Hot/cold girl, how to respond?

[RexTimoris]

Short summary: Met a girl through a female friend when I went out with both of them. We made out that same night. I tried to get her on a date twice, twice she had an excuse. The first time I kept texting but lost interest because I heard from our mutual friend that she was involved with another guy. She re-initiated to text me a happy bday. We banter a little through textin the weeks thereafter, and made concrete plans for a date. She flaked 2 days beforehand.


So basically after she flaked the last time I just went no contact. About a month and a half later, at the first day of the academic year, she sends me a text at 2.30am to ask me where I was hanging out. I was at my place and not going out so I didn't meet her. 2 days later I ask her if she wants to come along with me & my friends for an open air party. She agrees, the day after that she shows up (alone) and it wasn't awkward at all (which I expected it to be because we basically didn't speak for 4 months besides some casual texting), we started making out after an hour or so and talked the entire evening. She eventually stayed over at my place that night because her feet were painful because of her high heels, and my place was closer than hers. Also somewhat drunk. Nothing happened beyond some more making out and some groping.

Last Tuesday I invited her over to cook together (well, basically me cooking and her stirring the sauce ). Beginning was somewhat awkard but no real silences, I still kept the pace up and teased her about her cooking skills etc. So we ate dinner, I told her to come and sit beside me afterwards on the couch.
We talked some more and she was like "if you want me to leave, just say so, I'm bad at that"
me: "not at all, why would I want you to leave"
her: "dunno, just saying"
So I kiss her again (first time that evening) and say "does that prove that I don't want you to leave?" with a grin. She smiles and says that was actually pretty convincing. So we talk and make out some more but eventually she leaves after an hour or so.

Next day we banter a little through text, she asks me where I am in the middle of the night but was at my place once again. She didn't seem like she had a good time there so I said "there doesn't seem to be a lot going on right there" and she replied "yeah, you aren't here x".

2 days later it's the night of her birthday so I text her to wish her a happy bday and to invite her to a place I was going out with friends. She said she might drop by, she eventually did but I was still at another venue so we missed each other. She texted if she could come over to the venue I was (with a nuance I can't pinpoint in English but implies that I have to give her permission to come and I'm her boss or something). I responded she had to come, but eventually she didn't for some reason (she had 5 friends staying at her place that night, might had something to do with it). So I called her the next day to wish her a happy bday again, she was really silent and not talkative at all so after 5 minutes I hung up.

So today I sent her a text asking "You wanna come over and watch a movie today or tomorrow? If you behave I might let you help me pick the movie ;-)"

Her reply was rather short: "I can't today and I don't know yet about tomorrow". That last part just comes across as "I might if I'm bored but don't count on it". I just replied "ok " and left it at that.

It's now 2 days later and I still haven't heard from her, not even to confirm whether or not she was free yesterday (didn't expect her to, but still). I'm seriously clueless about why she's going cold this time and what my next step (if any) should be. Can any of you guys help me out with this one? I feel like if I pursue her even more, I'm crossing the border between persistence and neediness.

 

[Radharc]

That part about 5 friends staying at her place that night made an alarm bell went on when I read it. There is a possibility she hooked up/made out/met someone that night she is more interested than you. Something along those lines.

Extreme changes in behaviour without an apparent reason are usually bad news, means she messed up and and is afraid/ashamed/pissed that she has to bring the news.

See what happens in the next days and ffs dont freak out and start flooding her with afc-ness.

Could be something else, but if you feel something is not right it probably means something is not right.

 

[RexTimoris]

I'm absolutely positive it were 5 female friends that stayed over, no guys. Saw the pics of that night on her facebook.

But yeah, something definitely doesn't feel right, but I don't have a clue as to what it could be.

 

[1 Bad Dude]

You made-out with her the first night you met her. She gave you TWO middle-of-the-night booty call attempts and you turned them down. You had her at your place twice and didn't escalate either time. She wanted to fvck but didn't get anything. She's done. Move on.

 

[RexTimoris]

I doubt they were booty call attempts, rather it was to see at what venue I was to see if she could tag along and see me again. The first time she stayed over she fell asleep in less than 2 minutes. The second time perhaps, but then I don't get why she would leave in the middle of a makeout session.

 

[1 Bad Dude]

You really think so? If she was out with her friends having a blast, why would she call you? If she was home and tired, why would she call you? If they weren't booty call attempts then they were get-her-mind-off-of-someone-else attempts. Either way, you need to be making pvssy your goal with women. NOT making out. Escalate past making out. If she ain't down, she'll stop you. The second time at your place you had her on your couch for an hour before she left. I would've dumped two loads in her in that time. Escalate is the name of the game.

 

[Radharc]

Lets examine the facts: if in the night of her birthday she was the one contacting you to go and meet you but finally didnt do it, then afterwards goes all cold, and if you are 100% positive there were no guys involved, just her girl friends, that means that you probably were the main conversation subject of the evening and that you didnt pass the judgement of her female peers.

Failure to escalate on your part was probably a big topic on that evening.

 

[RexTimoris]

Lets examine the facts: if in the night of her birthday she was the one contacting you to go and meet you but finally didnt do it, then afterwards goes all cold, and if you are 100% positive there were no guys involved, just her girl friends, that means that you probably were the main conversation subject of the evening and that you didnt pass the judgement of her female peers.

Failure to escalate on your part was probably a big topic on that evening.

Possible. That does imply that the peer pressure you talked about happened in a timeframe of 10 minutes, because first she sends me a text to tell me where she is, then she texted with a friends' cell to ask where I was because hers acted weird. Then she changed her mind.

In any case, you guys think I should let this one go? I'm thinking about givig it one last shot, texting her tonight to casually ping her where she's going out and if she wants she can tag along with me and my friends. If she doesn't, then I guess it's time to call it a day.

 

[S0LID]

Some people might say ignore her for days, and then she might respond.

Or maybe wait days then start talking again.

I say f it. txt her "hey gordan ramsey, when you free next?x" and if she gives some far fetched excuse or doesnt reply, GOOD! You won't have to waste any more time on her. You don't want to look back on 2010 and think 'wow I invested months on that ship wreck".

 

[5string]

What comes to my mind about her are these possiblilities:

1)Flake?
2)Low self esteem?
3)Depression?
4)Poor me (princess syndrome)?

I just sense this by her actions, and especially her comments to you like "Do you want me to leave"? WTF! Typical womanspeak.

I say maintain your distance, limit your contact and see what happens.

 

[loveshogun]

Condolences

Met a girl through a female friend when I went out with both of them. We made out that same night.

I only have one thing to say:

Sexual/physical reciprocity is not an indication of romantic interest so much as it is horniness (and sometimes chemistry).

If you can accept that, you won't get as hung up with having high expectations for post-hookup interactions.

For any particular guy, most women (even the hot ones) aren't worth dating seriously. This can be for many reasons - lack of chemistry, lack of independence, personality problems, etc etc etc. The bottom line is that most of the time it won't work out because somebody's head ain't right.

So, go out and worry about your own head being right, and don't hang around with women who aren't all there just because they'll take a load.

One more thing - remember that in order to know this about a girl, you have to spend some time with her. But, I think you've spent enough time with this girl to know it's not gonna happen.

If all the HB8+ girls I've hooked up with were dating material... yeesh. Plenty of others out there, brother.

 

[RexTimoris]

So I texted her to ask her if she was going out and to tag along if she wanted. She replied that she didn't know yet. About 3 hours later she asks where I am, I saw the text only 45 minutes later, replied twice for each venue but don't hear from her again. So yeah I'm basically done with her, definitely not contacting her anymore (deleted her number).

 

[terran2k]

next time have sex with the chic sooner please. kept reading your story and I was like, alrite he'll hit it here, awwww he didn't. looks like you were trying to get her into some type of relationship.

you sex her, let her try to get you into a relationship from now on.

 

[RexTimoris]

Wasn't really trying to get her into a relationship, I liked the girl for more than her looks but I had "we'll see how things develop, maybe I want a relationship with her and maybe I don't"-mentality.
Anyway, will escalate faster next time. But all in all, I spent like 4 hours in total with her in private, which is still way below the standard rule of thumb I read on pua-forums that you have to have sex with her within 20 hours. It might have had something to do with it, but I doubt that's the entire reason.

 

[sharkbeat]

I didn't read the whole thing, but hot+cold in my book means forget about her.

Don't burn the bridge. Start looking for another girl who won't give you this drama and keep her in the backburner.

Rule 12381: You should always fvck the girl the first moment you managed to bring her to your place.

None of this making-out-groping-then-she-left ****.

 

[maqnetik]

you respond by being cold until she gets it right.

:kick: