How am I doing so far?
So here's the short story. I'm 30, and fairly attractive. I just became single, and wasn't really looking for anything. I was at this bar at the beach, and this beautiful woman between 40-42 sits next to me. She looks like she just stepped off a bowflex BAM. Tight body. Petitte blonde, blue eyes. Anyway, I'm not going out of my way to interact with her, but she won't leave me alone. She's currently trying to dump her boyfriend who's just an ape. He looks like a receding hair porn star. Apparently he's a construction worker. Looks like muscular Johnny fever from WKRP. Anyhow, I hook her up with my email, and this is how it's gone over the last several days...
Hi Bob,
How are you?
Have to tell you, that was such a "perfect" impression you put into simple words that made me break out into laughter the whole rest of the day and night. You saw him for what he is, obsessed w/his
male part.
I don't know who's crazier, him for his verbal and physical abuse towards me, or me for taking it for way to long.
Anyway, it was fun talking to you, I wish he hadn't been lurking around.
Hope to hear back from you, if not have a great day,
Laurie
---------------------
Well, believe it or not, there is such a thing as too much testosterone. Wonder it doesn't make the hair grow back on his head. I guess it all fell back onto
his chest in a fit of rage. What country is he from, Pangea?
Holy **** I'm just kidding. I don't even know the guy that well. I haven't seen him since they cancelled WKRP in Cincinnatti.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. I don't believe in hitting a woman, unless she's a body builder. Then I might take a crack at her. I always felt that way. You seem too classy for that kind of thing though. Too delicate to put up with such things. That's my impression.
I have to confess I've gone through similar. I was dating a 350 pound girl a few years back. She kept sitting on me. I told her we were through, but I should have let her stand up first. Ok I'm lying again.
Let's be real. I actually ended my relationship about a week ago. I had to walk out on her. She was getting into some things I didn't like. I'll spare you the details, but I'm in transition as well, staying with a friend right now. You know those blue eyed blondes. They're nothing but trouble. I don't know why I get mixed up with them (wink).
Enjoy your day Laurie,
Bob
--------------
Then I sent her an email with a picture of a Chocolate Martini since this was her favorite at the bar
--------------
Are you trying to give me "chocolate martini" cravings?
I've been waiting till my boss leaves to mail you back. Another mind popping statement you said is so true, Too much TESTOSTERONE will turn a man into a DUCKHEAD (replace I for u) I don't swear but he had to have been the reason woman made up that term.
OH, you just keep on making me LOL, your so funny and find the perfect words, It will help give me the strength to never pick up the phone when he calls, he always tries to break me down when I hit bottom and has managed to manipulate me into seeing him (he always say, "just one more time") Forget about it, never again.
Anyway, sounds like you just got out of a mess too. So glad you gave me your email address, I don't have a computer at this time at home but plan on buying a lap top after closing. But, hope to get to talk to you again.
I Love getting really Cool emails and you must have a lot of interesting designs, jokes, whatever. Also, would like to see a sample of your work.
For now,
Laurie
--------------
Well I'm glad you're entertained. You're having a hard time anyway, so
it's good to lighten up. Life is a pain in the ass a lot. I sent you
some things I've done since you seem interested. Just threw stuff
together. It's just my job, not my passion. I just happen to be good at
design, and people pay me to do it. My true life interest is comedy.
I've written it for years, and used to perform it on stage. I just like
to create. I tend to get a little too silly sometimes, but if that's the
price I pay to enjoy life, then so be it. Maybe I'll send you one of my
comedy pieces, if you promise to only laugh with me. Lol.
--------------
Well that explains your sense of humor and wittiness. You have been blessed w/talent and make money using it and make people laugh. I so enjoy your sense of humor w/this "scary guy" thing I'm still going thru. He is scaring me right now, his anger is escalating because I won't pick up the phone. I've had to turn my phone off in work too, because he doesn't care, he wants to call me and say horrible, nasty things. I finally picked up the phone this morn on my way in to work because I wanted to plead w/him not to call me in work. He is in such a fit of rage he's threatening me w/nasty things. If this continues I'm thinking of reporting it to the Hampton Police and maybe they'll have a talk w/him. I need to stop erasing his messages so I have proof. Thank God he doesn't have his license, otherwise I know I'd find him in my house.
Sorry to be so bleak but I'm afraid. Keep up the humor though, it does make me laugh!
And, wow, you designed those logo's? Sals I especially recognize. I'd love doing that for work!!!
Hope to hear back from you
--------------
Wow, sounds serious. Do I need to dig out my knight equipment, or night equipment? You should invite him over and shake pepper in his eyes. Just make sure it's not oregeno. I hear that makes an ape horny.
--------------
I do have pepper spray at my house which I will keep near me when I go home. He is a beast w/beastly behaviour and I need to realize you can't change animalistic thinking.
How is your day going?
--------------
Going pretty slow today. Just screwing around online, doing a couple things. So you were married before?
--------------
Yes, was married for 16 years, have been divorced for 9. Since then it's been a roller coaster ride.
Does your ex-wife drive you crazy? Does your ex-girlfriend confuse you? Isn't that what woman do best (I'm not anti against my own sex, I'm trying to put myself in your shoes)
Yes, I hear you on just relaxing and having fun. That's all I want for now too. Last night I went on my first date since "Beasty Man" and I broke off last time. I know it seems fast but what the heck, he asked me out and I'm single. He was attractive but at the end of the night he actually had the nerve to ask me to take him upstairs. I want to have fun but I'm not going bed jumping. Want to make new friends and get to know people. Want to be very picky about the bedroom part, and I need time.
What do you think?
--------------
This is where I had to cut out the friend stuff or next it, so I wrote this...
--------------
Women don't confuse me at all. You're all crazy. Lol. I'm just kidding. I don't think that. I understand women very well. You're mostly complex emotional creatures. You want to make love with your mind and body. Sometimes one or the other. Sometimes both together. I'm an artist Laurie. I know these things.
I love to be engaged and I live for the flow between people. I observe people, I find interest in their flaws and strengths. This is of course all very normal to a woman. It defines her. Most men are oblivious to this realm. That's obvious.
What do I think about your date and where you're at? Well, it sucks to be that guy. He thought he was getting some. Good for you though. Stay classy. It's impressive. God knows I'm not always such.
I understand where he was coming from. There aren't a bunch of single guys out there who want to hang out with women who don't intend to have sex with them in two minutes. Lol. Do you think that's insensitive? Safe casual sex without committment is fun and healthy for a man. It's just our nature.
As for where I'm at. I couldn't accurately tell you. On one hand I feel like I want to go out and invite casual sex. On the other hand I'm probably not mentally or emotionally prepared for that kind of thing. I'm so mentally and emotionally tough however, that it's easy for me to ignore that side of things to avoid hurting myself. Do you think that's reckless of me?
For a minute there, I thought you said picnic in your bedroom. I think you have the right to be picky. You're an attractive desirable woman. I'm sure that's not the first time you've heard that.
What do you think about what I'm saying?
--------------
I got so excited to see you email, and when I started reading what you had to say a warm, tingly feeling came over me. You see, I've been trying to communicate w/an angry tiger for a long time. I've been starving to be understood, and to understand a man. You put things so honestly and simply.
Casual sex is okay with me but I still need to be in a comfort zone with that person. I need him to know me and to respect me. The more I'm comfortable, the hotter I get!
What's up with your girlfriend? Do you think you'll go back with her?
So here's the short story. I'm 30, and fairly attractive. I just became single, and wasn't really looking for anything. I was at this bar at the beach, and this beautiful woman between 40-42 sits next to me. She looks like she just stepped off a bowflex BAM. Tight body. Petitte blonde, blue eyes. Anyway, I'm not going out of my way to interact with her, but she won't leave me alone. She's currently trying to dump her boyfriend who's just an ape. He looks like a receding hair porn star. Apparently he's a construction worker. Looks like muscular Johnny fever from WKRP. Anyhow, I hook her up with my email, and this is how it's gone over the last several days...
Hi Bob,
How are you?
Have to tell you, that was such a "perfect" impression you put into simple words that made me break out into laughter the whole rest of the day and night. You saw him for what he is, obsessed w/his
male part.
I don't know who's crazier, him for his verbal and physical abuse towards me, or me for taking it for way to long.
Anyway, it was fun talking to you, I wish he hadn't been lurking around.
Hope to hear back from you, if not have a great day,
Laurie
---------------------
Well, believe it or not, there is such a thing as too much testosterone. Wonder it doesn't make the hair grow back on his head. I guess it all fell back onto
his chest in a fit of rage. What country is he from, Pangea?
Holy **** I'm just kidding. I don't even know the guy that well. I haven't seen him since they cancelled WKRP in Cincinnatti.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. I don't believe in hitting a woman, unless she's a body builder. Then I might take a crack at her. I always felt that way. You seem too classy for that kind of thing though. Too delicate to put up with such things. That's my impression.
I have to confess I've gone through similar. I was dating a 350 pound girl a few years back. She kept sitting on me. I told her we were through, but I should have let her stand up first. Ok I'm lying again.
Let's be real. I actually ended my relationship about a week ago. I had to walk out on her. She was getting into some things I didn't like. I'll spare you the details, but I'm in transition as well, staying with a friend right now. You know those blue eyed blondes. They're nothing but trouble. I don't know why I get mixed up with them (wink).
Enjoy your day Laurie,
Bob
--------------
Then I sent her an email with a picture of a Chocolate Martini since this was her favorite at the bar
--------------
Are you trying to give me "chocolate martini" cravings?
I've been waiting till my boss leaves to mail you back. Another mind popping statement you said is so true, Too much TESTOSTERONE will turn a man into a DUCKHEAD (replace I for u) I don't swear but he had to have been the reason woman made up that term.
OH, you just keep on making me LOL, your so funny and find the perfect words, It will help give me the strength to never pick up the phone when he calls, he always tries to break me down when I hit bottom and has managed to manipulate me into seeing him (he always say, "just one more time") Forget about it, never again.
Anyway, sounds like you just got out of a mess too. So glad you gave me your email address, I don't have a computer at this time at home but plan on buying a lap top after closing. But, hope to get to talk to you again.
I Love getting really Cool emails and you must have a lot of interesting designs, jokes, whatever. Also, would like to see a sample of your work.
For now,
Laurie
--------------
Well I'm glad you're entertained. You're having a hard time anyway, so
it's good to lighten up. Life is a pain in the ass a lot. I sent you
some things I've done since you seem interested. Just threw stuff
together. It's just my job, not my passion. I just happen to be good at
design, and people pay me to do it. My true life interest is comedy.
I've written it for years, and used to perform it on stage. I just like
to create. I tend to get a little too silly sometimes, but if that's the
price I pay to enjoy life, then so be it. Maybe I'll send you one of my
comedy pieces, if you promise to only laugh with me. Lol.
--------------
Well that explains your sense of humor and wittiness. You have been blessed w/talent and make money using it and make people laugh. I so enjoy your sense of humor w/this "scary guy" thing I'm still going thru. He is scaring me right now, his anger is escalating because I won't pick up the phone. I've had to turn my phone off in work too, because he doesn't care, he wants to call me and say horrible, nasty things. I finally picked up the phone this morn on my way in to work because I wanted to plead w/him not to call me in work. He is in such a fit of rage he's threatening me w/nasty things. If this continues I'm thinking of reporting it to the Hampton Police and maybe they'll have a talk w/him. I need to stop erasing his messages so I have proof. Thank God he doesn't have his license, otherwise I know I'd find him in my house.
Sorry to be so bleak but I'm afraid. Keep up the humor though, it does make me laugh!
And, wow, you designed those logo's? Sals I especially recognize. I'd love doing that for work!!!
Hope to hear back from you
--------------
Wow, sounds serious. Do I need to dig out my knight equipment, or night equipment? You should invite him over and shake pepper in his eyes. Just make sure it's not oregeno. I hear that makes an ape horny.
--------------
I do have pepper spray at my house which I will keep near me when I go home. He is a beast w/beastly behaviour and I need to realize you can't change animalistic thinking.
How is your day going?
--------------
Going pretty slow today. Just screwing around online, doing a couple things. So you were married before?
--------------
Yes, was married for 16 years, have been divorced for 9. Since then it's been a roller coaster ride.
Does your ex-wife drive you crazy? Does your ex-girlfriend confuse you? Isn't that what woman do best (I'm not anti against my own sex, I'm trying to put myself in your shoes)
Yes, I hear you on just relaxing and having fun. That's all I want for now too. Last night I went on my first date since "Beasty Man" and I broke off last time. I know it seems fast but what the heck, he asked me out and I'm single. He was attractive but at the end of the night he actually had the nerve to ask me to take him upstairs. I want to have fun but I'm not going bed jumping. Want to make new friends and get to know people. Want to be very picky about the bedroom part, and I need time.
What do you think?
--------------
This is where I had to cut out the friend stuff or next it, so I wrote this...
--------------
Women don't confuse me at all. You're all crazy. Lol. I'm just kidding. I don't think that. I understand women very well. You're mostly complex emotional creatures. You want to make love with your mind and body. Sometimes one or the other. Sometimes both together. I'm an artist Laurie. I know these things.
I love to be engaged and I live for the flow between people. I observe people, I find interest in their flaws and strengths. This is of course all very normal to a woman. It defines her. Most men are oblivious to this realm. That's obvious.
What do I think about your date and where you're at? Well, it sucks to be that guy. He thought he was getting some. Good for you though. Stay classy. It's impressive. God knows I'm not always such.
I understand where he was coming from. There aren't a bunch of single guys out there who want to hang out with women who don't intend to have sex with them in two minutes. Lol. Do you think that's insensitive? Safe casual sex without committment is fun and healthy for a man. It's just our nature.
As for where I'm at. I couldn't accurately tell you. On one hand I feel like I want to go out and invite casual sex. On the other hand I'm probably not mentally or emotionally prepared for that kind of thing. I'm so mentally and emotionally tough however, that it's easy for me to ignore that side of things to avoid hurting myself. Do you think that's reckless of me?
For a minute there, I thought you said picnic in your bedroom. I think you have the right to be picky. You're an attractive desirable woman. I'm sure that's not the first time you've heard that.
What do you think about what I'm saying?
--------------
I got so excited to see you email, and when I started reading what you had to say a warm, tingly feeling came over me. You see, I've been trying to communicate w/an angry tiger for a long time. I've been starving to be understood, and to understand a man. You put things so honestly and simply.
Casual sex is okay with me but I still need to be in a comfort zone with that person. I need him to know me and to respect me. The more I'm comfortable, the hotter I get!
What's up with your girlfriend? Do you think you'll go back with her?