How being autentic affect your life

[jhonny9546]

How did you manage to be more authentic, without filters?

You no longer had to "fake it until you make it," but rather recognized that once you applied authenticity, you could say things even when others disagreed (avoid complacency), even if it were the only opinion in a room of 10 people, and you'd be labeled a "black sheep."
This means that when a woman asks you, "We need a trip" but you point out, "Hey, I don't feel like it, but if you want, I could come with you, but not now, maybe in a few months" (just an example), and you stick with that decision even when they insist... -- or -- if there is a group of people talking about A being right vs B being wrong, but you actually know that B is right, you say that B is right and A is wrong, even if they won't agree.

Well, I don't know if I'm making myself clear, but anyone who has tried living this way has felt the power that comes from the lightness with which all your actions, aligned with your authentic core, your fearlessness, make you live more peacefully and at the same time in line with your values.
We've all been young and imperfect at some point, but then we grow up and discover things like the power of being authentic and how it reflects in your life. How did you do it? What benefits has it brought to your life? How has it affected your friendships with men and your romantic relationships with women?

 

[The Duke]

Authentic people validate themselves internally, not externally. Using external sources for validation is a game you will never win because there will always be someone that doesn't approve and tries to discredit you no matter what you do.

Authentic people are some of the greatest people you will ever meet. They won't be everyones cup of tea either, most are too strong, many are black sheep.

They have good empathy because of their high level of self-awareness. They also process all situations from multiple angles. They aren't swayed by what others think they shoud do because they stay true to themselves. Their words mean something and carry weight because they stick to them. They are transparent because they don't worry about how they are perceived. They are ok with being alone because they don't need that constant supply of external validation. They aren't showy because they are insecure with who they are. They never subscribed to "fake it til you make it" because they are comfortable with failure and understand how failure is an opportunity to learn and improve.

I chose not to attend a wedding for a relative and caught heck for it and I was ok with that. I had several reasons that none of my haters were aware of or cared to understand but they simply judged with out any facts or showing any empathy to my situation.

We only have so many days of life to live. The older you get the more you understand how beautiful it is and the less tolerant you become of those who take and never give back. Those types don't care about you, they care only about themselves. They need you to show up so they feel better about who they are(external validation). You'll never find comfort and security living your life for someone else.

How does one become authentic? It starts with having strong awareness and probably has a lot to do with how you were raised.

 

[jhonny9546]

Reading your words made me realize I have internal validation.
Even though I'm not 100% mature or valuable.

I certainly have low self-esteem and things to work on, but internal validation is what sets me apart, even if I feel insecure in certain situations (for example, if someone judged you for marriage, I would have felt mocked, but I would also have lowered the value of those people who mocked me in my eyes).

Fake it until you make it is precisely what keeps me from becoming rich or popular. They'll tell me to do certain things, but I just couldn't do it. I'm an extremely genuine person, and usually these people are the ones who work ordinary jobs and don't have much wealth unless it's inherited.
(See https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/meritocracy-fairy-tale.285497/post-3181736)

Many of my friends also encouraged me to use social media, but I realized that the validation wasn't for me; in fact, it made me feel categorized, which I don't like.

As you say, I'd like to be a piece of paper I can write on and erase, not a perfect script.

 

[obelisk]

Being authentic isn't about other people, it's about your internal relation with yourself.

 

[jhonny9546]

Being authentic isn't about other people, it's about your internal relation with yourself.

Explain that

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Being authentic isn't about other people, it's about your internal relation with yourself.

authenticity, and much of what makes us human, is how we relate to others...

if you were the last person on earth, the idea of being "authentic to yourself" would be meaningless

 

[BaronOfHair]

Dunno that I'm "more authentic"(We've devoted more than one thread here at SS to quibbling over what the hell THAT buzzword means), nonetheless I've made a conscious effort to be more candid. How I achieved this is a complicated story, for starters though:

I recognized that the ROI on trying to "keep the peace" at all costs, by not saying what I mean out loud, was more dismal than trying to persuade your typical HR director that words, in and of themselves, ARE NOT harmful