How can I get the spark back?

[syncmaster]

Hi All;
Sorry, I haven't posted in a long while. I've got a predicament I was hoping I could get some help with.
My girlfriend and I have been together for 15 months as of today. About 3 months ago we had a pregnancy scare and ever since then it seems we're no longer compatible. I love her to death (and not puppy love either - the real deal) but I find myself less and less compatible with her. We both used to have an amazing sense of humour and a wicked fast tongue (no dirty thoughts now ). She's lost a lot of that and I find it really hard to just tease her and joke around. I'm lucky if I get a little laugh, let alone the huge 15 min laugh attacks we used to have. That was a large part of our relationship that i'm hoping on getting back. As well, its become somewhat mundane - so it needs to be spiced up. I'm posting this question in the "discussion forum" hoping i'll get the attention of some "old farts" (you know who you are) about what they did or what they are doing to spice up their LTR's. I'm saying flat out right now - breaking up is not an option.
Can anyone suggest any ideas, date places or anything else that might bring some life back into our relationship.

Here's my view on the matter. - Act as though I did in the beginning of the relationship. Take her out on extravagant dates (money isn't an issue), then not talk to her for a couple days. Tease her, but no longer in the sexual way (bothers her sometimes now, as oppose to back in the day when she liked it.)
Its been a while since I've dated, so I need some help here.
Thanks in advance - Adam.

 

[CLOONEY]

from my experience you need to talk to her about it. It is just not your problem it is that the "in love" stage has passed and now you guys actually love eachother. You two need to talk about it and agree on things that are going to help this relationship out, she has to put in the effort as well, if you simply try to make it happen by yourself she will think you are trying to hard, and soon you will be single again.

Well thats my take from my own experiences. Good luck man, I know what it feels like, I have been in that situation once before and am seeing many friends going through it right now.

 

[spanky]

Adam, don't ignore the possiblity that you two could have reached a point at which you just need some time away from each other to reevaluate your relationship. Maybe this is what was done a bit during the baby scare.

You say breaking up is not an option. Is this not an option for you or for the both of you?

Adam, if a relationship is dying a natural death, no amount of rescucitation will keep it alive. This may not be the case, here, but don't close your eyes if this truth is revealing itself.

The most crucial and enlightening move to make at this point is to talk to her about all of this. Tell her that you are concerned about how things have been turning. basically, bring the things up you have brought up here and you should know where to go from there. Keep me posted.

 

[syncmaster]

Thank you for your replies. I agree, and she feels the same way. One of the things thats kept us together this long (through a LOT of problems) is the communication. I'm not the only one who thinks this way - she definitley wants to work it out as well.
As well, even though I had said that breaking up is an option I should have elaborated and said it is not an option at this moment. However if things get progressivley worse then yes, it is possible that it will happen.
Thanks again and I'll keep both all posted.

 

[xblitz44x]

There's no such thing as "getting it back" because what it was before was nothing more than an illusion. The first few years of any relationship consists of a bunch of (usually flawed) perception about the other person. Maybe you'll laugh a lot in the beginning and think "Man, she's funny" or she'll admit to doing something wrong and you'll say "Man, she's honest"...then a year or so passes and you catch her doing things and being unfaithful. You think, "What happened, she changed, she was so honest before"

But the truth is that you never knew HER before. You knew a girl that you created in your mind based off of a few little actions and a LOT of assumption. You can choose to bail in this relationship, or you can start to see her for what she is, learn about HER, and not what you created her to be, and try to make things work. But you'll never "go back to the way things were" because it never "was" to begin with. It was all in your head.

-Blitz