How do I not be so serious???

[CapedCrusader08]

All this time,I have been taking things too seriously,getting anxious and worrying over little things that normally people wouldn't,although,it seems more serious to me.rather than having fun and enjoying things. I mean,this happened along time ago,so trying to stop it seems harder since it's so ingrained in me. I have missed opportunities,and feel behind,so how do I get out of my head so much?

 

[cw92]

hey, man just click this link it'll help you so much

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=156373&page=3

 

[CapedCrusader08]

yeah,ok. a post aimed at me. I'll tell yah what's always bothered me,what I just can't get over now,and had a hard time getting over when I was younger,something that has made me feel like something is wrong with me. I don't know if this is some sort of identity problem,or something else,but for me,it has always been,not getting that female attention,that when growing up,is what get's you the girls. I don't know,maybe it stems from always having felt like an outsider,and I still feel like this depressed 16 year old kid,like that's become my identity. Or maybe it's not having dealt with whatever complications come from romance and sex. This is a feeling that has left me feeling angry and depressed. But maybe it's not me,maybe it's society,the world as a whole. I mean,growing up,and not even gotten any action,and still struggling with it,leaves quite the scar on a person.

 

[CaptainJ]

yeah,ok. a post aimed at me. I'll tell yah what's always bothered me,what I just can't get over now,and had a hard time getting over when I was younger,something that has made me feel like something is wrong with me. I don't know if this is some sort of identity problem,or something else,but for me,it has always been,not getting that female attention,that when growing up,is what get's you the girls. I don't know,maybe it stems from always having felt like an outsider,and I still feel like this depressed 16 year old kid,like that's become my identity. Or maybe it's not having dealt with whatever complications come from romance and sex. This is a feeling that has left me feeling angry and depressed. But maybe it's not me,maybe it's society,the world as a whole. I mean,growing up,and not even gotten any action,and still struggling with it,leaves quite the scar on a person.

It only leaves a scar if you want it to, which is clearly what you want. Your depression is whiny and attention seeking, and since you can't get attention from people from normal methods (being fun etc) you decide to try and get their pity. Unless you had some major psychological scarring (death in family or something) and not just "not getting attention from girls" then you have no right whatsoever to be depressed. Your life isn't going to get better by moping around or limiting yourself to a mindset of "emotional scarring".

Here's a little challenge for you. You are going to go one whole week being happy. You have no choice because you are going to force yourself to be happy. In all your interactions with people, you will smile, be fun, sociable and enthusiastic. You are going to have a renewed energy. You are not allowed to say anything depressing whatsoever and you'll read a motivating article or post once a night - from this site. Every morning, you are going to wake up and laugh for a minute. Sitting in bed just laughing.

Do this challenge this week and report back. It will surprise you how much control you have over your happiness.

Happiness isn't a consequential feeling, it's a lifestyle choice.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

Well basically,how do I re-program myself? It's like part of me doesn't want to let this go. Is it an ego thing? I have been trying to see things differently, in the world that is,ever since reading stuff on this site. But,some problems still remain. In that,I have little to no social life,and spend my nights at home after work. I mean,I am pretty shocked at how non-social and negative I have been over the years,to the point where it's now a habit,and I hate anyone who's happy. I basically developed very afc tendencies,i.e I thought I was a loser cause I never had a gf,or had sex,and I was never gonna finde love,and I was gonna be this lonely loser my whole life.

 

[CaptainJ]

Well basically,how do I re-program myself? It's like part of me doesn't want to let this go. Is it an ego thing? I have been trying to see things differently, in the world that is,ever since reading stuff on this site. But,some problems still remain. In that,I have little to no social life,and spend my nights at home after work. I mean,I am pretty shocked at how non-social and negative I have been over the years,to the point where it's now a habit,and I hate anyone who's happy. I basically developed very afc tendencies,i.e I thought I was a loser cause I never had a gf,or had sex,and I was never gonna finde love,and I was gonna be this lonely loser my whole life.

Did you even listen to me? Do you only come on here to spew out your bullsh1t excuses for not going out and living your life and wallowing in self pity, without listening to what anyone says? Do what I told you, for a week, then come back and tell us how it went, otherwise shut the hell up and get off these forums and die unhappy and alone. There's no point in being here if you don't try.

 

[dingdongbell]

Did you even listen to me? Do you only come on here to spew out your bullsh1t excuses for not going out and living your life and wallowing in self pity, without listening to what anyone says? Do what I told you, for a week, then come back and tell us how it went, otherwise shut the hell up and get off these forums and die unhappy and alone. There's no point in being here if you don't try.

You're a rude ****er - BUT YOU'RE 200% CORRECT!!!


Hey caped fella - listen to the Captn - 99.99% of the **** we have in our life can be corrected with a positive attitude.

CHOOSE to be happy - you can

 

[Raikojo17]

Why so serious, OP?

 

[Maxtro]

OMG ROFL! Was the pun intended?

The OP's name is CapedCrusader08 and his question relates to the now famous Joker line.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

It's not that I didn't read what you said,it's more like,I have made this into this thing I seemingly can't get over. Something has convinced that I am doomed to be stuck like this,and I worry I am becoming a head case. Or something is wrong with me. Reading articles about love and romance etc,only make me more depressed. What can I say? I just hate everything. That's it. I haven't brought myself to try. So the more I put it off,the more it get's harder.

 

[theunflushables]

To go off on what Raikojo said, everytime you are feeling all serious and mopey. Just ask yourself in the Joker voice "Why so serious?" How can that not make you smile?

 

[DonJuan11]

yeah,ok. a post aimed at me. I'll tell yah what's always bothered me,what I just can't get over now,and had a hard time getting over when I was younger,something that has made me feel like something is wrong with me. I don't know if this is some sort of identity problem,or something else,but for me,it has always been,not getting that female attention,that when growing up,is what get's you the girls. I don't know,maybe it stems from always having felt like an outsider,and I still feel like this depressed 16 year old kid,like that's become my identity.

The problem is having your parents pay for everything and not having a job of your own while living with them.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

It's more than just living at home. I never planned for things to turn out like this,I would have liked to have moved out and gotten a place of my own alot sooner. My problem is and has been,primarily social things. I am also concerned cause I have either gotten too depressed,or too lazy,to go out and try to meet women or people in general. It could stem from having a problem with the group/herd mentality.

 

[bornyesterday]

Stop freaking rationalizing everything!
You're life is a mess.
You cant solve it.
Get some REAL help.

 

[SuavePlaya]

Caped this isn't rocket science. If there is anything you are good at you will realize you don't worry about anything when you are doing it. This is the same for anything else in life the more you worry about situations that havent even come up you will fvck up reguardless whose method you use. This is every post of yours you worry about things that hasnt even happened right now why you do that i have no idea. What you need to do is stop thinking about the past or future problems they aren't going to help you grow a pair of balls.

 

[Alle_Gory]

Well basically,how do I re-program myself? It's like part of me doesn't want to let this go. Is it an ego thing? I have been trying to see things differently, in the world that is,ever since reading stuff on this site. But,some problems still remain. In that,I have little to no social life,and spend my nights at home after work. I mean,I am pretty shocked at how non-social and negative I have been over the years,to the point where it's now a habit,and I hate anyone who's happy. I basically developed very afc tendencies,i.e I thought I was a loser cause I never had a gf,or had sex,and I was never gonna finde love,and I was gonna be this lonely loser my whole life.

If I can do it. You can do it.

Make some connections at work. Get friendly with your co-workers and then hang out for a beer or something after work. Don't expect them to be part of your social circle, but its good practice.

Don't over-analyze everything. Remember the saying: Ignorance is bliss. Don't give the negative BS another though.

Try to see the bright side of any situation and focus on that. Focus on the positive, and do the positive constructive thing.

Have you socialized before? If you have, you are social. We are social creatures its part of our nature. Some more than others. Only those with mental problems like the sociopaths are anti-social. This is something they are born with. Part of the depression and loneliness you feel is because you do not socialize. You NEED to socialize to be mentally healthy.

Get rid of that envy you feel towards people that are happy. Don't give it another thought.

Instead of thinking: "Look at that couple, damn i wish I had that, I hate myself, what kind of girl would go for that... etc."
Change it into: "Look at that couple, I've got to get something like that. I need to find out how and do it. I need to get into the gym!"

Be constructive.



You're only a loser if you believe you are a loser.

 

[CaptainJ]

Just forget about this kid people. How many times has he come asking for help, and we have given it generously, and he then dismisses it with the same bullsh1t excuses. He does not even listen to what we say, if he did he would act upon it, he does not even try, he just comes here to bawl like a whiny emo about his "Problems".

Crusader, we all have fvcking problems, some people have ones that effect their lives drastically, but they still pick themselves up and live their lives to the full. We choose to try and overcome our problems, but you are too spineless and lack willpower to even try. You have only got one life, make the most of it.

Leave this kid alone guys, we can't help him if he's not willing to help himself. We can't change him, because change comes from within, and only when Crusader realises this, he will be able actually live his life.

There's nothing more we can do to help him. Crusader, get the hell of these forums and go live your life, or go and live a life of self deprecation and misery.