Pfffsch, don't let something like that stand in your way. Ignore the 'I shall not have roommates' or whatever rule.
This is the same thing as not dating a girl cause she only dates men with a Porshe, only a little bit different.
Since you're 41, I'm guessing you're dating mature women and not 16 year old 'wanne-impress-my-friends' gigli girls.
I had a friend in a similar position, only he just crashed his business and was about 10 years younger then you.
My older brother helped him out. I'll try to do the same for you.
Let's go through this step by step. And bare with me, it's long but it's good if you accept it.
When they ask you wtf you're doing at your mom's house you most probably get embarassed and start explaining it in a seriously uncertain way, kinda like an AFC would. Which is kinda normal.
What you wanne do is make sure she gets what happened, and explain it in a light way. Don't go explaining her about how hard the divorce was. Don't tell her about your parent' problems. Unless you wanne depress her.
If they ask, you got to keep it light, that's really important.
Or another good option is use this moment to tell a good statement/story that tells her you're not to be disrespected. (the example at the end of this post applies to this) You know it's kinda like standing in front of an audience. Tell me what's worse : Somebody standing there all embarassed, or someone actually ignoring the fear of going down like the titanic and just doing his or her act. I can assure you that the first option is the worst. The second one gets appreciated for the work and effort, but if you just stand there helpless in a way saying 'save me' ...
Also, don't think that what you are doing is something to be ashamed of, or be ashamed of talking about it ! Imagine they made a movie about your story. The chiqs would go all 'He the man, taking care of his family and all that and ignoring the fact that people might judge him' (but the thing is, you are not ignoring it atm, making you not attractive, and no hero in the movie). You have to be proud of what you're doing man. So you got divorced, why ? Something was wrong, you fixed it, and you're moving the **** on with your life, THATS WHY ! No further details needed. Why are you living with your mother .. ? Because the poor woman would lose her house if you wouldn't be there with her, because your dad built that house with his hands, stone by stone, step by step.
Heck man, you're a ****ing hero !
There's nothing worse then living in shame man, be proud of everything you do. And you have no reason why you shouldn't be.
If a woman sees you are ashamed of what you're doing, give me one reason why she should wanne date you ..
So the next time it comes up, I'd suggest doing something like this. This is taken from the dude that was explaining why he lived with his parents, so addapt this to your situation.
Her : Is it true that you still live with your parents ?
Him : Do you like taking risks once in a while ? (say it in a way that sounds like 'let me explain it to you by asking this')
Her : .. yeah sure
Him : Well me too, but the thing with taking a risk is that you might screw it up somehow. I took a risk and started a business, it was going well at first, you know living my dream. But the industry got in a crisis and I had to close the books.
Her : Oh, is that why you live with your parents now ? Or was somebody just messing with me ?
Him : I do live with them at the moment, but this is just temporary untill I find myself a place to live that I like. It's hard to find a good house at the moment. It's like staying at your friends house for a while untill you find a place you like.
Her : Oh I see (kinda disappointed) (here he went all in)
Him : Yeah. Funny thing is most people I meet think that makes me a loser. (not looking at her while he says this, remember, he wants her to LIKE him) Hah ! I'm still dreaming, I'm still trying to achieve what I want to achieve, I don't wanne settle for a 9-5, that's just not me. It's usually those people, making barely enough cash to pay for their little rented appartment, seeing a girl that barely respects what they do, and usually running around telling themselves 'God today sucks', that are judging ME. Well **** that, at least I can say 'Yesterday was great, today is worse but tomorrow God knows what kind of day it'll be !'
Her : Oh, I know what you mean blablabla
Only 6 months ago my brother became his 'best-man'.
Living in shame is not how you're supposed to live, take pride in what you do, and you really have plenty of reasons to do so.
