How can you prevent ending up in the friendzone?

[BannedGod]

This may sound like a stupid question, but bear with me:

I met a girl recently who is in a relationship with her boyfriend, although I got to admit this girl is perfect LTR material. I wouldn't think twice if she started having feelings for me to get between her and her boyfriend and sweep her off her feet. However, I don't want to actively work on that (I'm not that evil). If it happens, good, otherwise, whatever.

In the meantime, I'm going out, seeing girls, yadi yada. So it's not like I'm not doing anything but wait for her, and she knows I'm seeing other girls as well. I read Senor Finger's post on escaping the friend zone, and he does put some good points there, but I'd need more input than from one single post.

Right now the way I act around her:

- I only do action dates with her (we climb together, go on hiking trips)
- I treat her like a child (play fight with her, don't take her seriously, although I always stay respectful, I'm not an ******* lol)
- I kino a lot (other than play fight), for example, innocent things like hugs when I greet her or say bye, but also from times to times wrap my arm around her, hold her hand, etc. She's actually quite open to the kino, although she doesn't initiate much, she does from times to times.
- I let her know subtly that I have other options, and she knows it anyways.
- Obviously, I am not at her feet worshiping her. I flake on her from times to times (although for legit reasons) and I am not always readily available when she calls me. I also don't smother her with attention.
- I never talk to her about her boyfriend (and she never talks to me about him) and I try to avoid any situation where I could become an emotional tampon


Any feedback/input from those with experience in this matter would be appreciated.

Cheers!

 

[ARrocket]

Well normally I'd say just make a move (physically, that is), but you seem to be against that. So what you're saying is you want to keep her attraction alive until she breaks up with her bf, right?

Tricky. I'd say you're on the right track. HOWEVER, you're probably making yourself way too available to her. Simple supply and demand, you need to increase your scarcity in order for her to want you more. If you hang around her all the time, you WILL be in the friendzone. No doubt about it.

See her WAY less, show her how much of a man you are when you're around her, and make your move when the time is right.

But, don't hold your breath. Keep your focus on other girls. Think about her less, be around her less.

 

[TizZle]

Sounds like you are either already there or she is a branch swinger. Sounds like you are investing too much time into a girl that isn't single. Go for a kiss at a time when she's emotional during a "hangout". You have to be content with the fact that you might have to kick her out of your life if things go south.

Realize if this does work to your favor she could do this back to you in the future.

 

[JCballin88]

I was in an eerily similar situation for the past few months...this girl casually mentioned a b/f earlier in the semester, but I kept pursuing and flirting and going out for drinks with her and stuff.

Eventually, I just confronted her about the b/f topic one night, and she was taken aback because she thought we just really good friends hanging out. It was crazy. That's what I get for accessing her useless logical brain instead of going for a make-out.

 

[mojo16]

www.thefriendzone.co

 

[Igetit!]

I met a girl recently who is in a relationship with her boyfriend, although I got to admit this girl is perfect LTR material.


Right now the way I act around her:

- I only do action dates with her (we climb together, go on hiking trips)
- I treat her like a child (play fight with her, don't take her seriously, although I always stay respectful, I'm not an ******* lol)
- I kino a lot (other than play fight), for example, innocent things like hugs when I greet her or say bye, but also from times to times wrap my arm around her, hold her hand, etc. She's actually quite open to the kino, although she doesn't initiate much, she does from times to times.
- I let her know subtly that I have other options, and she knows it anyways.
- Obviously, I am not at her feet worshiping her. I flake on her from times to times (although for legit reasons) and I am not always readily available when she calls me. I also don't smother her with attention.
- I never talk to her about her boyfriend (and she never talks to me about him) and I try to avoid any situation where I could become an emotional tampon

Well,it looks like you may ALREADY BE friendzoned.

There's no "inbetween" with a woman. If you're REPEATEDLY IN HER PRESENSE, YOU WILL have a sexual interaction with her or end up as her friend.

GUARANTEED.


All that stuff you said you're doing with her:the climbing and hiking with her,the kino,treating her like a child,etc,ALL OF IT,means NOTHING.



If you're repeately in her presense NOT SHOWING SEXUAL INTEREST,you're friendzone bound.



You're making the same mistake Falcon25 did in his thread here:http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=178049&page=2.


Check out replies #23 and #40. If you'll notice,he said that never pursued this girl,and that she was someone who he saw EVERYDAY.



He didn't (fully) pursue her because she was married,which I completely understand,but he still made a mistake,and you're doing the EXACT SAME THING.



If you meet a girl who like,but she's already taken,what you do is this.....


1:ASK HER OUT. Yes,she's going to say no and turn you down because she's already dating someone,but point of asking IS NOT TO GET A DATE. It's to SHOW YOUR SEXUAL SIDE. When you show your sexual side/sexual interest,SHE'LL SEE YOU in a sexual light......whether she rejects you or not.


2:Flirt a little bit,toss out a compliment,maybe drop a neg or two,then....


3:GET THE HELL AWAY from her. Go no contact,and I mean NONE.




Don't keep laughing,joking,and hanging around her NOT BEING SEXUAL.


Get away from her. That way the last thoughts and feelings she's had of you were romantic/sexual.



There is no NEUTRAL while being in her presense. If you're constantly around her,you're headed towards the friendzone or the bedroom AUTOMATICALLY,and if you don't PURPOSELY steer the interactions towards dating,it's friendzone by DEFAULT.



It's probably too late for you though. If you try to go no contact now,especially with her calling you and you two getting together for these "hangouts",she's just going to wonder what's up and start contacting you.


Going no contact now would just come off as you giving her the cold shoulder,and her wondering why or if she had done anything to cause it.



I've done this before. I asked a girl out,she told me she was taken,then 3 months later after her relationship had ended,we went out.



It's basically,get in,go sexual,then get out and AS FAR AWAY FROM HER AS POSSIBLE.

 

[ChalengeGuyFan]

@Igetit!
As always, a L-O-N-G but insightful and smart post.

(Whenever I see your posts I think "fvck, it's so long I won't read it", but read it anyway because I know you have something valuable to add)
/asskissing