How can I get back to the old me?

[captain55]

The old me was happy and perfectly content being a single don juan. The old me used to sit and wonder if there was something wrong with his mind because he never had the ability to fall in love...The old me was the guy who was always banging other guy's girlfriends...the alpha male.

Lost my best friend over the summer, was a very vulnerable time for me and a girl popped in my life and I fell for her like crazy. We hit it off....I knew she wasn't relationship material long term, but she was my escape from reality so I kept her around and being in love was my escape. I trusted her with my entire heart and we all know how that turns out when it comes to women...

Fast forward five months, Im single..and I'm having a hard time getting back to my old self again. I have no desire to get out and date and chat up other women. Last weekend I literally got to the bar and asked myself what the **** I was doing there and turned around and went home.

They say after a breakup your supposed to work on yourself, but I can't see how thats going to help me get over her becauseI know this chick doesn't give two ****s about me anymore and is out there probably dating other guys again.

Im starting to wonder if losing my best friend caused some sort of emotional trauma possibly and she was just an escape from the pain. Either way i could really use some help here. I just want to get excited about being single.

 

[hudpes]

You pretty much got it right yourself. You've invested emotions in your friend, who's gone now and you've filled the emotional void with someone else.. her. Projected your emotions on her and fed off of them. You knew it was fake, but you didn't care. Now you've lost her too and you've found yourself one step back from when you've lost your friend.

Pulling through 500 yards of sh!it ain't easy, but you've got to go on, because there is no way back. You have to let everything out, maybe write it down, a very expanded, detailed version of events, focus on your friend, put down the whole history, including everything, every feeling you've had about him until now. Then, if you think it's necessary, do the same with her. After that, don't fight off the thoughts of the past that emerge in your mind, let them come, but also don't cling on them, don't fuel their fire, just let them go.

Eventually, your mind will finish the cleaning process, and you'll look up at the sky, realize sun's up, and you'll smile.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Why not become the "new you" (or "old you V 2.0")? Your pick.

You had a nice, comfortable, predictable routine laid out for you where you didn't have to face the incertitude of being alone, dating again, and that got pulled out from underneath you. Plus, it looks like you lost a massive chunk of your identity when you got wrapped up with this chick. All fixable issues.

I'm two months removed from my break up, and I'm just barely starting to scratch the surface of how much fun gaming girls can be. You have opportunity after opportunity after opportunity to look forward to as a single guy, the chance to create a persona that blows away what your old self was capable of, that can draw in hotter, smarter, funner girls. It does get better, and you do have much to look forward to, but you really have to make an effort to push aside any and all thoughts that keep you trapped in a purgatory of self-perpetuating negativity. Bringing yourself to get out there and talk to girls is about the most direct way of forcefully demonstrating to your brain "look, she's not the only girl in the world! There are other girls out there, better ones!" without slipping a microchip in there or undergoing a lobotomy.