Hot work collegue

[bunjy]

Ok DJ's got something I need a hand with here.

I work for a large and fairly prestigious film organisation, its the sort of place that is very competitive to get a job for and is a much sought after employer to work for. Anyway my work also has a failry strict 'no relationships' between workmates policy (however workplace romances/relationships do occur its just kept on the downlow). Now heres what I need help with.

A couple of months ago a new girl started (hot as hell). Shes notably shy so doesnt really seem to have much 'banter' with workcollegues or go out for drinks after work with collegues etc. However I started talking to her about a month ago, by talk I mean more than the usual workplace small talk. I basically started to work my game on her and its come to a point now where Im flirting with her daily and Im getting a fairly good response e.g. shes always laughing at things Im saying and is always keen to chat to me, never mentioned boyfriend etc. The problem is though, Im not sure how to go about asking her on a date.

Normally Id just go right out and do it but its rather awkward given that shes relatively new in work, shy and obviously doesnt want to 'rock the boat' in regard to breaking a workplace policy. As I mention earlier its the sort of job that you wouldnt want to screw up because of the difficultly of actually getting work for them. In short Im pretty sure that directly asking her out on date would probably stun her and almost guarantee me rejection in a roundabout way.

I need to do it in a more casual, indirect manner. Im not sure how to go about this as Ive never usuall bothered with women in work before. Any advice?

 

[ilikecharlene]

Invite her to lunch (if you have a cafeteria/lunch area). Or ask her out for lunch in a local restaurant or food joint.

 

[bunjy]

Yeah this would have been ideal but the way our shifts work (its a 24 workplace) means we both lunch at drastically different times. We do however finish at the same time most days.

 

[jglide123]

I'm gonna assume you've heard all the caveats against dating inside the work place, about how if things go awry, you have to see this person everyday and how uncomfortable that would be, they COULD be crazy and make things very hard for you, spread gossip about you, etc....

But if you insist on doing it anyway, why not simply ask her out? Sounds like you two have good rapport, so the hard work is done. She may assume you only desire friendship seeing as though you've been talking to her for over a month and haven't asked her out yet. Or perhaps she's interested and waiting on you to ask her out.

Never know 'till you try....

 

[bunjy]

I'm gonna assume you've heard all the caveats against dating inside the work place, about how if things go awry, you have to see this person everyday and how uncomfortable that would be, they COULD be crazy and make things very hard for you, spread gossip about you, etc....

But if you insist on doing it anyway, why not simply ask her out? Sounds like you two have good rapport, so the hard work is done. She may assume you only desire friendship seeing as though you've been talking to her for over a month and haven't asked her out yet. Or perhaps she's interested and waiting on you to ask her out.

Never know 'till you try....

Yep Im aware of all the downsides to dating someone in work but tbh I dont really care as we work in different departments and dont see each other that much in work. Plus I can deal with any potential fallout if it all goes wrong. Thanks for the warning though mate.

Well this is the problem really, sure I should probably just ask her out straight up but as I say Im pretty sure that a direct approach wouldnt work to well. I think she'd just be stunned and feel awkward given the situation with work.

On the other hand your right we do have good rapport and I definitely get a 'vibe' off her, am always teasing her and shes always laughing. I do feel that I maybe should try a less direct more casual approach to asking her out, as mentioned above asking her to join me for lunch would be ideal but alas we work different shifts etc and lunching together wouldnt pretty much be an impossibility.

I was thinking of maybe just going at her with a 'Im going for a quick drink after work if you fancy it?' line. Id mention Ive had a stressful day and could do with a drink. What you guys think? I definetely need to be casual with this chick.

I do get a sense that she's wouldnt be keen on breaking a workplace policy, she seems like a 'good girl' whos fairly sensible.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Well this is the problem really, sure I should probably just ask her out straight up but as I say Im pretty sure that a direct approach wouldnt work to well. I think she'd just be stunned and feel awkward given the situation with work.

Yeah don't ask her out directly. You don't have to. Inviting her out to your favorite bar will have the same effect, and you can test her interest there.

Girls, with their flaky personalities, tend to be bad with direct date requests anyway. I think it makes them feel like they have to make an immediate decision on liking you. And you know how they are with immediate decions....

 

[jglide123]

I think you're over-thinking it. I'm sure she knows you're interested, based on what you've told us.

Seeing as you know her and we don't, YOU know what the best approach would be. As others have already mentioned, you don't have to make a big event out of asking her out. Just invite her to do something you both will enjoy, and gradually escalate to gauge her sexual interest....

 

[The LadyKiller]

I'm in a very similar situation, so I too will be keeping an eye on how this thread unfolds.

Mantis suggested being indirect and that might be the best way to go about this. Perhaps go out as a group - you, her and some mutual friends. From there, you can start to develop some chemistry outside of work and use it as a precursor for further things. Make sure to get a phone number if you can; messaging via the company internal system can be risky.

You handle the several "it's work, don't do it." responses better than I did. He means well, but I'd probably have seen Roumie's age (17) and figured he was echoing other people (no offense, IMO jobs you have as a teen and adult are very different). Three posters said I was getting fired just because I spoke to a female co-worker (a little too over-the-top sensitive?). Don't listen to them: if you can handle yourself and not do anything dumb, then the whole "I see her at work" premise shouldn't be a worry.

Good luck

 

[Bernoulli]

Whatever you do, you ought to do it now or in the near future, cause give it a bit more time and she'll friendzone/lose interest in you. I know cause I was in a situation like this with a girl from my job, but puszied out and eventually whatever attraction she had for me fizzled out.

 

[bunjy]

Cheers for all the decent advice here people.

Yeah I figure its best to casually invite her to my favourite bar for a drink. The past couple of days Ive taken it to another level with flirting and shes responding pretty well, plenty of eye contact/laughing etc.

Tomorrow Im gonna just ask her to come for a drink with me after work. Should do the trick.

 

[bunjy]

I think you're over-thinking it. I'm sure she knows you're interested, based on what you've told us.

Seeing as you know her and we don't, YOU know what the best approach would be. As others have already mentioned, you don't have to make a big event out of asking her out. Just invite her to do something you both will enjoy, and gradually escalate to gauge her sexual interest....

I think this is fair judgement on the situation. Given the amount of flirting/teasing Ive thrown her way she must know Im interested and still no mention of boyfriend.

I think the bottom line is its at the point now where it probably wont be too much of a surprise to her when I ask her out. Either way Im gonna do it and will post the results.

Usually asking a chick out is no big deal (and not worthy of a thread) but since its a slightly tricky situation with work etc the advice here has helped lots.

 

[bunjy]

So I asked this hot chick at work out today. Heres the result:

After much more flirting etc this week It seemed like a good time to ask her today. She came over to my desk on her way out from work today (as mentioned we both work different shifts etc so dont see each that much in work), anyway I asked her in a casual indirect way that Im going to be going for a drink after work tomorrow and it would be cool if she would come along. I made it very casual and made it clear it would just be me and her.

Straight away I asked her what she was doing tomorrow after work, to which she replied shes supposed to be going for a drink with her friends. Anyway I then said 'oh ok.....' and proceeded to ask her anyway. In hindsight this was a bad idea as she already had plans and I would of been much better asking her another time. She said she wasnt sure if she would be able to make it for a drink after work and it depends if she is going out with her friends. In short, she already had plans (which she told me before I even asked her for a drink).

She left it with a very vague 'I'll let you know' as she left the office.

Did I mess up here by asking her out when she told me she already had plans you think? Maybe Im just overanalysing the situation but I have a feeling that tomorrow she either a: wont 'let me know' and not even mention it or b: I wont see her at work (as in she'll avoid me, which would be quite easy given we work different departments/hours etc).

Should I ask her about it again tomorrow or wait for her to give me an answer?? Outside of work Ive got no other way of contacting. Ive learnt the hard way that when a chick gives a vague 'maybe' type answer it usually means 'no' and asking them again is a losing game but Im sure there is exceptions to this so not sure with this one. I guess what Im asking is, should I ask her out again (either tomorrow or in the near future) or should I just sit back and let her come to me now?? She is pretty shy though and Im not sure if shes the sort of girl to arrange another time when we could go out.

The way I see it if shes interested she'll give me an answer tomorrow and if she cant make it (she did already have plans) she'll offer a counter. Either way she knows now Im interested in going out with her outside of work so the ball is in her court. I guess even though she did have plans, IF shes interested she'll suggest a counteroffer in the near future. Im a firm believer in the notion that If a chick is interested she'll pretty much drop her plans (provided its not something major like going on vacation or friends birthday party etc) to go out with you.

As mentioned before this is a tricky situation though as dating colleagues is against 'the rules' in my workplace so I have to tread carefully here. My games been abit rusty since I came out of my last LTR so was good to get back into the swing of going for it and asking girls out rather than wondering endlessly what could happen and then not having the balls to ask (and regret it when you never know what could of happened).

 

[bunjy]

Well as I suspected, today this chick pretty much avoided me. The department she works in was short staffed apparently (another collegue told me) and they where all on working lunches etc. Still it would only of taken her 5 mins to come and 'let me know' if she could make it for drinks with me. Its a bit strange (typical women) because we seemed to be really hitting it off.

So DJ's is that a next then? Or do I try again in the near future? Will be interesting to see how she acts around me now Ive let my intentions known.

 

[SoSuave666]

Find someone else. She is a co-worker, keep it that way. Plenty of other women out there. Maybe even try and get yourself invited to go out with her friends so you can meet some of them.

 

[bunjy]

Find someone else. She is a co-worker, keep it that way. Plenty of other women out there. Maybe even try and get yourself invited to go out with her friends so you can meet some of them.

Yeah this was my initial problem really. Given my workplaces policy towards workplace relationships its no surprise she seems less than keen to hook up.

On the other hand shes hot and Im not entirely sure If I should 100% just forget about it.

 

[Big Pappy]

work is for work.

Dude, are you that desperate? I haven't been to this site in a couple of years - but it seems like the men are mice now. Don't put all your eggs in this basket! Don't put any eggs in this basket.

She might be your future wife - but in this economy, I would chance nothing. There are beautiful women around every corner.

 

[bunjy]

Well DJ's thought Id give you an update on this.

Since me asking hot chick I work with out shes pretty much avoided me. Its kinda weird because before I actually asked her out we seemed to be really hitting it off and Im pretty much I was getting some IOI's.

Where did I go wrong?

Obv I not particularly bothered about this chick and have other options Im working on but still seems abit strange that we had decent rapport which has now all but vanished. I suspect me going 'in for the kill' so to speak and asking her out scared her off.

 

[bunjy]

Dude, are you that desperate? I haven't been to this site in a couple of years - but it seems like the men are mice now. Don't put all your eggs in this basket! Don't put any eggs in this basket.

No Im not desperate at all and aint put any eggs into this basket, especially given the situation (e.g. us working together). Its just an interesting but tricky field test thats all.

 

[Iceberg]

Well DJ's thought Id give you an update on this.

Since me asking hot chick I work with out shes pretty much avoided me. Its kinda weird because before I actually asked her out we seemed to be really hitting it off and Im pretty much I was getting some IOI's.

Where did I go wrong?

Obv I not particularly bothered about this chick and have other options Im working on but still seems abit strange that we had decent rapport which has now all but vanished. I suspect me going 'in for the kill' so to speak and asking her out scared her off.

Yeah. She probably feels awkward about rejecting you.

Oh well. She'll get over it. Just lay low for a while. These types of situations usually fix themselves.

 

[bunjy]

Yeah. She probably feels awkward about rejecting you.

Oh well. She'll get over it. Just lay low for a while. These types of situations usually fix themselves.

I have seen her briefly once since she rejected me and I played it cool with a 'no big deal' attitude (as it really wasnt anyway).

Ah well. Win lose some.