how can i get read of my fear of approaching??

[pipe007]

hi guys
ive been in the community for a while and i have read all the books about the game and attraction, and im going into the field yet everytime i see a girl i wanna talk to, i get all this thoughts and fears that take the best from me until i just feel helpless and go back.

how do the best of you did to eliminate of handle this fear or what techniques or what do you tell yourself or do to diminish this fear??
thanx

 

[Eulogy]

You can't get "rid" of it. It will always be there to some degree. Even the best pickup artists out there have fear on some approaches.

The only way is to face it. You have to feel it, and get used to it.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

I agree with the previous poster; You never get rid of the fear, you just become more comfortable making approaches by making it appart of your life. Only approach women that scare you to ****; Anyone can approach 1000 UG's. You should join shezzler's boot camp.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Eulogy
You can't get "rid" of it. It will always be there to some degree. Even the best pickup artists out there have fear on some approaches.

The only way is to face it. You have to feel it, and get used to it.

That's like saying that if you break your arm, you have to face it, feel it and get use to it. Why not just fix it???

Fear of approaching can be gotten rid of, but not if your focus is on the wrong part of the approach; the external outcome. Too many guys go in with the objective of getting something tangible out of it and they cause themselves undue anxiety.

A guy needs to feel confident that he has something to offer in the approach. That thing being interesting conversation and rapport, nothing more. His goal is offering those things to the woman (it has nothing to do with getting a telephone number). Anything beyond the interesting conversation is merely a byproduct of it. This could be a telephone number or the setting of a subsequent meeting at some other venue.

The true power of a DJ is his confidence in a myriad of situations. One of the most important is meeting people, both men and women. The confidence is managed by changing your frame of perception. Stop focusing on external goals which you can not control (her giving you a phone number or a date) and focus on what you can control, offering fun and interesting conversation from a charismatic stranger.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

Good point, but most RAFC's are not charismatic; they have poor conversation skills, and lack the experience to just let go. I believe in just enjoying the process; approaching women is fun, and it makes me feel good. The outcome doesn't matter, because I'm just glad to be in the game.

 

[Eulogy]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
That's like saying that if you break your arm, you have to face it, feel it and get use to it. Why not just fix it???

He can spend a lifetime trying to "fix" this problem, but until he does an approach, nothing will resolve itself.

It's like playing racing video games instead of driver's ed. to be able to drive a car.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Eulogy
He can spend a lifetime trying to "fix" this problem, but until he does an approach, nothing will resolve itself.

It's like playing racing video games instead of driver's ed. to be able to drive a car.

This is where RAFCs revert back into AFCs. They are told over and over again that they can get over their fear by just approaching. Guess what happens if they do that without adjusting their premise? THE SAME D@MN THING!

You keep thinking that approaching alone will solve the problem, best luck to you. For guys who feel that they aren't charismatic when approaching, guess what you need to work on, it's not approaching.

And if takes a lifetime to fix, he's probably doing the same things over and over again out of habit, he's hardwired himself to do nothing else. Practice (without change) doesn't make perfect, practice makes permanent.

 

[Marlimus]

AAAARRGHHH!!!! aNOTHER redundant post! read the fvcking Bible!!!!!!!

Sick of all these newbie cries for help. 99% of these questions are addressed in the bible.

 

[h2o]

Originally posted by Marlimus

dude...no offense, but the fact that you are so aggravated that his post is repetitive, and show that in your response...only shows you spend too much time here...why take it like that?

chill

Originally posted by Eulogy
Even the best pickup artists out there have fear on some approaches.

the reason pick-up artists have it is because they are a facade. they are exactly that, pick-up "artists." real men don't use tricks, and are not afraid.

to pipe007, you can get over you fear of approaching by doing lots of approaches. read what Francisco d'Anconia wrote, he's on the money.

and in addition to that, i had not only fear of approaching, but also a fear of almost all social interactions...drs said i supposedly had social anxiety...it took me over a year, but i overcame that, and then overcame my fear of approaching. you can do it too, it just takes time...took me about a year to do it all.

it's all in your head...

good luck

edit: i hadn't read everything FA wrote...what he means is something was a problem for me to, halfway through my journey. you need to sit down and write down everything you don't like about yourself...anything. you can change some things, some you cannot. work on those that you can change, accept the ones you cannot. truly accept yourself. and what do you like about yourself? what is your niche or selling point, or makes you interesting? be about it. you have to truly love yourself and believe you are interesting (self-confidence and esteem), before you can attract anyone.

i agree, you need to take equal time to sit and truly think deeply about anything you may be insecure about, and when you finally accept yourself, you will begin to attract people a lot more easily. no more fear.

 

[Q-Pid]

Join Shezzlers bootcamp and force yourself to do the activities. They're staggered so that the fear gradually disappears over a period of weeks.

 

[Warrior Princess]

Do this:

Before approaching, smile from a distance. If you receive a negative response ex: rolling her eyes at you, do not approach. Otherwise you will face rejection. Now if she responds positively ex: smiles or waves then you are good to go.

Good luck!

Meg

 

[madgame]

Wow..good advice about females from a female

 

[h2o]

Look, I know you're trying to help, but that's not great advice because you are basically telling him to avoid rejection.

Originally posted by Warrior Princess
Otherwise you will face rejection.

Well who cares, he'll take it like a man.

You know, that reminds me of a story of a friend of mine who went on a ski trip a while back. It was his first time skiing, and when he was on the slopes, he was very careful not to go too fast, or fall, or hit anything. When he got back to work after his vacation, he told his boss how he did not fall once, even though it was his first time skiing! And his boss said to him, that's because you did not try hard enough. He continued to tell him that he would only succeed and become a good/better skiier if he took that risk of falling, even falling a few times, before he improved.

The same applies here, you are telling him to be safe and not take any chance or risk of rejection. That's the pvssy route...I'm not sure if I'm the only one to get this impression from your post, but we're not scared of rejection here. He has to take risks/chances and fail before he can truly learn and succeed.

I fcuking love, and even thank God for, all my failures and down times, because they are the reason/motivation for my success. Heck, I feel so good today, because I used to be nothing a year ago.

No failure = No success

-h2o