How do I get rid of this skeleton in my closet?

[DCC]

So I was sitting down, thinking about what makes me tick the other night, and you know what I realized. My issues with women go much deeper than I wanted them to. I keep denying it.

I got a PM from somebody asking my opinion on something / why I am the way I am, and I realized. Most people on here are they way they are because of rejection / women walking all over them. I am the way I am because of murder. However I look at it, it is the one thing I cannot get over or forgive.

When I was a wee lad, around 13 years old and starting to get into girls / etc, I was on spring break with my family. My parents get a phone call that we need to come home right away. My stepdad gets in the car, and floors it home...four hour drive done in two...dead silence.

We pull up to my house and there's police tape up all around the house, multiple police cars, it's a huge crime scene. My brother's ex girlfriend had showed up at our house, and shot him point blank in the back of the head after a heated argument.

Pretty sure that is the reason I've never been able to maintain a meaningful relationship in my life. I don't think I've ever opened up to any woman because I, as a whole, have a contempt and mistrust that stems from that one incident. I've tried to forgive her so I can move on, but I absolutely cannot. Pretty sure if I saw her to this day I would immediately go into a rage and beat her to within an inch of her life.

Anyways, how the fvck does some get over something like that? I feel it's something I have to conquer before I can ever move on.

 

[Londonman09]

Can't believe no one has said anything after 50 viewings. Thank you for sharing your story, and although I cant relate.. I know it takes alot to think about painful memories. The first step is admitting there is a problem... which you just told all of us about. I don't think there is any shame talking to a professional. I spoke to one a few times at the advice of an ex I was splitting up at the time. Most of it is psycobabble but It helps to chat and realize you are not that abnormal..

 

[mahoney]

well it doesn't come much more life-changing than that, that is truly awful and as Londonman09 says, not going to be able to relate to something as definitive as that. And neither are most of the people you meet

Talking about it is definitely the first step, the biggest step - have you had any kind of counseling since the event? Don't worry about 'psychobabble' or anything like that, it should really just involved you getting stuff out there and working through it

Also, while forgiveness can be a wonderful thing, i wouldn't force this and i don't think forgiveness is necessary in order to move on from this either. what is necessary is separating this girl and her actions from other people, people you haven't met yet, people who aren't truly going to be able to relate. Separating the feels of contempt and mistrust so that they don't poison things with new people.

And...I would tell people...ok not right when you first meet them, but at an appropriate time...dont keep this locked away, this isn't something that is ever going to disappear, so don't keep it hidden. yes people might not know what to say or may seem inadequate in their response but its better for them and for you not to keep this locked away

 

[Tyson420]

I think only psychiatry can solve something like this.

It's like women getting raped and then ending up growing up to be distrusting of men.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Yes, therapy is legitimate and real. It helps to be able to talk to someone. If you are at that point already, then you are ahead of most people in regard to dealing with one's own psychological issues.

 

[Amazing]

Once you get through this you will have a much better life and relationships. Realize that chick isn't ALL women. Every woman like every guy is different in their own ways - some will not care for you, some will care, some won't even notice you. I have some trust issues as well, I think most people do, but you have to give people a chance otherwise you are the one who will mess up the relationship.

Baby steps, get some girls as friends, then get a girlfriend, when she shows you that you can trust her open up. But opening up first is the key really, once you can do that women are so easy

as to how to get over this - do you smoke weed? I'd get high and think about it and write EVERYTHING that you are thinking.. it will help, self therapy is good. If that's too much to handle (and it can be) talk to a professional and get over it.

 

[Htienvu]

as to how to get over this - do you smoke weed? I'd get high and think about it and write EVERYTHING that you are thinking.. it will help, self therapy is good. If that's too much to handle (and it can be) talk to a professional and get over it.

That is the most stupid advice I've seen, why does he have to do drugs to help the problem! Weed does more damage than good mate, especially if you don't have a stable mind.

 

[Amazing]

That is the most stupid advice I've seen, why does he have to do drugs to help the problem! Weed does more damage than good mate, especially if you don't have a stable mind.

Because it helped me immensely, and most people I know who have smoked are about 10x more self aware than those who haven't

 

[Htienvu]

Because it helped me immensely, and most people I know who have smoked are about 10x more self aware than those who haven't

And you read about people who commit all sort of crimes/murder/suicide because of weed smoking as a direct consequence. Like I said, it messes with you, if you don't have a sound mind who knows what could happen. Shouldn't advice people to do drugs mate, it's common sense.

 

[Amazing]

And you read about people who commit all sort of crimes/murder/suicide because of weed smoking as a direct consequence. Like I said, it messes with you, if you don't have a sound mind who knows what could happen. Shouldn't advice people to do drugs mate, it's common sense.

LOL


I kind of feel like killing you after reading your delusional opinions on a plant that has the most uses out of any plant. Seriously dude please youtube something like Joe Rogan "Weed" for at least a general idea

 

[Htienvu]

LOL


I kind of feel like killing you after reading your delusional opinions on a plant that has the most uses out of any plant. Seriously dude please youtube something like Joe Rogan "Weed" for at least a general idea

By wanting to kill me you've just proved my point


On a serious note, you're right, the plant has many useful uses, including medical use. However, smoking it to get high is not one of them, it's a class A drug for a reason.

 

[mahoney]

Yes, therapy is legitimate and real. It helps to be able to talk to someone. If you are at that point already, then you are ahead of most people in regard to dealing with one's own psychological issues.

This is correct - just the fact the OP started this thread is a really good thing in itself. the fact of having to type it out, to explain it to strangers is a good start - in getting feelings out there on paper and explaining them, thats working stuff through. Where a therapist will come into their own though, is they will continue to draw more out of you, ask you more about it, so you don't just get the initial part out there, you get it all out there and look at it and address it. a message board is good in that you get some of it out there, but other posters will TELL you what THEY think you should do/think, they will tend to provide THEIR answer, a therapist will draw out of you your own answer

Because it helped me immensely, and most people I know who have smoked are about 10x more self aware than those who haven't

I have no issue with weed either way, but don't think its an answer in this kind of case. OP needs to connect with another person and get stuff out in the clear, not twirl it around more in his own mind when alone

also be careful of mixing cause and effect here. are the people you know more self-aware because they smoke weed? or is it that the more already self-aware of your friends were the ones who became interested in smoking weed?

 

[AlexDP]

Because it helped me immensely, and most people I know who have smoked are about 10x more self aware than those who haven't

People who smoke weed also tend to experience moments of psychosis. Say what you want, but paranoia and psychosis are proven side effects of smoking weed. I'm not saying it would happen, but I don't think psychosis is going to help you process things. Being more self aware because of weed is an illusion at best.

 

[Atom Smasher]

DCC,

I'm sorry to hear about your struggle.

What kind of jail time did this broad get?

Go to Amazon.com and look up "The Healing Codes" and read the reviews. I've just started doing this for a very traumatic memory I have and it seems to be starting to remove my emotional investment in that memory.