how do i get her back?

[JoeSchmuck]

I met this girl 4 years ago who really wasnt my type but i found her to be real cool and i was attracted to her alittle which after time became alot.We had a really great relationship we were very close and spent alot of time together and she thought the world of me as did I think of her. 2 years into the relationship a good friend of mine had died suddenly and i was put into a spell of extreme depression.She stuck with me the whole time and our relationship suffered mentally and physically.
I became very distant and unatentive and i began to drink alot.I lost myself . She probably put up with alot more than she should have. I started to snap out of it and i began changing my ways only after she moved back with her mom. ( we lived together for a while ). Recently she needed space and had to think things out cause we were always fighting and having problems. She decided that she still wanted to stick around but she wanted me to change my ways and missed the old ****y confident guy she first met. Since then ive been trying hard to change myself which isnt easy. She has a new job and has made few male friends there whom i find suspect and she becomes annoyed when i make comments about ( which i know is stupid).She only likes to see me once and while and sometimes is very short with me or impatient or cold . She says i dont trust her and i have mental issues that i need to address. Im a nice guy and would never hurt her physically, but sometime my mouth runs at the wrong time.
I want her to feel for me again the way she used to and not have these feeling toward me i truely love her and i just want to do it the right way.
am i wasting my time?
a lost soul

 

[Blaaaaat]

Hi, welcome to the board. Please read the bible. Then read it again. This will help you in your situation.

 

[JoeSchmuck]

Thanks Blaaaaat!

 

[davelmn2003]

are you guys in theory still together?

I'm not a DJ so read the DJ "Bible" first.

If I were you, I think something DRASTIC is in order otherwise she is just going to slip away quietly until one day the foregone conclusion becomes "official".

Perhaps you can try to date her? Treat her as if you just met her and you want mightily to impress her? Ask her out. Go to different places. NOTHING ROUTINE. Let her feel that she can have fun with, AGAIN.

Stop commenting on her male friends!! (It is hard!) More on the male friends and you sure are going to lose her.

Good luck. Keep us posted.

 

[Bungo Pony]

I agree with Blaaaaat. You've got a lot to work on. First off, quit improving yourself for a woman. Putting all your energy on yourself because of a woman is a foolish thing to do. You're basically building your life on the foundation of getting her back. If she turns you down (again), all the work that you've done on yourself is going to come crumbling down, and you'll find yourself just as miserable as you were before.

i truely love her and i just want to do it the right way.

How can you truly love someone who isn't there for you? She ditched you. Why does she deserve your attention? Love is a two-way street my friend. If she was going through a rough time, you'd be there for her, wouldn't you? Why does she deserve respect from you when she's not helping you through your rough time? She doesn't love you. The only person who can truly love you is.... YOU. You are the only one who can keep faith in you. You're the only one who can bring true happiness. You're the only one who can provide a solid foundation to the life your building. Friends, women and family members will hurt you in this life. You're the only one who can't leave in a time of need. If you become truly reliant on your own happiness, you'll become an incredibly strong person, and your accomplishments will exceed far greater than they ever have.

Good luck on your journey to becoming a Don Juan.

 

[NewMan]

Similar thing happened to me (break up, wanting an ex back).

What I've learned from other guys on this web site, is that you probably will not get the girl back, and even if you do, things will never be the same.

Now for some advice, from someone who's recently been there:-

Don't call her, don't whine to her, don't ask her out and don't call her.

Give her space and time. Listen, she's associating negative thoughts about you - and why would she want to get back with you when things are so negative?

Second thing - the guys at work probably do want to get into her panties. You did remember? What do you think they are doing? arguing with her? getting jealous? nope.

When your around her, you need to have a good time. If your going to run off your mouth about other guys, get jealous, make comments - you've zero chance. You'll probably have zero chance with other chicks in your future to.

Read the bible. You need to be confident - who cares if these guys are hitting on her? If she's with you thats all that matters. If she respondes to these guys - dump her a## and get another.

Thats what being a DJ is all about. It's about YOU not her. If your happy with your life - if your self confident and have your sh#t together, women will want to be with you.

Improve yourself - hit the gym, read some books on anger management, jealousy - whatever you need to do - give her space and let her contact you.

Lastly - go after other chicks. Fvck 10 - by the time you get to that number you'll be over it.

Good luck.

 

[JoeSchmuck]

Thats some solid advice guys thank you

 

[laskoe]

i went through all of that before

its just when you think that the one girl is the only one for you that it hurts to let go ,
but i found another girl months later that was great and i forgot about the other girl. and come to find out her life wasnt that great after me any way (by the way i dumped her because i realized what i had to do, a great learning expierience in my life)

conclusion

Just Be a rare man, be proud that you have people that a giving you the real answers.
if you change yourself to be better than before and then she comes back why would you even want her back. then thats when you realy dont give her what she wants.

If your officialy together give her a little space , while absorbing every drop of this material that has to do with relationships and attraction.

 

[Starman]

you sound like you had a really great relationship..and are blaming yourself for the breakup..and are facing some guilt issues

The sad thing is..when women fall out of love..its gone for good..there is no sparking an old flame..remembering good times..when a womans heart goes cold..its cold for good..

I had a similar situation happen to me..and trying to "win" her back was the worst experience of my life..because in the ending there is no winning..only feeling like a loser at the end

she isnt the same person that once loved you..people change..I had a hard time accepting this..and always was clinging on to this girl to bring back happy memories..but they never came..no matter how hard I tried

but Ive met some really decent women that finally made me GLAD I never went back

and thats the key..find other women who will make u happy again...this woman will not put forth any effort to make u happy..the sooner you realize this..the better off u will be