"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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How do I deal with this?

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Mistic

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Lishy said:
Ok Mistic can I just ask you what you think I should do right now?

Should I not call him? Should I call and ask to talk about it? Should I call and act like nothing has happened? Should I end it as he wont change?

I need some solid imput here Mr!!!!!!!!!!!
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Okay, here is my best advice.

In a very low pressure manner, let him know that you are feeling unsure about your relationship. Assure him that you are "Okay" with moving on, and you are also "Okay" with letting him be himself.

Convey to him that you are cool with whatever, but you just want some clarity on the situation. Also, make sure he understands that this is important to you, and you aren't determined to make it work. It would be nice if it could, but you are perfectly okay with moving on. You value yourself and have certain standards. It's "Okay" if he doesn't meet them, but you would rather find someone who does.

I could teach you how to use minipulative seduction tricks to get this guy answering you every call, but as I said you would still not respect him.

Just be honest and true to yourself, and dont make him feel pressured or obligated.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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Mistic

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Good night Lish, take it easy. Or as we say in Hawaii. Go easy.
 
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Lishy

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Mistic said:
Okay, here is my best advice.

In a very low pressure manner, let him know that you are feeling unsure about your relationship. Assure him that you are "Okay" with moving on, and you are also "Okay" with letting him be himself.

Convey to him that you are cool with whatever, but you just want some clarity on the situation. Also, make sure he understands that this is important to you, and you aren't determined to make it work. It would be nice if it could, but you are perfectly okay with moving on. You value yourself and have certain standards. It's "Okay" if he doesn't meet them, but you would rather find someone who does.

I could teach you how to use minipulative seduction tricks to get this guy answering you every call, but as I said you would still not respect him.

Just be honest and true to yourself, and dont make him feel pressured or obligated.
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Ok that makes sense.

One more question, do I wait for him to call me or should I call him?

How I see it, it was him who turned his phone off so it should be him who calls me
 
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Mavrick

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Aw, Lishy. I feel for you. I loved you so, and I would hate for your heart to be broken.
 
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"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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ketostix

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Purple-Haze said:
Are you serious?

So it's OK for him to go out, but not for her? A guy who is that insecure (one who gets passive every time she goes out) is a wimp (sorry Lishy!) - do you think a DJ would behave like this? Do you think he'd be such a freakin' chump and go silent and not tell her what's up?

If he were a real man, he'd tell her what was up. He wouldn't just sit there and try to make her figure out what's going on.
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Yes it's OK for him to go out without her but it's not OK for her to :D. I never said her man was a DJ. And going silent is a legitimate and masculine move. There's no point in arguing with a woman when she already knows what you want her to do. She'll just get mad and lose attraction. Going silent is sure driving Lishy up the wall lol.

PS: Go read my last post in your "Some questions" thread in the MM to see how you contradicted yourself and got owned.
 
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Lishy

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Talking to him will be like getting blood from a stone, he wont admit he has a problem with me going out!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
 
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Lishy

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I could cheat on him at work or in the day when he is at work if I was that type of girl. He has never shown any other signs that he is insecure or jealous or untrusting of me
 
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EricInTheHouse

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Have you asked him at all why he gets like this because you go out?...
I know I wouldn't have a problem if my wife wanted to spend time with a GF.. Sounds like jealousy, but I don't know why...I mean it's your GF..

Geez people can't be stuck together 24/7.... nice to go out with friends...does he go out with his friends?? I'd be discussing this with him soon.. That would really piss me off if I was in your position..

Oh and the username.. but I won't mention...
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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EricInTheHouse

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ketostix said:
Besides it's much worse for a girl to cheat than a guy.
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Lol... it is not, lol Anyone who cheats is an idiot... girl or guy...


And in the OP's case... seems a lack of trust exsist.. Not a good thing at all..and it needs to be worked out very soon.
 
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EricInTheHouse

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Lishy said:
My user name is not what you think it is ... It has a very personal explaination
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no ..I know you from the other place... well..the name anyways..
 
penkitten

penkitten

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why dont you just tell him that every once in a blue moon you would like to go out with your own friends, as he does his, without him making you feel guilty about it and then giving you the silent treatment.
if you can not find a compromise, re evaluate the whole relationship.
 
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Lishy

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He rang today and I had already decided that he is playing a game and I wouldnt play, so he can play it by himself! We spoke as normal and I told him what a great weekend I had ... He had better get used to me having nights out with the girls as I will be having plenty more!
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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Mr. Me

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Lishy, your BF does this passive-aggressive thing and when you call him on it, even though he says he's not doing anything, he is, and you talking to him about how it bothers you is his reward letting him know that he got to you.

So, to hell with calling him. Don't. And act like it doesn't bother you, and in fact, don't even mention that you tried calling.

And if he starts poking around trying to get you to spill why you haven't tried calling or to tell him if you did try calling, tell him, innocently and with a smile on your face, that you know how he doesn't like to receive calls on those occasions. The tone to keep in all this is as like you're doing him a favor, as if you're doing this out of love and regard for him, like you're saving him from grief.

Then when he insists that he does want you to call, you insist in turn, again, in a very nice, earnest way: "Oh, I know you're just trying to be nice! But that's okay honey! I know how much you don't like it, so don't worry. I won't call!" and change the topic.

This is how you end his passive-aggressive behavior. You defeat it by taking the wind out of it.
 
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Lishy

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Mr. Me said:
Lishy, your BF does this passive-aggressive thing and when you call him on it, even though he says he's not doing anything, he is, and you talking to him about how it bothers you is his reward letting him know that he got to you.

So, to hell with calling him. Don't. And act like it doesn't bother you, and in fact, don't even mention that you tried calling.

And if he starts poking around trying to get you to spill why you haven't tried calling or to tell him if you did try calling, tell him, innocently and with a smile on your face, that you know how he doesn't like to receive calls on those occasions. The tone to keep in all this is as like you're doing him a favor, as if you're doing this out of love and regard for him, like you're saving him from grief.

Then when he insists that he does want you to call, you insist in turn, again, in a very nice, earnest way: "Oh, I know you're just trying to be nice! But that's okay honey! I know how much you don't like it, so don't worry. I won't call!" and change the topic.

This is how you end his passive-aggressive behavior. You defeat it by taking the wind out of it.
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Honey, that is just what I did, and it worked like a dream!

Thanks x
 
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22 Rules for Massive Success With Women
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