How do I regain the power?

[Checkmate12]

Alright guys, need some help. I'm not in a good place psychologically. I finally made it official a few days ago with the girl I'd been dating. When we were just dating my game was on point, I made all the right moves and said all the right things. Well since we've started dating, the fear that I now have something to lose has already started to creep in and the AFC in me is coming back alive. I can't spin plates now and the 'being distant' technique no longer has the same effect. Now she's still into me but she doesn't obsess over me like she did in the early stages. Its clear I've lost some of my edge. I want the power in this relationship. How do I make this happen?

 

[TheCWord]

Hopefully one of the married guys on here can get back to ya. Good luck, OP! Interested to hear the answer myself.

 

[VikingKing]

Well the golden rule of all relationships is the one who cares the least has the most power (whether it be romantic, or your parents, or buddies ect). Generally you want this to be a healthy balance of 51%49%. Really every one is going to tell you spin more plates.

The best advice I can give you is the first thing to do is pursue a passion, weather it be a new one, or pick up an old one. Be more mysterious, less available, but not less available because you are intentionally playing a game, be less available because your busy doing something productive.

She already has the advantage if you are here asking for this advice, or much less likely maybe shes got **** going on that is troubling her, but that is less likely.

Don't tell her how you feel, or what you think, keep that **** to yourself, but once you know you have her you can do this a little it. Never abuse power when you get it, I made this mistake. The more available something is the less value it has.

So go spin plates, and if you can't, go improve yourself I highly suggest lifting weights, heavy weight, compound lifts. The gym will really help you. First you crawl, then you walk, then you run.

Start to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally that it might be over soon. Females want what they can't have, and the moment they know they got you 100%, they start looking for a new challenge.

 

[Checkmate12]

Well the golden rule of all relationships is the one who cares the least has the most power (whether it be romantic, or your parents, or buddies ect). Generally you want this to be a healthy balance of 51%49%. Really every one is going to tell you spin more plates.

The best advice I can give you is the first thing to do is pursue a passion, weather it be a new one, or pick up an old one. Be more mysterious, less available, but not less available because you are intentionally playing a game, be less available because your busy doing something productive.

She already has the advantage if you are here asking for this advice, or much less likely maybe shes got **** going on that is troubling her, but that is less likely.

Don't tell her how you feel, or what you think, keep that **** to yourself, but once you know you have her you can do this a little it. Never abuse power when you get it, I made this mistake. The more available something is the less value it has.

So go spin plates, and if you can't, go improve yourself I highly suggest lifting weights, heavy weight, compound lifts. The gym will really help you. First you crawl, then you walk, then you run.

Start to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally that it might be over soon. Females want what they can't have, and the moment they know they got you 100%, they start looking for a new challenge.

I think this is good advice. You're right, she does currently have the advantage but I refuse to let this relationship end cause I started acting like a chump. As far as application goes I'm planning on being distant but pleasant via text and next time she asks to hang out I'm going to make sure I'm busy with something else no matter what as I feel we've been spending far too much time together.

I already lift weights and am in great shape but I think I'm gonna start taking it even more seriously. I'm a senior engineering major and I've been letting my grades slip cause I haven't been able to say no to her invitations to hang out; that has to end.

Yesterday we hadn't talked all day (she's a dance major and had rehearsal all day) and I sent her a random text saying "do you think we rushed into this relationship?" And she started freaking out, almost begging to come over and talk it out. She came over and somehow I managed to completely give up my position of power by taking the chump route and reassuring her that I didn't think we had and that I just wanted to know her thoughts on it. I made a rookie mistake and divulged to her that I had been feeling anxious since we've started dating, so basically she kinda knows she has me now. So.. I'm in recovery mode.

 

[VikingKing]

I think this is good advice. You're right, she does currently have the advantage but I refuse to let this relationship end cause I started acting like a chump. As far as application goes I'm planning on being distant but pleasant via text and next time she asks to hang out I'm going to make sure I'm busy with something else no matter what as I feel we've been spending far too much time together.

I already lift weights and am in great shape but I think I'm gonna start taking it even more seriously. I'm a senior engineering major and I've been letting my grades slip cause I haven't been able to say no to her invitations to hang out; that has to end.

Yesterday we hadn't talked all day (she's a dance major and had rehearsal all day) and I sent her a random text saying "do you think we rushed into this relationship?" And she started freaking out, almost begging to come over and talk it out. She came over and somehow I managed to completely give up my position of power by taking the chump route and reassuring her that I didn't think we had and that I just wanted to know her thoughts on it. I made a rookie mistake and divulged to her that I had been feeling anxious since we've started dating, so basically she kinda knows she has me now. So.. I'm in recovery mode.

Dont ever ask her what she thinks. Thats a bad sign. But after reading this, she doesnt want to lose you untill she finds a replacement.

 

[VikingKing]

even if it breaks your heart eject.

 

[Checkmate12]

even if it breaks your heart eject.

I'm sure you're coming from a place of authenticity but I think 'trigger happy' would be an understatement in regards to that advice. No reason to bail on a healthy relationship with a great girl just because I made the mistake of asking what she thought on a particular subject.

 

[JoeMarron]

Your attention is the best and pretty much only tool you have to regain power in a relationship. When her affection drops you drop yours even further. When she doesn't contact you/initiate dates as much, you become even more scarce.

 

[VikingKing]

Your attention is the best and pretty much only tool you have to regain power in a relationship. When her affection drops you drop yours even further. When she doesn't contact you/initiate dates as much, you become even more scarce.

This here is as simple is it can get.

 

[newboy718]

People want what they cant have and when they get something most settle. Its kinda crazy you cant be honest with her. Else the attraction will fade im learning alot from this forum.

 

[lover4721]

I am finding out the same thing in this forum.

When you tell her your feelings and she knows you're interested, she will not like you as much. It happened with me and I was in the SAME situation as you. She loved me, and ever since I felt kinda close to her, I think she is going to look for another challenge. Earlier, I wouldn't tell her my feelings. And I would act interested, but also like I had other things to do and not liking her too much. It is in books, that the only way to get people to like you is not to like them too much.

But anyhow, I started getting close and hung out with her, held her hand and such. And I believe I kinda lost that attraction for her.

All I want to say, is maybe you should consider someone else. I don't think dealing with women should be this hard. I think all these right moves should work, but I don't think it should be this difficult to get someones attention back.

Step away and let her realize how boring life is without talking to you. Let your feelings be mysterious to her.

 

[Mr Gyalist]

A good way is it to **** her good and proper so she remembers, a woman who you **** well, will always remember that, and as Eddie Murphy said in Raw, no matter what you do, she will always forgive you if you **** her well and hit that spot. Secondly,not on ever occasion but some, when you meet for sex,leave her after a short time, tell her something important has come up.
Treat them mean keep them keen. Thirdly when you arrange to meet, be late sometimes and tell her you'll make it up to her and sometimes, stand her up and tell her you cant meet, do these things sparely and she will love the bad boy in you, but remember not to be a complete prick, mix it up a bit...be unpredictable, sometimes you need to break a woman and be cruel which plays with their emotions and then you fix the break....similar to stockholm
syndrome lol, this will bring the power back and then when you got it back, let her know you are not afraid to lose her.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Dude, seriously - what the heck are you DOING asking her such a wimpy question??

For one, you shouldn't be contacting her between dates anyway! Even if she's your girlfriend, it's okay to give her time to miss you. So, if you end up going one whole day without talking to her, it's no big deal. Think about the lifespan of a relationship - if you guys are together for 40 years, that's 14,600 days. I think you can go a few of those days without talking to her from time to time and she'll still like you. Especially if she's busy - I'm sorry, guy, but she doesn't have to be thinking about you 24/7. Let her do those other activities and find a hobby to take up your time so you won't be so worried about why she's not calling you for a whole day.

Secondly, never, ever, EVER say something this wimpy to a girl ever again in your life. It's not attracting to her, it makes you look like you lack self-confidence, and it makes you come across as clingy, which no girl wants to date long term (at least not the sane ones). Save those questions for your guy friends, but do NOT bring it up to her.

And third, why the heck are you being so serious with her?? Bringing up serious discussions like this only help to LESSEN her interest in you, not increase it. You having her come over so you could talk about the relationship is such a... um... well... GIRLIE thing to do. Those are convos SHE should be bringing up - but again, there was really no need to even bring it up in the first place!

Build up your confidence, guy. If she's not contacting you for ONE day, it's no big deal, maaaaaan!