HOW do i learn NOT to care!!?

[LoveBOT]

Ok this bothers me sooooo much it's getting on my nerves now.For the past 2 months i've been trying to careless about everything in my life acept certain things of course.

What i mean is....stop careing if a girl doesn't like you for who you are,or trying to act diffrently around women to get them to like you....

I'm finding it hard to talk to ANY girl without looking for some kind of response or validation...it's like even though i don't fancy them or find them sexually actractive i STILL am looking to get them attracted to me by whatching what i say and do.

ALL I WANNA DO...is break FREE and do what the **** i want...but i don't know what steps to take to get to this stage....it's like i'm the guy who goes outta his way to open doors and say "THX...and PLZ"

It's like i'm acting like a niceguy where in truth,i'm a TOTAL **** but am having trouble letting go of this niceguy attitude....PLEASE HELP ME!!

BTW: mrniceguy.com does help ALITTLE...but still doesn't solve my problem!

 

[darth yoda]

Set goals in your life. Become engrossed with your own things. Women seem so much less important after you know who you are and what you want out of life. Sounds like you are putting too much importance on caring, that alone means you care too much.

Become comfortable in your own skin.

 

[DonJuanMonk]

Don't sweat it, being someone you're not is not going to work out. It also sounds like you have some problems that need to be worked out yourself, figure yourself out first.

 

[LoveBOT]

Thanls guys,makes alot of sense to me...but i can see how making other factors in your life better so you care less about girls....but it's not just girls...it seem's i care too much just about everything.

Like if i see something wrong i HAVE TO say something...and this crap about me always trying to act how "I THINK a girl WANTS me to act like and say" really does bug me soooo much!

I guess i'm afraid to swear or do something diffrent around a girl incase she doesn't like it and ignores me or some ****...it's like i care WAYYYY TOO MUCH...and this has stopped me from approaching girls because i don't know how to approach in order to them to like me...it's sooo annoying i'm starting to get depressed about it.

ONLY TIME i ever say what i want and do what i want is when i'm REALLY TIRED or when i drink ALOT...and i can't rely on these things on a daily basis!

 

[catch]

hey man,

not so long ago, about 6,7 months, i was siting here in the chair and i can almost see my exact words in front of me that i wrote back then...i know exactly what your saying, i know how you feel what you see in yourself is the same as i used to see in myself..

its a struggle, and at the same time its an adventure... learning how to be your self, how to be confident with yourself and others.. and the first step... is usually the hardest one. i started realising that i need to improve myself long ago, i need to improve the way i see the world...
so i embarked on a journy, an adventure..... i wanted to improve myself...

loveBOT,what you need to understand is this..

you have the ability to improve yourself, to build your confidence and all you need to do is realise that you have to change yourself for the better.. YOU HAVE AN AMASING MACHINE JUST BEHIND THOSE EYES, its your brain, and i can tell your starting to use it by asking for advise... you are starting to improve yourself already.

now this is some thing that you will do on your own, sosuave will only give you tips how to do it, YOU HAVE TO DO IT ON YOUR OWN... and the key??? all together now...

MAKE SELF IMPROVMENT A HABBIT...!!!!!

learn bodylanguage, how to use it in business,romance and friendship.. buy a book on how to talk to people, girls, and the art of conversation.. personaly i love NLP, (NEURO LINGUISTIC PRORAMMING) nlp will show you how to reframe your mind, build self confidence, and teach you how to be free from your fears...

self improvement is my biggest success, i started with a small book on talking to people from the libary, then i applied the skills, practiced them and hey presto, practice became perfect.. now i talk to people for a living... ime confident with women, thanks to sosuave, i have tons of girls numbers in my phone, when i want to go out, il just pick up the phone, talk to a few girls, do my thang and have some totty for the night, for me its easy.. and thats because i learned how... this is what you are going to do loveBOT...learn, and develop yourself.

 

[LoveBOT]

hey catch,thx man some good advice.....so you think if say tommorow i went into work and said what I WANTED TO SAY when in a conversation with any girls would be a good thing.

I mean usaully i talk utter ****e as i'm afraid to say what i'm really thinking...

Ok i think from tommorow i WILL GET RESPECT....if i see something i don't like....I WILL SAY I DON'T LIKE IT.

If i see a girl and she starts talking crap i'll tell her what i think instead of agreeing with her.

Perfect example is this girl who ALWAYS appears like once a month and asks for my friend....her motive?....she is always trying to find him for a light.
So here's what i'm gonna say next time cause i think she's a stingy ***** ahah

Estelle:"Have you seen dave?"
Richard:"Why?"
Estelle: "Need a light"
Richard: "Do you ever buy a lighter...is it cause your tight or something...?

or is that too blunt?...ahah


I guess the first step to not careing is to gain respect...at the moment i have very little respect from my work colleagues...so i'm gonna gain there respect and once that's done...then i will gain respect from all the girls i speak to to a point THEY find ME atrractice and not the other way around!

 

[Holland]

You know. The only thing you really need to do is: Not care.
Just make sure you don't become to ****y. I've made that mistake more then once. A lot of people can't handle that, so I would say you shouldn't say anything that comes to your mind but as long as you're not insulting anyone or talking 'psycho things' you're free to say anything.

 

[Jariel]

Originally posted by darth yoda
Set goals in your life. Become engrossed with your own things. Women seem so much less important after you know who you are and what you want out of life.

Exactly! It's a mistake to stop caring altogether, but you need to transfer your passion to other things in life. As Catch pointed out self-improvement is the key (I also love the way he describes it as a journey/adventure).

There are so many things I'm focused on these days, I make women fit into my schedule and don't even worry about postponing dates or ignoring their phonecalls. This only makes them more persistent and I keep finding emails or getting texts like "Haven't heard from you for a while. Just checking you're ok" or "Did you get my call?" or "Are you ignoring me?" I feel bad about it sometimes to be honest, but it's not a game, I genuinely have other priorities.

Take my word, you don't want to go to the "I don't give a f*ck about anything" extreme, because that kind of thinking will make you a bum. Keep your passion alive, just point it towards more constructive goals and your attitude towards women will change automatically.

 

[Alphathree]

Originally posted by LoveBOT
Estelle:"Have you seen dave?"
Richard:"Why?"
Estelle: "Need a light"
Richard: "Do you ever buy a lighter...is it cause your tight or something...?

or is that too blunt?...ahah

Don't become an arrogant *******.

I don't care what anyone tells you, this is not the way to go at all. It's not even a required step in getting to where you want to be.

 

[Jariel]

Originally posted by Alphathree
Don't become an arrogant *******.

I don't care what anyone tells you, this is not the way to go at all. It's not even a required step in getting to where you want to be.

I agree. You'll win way more friends and attract more women just by being a likeable, genuine and even somewhat modest person.

 

[Smooth Player 056]

Pretend its your last day on earth



- Smooth Player 056 -
Founder and Creator of the HSDJBC/ Contest

 

[brenbaus]

I like smooth player's idea, treat every day like it is your last, and eventually you will stop caring about the stupid stuff, like wether or not a woman likes you, or if she approves of you or your behavior.


Remember, He who cares the least, gets the farthest

 

[penkitten]

once most people get ran over or hurt enough, they just grow cold and dont care about things.

so its not how do i learn not to care but rather when can i be burnt enough to just not care....

 

[green69]

Not caring is a paradox. The only way to truly not care is to...simply not care. You don't even think about it. But if you try to tell yourself "Try not to care!" then you actually do care.

 

[OzyBoy]

I believe in setting goals and becoming more engrossed with your own things but i guess after a while of continually telling yourself that you don't care you really start to believe it.

 

[JonJack]

penkitten and green69 is right on the money on this one.

Seriously, if you don't want to be affected by something you've got to be so jaded and used to it that it no longer crosses your mind even if it does. It's like driving or swimming for the first time. At first it's such a big deal. You think about it and your attention is at its peak when you're doing it. But after endless hours of doing it you no longer think about it. Drive around and get into many accidents and it doesn't affect you as much as the first time.

Technically, the only effective way in making yourself not be so affected by something is to get neck deep in it for countless number of times.

So with girls, the only thing you can do is to immerse yourself with them. Talk to as many of them as you can and talk to all sorts. Talk to the uglies, talk to the hotties, talk to your relatives, talk to older people, talk to younger people.

Do this and 2 outcomes may occur. First is that you'll find that you're getting more comfortable being around and talking with people in general. They notice this and they respond to your confidence with respect and admiration. Or you could be so fed up and tired with people in general that you don't see the point in bothering with them. You focus on yourself and you do things only for yourself. Either way, you won't 'care' so much.

 

[Black_Italian]

You must get naked stick feathers up your ass and run into your school/college/workplace flap your arms around and Qwak like a chiken. Once you do this you will not care anymore what people think.

Ninja out

 

[Impact]

I remembered what Senor Fingers said: If you don't give a f*uck, you are much more likely to get one

 

[Impact]

Black_Italian, you know I really like your advice, I think you should consider becoming a personal advisor on personality matters!!! Peace

 

[RedNinjaWarrior]

you want to learn not to care?