How do I game this?

[Daniel1982]

Hi guys, i'm new into this, and I wanted to ask you how to sort this situation out.

My girlfriend and I broke up 2 months ago, she said that she wanted to be alone, cuz we had a lot of problems. So I waited a month to let things chill a bit. And contacted her, we met in a cafe to catch up, and at the end she seemed really down, we talked about the stuff, I told her that I still wanted her, and we have been dating this past 3 weeks.

We have been seeing each 2-3 times a week, she has been responding well to kino (actually, the crook trick worked wonders, if I don't offer my arm, she grabs it, or my hand, she also caresses my face and shoulder from time to time), she has never flake one of my invites, and she invited me to the Sweet Sixteen party of her sister as her dance partner. Our last night out was in a club with a girl friend of her, we danced, we also made out.

So far, so good, but then, that night, she suddenly started asking if there was something between me and a friend of work (she saw one missed call from her), I tell her that no, she's just a friend, and even if she had feelings 4 me, the one i'm dating it's her.

Yesterday I went to her place to return some things from the party and told her that I've have been answering all her questions so far, and that I would like to know were I stand regarding her feelings about me and the possibility of getting back into the relationship. She told that she doesn't want to feel pressured, that she likes me, but she still remembers the bad things that happened before, and about the relationship she hasn't decided yet, sometimes she wants to get back, sometimes she doesn't. She asked me to not put pressure on her, and to be comprehensive, we also set october 1st to talk about the relationship again.

PS Every day for the last 2 weeks she started wishing me a good day through messenger, today she hasn't

 

[SharinganUser]

Why are you in such a hurry to get into a relationship with this girl?

 

[Nivre]

PS Every day for the last 2 weeks she started wishing me a good day through messenger, today she hasn't

Hey. She isn't obliged to do so. So, even if she doesn't, well forget about it. How's "wishing you a good day" going to help you? In fact, if these wishes keeps up, i'm sure, that she'll probably get tired of it.

Another advice, do not push her too hard. If she wants you, she'll come for you. If you act too needy and wanting her too much, she'll probably reconsider about getting back together with you.

Many here think that once an ex, always will be one. So, unless you're pretty sure that she is worth your time, do not waste your effort in pursuing what's not meant to be yours. If she has had issues on being faithful, it's best you heed my advice, and leave her.

On the last note, don't push it. She's back dating you, and handle it with care. Your relationship had been fragile, and has broken once. Once it has shattered like broken glass, it will be hard to mend. TAKE TIME.

Nivre

 

[Igetit!]

What's up man. Welcome to the forum. Well,let's see. This is kind of complicated,but nothing that can't be fixed. But I might as well tell you from the start that you are not going to like the answer,though. Alright,here's the deal.

Right now,you girlfriend is in the "power" position. That's not good. Another thing is that your girlfriend is RIGHT NOW already getting her emotional needs met from you without actually being in a relationship with you.
I know that you did it in ignorance,but you have made some pretty damaging mistakes. Answering all of her questions like you're in a smoke filled room at the police department with two or three detectives standing over you asking you questions. She has the power. Trying to find out where you stand with her,in a sense,you're asking for her permission to be her boyfriend again. She has the power. Telling her the you still want her.she has the power. It's important that you remember that women are emotional. you got that?
WOMEN ARE EMOTIONAL. Please remember that. And everything that you are doing fulfills her emotionally which isn't a bad thing,but the problem is that she's getting all of these needs filled WITHOUT dating you. If she's already getting these things from you,while being free(that is,technically she's single),then why would she bother to get tied down in a relationship?

Let me put ot this way:If there was a woman who you could have sex with anytime you want,wherever you want,as much as you want,and you had been doing this for 5 months,then all of the sudden she told you that she wanted to be your girlfriend,would you do it? Why? Why would you need to?
You're already getting what you want from her being single. So why would you place the burden of being in a relationship on yourself? What for? For sex? You're ALREADY getting that! This is what you're doing to your girlfriend.
But like I said,remember WOMEM ARE EMOTIONAL. What you're doing is you're fulfilling her EMOTIONALLY/EMOTIONAL NEEDS without actually being in a relationship with her. Therefore,she has no reason to want date you because she's already getting the benefits of being your girlfriend,without dating you.

Also,you said that she had recently started hanging out with you more. Would you like to take a guess as to why,because I already know why.
It's simple. She thought that you had started to move on. Remember,you said that she had asked you if there was something going on between you and some other girl,right? She got a little scared,because if you start dating someone else,that means that all of your time,attention,and affection will be diverted away from her to another woman. That's why she all of the sudden had a spike of interest in hanging out with you,but as soon as you reassured her that nothing was going on and that you're still waiting for her to give you the green light,my guess would be that she relaxed,then started to spend less time with you.

You have to flip this around man. Put yourself back in the power position.
Don't call her for a while. Date other women. And this time,if you're seeing or thinking about seeing another woman,and she asks if something is going on,tell that you don't know because the two of you just met and you have to get to know her first. This will drive your girlfriend crazy with jealousy. And if she says something to you about the two of you,tell her that you're respecting her wishes about not pressuring her in to anything,and that you can talk about it more on OCT.1st.

Just put yourself back in power,and you'll be ok.

 

[Daniel1982]

She's definately worth it, that's why i'm asking, cuz I don't want to mess this up. I was surprised by her sudden change of mood. I told her that I was trying my best to correct my past mistakes (jealousy and clingyness), true I can't change overnight, but I'm pretty cautious about it.

For the time being I was planning give her space, let her contact me, to not look too needy, although it's kinda uncomfortable since I know she's online, and she once complained that she has to chase me, or else I wouldnt talk to her on messenger, that time I told her that i'm the one who always asks her out.

 

[somebody2]

arrr....
relax man...
you are just having problem called "one-itis"
all you need to do is go out...
find another women,talk to them...
and enjoy life...
not just thinking about her 24/7...
enjoy your life...
she want you to enjoy your life...
go out with your friend... play sport..
give her some space...
and she will come back to you..
in fact she will be the one who game you.,

 

[hondo928]

I'm in a very similar position, only not as far into it, I began dating this gorgeous girl right before school got out last year, and then didn't see each other for 3 months except for for about a week, because she lives in CA and I in MD. Once school got back things were just rather awkward so we broke up, things were pretty mutual, but I've been having second thoughts. I'm trying to keep my distance, but I've ran into the problem that she really doesn't respond the C&F. Do you all think I should give it another couple weeks off?

For example this is a text message

Me:Hey me and a friend are having a birthday party Saturday. I hope you can come its gonna be a pretty crazy dance party
Her:Hey I dont know if I'm gonna be here this weekend but thanks for the invite. I'll let you know
Me:That's cool I hope you can come, but I can understand if your afraid if you can't keep up with my killer dance moves.

Then there is no response. When we were dating before she used to always go along with stuff like this, my game is a little rusty considering its been like 4 months, since I really was working on girls, (which was a mistake that I really got complacent with her but whatever) Anyway not trying to hijack this post just thought it was related. What do you think I should do to get a better response. Also completely avoiding her isn't an option since she lives with 2 of my best friends

 

[Daniel1982]

WOMEN ARE EMOTIONAL. Please remember that. And everything that you are doing fulfills her emotionally which isn't a bad thing,but the problem is that she's getting all of these needs filled WITHOUT dating you.

Thanks for the advice Igetit, but i'm a little bit lost into how to exploit this trait correctly, since I thought I was giving her something to chew, to raise her level of interest, but ended up giving too much, any ideas?

You have to flip this around man. Put yourself back in the power position.
Don't call her for a while. Date other women. And this time,if you're seeing or thinking about seeing another woman,and she asks if something is going on,tell that you don't know because the two of you just met and you have to get to know her first. This will drive your girlfriend crazy with jealousy. And if she says something to you about the two of you,tell her that you're respecting her wishes about not pressuring her in to anything,and that you can talk about it more on OCT.1st.

Just put yourself back in power,and you'll be ok.

My friend, more like wing woman, says that I can still play her card by letting mi ex know that I still hang out with her, although my ex asked me to not do things that could cause her to distrust me.

Also, you adviced me to not call her for a while, but if she talks to me on messenger, is it ok to say hi back, and do small talk? (15 min tops). Or should I block her. My job requires me to stay online

 

[hondo928]

Seems to me like 90% of the members on the forum believe that there is no way to get an ex back, personally I don't believe that since every one of my exes has eventually come back with the exception of the last one. I don't know how much control over it you have since really most of the things you do will only F it up. Personally I would still hang out with my friends man, female or dog, 1. it will make her jealous, and 2. do u really want to give up a friend for a girl, not hanging out with her is making you a wussy. I would still talk to her but only if she talks to you first, and take your time, just use patience. That's my 2 cents...but then again I'm also in your situation.

 

[Daniel1982]

Guys, a friend posted in facebook pictures of me and her, dancing in a party, so my ex got really jealous, she sent me an email telling me how dissappointed she was, and that I'm a liar for I told her that there was no one else I was dating, and s**t. I just texted back saying "you know what? your email surprised me, I got nothing to hide, so if you wanna talk about it, cool, if don't, that's also ok"

Any suggestions? tips on how to use this to my favor?

 

[mcs]

nonetheless, the first post's good advice to the guys who want to get their ex back

 

[Igetit!]

Guys, a friend posted in facebook pictures of me and her, dancing in a party, so my ex got really jealous, she sent me an email telling me how dissappointed she was, and that I'm a liar for I told her that there was no one else I was dating, and s**t. I just texted back saying "you know what? your email surprised me, I got nothing to hide, so if you wanna talk about it, cool, if don't, that's also ok"

Any suggestions? tips on how to use this to my favor?

She saw pictures of you dancing with another girl,so she sent you an email telling you that she was disappointed in you? What does she care? I thought that you said that you would like to date her,but SHE hasn't decided whether to date you or not. In other words,the two of you would already be together in a relationship,but SHE'S the one holding things up. Is that right? This is a case of,"I don't want you,but I don't want anyone else to have you either".
Honestly dude,I don't see how you can put up with this foolishness. This is ridiculous. Aren't there any other girls you can date? How long do you plan on being her spare tire? That's right,a spare tire. She doesn't want to use you,she just wants to keep you around,just in case. I guess it's just me. I have a very,very low tolerance for disrespect and nonsense from women.


Well,the only thing I can say is what I've already said in my first post. The reason I go back to that is because that's the answer. She has the power,she's in control. The reason she became jealous and sent you that email was because when she saw you with another girl,that was a threat to the power she currently has over you. Haven't you noticed that the only times that she really shows you a lot of attention is when it concerns you possibly being with another girl? When she saw that missed call from one of your friends from work,she got jealous. When she saw the facebook pictures of you and some girl,she got jealous. All of these instances,all these examples of what to do to possibly get her back,and you still don't get it?

Put her in the friendzone. She said that you disappointed her,and she called you a liar,right? Well,try this then. Agree with her. Tell her that she's right.
This is what I would say to her if I had gotten that email from her: "So you said that I lied to you and I disappointed you. Well,I'm sorry you feel that way. With all the problems we've had in the past and now with me hurting you and disappointing you,maybe it was a good thing that we decided to wait instead of just jumping back into a relationship with each other. You know what? I think you're right. Maybe we should just be friends or something. I mean, you know that I like you,and that I care about you,and the last thing I want to do is hurt you or disappoint you again. Maybe it's just for the best."

Now,by you saying that,this is what happens:

You're back in control. Instead of you continuing to set around and wait for her to finally say,"Ok,I'm ready. You can be my boyfriend now", you take that option out of her hands. Now that YOU finally have made a decision concerning your lovelife instead of waiting for her(or anyone else) to do it,internally she's going to feel the loss of power. You know why?
Because now that YOU have decided to just be friends with her,SHE no longer has the option of dating you,because you changed your mind. So once she no longer has that option,then hold on to something,because she's really going to come after you with phone calls,emails,text messages,etc,but don't be fooled. At first,all of this attention will be just to get the power back,NOT to date you. But if you continue to stand firm and stay in control,her seeing you in the power position will cause attraction in her,and she'll want YOU back.