How do I win her back? Long distance relationship

[FuturePlayer101]

This is your answer. You said that going distant didn't help so now you make all the effort to communicate. If going distant didn't help then smothering her with your undeserved attention sure as hell isn't going to help. I'm not going to get on you about the distance because it looks like you were doing you're own thing while keeping her on the backburner. If you want any hope of salvaging this you need to stop all effort. Let her come to you, let her contact you, let her make the plans to come see you, let her spend her own money if she wants to see you. By trying to fix this you're only digging yourself a deeper grave. Oh and read the damn bible. You have much to learn.

Going distance didn't make a difference as in I wasn't in touch for 2 weeks, she didn't say anything. Before my silly error, if I wasn't in touch for more than 2 days, she'd check up on me & start freaking out. See the before and after difference..

I ain't smothering her, I try chat to her once a week or once a fortnight.

I know I have much to learn, I'm stilll young Appreciate the advice, gonna try back off more, let's see what happens.

 

[FuturePlayer101]

It can't work. Girls want attention and you were giving it to her. She ignored you this much for gaming buddies. The reason it's not working with other girls is you've fallen this much for her and still talk to her so you'll never get over her. You need to end it, it's not what you want to hear, but long term relationships are impossible. I've never heard of one where it all works out in the end. Good luck

Ignoring her isn't working, neither is giving her attention..so I'm baffled.

Yep, I agree I have fallen for her, made that mistake for the 1st time in my life.

Thanks for the advice man - if this does work out then I'll get back to you & then you'll know of a story where a long-term relationship did work out

 

[FuturePlayer101]

Going through that much effort for a woman 8000 miles away who is being distant and weird and who you haven't even ****ed is RIDICULOUS.

I ain't making that much effort as you think but yeah I am trying to make this work..

 

[cordoncordon]

You don't win her back, and for a number of reasons.

First and foremost being that by her ACTIONS, she is speaking to you loud and clear. She shows little interest in carrying on with you as she was before as far as contacting each other every day. She doesn't act the same way. She doesn't show nearly the same level of affection. It is pretty clear she has moved on as far as doing anything romantic with you.

Add in the fact that she lives 1000's of miles away, and that leaves you no shot to try and woo her face to face or for her to see you in person again and to see what a great person you are. She literally is on the other side of the world.

And finally, any woman in her upper 20's who commits that much time to gaming? That is a loser in my book and it raises all kinds of red flags. Rather than spending her time furthering her career or starting a family, she is wasting hour upon hour playing video games and chatting with geek boys to get attention. When you are aged 14-18 ok. Not at age 29 or whatever she is.

Just no brah.

 

[Driggs]

I ain't making that much effort as you think but yeah I am trying to make this work.

The less effort you put in will make it more likely to work.

On that basis we should probably be encouraging you to send her a dozen red roses a day, talk to her incessantly on as many different media as possible even if she ignores you, etc.

The appearance that it is "working" is the worst possible outcome for you. Forget her and move on to a woman who lives in Tillinghast-Brimley or somewhere like that, not Sheep Station 237.

 

[JoeMarron]

Going distance didn't make a difference as in I wasn't in touch for 2 weeks, she didn't say anything. Before my silly error, if I wasn't in touch for more than 2 days, she'd check up on me & start freaking out. See the before and after difference..

I ain't smothering her, I try chat to her once a week or once a fortnight.

I know I have much to learn, I'm stilll young Appreciate the advice, gonna try back off more, let's see what happens.

You aren't getting it. The fact that she said nothing to you for 2 weeks is even more reason for you not to waste anymore time on her. Her interest in you is gone and there's nothing you can do about it. The ONLY way you can rekindle anything with her is by not doing anything and maybe she'll realize she misses you or she won't give a fvck and you both will move on with your lives. The man who puts in more effort than the woman fails 100% of the time.

 

[PlayHer Man]

Thanks for NOT reading my post then lol.

I KNOW I am the prize. She knows it too otherwise she would've told me to f*ck off as soon as she found out I was on her forum. But she knows my worth so she's still into me but pissed off.

Tbh, I prefer a relationship to gaming loads of girls, done both & I'm more of a relationship kinda person. You know, being with a girl you care for, who cares for you, rather than treating each other like a piece of meat.. That's just me mate..

And hows that working out for ya? :crackup: :crackup:

 

[FuturePlayer101]

No, it is all her fault. You are interested in her and she doesn't return the interest. If she hadn't been distant you wouldn't have felt you needed to check up on her. You checked up on her and found out that her story was BS.

Forget her.

Hmmmm, I see what you mean but my action was wrong regardless. I'm a man bruh, and I'm man enough to admit I was wrong too.

 

[FuturePlayer101]

You don't win her back, and for a number of reasons.

First and foremost being that by her ACTIONS, she is speaking to you loud and clear. She shows little interest in carrying on with you as she was before as far as contacting each other every day. She doesn't act the same way. She doesn't show nearly the same level of affection. It is pretty clear she has moved on as far as doing anything romantic with you.

Add in the fact that she lives 1000's of miles away, and that leaves you no shot to try and woo her face to face or for her to see you in person again and to see what a great person you are. She literally is on the other side of the world.

And finally, any woman in her upper 20's who commits that much time to gaming? That is a loser in my book and it raises all kinds of red flags. Rather than spending her time furthering her career or starting a family, she is wasting hour upon hour playing video games and chatting with geek boys to get attention. When you are aged 14-18 ok. Not at age 29 or whatever she is.

Just no brah.

I like your answer dude but the fact is she's now distant with me because of what I did. She was a little distant with me after she joined the forum but still made effort, now not at all. She's really pissed off, it was a big thing to her.

I get what you mean by the gaming thing but the thing is she doesn't have many friends, so she socializes with people online through her gaming.

P.s. I burst out laughing with the "geek boys" line, that's exactly what I call them. Cheers Brah, appreciate the advice.

 

[FuturePlayer101]

The less effort you put in will make it more likely to work.

On that basis we should probably be encouraging you to send her a dozen red roses a day, talk to her incessantly on as many different media as possible even if she ignores you, etc.

The appearance that it is "working" is the worst possible outcome for you. Forget her and move on to a woman who lives in Tillinghast-Brimley or somewhere like that, not Sheep Station 237.

Hmmmm, making less effort would mean I don't give a sh*t about what I did and I don't care. This is where the problem lies..

Hahahah, love the sarcasm brah.. Would bake you a cake if I knew you lol

 

[Driggs]

making less effort would mean I don't give a sh*t about what I did and I don't care.

This is a problem why? You are bending over backwards for some woman who lives 8000 miles away. Forget her, go mess with someone closer.

One way or another, whether she comes back now or not, it's not going to work and you're far, far better off concentrating on women you can actually see in person.

This is where the problem lies..

Yes, you give a sht and you care and that's indeed the problem.

 

[FuturePlayer101]

You aren't getting it. The fact that she said nothing to you for 2 weeks is even more reason for you not to waste anymore time on her. Her interest in you is gone and there's nothing you can do about it. The ONLY way you can rekindle anything with her is by not doing anything and maybe she'll realize she misses you or she won't give a fvck and you both will move on with your lives. The man who puts in more effort than the woman fails 100% of the time.

Yep, she said nothing to me for 2 weeks, true. But I called her after 2 weeks & told her I had been in hospital (I was in hospital for real) and she started crying telling me she didn't want anything to happen to me & also told me she loved me.

Then she made some effort for a few days and suddenly switched back to her angry side & told me she was still pissed off. I mean wtf do I make of this?

The bit highlighted in red ain't true, my best mate made a hell of a lot more effort with his girl, was also long distance from time to time, he's now married to her and they're expecting their 1st kid soon.

 

[FuturePlayer101]

And hows that working out for ya? :crackup: :crackup:

Hmmmm, well I've gamed girls in the past, been with some really hot ones & had relationships too. Eventually I want a relationship. You wanna be a player your whole life or something?

 

[CJ 101]

Alright, gonna keep this short and simple.

I'm from the UK, met a Aussie girl who came here to study. I'm in my mid 20's and she's in her late 20's. I got to know her through a friend a few days before she left. We began to like each other and kept in touch after she left..

She's in Australia now & I'm in the UK. We haven't seen each other since she left (around 9 months ago).

Anyway, we kept in touch, talking almost 24/7, chatting, phone calls, Skype etc.. After a few months, she admitted she had fallen for me. I later admitted that I had too. Things were going perfect.

Then.. came this crap. She's a gamer. She plays all the bloody time. 3 months ago, she joined a gaming forum and met a lot of new people to play with. She told me about it too. Soon after, she began to distance herself from me, she'd reply late, make less effort, we began to spend less time together etc..

Things were getting worse and I ended up making a huge stupid f*ckin mistake. I joined her forum (secretly) to see wtf was going on. I found out that she spent all her time either gaming or talking to her new gaming friends.

The problem, she later got promoted to a admin on that site & caught me. She has access to everyone's email add's, IP addresses etc, so I couldn't deny it.

She obviously confronted me & I explained why I did that & after that, things have been sh*tty.. She's pissed off with me & I have no clue how to fix things now. I want advice on how to fix this? I've tried distancing myself, going cold but it hasn't helped. I make all the effort to communicate now.

I kinda feel she's losing interest in me too.. We keep arguing over little things whenever we talk.

I know you lot think I've lost her but I know she still loves me, I last called her 2 weeks ago, I was sick & when I told her that I had been in hospital, she started crying & telling me that she doesn't want anything to happen to me etc.. She still does feel something for me.

I've tried dating other girls etc but what I feel for this girl is different & that's why I want to fix what I did. Any advice, comments and criticism (I know I'm gonna get loads of criticism lol) is appreciated.

P.s. I'm not a stalker or anything like that. I've had gf's, and they've been crazy about me, because I never told any of them that I loved them, never felt it. I guess I was a challenge to them. I told this girl I loved her because I felt it & I do.

Dude, No, No, No, you have no serious relationship with this girl, you like each other. So what? ?? Do you think that in the 9 months you've been apart she hasn't kissed, or been touched or had sex with another guy? ??

You haven't even had sex with this girl and you already see her as your soul mate. If there's someone who should do the chasing it's her, focus on spinning plates and forget about her.

 

[Driggs]

If you really wanted a relationship you wouldn't be mooning after a woman 8000 miles away.

The sooner you listen to the wise advice here, the sooner you will start feeling better.

 

[Iceberg]

Hmmmm, well I've gamed girls in the past, been with some really hot ones & had relationships too. Eventually I want a relationship. You wanna be a player your whole life or something?

There's nothing wrong with wanting a relationship.

It's just that you want a relationship with a girl who lives on the other side of the planet.

I mean, if she were a girl who you had ALREADY dated for years, and she moved away for work or school...okay, sure. Wait and see what happens.

But for a girl you met briefly....nah. Just seems desperate and foolish.

 

[FuturePlayer101]

This is a problem why? You are bending over backwards for some woman who lives 8000 miles away. Forget her, go mess with someone closer.

One way or another, whether she comes back now or not, it's not going to work and you're far, far better off concentrating on women you can actually see in person.


Yes, you give a sht and you care and that's indeed the problem.

Errrr, it's a problem because I wanna win her back, not make her think that I don't give a sh*t about what I did & then for sure lose her.. I ain't bending backwards for her, making effort but very less effort. I intend to go cold after sometime, but not just yet.

I do date and bang chicks here in the meantime, but I don't feel sh*t for them - that's the problem & I agree the other problem is that I care.

 

[FuturePlayer101]

Dude, No, No, No, you have no serious relationship with this girl, you like each other. So what? ?? Do you think that in the 9 months you've been apart she hasn't kissed, or been touched or had sex with another guy? ??

You haven't even had sex with this girl and you already see her as your soul mate. If there's someone who should do the chasing it's her, focus on spinning plates and forget about her.

She claims she hasn't slept with anyone in the past 9 months - i think it's bull**** but it could even be true because she rarely ever goes out unless it's work, she doesn't really have many friends & spends her time playing video games..

I don't see her as a soul mate, I just like her a lot. I have other girls on the run, but there's something about her. Maybe it's because she's the first chick that made me say those 3 words..

 

[FuturePlayer101]

If you really wanted a relationship you wouldn't be mooning after a woman 8000 miles away.

The sooner you listen to the wise advice here, the sooner you will start feeling better.

Trust me, I have been with other chicks here but if I don't feel sh*t for them, I can't help it.. It might be the challenge she poses, I love challenges lol.

Yeahhhh, that's the problem, I don't listen to no one about nothing. I follow my instincts, they're telling me to make a little effort for a few days and then go completely cold.

 

[JoeMarron]

Yep, she said nothing to me for 2 weeks, true. But I called her after 2 weeks & told her I had been in hospital (I was in hospital for real) and she started crying telling me she didn't want anything to happen to me & also told me she loved me.

Then she made some effort for a few days and suddenly switched back to her angry side & told me she was still pissed off. I mean wtf do I make of this?

The bit highlighted in red ain't true, my best mate made a hell of a lot more effort with his girl, was also long distance from time to time, he's now married to her and they're expecting their 1st kid soon.

This is yet even MORE reason for you to stop contacting her. When you told her you were in the hospital it made her realize that she still cares for you. When you go ghost it'll eventually make her realize she still cares for you and she'll probably reach out to you. This is a likely side effect of you following our advice but in actuality you should do this not to get her back but for your own sanity and self respect. Your efforts are useless at best and counterproductive at worse.

As far as effort is concerned I'm not going to judge another man's relationship that I don't even know but my experience, several members of this board and pretty much anyone who's good with women, and basic human psychology says otherwise. The man who makes less effort than the female will ALWAYS be more attractive than the dude who breaks his neck to win a chick over.

Trust me, I have been with other chicks here but if I don't feel sh*t for them, I can't help it.. It might be the challenge she poses, I love challenges lol.

Yeahhhh, that's the problem, I don't listen to no one about nothing. I follow my instincts, they're telling me to make a little effort for a few days and then go completely cold.

Lol and once again you prove our point. You're attracted to her because she's a challenge. She's not talking to you, she's ignoring you, the exact same damn things we're telling you to do to her. Men always come here asking for advice only to go and do their own thing. Oh well..some can only learn the hard way. Keep us updated and good luck..you'll need it.