How Can I Save My Marriage

[zekko]

I will have to go see a divorce attorney asap now because her actions are that of my enemy, not my wife.

I think you're just rushing yourself into the poor house, but it's your life.
Since you have a child, she will get custody, and you will pay for it. And pay, and pay.

 

[speed dawg]

A couple of things that jump out to me in this post:

The worst part came 3 years ago, when we were arrested for selling a house to an employee of my Mom's company who then lied and said her identity was stolen. After 200K + in legal fees and bail money, with no actual evidence against us, they finally dropped the charges last month, but we are now flat broke.

What the fvck? How the h3ll does this happen. I'm guessing there's alot more to this story.

During the past 3 years I have made 15k+ per month playing poker on the internet, and this has allowed me to pay for all the fees we have encountered as well as our 10k+ per month living expenses.

10K per month living expenses? WTF, are you a movie star?

Not gonna comment on your actual problem, as the other guys have given some good advice already. Nothing for me to add.

 

[Miamidad81]

Tomorrow is wife's birthday. She left the house last night and we have talked a few times on the phone just for matters of our son. WTF should I do? Wish her happy birthday? Send her flowers? Don't say anything? I want her to eventually start missing me and if there's any chance of her coming back, I want her to do it on her own not from me asking her.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Another option: buy a lot of gold coins, open an account at some bank with whatever is enough of a balance to get a safe deposit box, and then lock up the coins in there.

That's actually really good advise, since gold coins are out of the 'system'.

I do find it ironic though, buying gold to protect yourself from a gold digging wife. Never would of really thought of that!

 

[Sinistar]

I do find it ironic though, buying gold to protect yourself from a gold digging wife. Never would of really thought of that!

Once again, I think you guys are really reaching here to make the wife the villain in this guy's dilemma. The line below is the only thing that comes close to making her a 'gold digger' and even here he didn't go out of his way to say she's buying unneeded stuff every day or that she actually left (or slept around) when they lost all the money.

As far as my provider role goes, she's always had anything she needs + everything she doesn't.

So, direct questions to the OP, is your wife really a 'Gold Digger'? Times were tough with all the money problems but were any threats to seperate / divorce really tied to the money lost or was it really the big fvck up by you and your family and all the stress tied to it?

 

[Miamidad81]

Once again, I think you guys are really reaching here to make the wife the villain in this guy's dilemma. The line below is the only thing that comes close to making her a 'gold digger' and even here he didn't go out of his way to say she's buying unneeded stuff every day or that she actually left (or slept around) when they lost all the money.

So, direct questions to the OP, is your wife really a 'Gold Digger'? Times were tough with all the money problems but were any threats to seperate / divorce really tied to the money lost or was it really the big fvck up by you and your family and all the stress tied to it?

I would say it's both. We went through a ton of stress because of my mom and because of the fraud she committed which also got us arrested. The thing is, I had no fault in the fraud, was innocent just like my wife, and I made sure we got good lawyers and protected our future. I busted my ass trying to make money to protect our freedom, but we end up losing all the money I had made before. She used to spend freely when we had money but ever since we lost most of it she has cut her spending dramatically.

Her leaving is actually directly tied to the fact she's just gonna start working as a medical assistant which will let her make from $16-$25 the hour.


I don't see her as a villain either after what she had to go through, which is why I'm trying to win her back.

 

[AMDG]

I'm trying to win her back.

Some people never learn.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Her leaving is actually directly tied to the fact she's just gonna start working as a medical assistant which will let her make from $16-$25 the hour.

That's good for your divorce settlement, though. If she had no income, you would have to pay alimony. When it comes time for court, you will have no verifiable income. You are actually in a position to ask her for alimony. You might get 6-12 months of payments out of her, no joke.

Women usually get custody, and that means you have to pay support, which gets ordered even when you don't have a job. But the amount ordered will be very minimal if you have no income. If you had a normal w-2 job, she would get 25% right off the top. You want to look like a jobless deadbeat to the divorce court. Tell them all about your evil gambling addiction that has left you with negative 10k/mo in income That is a good way to also explain where the money has gone that you are squirreling away. Take it out in small amounts and pretend that you spent it on scratch-off lotto tickets.

None of the court BS has anything to do with the actual support that you provide to your son. But you want the money you spend on him to actually go to him, instead of the court garnishing your wages and giving that money to her.

 

[Diamondhead]

Just curious Miamidad81, how many hours a week do you typically play online poker?

Just curious what it takes to make that kind of income a month. Few of my friends have also done it for a living, but not made nearly as much as you.

 

[Reyaj]

That's good for your divorce settlement, though. If she had no income, you would have to pay alimony. When it comes time for court, you will have no verifiable income. You are actually in a position to ask her for alimony. You might get 6-12 months of payments out of her, no joke.

Women usually get custody, and that means you have to pay support, which gets ordered even when you don't have a job. But the amount ordered will be very minimal if you have no income. If you had a normal w-2 job, she would get 25% right off the top. You want to look like a jobless deadbeat to the divorce court. Tell them all about your evil gambling addiction that has left you with negative 10k/mo in income That is a good way to also explain where the money has gone that you are squirreling away. Take it out in small amounts and pretend that you spent it on scratch-off lotto tickets.

None of the court BS has anything to do with the actual support that you provide to your son. But you want the money you spend on him to actually go to him, instead of the court garnishing your wages and giving that money to her.

What would the situation have to be for the guy to get alimony from the woman?

 

[zekko]

Tomorrow is wife's birthday. She left the house last night and we have talked a few times on the phone just for matters of our son. WTF should I do?

Regardless of what you decide to do, I would advise you not to argue with her anymore. I know that's easier said than done, but there really is no reason to argue with her, no good can come of it. Someone here once said that getting angry is the most AFC thing you can do. While I don't necessarily agree with that entirely, there is a good point in there.

 

[grayclif]

Miami - just an idea. Find a place where you go to work (play poker) like an office away from home. She won't see you around the house all day and she will start to feel that "healthy insecurity". All you'd need is a laptop, headphones and a connection. You could play somewhere different every day really. She won't see you working but you would still be banking your winnings - she will like that.

As most of em said above set-up a secret financial identity. $15K a month is ridiculous you could live off a third of that in the Caribbean - very well I might add and bank the rest tax free. You have the money and you have the skills to make more money - take control of this situation.

 

[mrRuckus]

Don't you wish you bought gold 5 years ago?
http://www.goldprice.org/

 

[jophil28]

I have made many mistakes during our marriage, including supplicating for sex, and always giving her the security that I would never cheat on her. She got into the habit of only giving me sex about twice per month, and for the past 2 months I have not gotten sex at all. I also always provided for her in excess and gave her anything she wanted without getting anything back in return.

A marriage can only be repaired when both parties really want to reconcile.
It needs DESIRE...strong mutual desire.
After reading the above I can understand why she does not want to be with you .

If there is to be any hope, then start doing the exact opposite of what you have been doing .

 

[guru1000]

Give her the 10K and cut her off financially; she short-changed herself.

Your time is better spent earning than repairing an unfruitful marriage. If she does not add to your life, leave her.

 

[Bible_Belt]

What would the situation have to be for the guy to get alimony from the woman?

Theoretically, gender is not supposed to matter. Alimony is supposed to be about helping the spouse who relied upon the other one for income for a brief time so that they can get back on their feet. Alimony is tax-deductible against Federal income taxes and thus has some advantages over lump sum payments in a settlement, which are not deductible.

Most people work at a job earning a w-2 income. Those incomes are easy to verify and garnish. But if you are in the minority of people who are self-employed or are otherwise brilliant enough to make tens of thousands of dollars playing online poker, then your income is very difficult to verify. If she has a decent job and he has no documented income, then he has every right to ask for alimony.

 

[zekko]

Theoretically, gender is not supposed to matter. Alimony is supposed to be about helping the spouse who relied upon the other one for income for a brief time so that they can get back on their feet.

I have a male friend who recently got divorced. He was unemployed and disabled while his wife made a pretty good salary (no children). He got a year's worth of alimony, but I was actually surprised at how little he got. He didn't even get half of the marriage assets, even if you include the alimony. If the genders were reversed I have no doubt he would have gotten reamed. Part of it was he had a pretty lousy lawyer.

I'm curious about the poker income. I'm sure there has to be taxes paid of the winnings, so I'm not so sure there is no documentation. Unless the OP is committing tax fraud. I'm also assuming you can deduct your losses. I'm curious about how that works.

I also wonder what the judge would think about the poker. Since he has a child, I wonder if he could even order him to get a steady job? Or if he's okay as long as he wouldn't miss a support payment?

 

[jophil28]

If she does not add to your life, leave her.

That is probably the most valuable piece of general advice that one man could give another.
Gospel.

 

[jophil28]

This thread triggered my memory of this quote, " The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. "

Henry Thoreau made that observation about 150 years ago. What's changed ?

 

[Miamidad81]

Thank you all for your support during these rough times for me. My wife still hasn't come back, but I have been working on improving myself and spending as much time with my son as possible. I was also able to have sex with a super hot stripper, as well as chatted up a real cute girl at the mall and got her number as well.

For those who ask for poker resources and how to improve your game, there are training sites which will allow you to become real good and make a living, but poker requires a real huge time investment to learn, and you expect to be losing lots of money before you become a break even or small winner at it.

http://www.cardrunners.com good training site
http://www.deucescracked.com another good training site
http://twoplustwo.com Very comprehensive resource, as well as publisher of best poker books

http://www.tableratings.com Look up your competition to find the weakest opponents.