How did you get to be a non-don-juan?

[theposter]

For me, it was a combination of being shy since birth, and having low self-confidence since around the time boys start being competitive. Since I was shy I missed out on social experiences and in turn never learned how to socialize or even the basic elements of culuture tha socialization is based around. For instance, instead of learning that movies like the Boondock Saints, or tv shows like Family Guy were cool, I stayed home and watched what my parents had introduced me to, stuff like the Discovery Channel and Animal Planet. I didn't buy my first cd until I was 17, and for the next two years I bought the rest of mine off of Amazon.com...taking recomendations from album-review websites rather than from advice from people I knew.

Since I lacked even a basic awareness of the things that everyone else is familiar with, I couldn't contribute to conversations or relate to people. Making a friend through an activity wasn't an option for be because I didn't share any interesrs in common with my peers.

Going to a series of small and protective private schools since 3rd grade definitely didn't help. Neither did switching at 6th grade into a school where every single kid had been together since 1st.


What are you're guy's stories? Does anyone else here feel that lack of seduction skills was the least of their worries, or are there some of you who are completely competant at everything except the opposite sex?

 

[Jay Jay]

Nice question.

Firstly I guess I had a lot of bad programming as a child and teenager. I had an elder sister who was always *****ing with her friends about "sleazy" guys and filling my head other bad concepts.

But it wasn't enough to totally destroy my natural masculine instincts. I remember one night when I was about 15 I was grabbing a video with my sis. These three uggs started talking to me and followed me all the way home. I told em to **** off and then said to my sis, "why don't hot chicks ever chase me like that."

She gave me a talk about how women shouldn't be judged by their looks.

My response was, "I don't judge them as people, just as girls I want to ****." She didn't like that!

No, I didn't fall until my mid twenties. I was engaged to a perfect ten but developed a drug problem. She left me and hooked up with another guy within weeks. It destroyed my confidence.

The next girl I hooked up with was also a ten and as sassy as all ****. My confidence was shot to pieces from my ex but I still landed her. But she could feel my weakness and constantly challenged me.

I didn't know what I know now and my way of dealing with her tests were to submit. But I didn't AFC out completely; the moment her **** tests became disrespectful I shot her down. Hard.

So I kept her for a while.

But I got wore down and down and eventually I found that my self esteem was so wrecked I had no energy left for myself. I snapped and crashed the relationship. I put her in a postion where she had to stop ****ing me around or walk away.

She was a classy player however and turned it round on me, "why are you being like this? Do you love me?"

And so came my moment of losing my manhood. "Yes I do." I told her.

She responded by breaking my heart.

And so began this journey.

JJ

 

[jocca]

Im a bit of a selfconfessed momas boy. Dad was working a lot when i was younger so had to spend most of my time with mum. Never really noticed how it affected me until my friend noticed how I put women I like on pedastals. I then started playing footy and became a good athlete. All of a sudden I Became an Alpha and was cruising along fine until a recent ex destroyed my confidence. i went completely AFC and was then directed to this site. Now Im back to how I used to be mainly. Still recovering confidence though. good thread though

 

[monster squad]

I'm kinda drunk here, so expect some pointless rambling:

Where to begin....

My father wasn't around much when I was growing up. It's not that he didn't try. My mom stopped working when my sister was born (I was 4), and simply never bothered to go back. So he worked constantly. The man's nearly 60, and still works 7 days a week. (note: he's well off financially, it's just that his job demands a lot of his time). He did take me fishing a few times, and helped me out with little league baseball when I was 7 or 8, but I wasn't interested in either, nor was I any good.

My mom was, and still is, a nag. She loses her temper over the stupidest **** (she had an extremely abusive childhood, and my dad basically married her to get her out of her situation), so I kinda grew up being afraid to ever do ANYTHING. She'd always put me down and tell me how worthless I am. I still have a tendency to gravitate towards "strong" women, like the type who claim they're "independant" all the time and constantly try to control me. I only recently realized this.

I went to a strict Catholic school until the 6th grade, when I was apruptly thrown into a large public school with sprawling social networks. I never did fit in at either place, since even as a child I thought of religion as fantasy story-time, which ostracized me at the private one, and I tried too hard to fit in at the public one.

Growing up, there was nobody in my neighborhood close to my age. I kept attempting to hang out with kids who were much older than me, which was ok for a while. When they all got old enough to drive, and started dating, I was alone again. Then we moved out into the country, where there was literally nobody to socialize with. So, being left to my own devices, I became sort of obsessed with obscurities. I didn't have anyone forcefeeding me horseshlt about what to like, or not to like, and I delved into experimental/"extreme" (I hate that word) music and film. Personally speaking, that's something I'm happy for.

In highschool I became a serious assh0le. I was this militant vegan, anti-establishment, anti-religion, anti-this and that, straightedge douchebag elitist. I swore everyone hated me, and that just fueled my rage. I didn't realize what a complete fool I was being, and how much I was missing out on, until I was walking to my car after graduation, when this drop-dead gorgeous girl from my class said to me, "I'm having a party tonight, and I was going to invite you, but I don't think you'd be happy there.". It just hit me like a two-ton.... heavy thing. All the times girls would ask me about myself or my interests, all the times people tried getting close to me, to understand me, and I'd just react with preachiness and hostility. I wasn't being rejected by them, I was being rejected by myself. If only I could turn back time.

Oh, and then there are my early efforts at woo-ing the females. I think I was in the 2nd grade or so, and I noticed some dlckhead trying to gross out a bunch of girls. I think they were all in the 7th or 8th grade. I came over and proceeded to slap the shlt out of him, and one of the girls told me she was my friend. On the busride home, some "friends" of mine told me that this meant that the two of us were "boyfriend and girlfriend". Despite realizing that there was a considerable age gap, my naivity got the best of me. I approached her and told her that were were now a couple. I'll leave the rest up to your imagination.

In the 7th grade, I had a crush on this one girl. I think her name was Lori, or something. I pestered her a bit, and made some sort of tactless stab at asking her out. She kicked me in the balls. I pretty much gave up after that one. In happier news, she ended up becoming a baby factory for one of the school's bully in later years, so good luck to her with that.

Other than that, I was pretty much anti-social after highschool. Not as much of a prick to be around, but it's still difficult to relate to anyone.

 

[theposter]

Good responses guys. I should also mention that my awkwardness might have been my saving grace. Since I couldn't have deep and meaningful relationships, I turned to humor and antics to get attention. As a result, nearly everyone in my school liked me. I was voted prom king, the stoners smoked me up at an early age, and I always found a way to make people laugh (possibly at my expense but hey, at least people were paying attention to me). I didn't hang out with anyone outside of school though. Two people came to my house in all of middle and high school. I hadn't spent an afternoon at anyone's house between 6th and 12th grade, not a single minute. Nobody invited me, and I was too naive to realize I should have invited myself as soon as I met these kids. I remember one of the most humiliating moments was asking a classmate where to buy a wallet. All I had was my velcro one that I had gotten as a gift years ago. The guy was cool about it, but it was one of the first times I had ever asked anyone for advice.

Coincidentally, I'm now dating one of the girls from my high school. We hadn't even been friends, but once she realized how much I had changed since college began 3 years ago she started pursuing me. I guess every curse has its blessing, mine being that I am a very sympathetic and understanding person. I'm still self-concious, but I now know that nobody really gives a **** about your problems. If I come across an unfamiliar situation (ie. picking out a movie to watch) I'll just admit my unfamiliarity and say I'd like to know more. I used to tack on an "I don't know why I'm unfamiliar with..." but now I'm up front with it. Everyone had problems in high school, mine just happened to be a very visible one which requires a lot of practice and experience to fix.

Anyways, thanks for the replies and keep em coming.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Elementary school: Used to develop crushes for girls who weren't into me but on the other hand, not having enough interest in girls where I may have had a chance. My structure was under my parents, and my parents picked me up from school, or were waiting for me to come home by a certain time, and did not give me any spending money of allowance.

Anything involving sexuality or sexual expression was strictly taboo and something to be avoided. Did not seem to connect with anyone. I was sort of an under-dog there and felt inferior.

What felt bad to me during elementary school was to see class mates playing with a girl's boobs, but I could not do it. Saw class mates kissing, but I could not do it. Did not properly pursue interested girls and sort of frooze.

High School: Went to all boys school. Terrified of even FUG's - anything that was female was looked at as a myterious entity, even fat ugly female teachers. Went to church that was co-ed and was shy to talk to females.

What felt bad for me was when I saw a classmate who was popular with the girls, and who was hugged by a girl. Felt jealous I couldn't hug anyone.

University: Co-ed school. Had nasty crushes on girls who weren't into me.
Had pleutonic friendships. GPA nosedived being in wrong courses.
Did not have a car and lived with my parents. Life was going to school, and going back home to mom and dad with occasional group co-ed socialisation - but didn't get anywhere more than 'friendship'. Infatuations cost marks.

What felt bad for me was when I saw people in Christian groups being in romantically intimate positions, people french kissing in a lecture class, while I felt somehow deprived.

Post-University: With parents most of the time, or essential activities.
Started internet dating last year, with a more serious tone than before, and meet four people where one of them had no chemistry, while the other three dates crash and burned very miserably. Parents discouraged me from pursuing any hook-ups from adultfriendfinder, although four prospects were nice enough to look into my sad profile and willing to meet me.

Finally, put up a new profile in December, and from that, I kissed three people on my first date, and am still currently seeing one person. A fourth person was meet, but when she friendzoned me I ceased communicating with her since there was a wrath against stuff like that and everyone friendzoning me was deemed my enemy and was eliminated under a new policy.

Meet a few people, and had a french kiss a couple of weekends ago for the first time. So, my goals are too modest for DJing since it seems I'm after some sort of intimate connection or experience with one person who is willing to take me on.

What felt bad is being in the inferior positions of love triangles and always losing to some other alpha male who is either the girl's boyfriend, or plays the girl and leaves her bitter with men. Seeing other people french kiss. However, that doesn't feel bad anymore as it seems I have had the following intimate experiences in my own life:

1) Kissing/French Kissing.

2) Touching a girl's hand in a movie theatre while watching a movie.

Most, if not all my intimate experiences have been with Black women, although several white women were interested in hooking up with me from adultfriendfinder later in the day.

Indian women have given me the most grief.