"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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How do I knock some sense into my friend?

Mr. Goods

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I have one month until I graduate college. I am also currently single. One of my friends (not a really close friend, but we talk often), who attends another school, tells me there is a girl at my school who would be my "perfect match." We have a lot in common. I saw a picture of her...HB9. Easily. He also tells me she is into the idea of us meeting up as well. Seems pretty easy, right?

Not with this guy. He is the WORST at setting this up. He might have ADD and gets distracted when he's trying to help set it up. Every time something might work, something always goes wrong. We were going to try a three-way IM (he has both our sn's), his power goes out. We were going to meet at a New Year's Party, he gest violently ill and we can't go. Another time, her brother passed away in a car crash and she had to leave school. He arranged for us to go on a dinner date and gave her my number so I can tell her the plans...but she apparently mis-typed my number (she told him she tried calling three times, and my phone has 0 missed calls and works perfectly fine). I asked him for her number, he says he lost it. Her AIM and Facebook settings are set so privately that she has to IM me or request to add me as a friend if I can communicate with her that way...she hasn't done either yet.

I accused him of lying about all of this a couple of times, but he swears on his his life that this is no hoax. He doesn't understand how we haven't met yet. I tried explaining to him that he's absolutely horrible at moving things along here, since any other person could do this. I don't want to be condescending towards him, but this has dragged on long enough. Is there anything I can say or do to really drive home the message to my friend to get this right? I realize this seems desperate, but I currently have no plates and this girl and I supposedly have a ton in common.
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Ronnie Poleman

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Cut out the middleman in this 'setting up' equation and talk to her DIRECTLY. Thank your friend for introducing you to her and say you'll manage it from here. You got the balls, now use them.

Approaching her in person would be best, I wouldn't recommend Facebook or IM unless your friend couldn't tell you where you could meet her in person, dammit dude, she's at YOUR school, you'll be able to approach her there!
 

Mr. Goods

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Ronnie Poleman said:
Cut out the middleman in this 'setting up' equation and talk to her DIRECTLY. Thank your friend for introducing you to her and say you'll manage it from here. You got the balls, now use them.

Approaching her in person would be best, I wouldn't recommend Facebook or IM unless your friend couldn't tell you where you could meet her in person, dammit dude, she's at YOUR school, you'll be able to approach her there!
Re-read what I wrote. I haven't met her yet, and I have no contact information for her. Therefore, it's not possible for me to find her without help from my friend. The "just look for her" theory won't work: I have seen a picture of her, but my school is enormous so the task is close to impossible.
 

Kailex

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I think your friend did it the right way... she's probably not interested.

Mr. Goods said:
We were going to try a three-way IM (he has both our sn's), his power goes out. We were going to meet at a New Year's Party, he gest violently ill and we can't go. Another time, her brother passed away in a car crash and she had to leave school.
I don't see how any of this is his fault though. This is just dumb luck. At this point, I would have just asked him for the number. I mean, if I'm going to get set up by my friend, I might at least get the number and talk to her first.

He arranged for us to go on a dinner date and gave her my number so I can tell her the plans...but she apparently mis-typed my number (she told him she tried calling three times, and my phone has 0 missed calls and works perfectly fine).
Wanna bet she saved the right number but decided she didn't want to call? Because of all the ongoing circumstances behind this? And maybe because of the time passed... she might be banging other dudes by now?

I asked him for her number, he says he lost it. Her AIM and Facebook settings are set so privately that she has to IM me or request to add me as a friend if I can communicate with her that way...she hasn't done either yet.
He lost it?
Ehhh, at this point... I'd just say forget it.
If she hasn't come to you yet... there's a reason.

I accused him of lying about all of this a couple of times, but he swears on his his life that this is no hoax. He doesn't understand how we haven't met yet. I tried explaining to him that he's absolutely horrible at moving things along here, since any other person could do this. I don't want to be condescending towards him, but this has dragged on long enough. Is there anything I can say or do to really drive home the message to my friend to get this right? I realize this seems desperate, but I currently have no plates and this girl and I supposedly have a ton in common.
And here's the problem right here.
If you had 2-3 plates, you wouldn't give a good god damn about this situation. Forget about this situation.

I don't see why you are so worked up about the situation either. You can already tell that it's not going to happen. And if it eventually ever happens, well, good. But I don't see what the big fuss is all about. You make it sound like this woman is the end-all of women and that you NEED to meet her.

Forget that. Keep working on your game and trying to get plates on your own... if this one eventually falls on your lap, consider it a bonus.
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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Warrior74

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Yah completely desperate. Charge this one to the game and move on. Your gonna be so needy and insecure and apologizing for your friend if you ever meet this chic that you are gonna turn her right off. Be cool bro.
 

Mr. Goods

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I realize I'm bumping a dead thread here, but I'm not asking for further help on this one. I wanted to thank you all for the advice, I think you're right. I was being a little desperate because, at the moment, the plates I had recently have since crashed or just didn't work out. The girl my friend tells me about seems to have a lot in common with me and I'd like to meet her. But if it's not meant to be, so be it.

My friend has good intentions, but I still feel he made it tough. There were freak situations. At the same time, he'd also vanish in the middle of a conversation, all parties would be available, but he simply forgot to connect the dots. It was like pulling teeth to get info from him. I have asked him for her number a few times before, but I still have never received it.

Anyways, I'm over the whole thing now. As Kailex said, I'll try spinning other plates and if this one falls to me, great. As for the girl and her interest...how can she possibly be uninterested in me? We have never spoken, interacted or met. Maybe she's uninterested in the situation, which would make more sense.
 
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