Just not your theory if understood it correctly, although it was hard to understand the way it was worded. Were you saying that it DOESN'T have to be an in or out, single or in a relationship, one or the other thing? It sounded like you were saying something else.Oh then you’re good to go. No sense posting. There’s no problem and there never was.
Like I said, the problem is (I'm a bit closer to the situation so I think I understand it better) that I want that stability that I have with my gf at home but I want to have that unstable excitement on the side, to fall in love and break up, to experience the ups and downs that I no longer get to experience in my long term relationship. Although I don't just want that instability on the side by itself. I want the stability of the girl at home as well. But the thing is I can't have both because I'm not in an open relationship and she already suspects there's someone else...She accuses me all the time but can't prove it.
I don't have any family really so I need that family type relationship at home. But when I have it I also want to go adventure. It's not even about sex anymore although I still enjoy it, it has lost it's excitement to some extent, it's more about adventure, the challenge of getting the girl, the story that unfolds, exactly what I went through the past year with this side gf. The falling in love, the uncertainty, the highs and lows, the arguments and breakups then getting back together, the chase, the emotions I feel when we break up, wondering if we will end up back together working things out, etc. It's the gambit of emotions that I want to feel. The stuff that keeps me up at night. The stuff that makes me think about what to do with x, y or z situation.
I can tell you that as soon as I break up with her and just stay single, it will be fun for a while but within a year I will crave that companionship, that partnership that a relationship brings. Were it not for the fact that I have no family really I might not need that but because I don't have one I do need that.
I'll give you the example of another plate on the other side of the state that met up with me for a week last week. She came here, I got a hotel. We had a lot of sex, hung out, etc. But it's already starting to lose it's allure because she is stable. I like that to some extent but I want a girl that has a little bit of an edge, is a little bit up and down, etc. The other girl was good at that, and I don't know if she was purposely gaming me or what but I think she might have been. The first few months we dated she was always available, pursued me, but there was still some tension. Then when she knew she had me she introduced instability into the relationship. And she even told me she knows that men want what they can't have and that this was the reason I wanted her. I had her but there was always the threat of losing her which kept me chasing her, the ups and downs. I got to experience ALL of the emotions.