Maximummax
Senior Don Juan
Even matured guys these days make me wonder.
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
How come guys can't detect BPD qualities
- Thread starter Maximummax
- Start date
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
Tictac
Banned
Because the sex is usually out of this world.... for a while anyway.
Die Hard
Master Don Juan
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It has a lot to do with the natural human tendency to give another person the benefit of the doubt and operating from the standpoint that a person is innocent until proven otherwise.
In the beginning, when you just met a BPD, she might display certain behavior that COULD indicate BPD but it's not conclusive yet. So you continue with her and keep an eye out for more signs that might give you conclusive evidence of her being BPD.
The trouble is, BPD's are master manipulators and know exactly how they can keep you guessing about them. They twist and turn the truth, they obfuscate, create smoke and mirrors, mix up their lies with truths so you're unable to seperate them from each other...
This undermines your attempts to make a logical assessment about her. But on top of this, she draws you in emotionally and your feelings will hinder your ability to logically assess her as well. Perfect combo...
That's why I advocate people to look at THEMSELVES when they try to figure out if they're dealing with a BPD, rather than looking at HER.
It's quite difficult to ascertain if you're dealing with a BPD. You may see some signs in the beginning but you need more interaction to draw a definitive conclusion. That takes time and in that time, you already get sucked too deep into her vortex. By the time you are sure she's BPD, you're not able to break up with her without going through a painful withdrawal period. So you either stay with her coz you're too weak to go through the withdrawal, or you force yourself to get away from her after all but spend months recovering...
Therefor, you need to look at YOURSELF instead of HER, coz the things happening in your own mind will give away very soon whether she is BPD or not.
If you catch yourself constantly trying to figure out her behavior, experience strong emotional turmoil as a result of your interactions with her, feel like you're losing control over your emotions, your mind is uncontrollably trying to look for certainty and confirmation but you won't find it, feeling like you're flying around in a storm looking for something to hold onto but never finding it... And all of these heavy reactions inside of you so soon already, while you've only known the girl for a short while?
Then you're dealing with a BPD!!
In the beginning, when you just met a BPD, she might display certain behavior that COULD indicate BPD but it's not conclusive yet. So you continue with her and keep an eye out for more signs that might give you conclusive evidence of her being BPD.
The trouble is, BPD's are master manipulators and know exactly how they can keep you guessing about them. They twist and turn the truth, they obfuscate, create smoke and mirrors, mix up their lies with truths so you're unable to seperate them from each other...
This undermines your attempts to make a logical assessment about her. But on top of this, she draws you in emotionally and your feelings will hinder your ability to logically assess her as well. Perfect combo...
That's why I advocate people to look at THEMSELVES when they try to figure out if they're dealing with a BPD, rather than looking at HER.
It's quite difficult to ascertain if you're dealing with a BPD. You may see some signs in the beginning but you need more interaction to draw a definitive conclusion. That takes time and in that time, you already get sucked too deep into her vortex. By the time you are sure she's BPD, you're not able to break up with her without going through a painful withdrawal period. So you either stay with her coz you're too weak to go through the withdrawal, or you force yourself to get away from her after all but spend months recovering...
Therefor, you need to look at YOURSELF instead of HER, coz the things happening in your own mind will give away very soon whether she is BPD or not.
If you catch yourself constantly trying to figure out her behavior, experience strong emotional turmoil as a result of your interactions with her, feel like you're losing control over your emotions, your mind is uncontrollably trying to look for certainty and confirmation but you won't find it, feeling like you're flying around in a storm looking for something to hold onto but never finding it... And all of these heavy reactions inside of you so soon already, while you've only known the girl for a short while?
Then you're dealing with a BPD!!
speed dawg
Master Don Juan
Because those b*tches are usually hot. Bottom line.
I think we are born with certain tendencies, but most of our programming happens through our childhood. BPD is nothing but narcissism/entitlement on steroids. I also don't believe in mental health and all that other sh*t, so BPD is really just an adjective for me.
Good looking girls have everything handed to them in western society. It's always been that way, but now, with the destruction of the family unit, it's getting out of control. With weak character, these girls get by on the easiest thing possible, their looks. They use and abuse, and they love to FEEL. They love drama, and talking about themselves. That's all they know.
Men (especially feminized betas) will do many things to stick their d*ck in a hot woman.
I think we are born with certain tendencies, but most of our programming happens through our childhood. BPD is nothing but narcissism/entitlement on steroids. I also don't believe in mental health and all that other sh*t, so BPD is really just an adjective for me.
Good looking girls have everything handed to them in western society. It's always been that way, but now, with the destruction of the family unit, it's getting out of control. With weak character, these girls get by on the easiest thing possible, their looks. They use and abuse, and they love to FEEL. They love drama, and talking about themselves. That's all they know.
Men (especially feminized betas) will do many things to stick their d*ck in a hot woman.
I won't get got by one every again. The signs are obvious once you learn them the hard way. A grown woman crawling around on the floor in an infantilized state is either a) something broken that I can fix, or b) run ass away like the wind and don't look back. Will never be a) again for me.
And oh yeah they are smoking hot and expert at using sex to get you drawn in. Also agree with speed dawg that BPD is pretty much US femaleness raised to a mentally ill degree. Most all women I've known show some tendencies of it, some more than others, even women I love dearly. No way the shrinks were going to make "femininity" a mental illness though, not "empowering" of women enough, the shrink industry's bread and butter.
And oh yeah they are smoking hot and expert at using sex to get you drawn in. Also agree with speed dawg that BPD is pretty much US femaleness raised to a mentally ill degree. Most all women I've known show some tendencies of it, some more than others, even women I love dearly. No way the shrinks were going to make "femininity" a mental illness though, not "empowering" of women enough, the shrink industry's bread and butter.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Maximummax
Senior Don Juan
i had to stop by for a moment at a bpd chick profile on facebook
and i was kind of surprised for few minutes by looking at the comments
cute couple/nice couple..and that bs
oh wait, let this beta chump get eaten alive by th bpd than its going to be fun
and i was kind of surprised for few minutes by looking at the comments
cute couple/nice couple..and that bs
oh wait, let this beta chump get eaten alive by th bpd than its going to be fun
Malcontent
Senior Don Juan
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They are professionals at manipulation. It usually takes a while for the partner/victim to catch on -- sometimes years. I am still recovering from mine. We were together 2 years and I am 2 years removed from it. I have not dated or had sex in those 2 years. It has jaded me quite a bit.
The "Honeymoon Period," is also a very aptly named part of the BPD relationship process.
I know it varies and some BPDs will show their hand early-on, yes but many BPDs can go for quite some time in what seems like the perfect, in fact the most perfect relationship you could possibly imagine before the BPD traits/behaviours emerge and blindside you.
By then the time for evaluating the normal red/green flags in a relationship can be long past and its a whole deeper situation than in a normal new relationship - you can be so manipulated into their worldview/mindset that any warning signs you might have overlooked or they have obscured along the way (BPDs are often expert at reinventing themselves between victims), mean very little as you thrash around striving to make sense of whats just happened and how to get those good days back.
Then you are ripe for the whole hoovering/splitting cycle which will go-on till you either break from the strain of it all or wise-up to them.
I know it varies and some BPDs will show their hand early-on, yes but many BPDs can go for quite some time in what seems like the perfect, in fact the most perfect relationship you could possibly imagine before the BPD traits/behaviours emerge and blindside you.
By then the time for evaluating the normal red/green flags in a relationship can be long past and its a whole deeper situation than in a normal new relationship - you can be so manipulated into their worldview/mindset that any warning signs you might have overlooked or they have obscured along the way (BPDs are often expert at reinventing themselves between victims), mean very little as you thrash around striving to make sense of whats just happened and how to get those good days back.
Then you are ripe for the whole hoovering/splitting cycle which will go-on till you either break from the strain of it all or wise-up to them.
Malcontent
Senior Don Juan
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I think I now associate HB9-10 with BPD, so I am just laying low for a while.
When mine told me that she cheated on her ex with 10 guys (she was 20 at the time), everything came into focus for me. Suddenly the entire relationship became clear. Most likely she was cheating on me when she "needed space" on particular days.
My recovery time has been slow. I feel like I've uncovered a secret world I never knew about and it's taken a while to process it. Every time I think I've seen the worst of human behavior, I am surprised again.
One thing it wised me up to was people whose logic changes for their benefit.
I can see it in my supervisor for instance. One day he told me I was doing two opposite behaviors and calling them both wrong. For example, talking too much and not talking enough. He said both things within an hour of micromanaging me. At that point I knew he was a nutcase or trying to destabilize me. Now I call him out on it and he laughs because he knows I can see through his BS.
With my ex, it took me a while to catch on to her game where she would make something that was her fault into being my fault. I'd call her out on bad behavior, she'd throw a tantrum (sometimes throwing things) and I'd end up having to calm the situation. One day I finally caught on and called her out and she said "Oh you noticed that, huh?" in a nonchalant way. She knew what she was doing and was going to use that tool as long as she could.
Many hard lessons learned from that sexy, evil cvnt. I think I still crave her like a drug and the withdrawal period has been long.
When mine told me that she cheated on her ex with 10 guys (she was 20 at the time), everything came into focus for me. Suddenly the entire relationship became clear. Most likely she was cheating on me when she "needed space" on particular days.
My recovery time has been slow. I feel like I've uncovered a secret world I never knew about and it's taken a while to process it. Every time I think I've seen the worst of human behavior, I am surprised again.
One thing it wised me up to was people whose logic changes for their benefit.
I can see it in my supervisor for instance. One day he told me I was doing two opposite behaviors and calling them both wrong. For example, talking too much and not talking enough. He said both things within an hour of micromanaging me. At that point I knew he was a nutcase or trying to destabilize me. Now I call him out on it and he laughs because he knows I can see through his BS.
With my ex, it took me a while to catch on to her game where she would make something that was her fault into being my fault. I'd call her out on bad behavior, she'd throw a tantrum (sometimes throwing things) and I'd end up having to calm the situation. One day I finally caught on and called her out and she said "Oh you noticed that, huh?" in a nonchalant way. She knew what she was doing and was going to use that tool as long as she could.
Many hard lessons learned from that sexy, evil cvnt. I think I still crave her like a drug and the withdrawal period has been long.
zekko
Master Don Juan
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There are plenty of unattractive girls with BPD. Guys here think they are mostly hotties because those are the only ones who catch your interest.Malcontent said:
I've known some BPD women who are generally severely screwed up, and I guarantee you none of the guys here would have any interest in fvcking them.
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
zekko
Master Don Juan
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I think a lot of the "oneitis" horror stories new guys come in here with are results of dating out their league. Of course a guy who is a 6 is going to feel like he's hit the jackpot when he lands an 8. He's not that likely to replace her and he knows it.PairPlusRoyalFlush said:
That's why I think the self improvement aspects of this site are so critical. Because I don't see game alone turning a male 6 into a 9. SMV is always going to be a factor. Of course, some PUA gurus claim women are mainly only attracted to behavior (alpha behavior), so those who prescribe to that theory will disagree with me.
Knight's Cross
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My 2 cents:
1. Most Not so attractive women have to actually bring something else to the table and develop themselves out of BPD.
2. Whereas a woman that's attractive 8+ has had little incentive to move up the maturity level, aka she remains BPD for life strapped to her narcissism.
3. Most guys that meet a 8+ feel they've won the lottery and put up with the early signs since, "well I'm getting some" philosophy sets in.
4. Until the insanity really becomes obvious, we don't toss back what we've caught. Even then the honeymoon phase comes and goes, so we boomerang or fence straddle for a long time.
KC
1. Most Not so attractive women have to actually bring something else to the table and develop themselves out of BPD.
2. Whereas a woman that's attractive 8+ has had little incentive to move up the maturity level, aka she remains BPD for life strapped to her narcissism.
3. Most guys that meet a 8+ feel they've won the lottery and put up with the early signs since, "well I'm getting some" philosophy sets in.
4. Until the insanity really becomes obvious, we don't toss back what we've caught. Even then the honeymoon phase comes and goes, so we boomerang or fence straddle for a long time.
KC
Ego. Ego is the reason why I couldn't detect a girl with BPD. Here's a true story from almost 10 years ago...
I used to work with a smoking hot bipolar co-worker. By hot, I don't mean processed pornstar hot, I mean native american looks mixed with proper European ancestry, and a dash of West Indies symmetrical beauty hot. B***h was f'ing everyone at work, until one day she walked into my office.
At the time, I was a new member at SoSuave.net, and so I was somewhat well-armed and prepared for whatever BS she had in store for me. Yeah, I wanted to F her too, but I wanted to be "different." What I wasn't expecting was her caliber of weaponry. Her repertoire was USSR. She essentially started her assault by making a passing remark about my legendary drinking habits.
Yes, at the time, I was a heavy drinker. Could drink anyone under the table. Guess word got around to her, because she was a drinker too - most BDP chics are. When she brought this up to me, I felt my pride swell. In retrospect, that's when she had me.
To keep this story short, she inflated my ego at every opportunity. From commenting on my muscles (which weren't that impressive) to telling me that I had a big d*** (which I most certainly don't) -- she played that card masterfully, during sex she'd instruct me to "be careful" because she wasn't used to someone my size. My dumba$$ strutted around work feeling like Conan the Barbarian. Yeah, look at me, fellas, I have a centaur d***.
She mind-f***ed me to no end, sometimes deliberately walking past my office doorway on her way out with another co-worker, or exchanging inside jokes with another co-worker in my presence to make me jealous -- and it worked. I was so AFC in those days, hence the screen name.
She'd reestablish contact with me by calling my phone from her office, saying she doesn't know why I stopped hanging out with her. Like it was my fault in the first place (again, ego games. She wanted me to believe that I cut her off, that I had the power -- I fell for it). So I took her to a nearby bar, and my frustrated self demanded to know if she slept with so and so. She read me like a book. She apologetically confessed that she did, but that she regretted F***ing him because he was so "small" and had no muscles. Then she grabs my d*** right there, and I asked her why she did that. She said she wanted to know what a real man's tool felt like again. And I f'd her that night.
Long story short, she had me wrapped around her finger. It affected my work and social life for the next 6 months. Even had increased my drinking because of her, to the point where I was regularly vomiting the next morning in my office trash bin.
I love that woman now because she played a huge role in showing me an invaluable life lesson. She wasn't my enemy, my ego was the enemy, and she knew how to manipulate it against me.
Her nonsense wouldn't work on me today. I learned, through her, to keep my pride and ego in check.
I can detect these b***ches now a mile away. Any time a b***** I barely know tries to make me feel like I'm super man without knowing anything about me, I bail out.
I used to work with a smoking hot bipolar co-worker. By hot, I don't mean processed pornstar hot, I mean native american looks mixed with proper European ancestry, and a dash of West Indies symmetrical beauty hot. B***h was f'ing everyone at work, until one day she walked into my office.
At the time, I was a new member at SoSuave.net, and so I was somewhat well-armed and prepared for whatever BS she had in store for me. Yeah, I wanted to F her too, but I wanted to be "different." What I wasn't expecting was her caliber of weaponry. Her repertoire was USSR. She essentially started her assault by making a passing remark about my legendary drinking habits.
Yes, at the time, I was a heavy drinker. Could drink anyone under the table. Guess word got around to her, because she was a drinker too - most BDP chics are. When she brought this up to me, I felt my pride swell. In retrospect, that's when she had me.
To keep this story short, she inflated my ego at every opportunity. From commenting on my muscles (which weren't that impressive) to telling me that I had a big d*** (which I most certainly don't) -- she played that card masterfully, during sex she'd instruct me to "be careful" because she wasn't used to someone my size. My dumba$$ strutted around work feeling like Conan the Barbarian. Yeah, look at me, fellas, I have a centaur d***.
She mind-f***ed me to no end, sometimes deliberately walking past my office doorway on her way out with another co-worker, or exchanging inside jokes with another co-worker in my presence to make me jealous -- and it worked. I was so AFC in those days, hence the screen name.
She'd reestablish contact with me by calling my phone from her office, saying she doesn't know why I stopped hanging out with her. Like it was my fault in the first place (again, ego games. She wanted me to believe that I cut her off, that I had the power -- I fell for it). So I took her to a nearby bar, and my frustrated self demanded to know if she slept with so and so. She read me like a book. She apologetically confessed that she did, but that she regretted F***ing him because he was so "small" and had no muscles. Then she grabs my d*** right there, and I asked her why she did that. She said she wanted to know what a real man's tool felt like again. And I f'd her that night.
Long story short, she had me wrapped around her finger. It affected my work and social life for the next 6 months. Even had increased my drinking because of her, to the point where I was regularly vomiting the next morning in my office trash bin.
I love that woman now because she played a huge role in showing me an invaluable life lesson. She wasn't my enemy, my ego was the enemy, and she knew how to manipulate it against me.
Her nonsense wouldn't work on me today. I learned, through her, to keep my pride and ego in check.
I can detect these b***ches now a mile away. Any time a b***** I barely know tries to make me feel like I'm super man without knowing anything about me, I bail out.
I think this pretty much sums it up. Hot chicks can act crazy and still get guys. Fuglies who act crazy end up at home alone with their cats and are certainly never discussed in forums like these.Knight's Cross said:
It's not so much that guys "can't detect" it, it's that they choose to overlook it when the girl is hot enough. Until, of course, sh*t gets so out of control that they're forced to confront it.
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
I dated one for a couple of years, what a roller coaster the **** i have been trough because of this ***** is simply crazy.
She played the victim, lied , cheated, manipulated, never took responsibility for anything, when i tried leaving her she would threaten suicide.
For the first three most of the relationship she was the sweetest, most feminine women ever, and a solid HB8 , the sex was great , i ignored all the red flags until i was completely caught on her web.
It was a life lesson, in a hard HARD HARD way
She played the victim, lied , cheated, manipulated, never took responsibility for anything, when i tried leaving her she would threaten suicide.
For the first three most of the relationship she was the sweetest, most feminine women ever, and a solid HB8 , the sex was great , i ignored all the red flags until i was completely caught on her web.
It was a life lesson, in a hard HARD HARD way
Malcontent
Senior Don Juan
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BPD is a long con.
Your trust, ego, and level of commitment quickly get built up greater than they ever have been. Then you get suddenly destroyed -- she cheats, or breaks up when the relationship seems to be going perfectly, or something devastating. And even then, you think "What went wrong here? Let's get it back on track to where it was last week. Her PMS must be really bad this week. Does she have a hormonal imbalance? Did someone drug her? Have I been neglecting her?" But it never goes back. You long for that intoxicating experience again and you keep trying to figure out what to do to get back the great sex, the woman who adored you and was totally devoted to you, the woman who would swallow your j1zz and enthusiastically ask when you could give her some more, yet later has no sex drive, the woman who used to worry when you didn't call her back 5 minutes after she calls you, but later goes silent for days. It puts you in a state of cognitive dissonance. It becomes a consuming riddle and your mind goes into overtime because her new behavior seems to defy anything you have experienced previously. You are blinded by reality because it is a sharp contrast to the frame your brain cemented in on this b1tch in those first three months. (3 months seems to be a common theme I noticed. Mine went nuts after 3 months too, but I kept trying to go back to that, rapidly declining into AFC by the minute.) Your brain stays locked on to that original imprint of this vicious, heartless cvnt and resists seeing that it's been duped.
It takes a while to catch on to these BPD cvnts. I think it's one of those lessons only learned the hard way. Once you've been burned, you most likely won't let it happen again.
Your trust, ego, and level of commitment quickly get built up greater than they ever have been. Then you get suddenly destroyed -- she cheats, or breaks up when the relationship seems to be going perfectly, or something devastating. And even then, you think "What went wrong here? Let's get it back on track to where it was last week. Her PMS must be really bad this week. Does she have a hormonal imbalance? Did someone drug her? Have I been neglecting her?" But it never goes back. You long for that intoxicating experience again and you keep trying to figure out what to do to get back the great sex, the woman who adored you and was totally devoted to you, the woman who would swallow your j1zz and enthusiastically ask when you could give her some more, yet later has no sex drive, the woman who used to worry when you didn't call her back 5 minutes after she calls you, but later goes silent for days. It puts you in a state of cognitive dissonance. It becomes a consuming riddle and your mind goes into overtime because her new behavior seems to defy anything you have experienced previously. You are blinded by reality because it is a sharp contrast to the frame your brain cemented in on this b1tch in those first three months. (3 months seems to be a common theme I noticed. Mine went nuts after 3 months too, but I kept trying to go back to that, rapidly declining into AFC by the minute.) Your brain stays locked on to that original imprint of this vicious, heartless cvnt and resists seeing that it's been duped.
It takes a while to catch on to these BPD cvnts. I think it's one of those lessons only learned the hard way. Once you've been burned, you most likely won't let it happen again.
Scaramouche
Master Don Juan
Dear Max,
In general we Don Juans find these Women more than most because we game more Girls!If we can the best looking ones...Now after they are say 28,the best ones are gone!,and so we are picking through those that others have dropped by the wayside,if they are good looking chances are that there is something wrong with their personality and here is where we get in trouble....At first everything about them is awesome as Tic Tac says"the sex is usually out of this world."at first you think that everyone else is crazy to let these lovely Girls go,then suddenly like some cosmic event,a bolt of lightning,out of nowhere,there is a complete personality change,they jump completely off the trolley leaving you both hurt and completely shocked,you are left to pick up the wreckage...The big mistake is thinking you can handle it!...Forget it and move on!
In general we Don Juans find these Women more than most because we game more Girls!If we can the best looking ones...Now after they are say 28,the best ones are gone!,and so we are picking through those that others have dropped by the wayside,if they are good looking chances are that there is something wrong with their personality and here is where we get in trouble....At first everything about them is awesome as Tic Tac says"the sex is usually out of this world."at first you think that everyone else is crazy to let these lovely Girls go,then suddenly like some cosmic event,a bolt of lightning,out of nowhere,there is a complete personality change,they jump completely off the trolley leaving you both hurt and completely shocked,you are left to pick up the wreckage...The big mistake is thinking you can handle it!...Forget it and move on!