How do I Avoid Being The Rebound-guy?

[Lambda]

This lovely young chick (22) has been flirting with me over several months now. She has a boyfriend, and when we started the flirting I got the impression they were doing OK. But over the last few weeks things have changed. If she talks about him in the conversations, she is usually talking neutral or negative about him, like he's lazy, he doesn't want to quit smoking, is never home (I have never heard any positive things about him). She mentioned looking for a new boyfriend recently (not sure if this was a joke though). And when around me she is acting more nervous and flustered than before, like blushing, stirring fast in her drink, preening, giving me quick looks, breathing fast. She is really engaged in the conversations when we are alone, like she is turning her nervous energy into something positive, and stare at me with big pupils when we talk, hair-flips, stroking her chest, showing cleavage, showing off her thong, smiling, laughing and asks questions about my personal life. Recently I told her about an apartement I am thinking of buying, and her pupils dilated immediately, and she wanted to know where it is and see pictures of it. I newly finished a higher education and she is talking like I sooner or later will become a manager or director

A couple of days ago we were eating overtime-dinner together while she was leg-flirting with me under the table, while we had a personal conversation. Other things she does is leaning her tits and butt into my arm and her thigh and hips into my hand and a lot of stuff like that. This is at work, and she has told me she want to be professional at work, so we can't flirt openly. This is why she only flirts when we are alone. This is a little stressful. Luckily I am soon moving to another departement of the company (in two weeks).

I want to ask her out. I am thinking LTR with her, so I want to avoid being the rebound-guy or fukking-good friend. My plan therefore was to make sure she will brake up with the bf before I move in. But how do I do this? Should I talk to her about dumping bf before I ask her out? (this could make me look like a fool if she turns me down). When do I ask her out, now or in two weeks (when moving to the other departement)? Should I ask her out for a regular date or for a "friendly" date? Move slow or fast?

Please give me any advice if you have been in a similar situation.

 

[DJDamage]

I want to ask her out. :

You already been out with her and you didn't do anything. I am still miffed at people who "officially" want to ask a girl out. If you are alone with a girl and you are interested in her then step up your game or go home.

I am thinking LTR with her, so I want to avoid being the rebound-guy or fukking-good friend.

You want an LTR with a girl whom you barley know and have yet to get physical with??!! Also check your ego at the door, because as of right now you don't really know what is the situation with her boyfriend (whatever she told you means sh1t). She is still with him regardless of his "supposed" faults and if she is planning to hook up with you while being with him then don't be surprised if she is going do the same to you (in the not so distance future).

My plan therefore was to make sure she will brake up with the bf before I move in.

That is a bad plan. Don't be concerned about her bf as a matter of fact, act as if she is single. The point is that if this chick wants to cheat and is really attracted to you then she will. Never wait it out, if she balks at your advances then move on to other women. Avoid the oneitis you are clearly sinking into.

Should I ask her out for a regular date or for a "friendly" date? Move slow or fast?:

Ask her to join you for some drinks after work and work your magic.

 

[SharinganUser]

Why why why do you want to avoid being the rebound guy?

Personally I say find another chick, especially since you clearly don't want to hook up with this chick.

She has a bf, and she works in at the same place you do, this can only mean trouble if you value your job.

 

[Lambda]

You already been out with her and you didn't do anything. I am still miffed at people who "officially" want to ask a girl out. If you are alone with a girl and you are interested in her then step up your game or go home..

With alone, I mean when noone at work can see or hear us. We have only been seeing each other at work, so thats why I haven't done anything, and want to ask her out "officially".

You want an LTR with a girl whom you barley know and have yet to get physical with??!!

You are right.. at least I want to see where this can lead. If there's mutual attraction and chemistry, there's at least potential.

Also check your ego at the door, because as of right now you don't really know what is the situation with her boyfriend (whatever she told you means sh1t). She is still with him regardless of his "supposed" faults and if she is planning to hook up with you while being with him then don't be surprised if she is going do the same to you (in the not so distance future).

I am aware of this.

That is a bad plan. Don't be concerned about her bf as a matter of fact, act as if she is single. The point is that if this chick wants to cheat and is really attracted to you then she will. Never wait it out, if she balks at your advances then move on to other women. Avoid the oneitis you are clearly sinking into.

But if she cheats with me, can this lead to anything more than just some bedroom-fun?

I'll invite her out in one week, when its just a few days until I move on to the other departement. We won't work together then. But the way we work now it would be a bad idea to do anything as it could be really messy at work (we have to cooperate).

 

[Lambda]

Why why why do you want to avoid being the rebound guy?

Personally I say find another chick, especially since you clearly don't want to hook up with this chick.

She has a bf, and she works in at the same place you do, this can only mean trouble if you value your job.

As I said I will move to another departement soon. We wont work together then, and only see each other if we want to see each other. Also I have applied for a better job in another company, and there's a chance I could get this one.

 

[KontrollerX]

You can only avoid being the rebound guy by waiting until she's made someone else the rebound guy and then finally dumped both her boyfriend and the rebound guy when her emotions surrounding the ex boyfriend are finally clear.

So yeah too much hassle with all the waiting you'd have to do.

Either find someone else or just use this chick for sex and accept that it will end at some point.

Don't invest your emotions in her anyway as if she cheats on him she will cheat on you too.

Guys that fish in a tainted well always come back to this site years later and ask what went wrong and when questioned we find out they got with a cheater and tried to turn a ho into a housewife.

It just doesn't work.

Its like that phrase garbage in, garbage out.

Take garbage into your life on a deep emotional relationship level its still going to be garbage and eventually on its way out of your life.

If you want a serious relationship with a chick that has a chance of lasting the rest of your life find a chick that is single, who shares the same world view as you and who when she talks about the past men in her life never speaks of them in a callous tone and when you listen to her speak about them she never mentions having cheated on them but instead something more along the lines of "we just grew apart and mutually decided to go our seperate ways".

A cheating scumbag will always make some excuse for the cheating and say the past guys in her life she cheated on did this that or the other thing.

None of that matters though as a mature high quality woman will end a bad relationship and not cheat on her partner as revenge for not treating her well.

Cheating rather than leaving a perceived bad boyfriend is an act and sign of immaturity.

 

[BlakeW5]

So you can come up with an in-depth analysis of this chicks body language but you can't figure out how to get with her? Pffft, gimme a break

Quit thinking in "LTR mode". You say you're aware of all this, but you're clearly ignoring the obvious, and good advice, you've been given. You don't really know the girl. You know the girl she is in a work setting. Not only are girls WAY different outside of work (she could be a psycho b*tch!) but they turn into completely different animals when they get into a relationship.

It kills me how you're looking at the situation. You admit that you're aware that she'll probably cheat on you if she cheats on him (the bf) with you, yet you still want to view this as a LTR possibility. Whatever you do don't try to convince her to break up with her boyfriend for you... it's going to backfire in a bad way. She doesn't know you either, why would she give up on her guy (who she's still with despite the flaws she tells you about) for some dude she doesn't even know (and who hasn't shown enough stones to make a move).

So to answer your question, "How to avoid being a rebound?". Here's the simple answer... be a g-d MAN! Real men are hard to find, women rarely leave REAL men. Here's the catch, real men don't sit around and take note of 35 IOI's (like you did), and then ask a message board how they should react to the IOI's. A real man would make a move. It's as easy as asking her out for a few drinks after work. If she's interested in a relationship she'll end the one she has with the current bf.

 

[Lambda]

So you can come up with an in-depth analysis of this chicks body language but you can't figure out how to get with her? Pffft, gimme a break

Quit thinking in "LTR mode". You say you're aware of all this, but you're clearly ignoring the obvious, and good advice, you've been given. You don't really know the girl. You know the girl she is in a work setting. Not only are girls WAY different outside of work (she could be a psycho b*tch!) but they turn into completely different animals when they get into a relationship.

It kills me how you're looking at the situation. You admit that you're aware that she'll probably cheat on you if she cheats on him (the bf) with you, yet you still want to view this as a LTR possibility. Whatever you do don't try to convince her to break up with her boyfriend for you... it's going to backfire in a bad way. She doesn't know you either, why would she give up on her guy (who she's still with despite the flaws she tells you about) for some dude she doesn't even know (and who hasn't shown enough stones to make a move).

So to answer your question, "How to avoid being a rebound?". Here's the simple answer... be a g-d MAN! Real men are hard to find, women rarely leave REAL men. Here's the catch, real men don't sit around and take note of 35 IOI's (like you did), and then ask a message board how they should react to the IOI's. A real man would make a move. It's as easy as asking her out for a few drinks after work. If she's interested in a relationship she'll end the one she has with the current bf.

WE WORK TOGETHER, thats why I haven't made a move. I've never had a problem asking women out.

 

[BlakeW5]

WE WORK TOGETHER, thats why I haven't made a move. I've never had a problem asking women out.

I KNOW!

Working together has nothing to do with whether or not you'll end up a rebound guy. If working together is the only problem why are you even asking for help, you either ask her or don't.

I never said you had to grab her boob, I'm just saying make a move. If you two working together is that big a deal you just need to forget about her and find another chick. Geez