How can I stop worrying about what other people think or do?

[TheMasterOfBation]

Well I was always one of those shy guys, im still a virgin and had only one girlfriend so far. Im 19 so im still young and can make up for lost time. Im actually a good looking guy with a great physique, my only problem is that Im unable to approach women. But after reading the bible and the advice that you great guys have provided, I am planning on changing my evil ways. Come Aug 29 when the new semester begins im going to approach so many women it's not even funny. Well I got my shyness out of the way, but there is another problem. I can't stop thinking of how lucky my friends are getting laid and what not. I mean these guys get 1 night stands, girlfriends, and im here with nothing. Can you guys give me some advice to block this out my mind? I know come Aug 29 im gonna be happy since I WILL BE GETTING WOMEN, but I still hate worrying about what other people are doing. Thanks guys.

 

[dice]

just go out there and humiliate urself but have fun doing it. Remember, you are superior to the outside world because you actually do something about the things you don't like in your life, so no matter how ne1 reacts keep that in mind and picture them sitting watching their favorite sitcom to escape from their miserable lives rather then fix it. I believe humiliation is the key to overcoming the WHAT WILL THE NEIGHBORS THINK syndrome, take it from someone who used to be like you.

And i just saw fight club and I think it is relatable to my reply, so for all u fight club wh0res: "Its not until you lose everything that you are free to do anything", humiliation being tylers version of hitting rock bottom

 

[PeeGee]

Buddy I have the entire city staring at me (Canadian in Hong Kong for the summer) just because I'm Chinese and don't sport the Chinese mullet/long hair look, but instead go out with 6" long "spikey" hair. I should post a pic here but why bother?

I get everything from laughs to omg to how does he do that. And you know what? It doesn't bother me in the slightest; the opinion of men doesn't concern me because I'm not gay, and HK women don't interest me anyway because they're all gold diggers.

But that's positive reinforcement, you say? People also laugh at me and point and talk amongst themselves. What do I care? If you don't like me why should I give you the benefit of my attention? I shouldn't!

Screw people who talk ill of you.

 

[Magico]

I went out once with a girl and towards the end of the date - as i didn't have car at the time - I walked her to the bus station. We find the bus that she uses and I go in for the kiss (on the lips) close. Now the bus is almost full and people are waiting for the driver and, untill he comes, they're looking through the windows. The girl turns her cheek, and the whole f-ing bus sees my failure.

Wasn't too cool back in the day but I often tell this story to my friends and we all laugh it off now.

 

[thefonz]

Hey man, I'm 23 and a recovered/recovering constant worrier.......more than medication, more than therapy, more than diet and exercise, I can credit my turnaround to meditation......there are 100's of meditation techniques so i won't be bothered to tell you all of them but the basic principle of this is to focus on ONE thing for the purpose of self-awareness........since you say that you care what other people think i'm assuming that you have a tendency to fantasize alot or just zone out so here's what you do STOP FANTASIZING ABOUT THINGS, fantasizing is an unnatural thing that people do to escape reality for 'just a little while'......the day i stopped fantasizing was the day I started DOING, if you catch yourself dreaming (no matter how pleasant it feels) stop and shift focus to where you are and WHAT YOU ARE DOING.....you'll be amazed at all the things that are going on around you while you're daydreaming.....take control and live in the world you're meant to live in.......STOP FANTASIZING

 

[penkitten]

how about start realizing that most other people are so brain washed by society that their opinions shouldnt count. they have no real opinions.

 

[TheMasterOfBation]

...

well I it's not so much that I care what they think, but I care what they do. Like they tell me their little stories on getting one night stands and what not and I sit their and listen and have no stories to tell of my own. I mean if I didn't care so much of what others did and stop being jealous, I think I would be much happier..but like I said earlier things will change for me, it's guaranteed. Thanks for the replies.

 

[Mjfan12]

Originally posted by thefonz
Hey man, I'm 23 and a recovered/recovering constant worrier.......more than medication, more than therapy, more than diet and exercise, I can credit my turnaround to meditation......there are 100's of meditation techniques so i won't be bothered to tell you all of them but the basic principle of this is to focus on ONE thing for the purpose of self-awareness........since you say that you care what other people think i'm assuming that you have a tendency to fantasize alot or just zone out so here's what you do STOP FANTASIZING ABOUT THINGS, fantasizing is an unnatural thing that people do to escape reality for 'just a little while'......the day i stopped fantasizing was the day I started DOING, if you catch yourself dreaming (no matter how pleasant it feels) stop and shift focus to where you are and WHAT YOU ARE DOING.....you'll be amazed at all the things that are going on around you while you're daydreaming.....take control and live in the world you're meant to live in.......STOP FANTASIZING

you're right. I do tend to fantasize or overanalyze every situation. what if this happens, or then this happens, etc.

So I should just focus on the here and now correct?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by penkitten
how about start realizing that most other people are so brain washed by society that their opinions shouldnt count. they have no real opinions.

Bravo!

 

[skeeloo]

dude i was shy like that even at 20 infact until some months ago i cared what ppl thought about me and when ever i pass a group of girls and they laugh i used to feel like its was me they laughed at . hell im 100times better looking than thier boyfriends so i dunno why they and they boyfriends used to laugh at me, some dude who mentored me told me they were jealous thats all.

look all im saying s is dont just give a **** and ppl will notice . ever notice that when your busy with something important you dont care what ppl do around you, you can scratch your balls and all that and not care or notice what ppl around you stare or not? or when you got an exam in the morning you see a hb but you still go on with your business? thats the **** right there learn to be relaxed and act like the place is your home. the fact is if your used to interacting with ppl and you got more important **** going on in your life you wont be shy theres a difference btw being shy and conservative.
, when your outside be comfortable move relaxed but swiftly anyone that laughs or makes a comment dont look them in the face. do this for a few weeks and youll overcome shyness. take care of your looks and youll feel great walking on the street or college note onething some ppl will still try to bring you down especially if your an attractive guy. youll get to that point where you dont give a ****. i really cant explain anything than let go of your ego in some cases but still take care of your apearance thats what my judo coach told me he was in the same situation at a young age too.when ever my friends told be about thier success stories i used to get jealous but i focused on my hobbies and didnt care about thier stories because i had **** to do, when ever they tell me they banged a hb this weekend and ask what i did,i tell them what i do is my business. they are so curious about me that they think i get girls everynight which i dont,but the attitude i portray makes it seem like i get laid every night because i dont give a **** about thier stories and they sometimes lie about who they had sex with. in simple terms your friends are geting laid becuase they arnt shy and they dont have that much of an ego and they sometimes put up with the **** and games girls play just to get laid , so if you wana take that part you get rid of your ego.

thefonz made an exellent point there by the way when i ever i find myself drifting into some fantasy about how great i am or whateva to escape reality i kick my self in the balls and focus on reality.

if you dont get anything i have said i dont blame f. :crackup:
with time youll get over it the shyness i mean. theres nothing else to say really.

 

[thefonz]

Originally posted by Mjfan12
you're right. I do tend to fantasize or overanalyze every situation. what if this happens, or then this happens, etc.

So I should just focus on the here and now correct?

Pretty much, the only reason i even meditate is because it makes realizing where i am througout the day easier like practicing self-awareness so i'll be able to focus when I need to.

The best way i can describe what meditation does would be to use the analogy of working muscles.......suppose you work a labor job and your moving around all day and you get home and your muscles feel tired and fatigued. They're toned and exausted but they haven't really grown, whereas if you had spent the day at the gym isolating muscles and shocking them into growth they will get bigger.........the same priciple can be similiar for the mind, doing schoolwork/job activity will work your brain for stimulation but not so much growth, whereas daily meditation sessions are like going to the gym for your mind so you can be more alert and conscience. Don't take my word for this, you guys need to experiment what works best for you, everbody's body is different and requires more attention to certain areas. If you don't need to meditate, don't. I'm addressing people who feel like they want more control over themselves.