just to sum it up in one word:you're too unattractive to women. Women aren't stupid. You're the reason they test men. To weed out weakness.

Look,this situation that you're in has a way out,and it's NOT SEX WITH A GIRL. I'm going to say this again in nice big bold 3x size letters for you:

AS LONG AS YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING OR SOMEONE OUTSIDE OF YOURSELF TO GET RID OF YOUR NEEDINESS,YOU'LL CONTINUE TO GO THROUGH THE PAINFUL CYCLE.

It's like having a key in your pocket,but not knowing you have it. You keep looking all over the place:under the bed,under the table,on the shelves,through other clothes....the list goes on and on. You're looking all over the place for something you already have within YOU the whole time. I guarantee you:you could sleep with a girl 5 days in a row,then if you didn't hear from her for the next day or two,you'd be climbing walls. All the sex would do is distract you from the neediness,not cure it.

You just don't get man.