How can I avoid alienating women

[Pettycoat Junction]

I'm at the point where I can more or less approach, make conversation and I do not fear rejection much, but I worry about the alienation that I have to go through with them afterwards. Some of the women I approach tense up as they try to think of an excuse when I ask them for a date, and some that I ask out via email (I only ask the ones I ask via email using that medium because I do not see them in person and get a chance to ask in person) do not even respond. That part doesn't hurt but I have to see these people daily for months on end after that and it makes it hard to approach women when you feel you are alienating the people you have to go to school with and work with and making it uncomfortable to be around them. Rejection doesn't bother me much, its the alienation that bothers me.

So how can I avoid alienating people and still ask them out on dates? FTR, only about 1/2 the women I ask out get alienated, the other 1/2 are ok with it or openly flattered. I assume some of the other 1/2 are flattered too but hide it better.

I assume there is some method of approaching or asking that avoids bad feelings or alienation but I do not know it right now.

Should I put the ball in their court more? Should I make the date as undatelike as possible (ie say something like 'why don't we go to social event X that she is interested in'). I also figure asking them to a social event with tons of people so they can mingle and not be stuck with me would help too as it would let them feel more free and in control and I figure the more in control they feel the better.

 

[MR_PERFECT]

I'm confused, are you being rejected by women you see often? If so, then you have to stop asking them out right away. If it's a woman you see often, then you have to make sure there is mutual attraction. You need to flirt, touch, joke and everything else you usually do.

 

[whistler]

yeah

girls you might never see again --- ask them out

girls you know you'll see frequently --- feel them out a bit more before asking them out

 

[Pettycoat Junction]

Originally posted by MR_PERFECT
I'm confused, are you being rejected by women you see often? If so, then you have to stop asking them out right away. If it's a woman you see often, then you have to make sure there is mutual attraction. You need to flirt, touch, joke and everything else you usually do.

That was my view, I do not think I am picking up on signals enough before I ask.