Hot Coworker.Not sure if she's interested

[redpiano]

Pardon my broken English .I'm curious if this girl is interested or just weird. As coworkers she usually refrain from personal questions. Last time I asked she's attached or married, all she replied was "I'm just planning to take care of my parents when they get old". (Her supervisor told me she's divorced btw)

What's weird about her
- She leans very closely to me when we talk work matters. I mean like shoulders to shoulders. I could totally feel her whole arm despite in open space
- She never looks at me in the eye outside of the production floor, even when i'm greeting her when we pass by in the hallway to the canteen. WTF. Talk about being rude. Worst of her she takes me as transparent when she's talking to my coworker standing beside me.
- However when we are suit up, she gives me those intense look when we are chatting or discussing work matters. Intense like 75% eye contact. (BTW we wear jumpsuits at work. All we can see is each other's eye unless we're out for meal breaks)
- She checks me out when I'm dressed up for important meetings. Like literally can see her eyes scanning me from head to toe.

Some @#$@ happened, she was making fun of my name in front of my coworkers. They probably were curious why would she sudden take a interest in my name and stuff. Fast forward couple of days later, her buddy asked if I'm married. (Cover blown! I'm legally married but under separation). Was busy and simply replied yeah. FML
I approached her next day and she was totally cold towards me, like totally shunning me off. I distant myself and avoided her for a few days after that.

Funny thing is a few days later, there was some issues with one of the machines which I was looking at, she volunteered to help out out of the blue. She was leaning her body on my side. Man that felt really good. Had small talk and she seems pretty cool. Any experts on this? Am I still able to bang her? I'm planning to get her number the next time i see her but wondering if it's still worth going for it.

 

[jaymbrs]

It sounds like she may have a thing for you. I would suggest you start talking to her more during your breaks/lunches. Build some foundation. Then after getting to know her better, ask her to join you and other coworkers to hangout outside of work. Something casual like for a beer. Then make a move. The reason I suggest to have coworkers join, is because she'll be more likely to join since there's a lot less pressure and she'll be more relaxed. That's how I do it. And 90% of the time I get the girl.

 

[redpiano]

Hmmm...I actually have a plan /excuse to get her number. Was thinking of just casually texting her a little bit before I ask her out to chill. Won't really have much of a chance to see her at work next week as her dept is moving to another building and I do not know her coworkers well. Was thinking of securing her contact first and slowly work from there. We are like in our coworkers radar ever since she was seen openly teasing me. I don't wanna make her feel uncomfortable.

My gut feeling is she's just physically attracted to me. I'm a not bad looking dude who works out a lot. I have lots of choices of chicks in my current company (90% headcount are females). But she's the only one that makes me feel kinda nervous. That's the reason I'm here lol and because her signs of interests seem very subtle but then again it could be that we are in a working environment

 

[redpiano]

Do you guys think I’m over analysing/ over thinking on her?

 

[oldmanofthesea]

In today's age of #MeToo, I strongly suggest that no one hit on or flirt with women at work. It is VERY dangerous to do this. Sounds like you may not live in the USA so there is a chance that wherever you are, the risk isn't as high, but I still say to avoid it. There are tons of women out there and it's just not worth the risk to go for women at your work. With ANY woman, odds are 99% that it won't work out in the long run. One of you is going to get dumped and then there can be all kinds of issues/awkwardness at a place you can't escape.

But if you are dead-set on setting a date with her, don't do it over text if possible. And don't do it slowly and work from there. I typically don't do anything slowly anymore and it's produced the best results. Be very forward and up-front, in a way that puts yourself out there to be be possibly rejected. I'm talking about saying something like, "So listen, I enjoyed talking to you the other day and I'm really curious about you. We should go out for a drink this Friday night. How about I pick you up at 8?" This may seem scary - it's the opposite of doing the long, slow thing where you try to feel a girl out over many texts and conversations to try to guarantee that you won't be rejected if you decide to ask for the date, but women can recognize when a guy does this and it is a serious turn-off for them, while a guy taking risk of rejection and showing confidence putting himself out there is a turn-ON. In response, she will either (in order from best to worst) agree, say she's busy but provide an alternate date when she is available, say she's busy and not provide an alternative date, give you a maybe, or turn you down. If she agrees or provides and alternate date, you are on. If she says she is busy but doesn't provide an alternate date, simply say, "No worries, what date would work better for you?" and go from there. If she is wishy-washy about it like, "Oh, I'm not sure what I'm doing yet. Maybe I can do it next weekend but I'm not sure what day yet... etc" then take the offer off the table and say, "Ok, sounds like you are pretty busy right now. Let me know when your schedule clears up and you can commit to a specific date" and then walk away and do not ask her again. If she says no outright, same plan: Walk away and don't offer again. If SHE requests a date from you in the future, you can agree to that, but don't ask her again.

And yes, you are over-analyzing. But the beauty of what I suggest above is that it fixes that problem for you. No NEED to analyze. No need to wonder if-this, if-that. You see something you like, you go for it in a way that shows you have a pair of balls, you be a man and not get your feelings hurt if she turns you down, and then whether she turns you down or agrees to the date, you no longer have to wonder/analyze because it is now very clear what is going on.

 

[jaymbrs]

In today's age of #MeToo, I strongly suggest that no one hit on or flirt with women at work. It is VERY dangerous to do this. Sounds like you may not live in the USA so there is a chance that wherever you are, the risk isn't as high, but I still say to avoid it. There are tons of women out there and it's just not worth the risk to go for women at your work. With ANY woman, odds are 99% that it won't work out in the long run. One of you is going to get dumped and then there can be all kinds of issues/awkwardness at a place you can't escape.

But if you are dead-set on setting a date with her, don't do it over text if possible. And don't do it slowly and work from there. I typically don't do anything slowly anymore and it's produced the best results. Be very forward and up-front, in a way that puts yourself out there to be be possibly rejected. I'm talking about saying something like, "So listen, I enjoyed talking to you the other day and I'm really curious about you. We should go out for a drink this Friday night. How about I pick you up at 8?" This may seem scary - it's the opposite of doing the long, slow thing where you try to feel a girl out over many texts and conversations to try to guarantee that you won't be rejected if you decide to ask for the date, but women can recognize when a guy does this and it is a serious turn-off for them, while a guy taking risk of rejection and showing confidence putting himself out there is a turn-ON. In response, she will either (in order from best to worst) agree, say she's busy but provide an alternate date when she is available, say she's busy and not provide an alternative date, give you a maybe, or turn you down. If she agrees or provides and alternate date, you are on. If she says she is busy but doesn't provide an alternate date, simply say, "No worries, what date would work better for you?" and go from there. If she is wishy-washy about it like, "Oh, I'm not sure what I'm doing yet. Maybe I can do it next weekend but I'm not sure what day yet... etc" then take the offer off the table and say, "Ok, sounds like you are pretty busy right now. Let me know when your schedule clears up and you can commit to a specific date" and then walk away and do not ask her again. If she says no outright, same plan: Walk away and don't offer again. If SHE requests a date from you in the future, you can agree to that, but don't ask her again.

And yes, you are over-analyzing. But the beauty of what I suggest above is that it fixes that problem for you. No NEED to analyze. No need to wonder if-this, if-that. You see something you like, you go for it in a way that shows you have a pair of balls, you be a man and not get your feelings hurt if she turns you down, and then whether she turns you down or agrees to the date, you no longer have to wonder/analyze because it is now very clear what is going on.

Not that I disagree with you but your advice has to depend on the woman. I've unsuccessfully used this approach before many times simply because I'm not one to BS and don't like beating around the bush and many women felt rushed and pressured. The only ones who reacted positive to it were the easy ones.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Just go to lunch. Most work women use you for Attention.

 

[devilkingx2]

Not that I disagree with you but your advice has to depend on the woman. I've unsuccessfully used this approach before many times simply because I'm not one to BS and don't like beating around the bush and many women felt rushed and pressured. The only ones who reacted positive to it were the easy ones.

It's supposed to be easy, you're not slaying a dragon, you're working out a mutually beneficial arrangement.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Not that I disagree with you but your advice has to depend on the woman. I've unsuccessfully used this approach before many times simply because I'm not one to BS and don't like beating around the bush and many women felt rushed and pressured. The only ones who reacted positive to it were the easy ones.

You may be more advanced than I am, and I certainly could understand modifying the approach dynamically to suit the woman, but in my experience, I've never once had the long-game work. Ever. My experience has been that women make a decision VERY quickly as to whether they consider you as having sexual potential, or whether they consider you "as a friend" or just another dude. Maybe I'm not playing the long-game right, but how I approach women is to live and operate within my frame. My time and attention are the most valuable things I have to offer and a girl who is playing super hard to get is often trying to get you to become an orbiter, then leverage that to increase her sexual market value in the eyes of others. Guys do this too - so it isn't a critique of women specifically, but I choose to hold my frame and not invest into a woman who won't return to me the same attention that I invest into her.

I'm curious as to how often the longer-game works for you, and how much time and attention you end up investing in the attempt and what that looks like. Edit - I see you already provided this in your initial reply. I'll just say my experience hasn't been the same and that you have to be REALLY good at game and social groups in order to pull that off. Most people advise avoiding group settings until you've been seeing a girl for a while because things are a lot more challenging in a group vs one on one with a girl. The girl is going to size up how you rank in the hierarchy of the group. If you are good in that way in all groups, and know your status within the group, and your status is high, it can totally work to your advantage but most people aren't that good.

 

[redpiano]

Hmm... since she’ll be moving to another building next week, no issues on being awkward. I’ll might not see her again. And yes my company has no BGR policy, we are free to date/marry anyone.

I plan to ask her out for dinner. I’m gonna try the fast approach since I’ve got nothing to lose other than a sour heart.

 

[redpiano]

Hmm.. how do I edit post? Anyways thanks for the advise. Problem is her friends and coworkers know I'm married. I think there's going to be a high chance of rejection since she doesn't know I'm separated with my wife. Therefore she always try to keep our communication as professional as possible. The last time she asked me personal questions, her coworkers were glaring at her. I bet they were telling her that I'm taken after that.

I'm thinking how to get her out on a date. Should I go slow or just go fast like asking her when she's free to come out for some good food the next time I see her? I understand there are alternative choices of girls but I really want to try her out. I only got 1 week more to make a move otherwise she's gonna be out of sight for a long time since her dept is moving away.

Man it really sucks, being working here for a year and only happened to notice her the last month before she's transferring. I was distracted with lots of girls then to even notice her. I only started noticing her when she brushed her arm on mine when I was on my pc and she never moved her hand away, she left her hand there for a good 5mins. I was in panic mood to finish the report before I knocked off, didn't thought much about that until I noticed when we were discussing work stuff she was leaning her body on mine despite lots of space around us. Not many chicks in our culture is that invasive of personal space unless we are good friends and we don't even know much about each other.

 

[wifehunter]

Get another job lined up, in case sh1t hits the fan.

 

[redpiano]

Get another job lined up, in case sh1t hits the fan.

I'm totally not worried about that at all. If in the end, one of us dump each other. I highly doubt we'll be able to bump into each other. She's transferring to another building in a week's time. My company is huge. 7000 headcount.

 

[MrWood]

next time you cross paths say... "I know what your doing, you need to stop" with a sly grin and abit of disappointment in her.
(if she says what.. "you know" or "stalking me, and its getting bad... just stop" )

 

[redpiano]

Hi Mr. Wood thank you for your advice as well. Really appreciate it but I don’t quite understand the rational of doing so. I’m definitely not stalking her as matter in fact I’m tend to avoid her cos she gives me butterflies in my stomach and avoid getting her into trouble.

i only approach her for small talk whenever she’s in my proximity. However the last time it was bad cause her annoying busybody coworkers were glaring at us when she asking personal questions about me as she tends to professional at work. She totally forgot about her superiors nearby.

Next time I’ll just pull her to a corner and ask her out and get her contact

 

[MrWood]

hint: its a trick... and the proper reaction is for her to get red and put her head down as she walks by... trust me
and yes, I know YOU are not stalking her... thats the trick (because you arent)

 

[jaymbrs]

You may be more advanced than I am, and I certainly could understand modifying the approach dynamically to suit the woman, but in my experience, I've never once had the long-game work. Ever. My experience has been that women make a decision VERY quickly as to whether they consider you as having sexual potential, or whether they consider you "as a friend" or just another dude. Maybe I'm not playing the long-game right, but how I approach women is to live and operate within my frame. My time and attention are the most valuable things I have to offer and a girl who is playing super hard to get is often trying to get you to become an orbiter, then leverage that to increase her sexual market value in the eyes of others. Guys do this too - so it isn't a critique of women specifically, but I choose to hold my frame and not invest into a woman who won't return to me the same attention that I invest into her.

I'm curious as to how often the longer-game works for you, and how much time and attention you end up investing in the attempt and what that looks like. Edit - I see you already provided this in your initial reply. I'll just say my experience hasn't been the same and that you have to be REALLY good at game and social groups in order to pull that off. Most people advise avoiding group settings until you've been seeing a girl for a while because things are a lot more challenging in a group vs one on one with a girl. The girl is going to size up how you rank in the hierarchy of the group. If you are good in that way in all groups, and know your status within the group, and your status is high, it can totally work to your advantage but most people aren't that good.

From my experience, the women (over 25 years of age) who are actually worth anything are already taken or dating multiple guys. The short game doesn't work if this is the case, since she technically has someone already. What works for me is the sneak attack. Not letting her know I'm even all that interested in her until the right moment arrives. I guess I have a really good personality to go along with my looks, because this works for me very often. The "cut to the chase" approach (for me) only works with women at bars or clubs.

This isn't to say I seek unavailable women, by any means. In a perfect world the high value women would all be single. But 9/10 they're either married or have boyfriends. And I try to steer clear of the married ones. But sometimes they themselves don't care about cheating.

 

[redpiano]

The short game has another benefit of not wasting too much time/effort on a single chick. I'm gonna give her my contact instead since I owe her a meal for something. Let's see if she's gonna contact me a not. I'll leave the ball in her court and if she doesn't contact me in a week's time I'll just move on but damm...... the feeling of being rejected will suck real bad especially for this chick. Hope I won't get too nervous asking her out.

Thanks everyone for your kind advice. Really appreciate it. I've been out of the dating game a while, feeling kinda rusty. 2 more days before I'm gonna approach her. Wish me luck! I'll update you guys if I fail lol. Gonna to have to expect the worst outcome.

And oh yeah... she's in her early 30s and a divorcee if that matters. From what I know she doesn't have kids. Not sure if she has a boyfriend since she refrains from telling me her relationship status despite asking her a couple of times and I think she knows I’m married but doesn’t know I’m actually already separated with Wife.

 

[jaymbrs]

The short game has another benefit of not wasting too much time/effort on a single chick. I'm gonna give her my contact instead since I owe her a meal for something. Let's see if she's gonna contact me a not. I'll leave the ball in her court and if she doesn't contact me in a week's time I'll just move on but damm...... the feeling of being rejected will suck real bad especially for this chick. Hope I won't get too nervous asking her out.

Thanks everyone for your kind advice. Really appreciate it. I've been out of the dating game a while, feeling kinda rusty. 2 more days before I'm gonna approach her. Wish me luck! I'll update you guys if I fail lol. Gonna to have to expect the worst outcome.

And oh yeah... she's in her early 30s and a divorcee if that matters. From what I know she doesn't have kids. Not sure if she has a boyfriend since she refrains from telling me her relationship status despite asking her a couple of times and I think she knows I’m married but doesn’t know I’m actually already separated with Wife.

You have the perfect ice breaker right here. You can bring up how you're separated. However she may not want anything with you until you're officially divorced.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I'm gonna give her my contact instead since I owe her a meal for something. Let's see if she's gonna contact me a not. I'll leave the ball in her court and if she doesn't contact me in a week's time I'll just move on

You need to set the date. 95% of women won't do that for you... it isn't feminine. YOU set the date. The only time I leave the ball in a woman's court to contact me is after I've already tried to set the date but she was "too busy" or had to get back with me etc. Then it's ok... but you have to set the date.

Also, to your comment about wondering if you are likely to be rejected due to her knowing you are in a relationship now etc, don't worry about that! Don't worry about whether you will get rejected or what she will think about it. Doing so will show through to her and it's a turn-off.